


In Darkness, You'll Be My Rock

by PastelMess



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blood, Edit - they're both assholes, Gore, JOSH IS AN ASSHOLE, M/M, Post-War, end of the world kind of thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-05-20 00:40:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 118,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5986489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelMess/pseuds/PastelMess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Joshua Dun had been born, before his parents had been born, before their parents had been born and so on, there had been a war.</p><p>And now there’s Tyler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't wait to post this any longer.  
> This "universe" is mostly based on the Fallout series, mostly because I've very intrigued by the structure and setup. Guardians of the Galaxy and Star Wars were also apart of my inspirations. It takes place far into the future. Sorry if it's a little confusing at first, I promise it makes more sense as it continues.

Before Joshua Dun had been born, before his parents had been born, before their parents had been born and so on, there had been a war.

Nobody knew a lot about the war; it tended to be censored when spoken about anywhere. All he knew was that it involved nuclear warfare. Bombs had been dropped on major U.S. cities. New York City, Los Angeles, Seattle, St. Louis, Chicago, to name a few; not even Columbus had been saved. They called it World War III and the United States of America went into a state of crisis. They tried to fight back, deploying troops and sending out their own bombs, but humans were useless against anything involving nuclear weapons. Washington D.C. was obliterated along with the rest of the Earth.

The world came to an end.

Humanity had been downsized from 7 billion to a measly 900,000. In the Wasteland the United States had become, small groups of people banded together to rebuild humanity and life as they knew it. From the rubble and ruins of cities, they scraped metal and wood and brick to build large communities and start their own form of governments. If humanity knew anything, it was that, without laws, society would be launched into chaos.

Josh knew a lot of history about his home. Built from the ashes and scraps of what had been Columbus, Ohio, New Columbus was the biggest community in the entire Wasteland. It stretched almost four miles long and was protected by a large, 8 foot wall constructed of old apartment and office buildings, as well as scrap metal. The roads had been repatched and cleared of weeds, makeshift catwalks made sidewalks over roads between buildings, they even had their own source of purified water used from what had been an old man-made lake. The capitol building stood at the center of town, home to the overseer. New Columbus may have been nice, but its government was strict.

Josh lived in what was known as a closed community. You were born in New Columbus, and you died in New Columbus. Nobody was allowed in and nobody was allowed out. New Columbus wasn’t the only closed community in the area; Indianapolis, Montgomery (born from the rubble of Lansing, Michigan) and Rubyton (built on the outskirts of Pittsburgh) were too. They simply closed their doors to avoid raiders, disease, and radiation.

Josh learned that the Wasteland was a scary and dangerous place. People died out there. As long as he was behind the wall of New Columbus, he would be safe.

When he was born, he had a number permanently engraved into his arm. Josh was number 638.

Every day, Josh got three meals and was allowed to refill his water bottle only once. He had to go to school between the hours of 7am to 2pm, and curfew was at 9.

Each month all residents of New Columbus were required to get their hair cut. For men, their heads were shaved, for women, it had to be above the shoulders. They didn’t get many options for clothing either; everyone was required to wear the same one-piece skin tight suits. The overseer claimed it made everyone equal. Josh knew being equal was considered a good thing, but there were some days he didn’t want to conform.

The Dun family was well known in the community. Josh’s father worked under the overseer as his right hand man, and his mother was a school teacher. Josh was the oldest of the family, and he was supposed to be the role model.

Josh was the opposite of a role model. He got in trouble at school all the time for asking too many questions, for talking when he wasn’t supposed to, for being late.

And when Josh was 12 years old, his teacher, Miss Watson, caught him stealing.

She smacked him upside the head with a ruler, pulling the comic book he had found in an old box in the supply cabinet out of his pocket, as well as another student’s water bottle. Security had been called immediately, and the other students watched in mixed curiosity and fear as Josh was dragged out of the school and down the street to the common area where he was tied to the public flogging post and shoved to his knees. One of the guards harshly tore off his shirt and he shivered in the cold as the loud snap of a whip echoed in his ears.

Josh screamed with each hit.

As he grew older, Josh never grew out of his rebellious phase. He would sneak out after curfew and visit the library, picking the lock to get into the banned books that talked about life before the war. He learned all kinds of things, like that humanity used to have things called cars and televisions and toasters. The United States was governed by a democracy with three branches, and ruled by a president. Josh liked that title a lot better than overseer.

Sometimes he stole the forbidden books from the library and shoved them under his mattress at home. Sometimes he would skip haircut day and let his grow out longer than code. Every time Josh got caught, he took his public whipping with pride, because Josh knew one day, he was getting out of here.

He heard rumours of open communities out in the Wasteland, communities where people could travel and come and go as they pleased. It amazed him that traveling could even be an option. Josh had been told the Wasteland was a dangerous place and he wouldn’t even last a day, but he didn’t believe the lies they told. Josh knew the overseer was a liar. He knew the people in charge of New Columbus were liars.

Even his own father was a liar.

Josh began gathering stuff to leave here and there. He’d stick packaged food under his bed, steal extra bottles of water, extra boots, a long bowing knife.

On his 16th birthday, Josh was supposed to go to the capitol building to start his internship with the person who would introduce him to the job he would have for the rest of his life. Instead, he woke up early and gathered up all the supplies hidden under his bed and shoved them into his backpack. He ever took some of the pre-world books; curiosity always got the best of him. Then he snuck out through a weak part in the wall, a part that had been crumbled and replaced with sheet metal.

The Wasteland hit him like a severe illness. With the rising sun, Josh could feel the harsh wind, could see the dust blowing in his face, could see just how badly the war had been. Columbus really had been destroyed, buildings crumbled and the remains of... those were cars, Josh remembered, scattered around the cracked asphalt. He took a few steps forward, swallowing nervously as he shielded his face from the wind with his arm and began his trek through the rubble of the city. His feet stumbled over twisted metal, parts of old everyday objects, and...

Skeletal remains.

He swallowed again. This was what Josh wanted. He wanted freedom, not to be trapped in the same community for the rest of his life. He was just going to have to get used to all of, well, this.

“Three-fourths of humanity perished,” Josh said out loud as he walked, eyes observing the rusting metal and crumbling brick of the city. “The Wasteland is full of death and danger.”

He wasn’t seeing any of the danger yet, just an abandoned city.

Josh daydreamed about a city full of life as he continued on his way. A city where cars passed one another on the roads, where people walked on the sidewalks with their friends and family laughing, the sun on their skin. He imagined televisions and radios and phone calls between loved ones. Life before the war must have been incredible.

He wondered if anyone had been trapped in a closed community and denied the right to leave.

When the sun finally came up, it beat down hard on his head, causing sweat to run rivers down his face. Josh paused in his walking and pulled out one of his water bottles, downing almost all of it in one sitting. He hadn’t expected it to be so hot, and the dust and wind didn’t help either. Josh sighed, wiping the sweat off his forehead before shoving everything back in his bag and going on his way.

\---

Josh lasted a total of three days out on his own.

He kept moving throughout Columbus, pushing farther and farther out of the city. Josh had no idea of where he wanted to go, but he did know he wanted to be as far from New Columbus as possible. Maybe he would search for one of those “open communities” and stay there for a little while.

During the nighttime Josh made his way into old buildings that were still standing and found a comfortable place to stay the night. During the day, he walked and walked and walked.

Josh hadn’t expected it to be so hot and dusty. He hadn’t packed enough water.

And on the third day, he ran out.

He didn’t panic though. If Josh just kept moving, kept scouring the buildings for goodies, kept on the lookout for a city, he’d find something. The thing was, Josh didn’t think about the raiders.

They came out of nowhere, hidden behind broken cars and buildings. Some wore masks, others wore sunglasses and bandanas, some nothing at all. They had large guns and knives and armour, and Josh was terrified.

“Give us the bag _now_ ,” one growled, his thick hair spiked into a mohawk. Josh stared in disbelief. He had never seen someone’s hair that...that, _out there._

“I don’t have much,” Josh promised as he carefully slid his bag off his shoulders so they would know he was doing what they wanted. Truthfully, he still had a lot of food in the bag and of course the knife, but that wasn’t what he didn’t want to lose. He didn’t want to give away his books.

Another person behind one of the guns shoved it in his face and laughed mockingly. “What you doing out here little city dweller? Surprised you even lasted a day.”

“Where you from kid?” A third asked.

“New Columbus,” he started, trying not to show any signs of fear, “I-”

“New Columbus! Did you hear that boys? This little city dweller is a prep.” A fist grabbed Josh by the front of his suit and lifted him high enough that only the tips of his boots were on the ground. “However you managed to leave that shithole, you aren’t going to last very long out here kid.”

Another fist hit him in the face, and then another, and another, until Josh was cowering on the ground as these grown men with guns continued to beat him up. Josh was a sobbing mixture of snot and tears by the time the left, all his stuff gone.

He wasn’t quite sure how long he laid there sobbing, but it was turning dark by the time someone tapped his shoulder. In surprise Josh opened his eyes, and looked right into the face of a dark haired man with a wild beard. He had a scar that ran through his eyebrow and a smile full of kindness.

The man also had Josh’s books in his hands.

“Are these yours kid?” His voice was deep and raspy. Josh sniffed and sat up, nodding his head.

“Yeah. There were these men, I think raiders-”

“You’re correct about that part. Rotten raiders, don’t have no respect for anybody in this Wasteland. They just take, take, take. They look like they put a toll on you.”

“They took my bag and food, but my books...” Josh trailed off, tapping his face before pulling back his fingers to see them stained with blood. “They beat me up and kept calling me city dweller.”

“You are though?”

Josh blinked. “What?”

“A city dweller. A closed community too, by the looks of your suit there. Not to mention you’re a little too trimmed and well kept to be surviving in the Wasteland. How the hell did you get out of a closed community kid?”

“I didn’t want to conform,” Josh replied quietly. The dark haired man sighed loudly and fumbled with the sleeves of his leather jacket.

“How long have you been out here?”

“Three days. Just turned 16.”

“Well kid, my name’s Pete. You alright if I take you back to my place and clean you up? I’ll get you some food and water too.”

Josh was skeptical. What if this guy was just like all the raiders? What if he was gonna lead him off a cliff or something?

Pete must have noticed Josh’s discomfort, for he gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “Look kid, I’m not gonna hurt you, okay? I promise. You’re safe with me.”

He could feel his stomach rumble, and that was what got him. Josh let Pete help him up, handing him his books in the process. Josh pressed them to his chest as he walked next to Pete.

“My name is Josh by the way,” he mumbled, looking at the setting sun instead of over at Pete.

Pete nodded. “It’s nice to meet you Josh.”

\---

It was about a mile and a half back to Pete’s place; Josh was surprised at how far he had walked already. Pete lived in what had been a suburb of Columbus, in an old ranger’s cabin in one of the parks. It was a one roomed shack with the essentials: a bed, a fireplace, and a bag Pete said contained food. Pete turned on a lamp (he explained he found a generator to help him with electricity problems) and gently pushed Josh down onto his bed (well, it was more of a cot than a bed) and took the books from his arms, setting them gently down next to him.

“I’m just gonna clean your wounds up a little bit, okay? Don’t want the cuts to get infected or anything. Trust me, it’s not fun.”

Josh watched him pull open a cupboard above the fireplace and pull out a first-aid kit and a little container full of water. He cracked the kit open, pulling out some ointment and gauze, as well as a washcloth. Josh waited patiently as he wetted the cloth and moved back towards him.

He sat still while Pete scrubbed gently. “So kid, why did you leave?”

Josh didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to say anything. “I uh, well, I didn’t want to be there my entire life, you know? I hated it there. I hated obeying and being the same as everyone. It just, well, I didn’t like it. I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t like everyone else.”

“I can understand that. So what were you planning on doing out here?”

“I...I don’t know. I didn’t really think it through I guess. I was just so focused on getting out.”

“Aren’t we all,” mumbled Pete as he set the cloth to the side and reached for the ointment. He lathered it on thick before wrapping the gauze around Josh’s head. “There, good as new. You’re welcome to stay the night here kid. You can decide where to go in the morning. I got a map you can look at if you want. Let’s get you out of those clothes too, I got some old ones that might fit you.”

“Really?” Josh asked in surprise. Pete nodded and grinned as he moved to rifle through a bureau with wood peeling off. He pulled out a black shirt and a pair of old, ripped up jeans. Josh peeled off his stupid suit and slipped into the pants, feeling self conscious at Pete staring at him. Josh knew how scared up his back was from years of public flogging.

Pete cleared his throat and looked away from Josh’s gastly back. “Yeah, of course. You wanted to leave and you managed to get out. That’s incredible kid, and takes a lot of guts. You wanna go somewhere, and I’ll help you out. As for tonight, you need to get some rest. Here.” This time Pete unzipped the duffel bag in the corner with care, pulling out a water bottle filled with yellowish looking water and a pack of dried meat. Josh stared in disgust at the water pushed his way.

Suddenly, Pete let out a large laugh. “You aren’t going to find that nice clear water out in the Wasteland my friend. Don’t worry, it taste just fine. And it _is_ water, when you get thirsty enough it’s the best thing in the world.”

With a wary look Josh unscrewed the cap and took a sip, scowling at the taste. He was going to have to get used to that.

Pete chuckled again as he pushed the meat Josh’s way. “Eat. You need your strength back kid.”

“I...” Josh took a deep breath and fumbled with the food in his hands. “Just, thank you for everything.”

“I haven’t seen a kid out in the Wasteland in quite some time. Trust me, I’m happy to help.”

Josh smiled.

\---

The next morning, Josh woke up to sunlight streaming in through the windows. He blinked a couple times and groggily rubbed his eyes before sitting up, catching sight of Pete sitting in a chair across the room, one of Josh’s books in his hands. Music was playing as well.

“You’re listening to Hatton Radio, your number one place for all the hits. That was Dion with _The Wanderer_ , stay tuned for _This Is It_ by Huey Lewis and The News.”

“Radio?” Josh said aloud, causing Pete to drop the book he was reading. He looked over at Josh with a grin.

“Yeah! Hatton is on the edge of what used to be Cincinatti. It’s got the strongest radio signal in the entire Wasteland.”

“Radio still exists?” Josh was ready to jump with joy. He had read so much about radio, about how people would sit on their porches with them blasting music popular from the age. They were little small boxes with twisty dials and numbers and they ran on frequencies and batteries and sometimes electricity.

“Of course it still exists! They tell you different in the community?”

“I just... we didn’t have it. I thought it was gone, like cars and phones and stuff.”

Pete raised an eyebrow. “These books you have here, you weren’t supposed to have them, were you?”

Josh guiltily looked at the floor. “No. I just like reading about pre-world stuff. About how life used to be.”

“So you like history.” Pete bent down to retrieve the book he dropped and carefully set it down on top of the other ones. “Nothing wrong with that, I like it too. It’s interesting.”

“Yeah.”

“So, you wanna see the radio?”

Josh beamed. “Hell yeah I do!” He jumped up from his spot on the bed and followed Pete’s finger to the small box sitting on the mantle of the fireplace. It seemed surreal, that here he was right now, touching something that had existed hundreds and hundreds of years ago. “Wow.”

“You’re a strange kid, you know that Josh?”

“Yeah. I just... I can’t believe it’s real.”

“If you like that, you’d probably like my Walkman too. Know what that is?”

Josh shook his head. “No clue.”

“It’s like a portable radio kinda, but it plays prerecorded cassette tapes. Runs on batteries. I found it once on one of my supply runs a year and a half ago. Here.” He reached under his chair and pulled out a small, cardboard box, pulling out something Josh had no idea how to describe. “These are headphones,” explained Pete as he pointed to the two circles attached to the ends of a strip of plastic, a wire connecting to another small rectangle, “and this is where the tapes go. Here, put the headphones on.”

Josh took the headphones cautiously from Pete’s hands and put them on, making a face at how they felt on his ears. He watched Pete take one of the tapes from the box, a rectangle with two circular holes in it (Why were they called tapes?) and shove it into the place they were supposed to go. When music started ringing in his ears, Josh pulled them off.

“Woah,” he said, blinking rapidly. He stuck a finger in each ear and wiggled them around before putting the headphones back on.

Pete watched him in amusement as he bobbed his head to the song, eyes wide as dish saucers. “How does it work?”

Pete burst into laughter, causing Josh to frown and pull them off. “What?”

“You’re yelling.”

“Oh.” Josh was laughing now too. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I haven’t had any entertainment in a long time.” Pete suddenly lost his playful expression, instead it morphing into one of seriousness. He bit his lip and looked out the window of the cabin. “Josh, what if you stayed here?”

“W-what?” Josh was taken by surprise.

“You don’t know the first thing about the Wasteland kid, and I could teach you. I could show you how to survive. You could be my companion, help me with supply runs. I could take you into town, teach you how to fire a gun, how to fight, how to defend yourself, teach you what to eat and what not to eat, etcetera. I’ve been living out here for more than a decade.”

“Are you serious?”

“One hundred percent.” Pete thrust his hand out in front of him with a small smile. “What do you say kid?”

Josh stared at Pete’s calloused hand in front of him. It wasn’t a bad idea. Pete could show him how to live. He wouldn’t be wandering the Wasteland like an idiot.

“Could you teach me how to fight raiders?”

“Of course.”

“Then I’m in.” he gripped Pete’s hand tightly, smile plastered to his face.

“Welcome aboard Josh.”

\---

Josh knew that staying with Pete had been the best decision of his life.

Every day they did something new. Pete took Josh back out into the city. He showed Josh where to look to find medicine, food, and things that good be scrapped and turned into other necessities. He showed Josh where to find water, how to purify it and remove it of anything bad.

One one of the earlier days Pete handed Josh his pistol and told him to shoot. Josh stared at him like he was crazy.

“Shoot at what?” he asked.

“Anything.”

So Josh held the gun with two shaky hands and fired, the kickback sending him tumbling to the ground out of shock. His ears were ringing.

“We’re going to have to work on that,” he said with a smirk. “I’ve got a lot of guns and you’re going to have to learn how to use all of them.”

Another time they spent three days traveling to Hatton so Josh could see what an actual open community looked like. He looked around in astonishment at all the bright lights, people, and buildings. It looked similar to New Columbus, but happier.

Pete bartered for some more ammo and clothes. They even stopped so Josh could have his first drink.

After the first year of being with Pete, they got ambushed by raiders. They had been on the edge of Columbus scavenging in an old apartment building when they were surrounded. Josh heard Pete make several shots, but he couldn’t find him.

Two raiders backed him into the corner of a room, large, wicked smiles on their faces. Josh tried to steady his gun and shoot, but his finger slipped on the trigger before he could do that and the bullet hit the wall opposite of him.

“Someone doesn’t know how to use a gun,” one of them cackled, firing a shot of his own. It hit Josh in the leg and a wave of pain rocketed throughout his body. His leg felt like it was on fire, blood soaking his pants. He fell to the ground, gun clattering to the floor. One of the raiders kicked it away.

“Who’s gonna help you now leech?” the other sneered. Josh struggled not to cry.

“Just shoot him already dipshit, no one wants to hear your fuckin’ monologue.”

A bullet tore through his head then, blood spattering Josh. He fell to the ground in a heap, the other raider turning and shooting blindly. Another bullet ripped through him, body landing on top of the other. Josh was crying now. His body hurt, and he was covered in so much blood that wasn’t his. He wanted to go back home.

“Josh? Josh! Where are you? JOSH!” Pete was screaming hysterically. Josh managed a meek “in here” before coughing loudly. He locked eyes with Pete as he made his way around the corner, and then Pete was running. He dropped to his knees, mumbling prayer under his breath when he noticed all the blood that had soaked through Josh’s leg. “Okay, we’re gonna get that fixed, okay? I promise. I’m so sorry Josh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think this through.” Pete pulled Josh into a tight hug, allowing Josh to sob into his shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“My leg,” Josh mumbled into the crook of Pete’s neck, drawing his attention to his wound. Pete pulled out his pocket knife and cut the fabric right above the wound so he could see it better. With a sigh, he rubbed at his forehead and reached into his bag to pull out the few medical supplies they had brought with him.

“The bullet is pretty lodged in there. I’m gonna have to take it out. It’s... well, there’s no way for me to sugarcoat this. It’s going to hurt like a bitch.”

Josh shoved one of his knuckles into his mouth and nodded for Pete to go ahead.

He wasn’t going to lie, that was the most pain he had ever been in.

After that, Josh got better at living out in the Wasteland. After three years, he could shoot a gun like a pro (still not as good at Pete could, but they were getting places) knew exactly where to find food, water, and medicine, could survive long nights out in dust and wasn’t afraid to kill someone if he needed to. Sure, he still hated killing, but sometimes it was what you had to do.

Josh sat on the bed with the Walkman in his hand and the headphones over his ears. His eyes were closed as he listened to the music. Pete told him the name of this song was called _Spirit in the Sky._ He had said it was one of his favourites.

Pete was out at the moment on a supply run on his own. He had said he wanted alone time, and Josh didn’t blame him.

At 19 years old, Josh was happy with the way his life had turned out. He thought about his family still stuck in New Columbus living the same life each day. Josh hadn’t lived the same day since he had escaped. He was living a life of adventure, surviving, scavenging, living _life_. Josh wished sometimes his family could be with him.

But Pete was his family now. Josh loved Pete with all his heart, and had no idea what he would do without him. Pete had changed his life for the better and made him more equipt for what life threw at him. He loved Pete’s quirky personality, his love for pre-world music, (“It’s mostly from the 1970s and 80s,” he had explained one night. “Sometimes the 50s and 60s, but mostly the 80s.” Pete loved the 80s.) how nice he was in general. Josh had learned from Pete to be optimistic about life’s challenges.

Josh was so incredibly thankful for Pete.

\---

They were out on a supply run when it happened again.

A raider attack.

They weren’t anywhere near Columbus this time, as the two had been traveling back home after visiting Hatton again. There were so many raiders, far too many for two men to be up against.

Josh had his gun out, twisting and turning to make his shot. He ducked behind the counter of what had been a coffee shop as a wave of bullets ripped into the wall behind him. Josh knew Pete and he needed to get as far away as possible.

He popped up and fired three shots, killing one raider and injuring another. “Pete!” he called out, scanning the shop for his friend. Josh heard shots from the back room and made his way in there, killing two more raiders on his way in.

That was when it happened.

Josh couldn’t have stopped it.

The bullet moved in slow motion, ripping into Pete’s chest. Pete’s eyes went wide as his gun clattered to the floor below, his body slumping forward as he slid to the ground. Josh screamed loudly, firing all the bullets he had left in his gun, watching in pure fury as every last one hit the raider’s flesh. When the raider dropped dead, Josh was to Pete’s side in seconds, pulling the dying man into his lap. Blood soaked his hands and tears soaked his face.

“It’s okay Pete, it’s gonna be okay, we’re gonna get you patched up, it’s gonna be okay-”

“Josh,” Pete interrupted, his voice shallow and weak. “I’m not going to make it, you and I both know that.”

“No, you gotta have faith, remember what you told me? You said stay optimistic, you said-”

“Sweetheart. You have to be realistic.”

Josh tried to blink back tears, but they were flowing too hard for him to stop now. “You can’t leave me. I can’t live without you. I love you.”

“I love you too Josh. You’ll be okay without me, I know you will. You were nothing but a preppy city dweller when I found you, and now you’re the best damn survivor out there in the Wasteland. You’re even better than me.”

“No I’m not. I can’t, you can’t-”

“We both knew this day would come. It’s okay Josh. I’ve been alive a long time, and now it’s time for me to go. You can survive out there, I know you can. You take care of my home, okay? Take care of my radio, and my Walkman, and all my tapes. There’s one I never showed you hidden under the floorboard. It’s my favourite one. It’s got a Simple Minds song on there, okay? I want you to listen to it. Know I love you so much Josh. You were like a son to me.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“You take care of yourself out there kid.” And with one more quirky smile Josh loved so much, his eyelids were fluttering shut, and his body went limp. Josh gripped his body tightly, pulling it to his chest. He sobbed loudly, entire body shaking with grief. Pete couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t leave him alone. Josh would die on his own. He couldn’t live without Pete.

Josh let out a loud scream. And then another one, and another one.

These terrible, horrible people had killed his family for nothing more than amusement. He was going to kill every single one of them.

Every. Goddamn. One.

He was in so much pain, had so much anger fueling his body as he removed all the guns, armor and weapons from Pete’s _corpse_ and placed it on himself. With his head held high, Josh clutched Pete’s body to his chest and walked through the streets until he reached the suburbs. He debated bringing the body home with him, but decided this was the first step in moving on.

So Josh laid Pete’s body carefully next to the remains of a car, and before he left, gave in by taking off the old leather jacket Pete always wore. He blinked back another round of tears before pivoting on his heel and going on his way.

After that, Josh didn’t cry anymore. He refused to.

When he got back to the cabin, it felt empty without Pete’s chipper tone. Josh dropped all his equipment to the floor and pulled up one of the rising floorboards, finding a cassette labeled “Marvelous Moving Tunes” in Pete’s messy scrawl. That got Josh to crack a small smile as he reached under his pillow for the Walkman and slide the tape in.

For one last time, Josh allowed himself to cry.

Because after that, Joshua Dun was not going to be the person he had been in the past. He was going to be an emotionless killer killing simply because he wanted revenge, stealing simply because it made him feel better.

After that, is where the story begins.


	2. Wasteland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do the very best I know how, the very best I can, and I mean to keep on doing so until the end.” 
> 
> \- Abraham Lincoln

**Six Years Later**

 

“Please don’t shoot me, I’m begging you p-please, I ain’t done nuttin’ wrong, please-”

“I’m not going to shoot you,” Josh said right before he pulled the trigger. The raider’s blood splattered his face as he let the body slump against his free hand before it dropped to the ground. With a satisfied smirk he wiped the blood off his face with the back of his hand, looted the fucker’s body, and went on his way.

Fucking raiders. They were everywhere.

If there was anything Josh had learned over the past six years, it was that giving mercy was a sign of weakness, and Joshua Dun was far from weak. Living on his own for so long had taught him that.

Not only could he shoot a gun like a motherfucker, but he had come across a sword from a raiders about two years after Pete’s death and learned it was called a machete. It wasn’t as good as a gun, but he liked the feeling of slicing through flesh with that thing, animal and human (but mostly human.) His goal was to rid the Wasteland of the filth of the raiders.

What Josh was just now realizing was by doing just that, he had become a raider himself. Murdering and plundering didn’t make him appreciated in the Wasteland. It sure as hell made him well known though. He stopped traveling to communities to barter when he noticed a messy sketch of him posted on the wanted board. They didn’t know his name yet.

So Josh murdered a pack of raiders and left one behind.

“Tell them Mr. Misty-Eyed sent yah,” he whispered in a husky voice before the scared kid was sent running back to the city of Hatton. He laid back in his chair a few days later with a smirk of pride on his face as the radio mentioned the bounty out for Mr. Misty-Eyed.

Over the years, Josh had managed to avoid the communities and security out to get him. If he did need supplies from the city, he would sneak in and steal, but Josh was able to get most things off of raiders or travelers. Mr. Misty-Eyed became nothing more than an urban legend.

Sometimes Josh would sneak into town just to see how much the bounty had increased. Last time he had checked, it was up to 980 caps. Josh had sauntered back to camp with a smug grin on his face that night.

Anyways, reminiscing in old times was something Josh tended to avoid. Everytime he looked in that little dusty mirror resting on the mantel of his cabin he stared at himself with his long, shaggy brown hair cut messily short on the sides with his sword, the thick beard he continued to grow out, silver nose ring and the white plugs shoved in his ears. Back before he was a wanted man, Josh had decided he wanted nothing to do with any community. He wanted that classic raider look, the mohawk and tough guy look that would make anyone shake in their dusty boots. Josh had even thought about tattoos at one point, as they really were frowned upon in most communities, but decided against it after staring long and hard at the “638” engraved into his right arm. That was some reminiscing he never wanted to think about ever again.

So he shoved the headphones over his ears, clicked play on the tape, and continued his walk through the ruins of Columbus as Queen’s _Another One Bites the Dust_ played in his head. Josh wasn’t afraid to admit sometimes he would lose himself in the music.

He also wasn’t afraid to admit he had listened to the tape so much he knew it backwards and forwards. It was one of his last memories of Pete and Josh _never_ wanted to forget Pete.

When Josh arrived home, he tossed the Walkman onto the bed and let his equipment slump to the floor below. Then he busied himself putting everything away. The medicine went under the floorboards next to the rest of the tapes and the ammunition he had gathered went in the small cardboard box on the mantel between the mirror and radio. Pausing to twist the dial on the radio, Josh began to hum as he hung up his guns and sword next to all the others and topped off the rest of his water.

“That was _Jump_ by Van Halen, thank you for listening to Hatton Radio, your number one place for all the hits! I’m your host Brendon, and next we’ll be going into our Frank Sinatra hour. But before that, we have some breaking news about the alleged raider Mr. Misty-Eyed. Here with me now is Alex, part of the Weightless Caravan here in Hatton City, who claims to have seen the legend.”

“I’m not kidding Brendon, I saw him there, clear as day. He had this dark bandanna over his face and white round sunglasses, decked out in heavy guns and knives. He was super tall too, at least seven foot, and looked like he could beat the crap out of someone in one hit. The dude is bad news.”

“Well you heard it here folks, seems like Mr. Misty-Eyed is out there lurking around. Stay safe out there in the Wasteland. Once again my name’s Brendon, and this is Frank Sinatra with _Fly Me to the Moon._ ”

Josh snorted, pausing to glance at the radio before pulling off his machete, planning on polishing it a little bit. The new radio host of Hatton definitely had an all over the place personality, and tended to play more Frank Sinatra than anything else out there. He also talked more about Mr. Misty-Eyed than any of the other radio stations in the area. Josh found it amusing when people described him as some mysterious, inhuman being. He doubted they actually saw him at all, just made stuff up to get on the radio.

Josh barely brushed 5’8, he was definitely _not_ as tall as everyone seemed to describe him as. Good, maybe they would leave him alone.

And really, that was how most of Josh’s days went. He went out into the city for supplies, traveled to open communities sometimes purely to hit caravans or packs of raiders, and came home to clean up. It wasn’t a very exciting life, but it was the one he lived.

After heading outside to make sure his defense system was still set up and running correctly, Josh dusted off his hands and settled comfortably into the chair in the corner to read. Of course, he had read this book a thousand and one times, but it still didn’t stop him from reading it again.

That night Josh dreamed of flying on a plane to the ocean.

\---

The house hadn’t changed much from when Pete owned it.

Josh had decorated it a bit more, squeezing in some curtains he found and some racks for his extensive collection of weapons, as well as a bookshelf for his books. So far, it only contained the four he owned, but Josh looked everywhere for books. Most of them had been destroyed in the war and were hard to come across, but he never gave up hope.

He had also set up a defensive system around the property, preventing any raiding or shooting from happening. Two machine turrets sat on other side of the front door and there was a trip wire four yards in front of the house. Nobody was getting in without Josh knowing.

Even though Josh lived alone, he wasn’t lonely. He liked being alone, liked the peace and quiet, liked his music.

“Brendon here. It’s a clear day out in the Wasteland today, temperatures rising around 40 degrees. Stay warm out there travelers.”

Josh turned the radio off with a sigh. He didn’t want to stay inside today. Even though he went out yesterday, today was a new day. He could inch his way further near New Columbus without security seeing him and look for more supplies out there. Most importantly, Josh wanted to look for books.

So he suited up, changing into a long sleeved black shirt and jeans, laced up his boots, slide on Pete’s old leather jacket, wrapped his hands and slung his holsters and bags. Two guns went into the holster around his waist, the container of ammunition in his bag, and the sword in the holster on his back. He wrapped a red bandanna around his mouth to help avoid dust, put on an old pair of fighter pilot’s goggles he had found in a plane wreckage, cracked his knuckles and prepared to leave. A water bottle went into the knapsack, a shotgun went in his hands and his Walkman shoved deep into his pocket. With the headphones over his ears, he reset the tape, kicked open the door and went on his way.

Brendon hadn’t been lying; it was cold outside. The wind and dust didn’t help either, and he shook his hands to prevent them from freezing. Once he got moving, it would be a little warmer.

The Simple Minds song was playing, and all Josh could think of was Pete. He doubted Pete would be proud of what he had become, but Josh was fueled by pain and grief more than he was by love these days. He couldn’t help it.

Half the tape later Josh made it into the city, keeping his gun cocked just in case he needed to pull the trigger. He walked with a bounce in his step, eyes moving everywhere at once. Josh was familiar with this part of the city, inside and out. It was when he got closer to New Columbus did he lose familiarity.

Josh was about 108 miles out from where his old home was, so without at least a couple days of walking he wasn’t going to reach it anytime soon. That didn’t mean he didn’t like moving closer to it.

When an unfamiliar large building came into view, Josh peeled off his headphones and laid them gently around his neck with a sigh. He heard a few gunshots.

“Fantastic,” he muttered under his breath before following the noise.

Josh had an itching to shoot someone anyways.

\---

Three hours and a sack full of supplies later, (he had found THREE books. THREE!) Josh was ready to make his trek back home. The sun was almost to its highest point, which meant he still had a few hours to kill. He wandered the streets, stepping over skeletal remains, splotches of dried blood and pieces of debris, humming along to the music under his breath. That was when he suddenly froze.

A scream, clear as day, rang in his ears, even over the music.

With a hitched breath Josh paused his music and removed his headphones, narrowing his eyes and straining his ears. Sure enough, there was another scream, and then a gunshot. Not good.

Now usually Josh wouldn’t get involved in business like this, but his finger was still itching to pull that gun, maybe swing that sword, so he started running.

He holstered his shotgun and pulled out one pistol instead, sighing happily as it cocked. Just a little further...

The scream sounded like a male, but really Josh couldn’t be sure. He learned that all things aren’t as they seem.

Josh crouched down behind an old truck and listened carefully. He peeked behind the bed of it, seeing two large men through the window of what had been a bicycle shop. Josh moved inwards, holding his breath as he made his way through the back of the store and hid behind a partially remaining wall.

“Just give us what we want and we’ll send you on your way city scum. We know you got something.”

“I don’t, I promise, p-please, don’t k-kill me-”

“Shut the fuck up and do what he says!”

Josh blinked, rolling his eyes before moving the goggles up to his head. He let the bandanna hang around his neck with the headphones before peeking around the corner to better observe the scene.

There stood two raiders decked out in rusty armor that read CDPD on it, random pieces scattered throughout the both of them to make a complete set. They both had guns pointed at the smallest, lankiest man Josh had ever seen in the Wasteland. He wore ripped, grime covered clothing, his dark eyes wide against the contrast of his skin. It was obvious he was not a resident of the Wasteland, not with his well trimmed haircut and chin dusted with stubble showing it had only been a few days since he last shaved. There was a large cut above his eyebrow and his lower left leg was soaked with blood. What the hell was this guy doing out here?

Didn’t matter. Josh could kill all three of them and not care.

With a sigh he aimed his gun for the right raider and pulled the trigger, sending the bullet spiraling through the back of his head. Blood splattered all over the lanky guy, sending him into a state of shock. The other raider turned around with a “Hey, what the _fuck_ do you think-” before Josh was sending another bullet through his jugular. With a smug grin he dusted off his hands and pushed up from the ground, immediately going over to pick pockets and steal from the bags they had strung over their backs.

The lanky guy stared at him in fear, a mixture of blood that was both his and not his sprayed across his face along with flecks of dust. He threw his hands out in front of him, tears streaming down his face as Josh moved towards him. “Please don’t k-kill me, I won’t tell n-no one, I p-promise-”

“Oh, shut up,” Josh grunted, pulling out the magazine of one raider’s shotgun and emptying the bullets into his hand. The other guy watched him dump them in his bag and sling it back over his shoulders. “I’m not going to kill you.”

“Y-you... you killed both of them.”

“Yeah...” Josh raised an eyebrow before shaking the disgust off his face. Most people had morals, he realized that.

“And then you took their stuff! How could you-”

“Just because I said I wouldn’t kill you doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind,” Josh interrupted with a growl, tired of listening to this guy talk. His voice was high pitched and very strange sounding. He immediately clamped his mouth shut. “What’s your name kid?”

“I mean, I’m p-probably the same age as you-”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“It’s Tyler. I’m not from around here.”

Josh let out an abrupt, mocking laugh. “Obviously. Where’s your weapon?”

“I... I don’t have one.”

Josh glared at him like he was an idiot. “What kind of stupid are you?”

“Look, I’m part of The Run and Go, it’s a caravan in Cleveland, and we were making our way back from Hatton after some bartering when we got jumped by raiders. I was the only one who managed to get away, they took all our stuff, everything. I swear.”

“So why did these fuckers want you? What you got on you? Caps?”

“N-no, I have nothing on me, I swear. I was making my way back, but I got ambushed and, and-”

Josh suddenly pulled his gun on Tyler, slamming the barrel right against his temple. Tyler swallowed nervously, squeezing his eyes shut as a small whimper escaped his lips. “I’m not going to say it again. What do you have on you?”

Tyler began muttering something under his breath along the lines of “Father in heaven” and Josh slammed his head against the wall. “You tell me now or I blow your brains out.”

“Fine! Fine, okay yes, I got caps on me. They’re the only thing I have left, and it’s not even that much, just 200 of them, and-”

“Give them to me.”

“W-what? But-”

“Give them to me now!” Josh growled again, digging the barrel farther into Tyler’s head. With a whiny plead Tyler nodded and reached a shaky hand into his pocket to pull out a small bag full of bottlecaps. With a greedy smile Josh ripped them from his grasp and shoved them into his pocket. “Why thank you.”

Tyler called after him as Josh made his way out of the building. “W-wait! You can’t just leave me here!”

“And why not?”

“I, they shot me, I’m hurt, I’m going to die, and you’re the only person I’ve seen out here in the past three days that hasn’t been a raider, and, and-”

“Why do you assume I’m not a raider? You’re just as pathetic as the rest of the city dwellers.” Josh turned on his heel once more, pulling his headphones off his neck to put them over his ears. Tyler begged again.

“Please, you have to help me, I won’t be able to make it out here on my own, not without a gun, or money, and I can’t even move on my own, please-”

Josh thought of Pete just then. When Pete had found him, Josh had been in the same place as Tyler. If Pete had never done what he did, Josh would have died. Besides, Pete would be even more disappointed if Josh didn’t help him.

So he swallowed his pride, clenched his jaw and turned back to the well trimmed city dweller.

“Fine,” he muttered, moving back over the rubble to drop to his knees. He inspected the blood soaked pant leg with a sigh and slid his knapsack over his shoulder. A sigh of relief fell over Tyler, and he began thanking Josh far too many times. One glare and Tyler shut up.

Josh pulled a knife out of his bag along with the few medical supplies he had brought along and cut into the pants right about the wound. The bullet was deep, lodged in Tyler’s skin pretty nicely. With a muttered “fuck” Josh leaned back on his haunches and stared over at the heavily panting Tyler.

“It’s in there pretty good kid. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch to take it out.”

“Go ahead.” He stared at Josh with a dead expression, not even bothering to bite down on a knuckle or anything. If he screamed Josh was going to punch him.

“You don’t wanna, bite down or anything?”

“I’m good. Go ahead.”

“I don’t have any painkillers.”

“Go. Ahead.” The kid’s entire expression had changed in the blink of a second, and Josh shrugged his shoulders.

“Alright.” he looked over at Tyler one last time before wiping the knife clean on his pants and digging it into the wound. He could tell Tyler was in a lot of pain; his forehead was covered in sweat and his Adam’s apple bobbed severely, yet no noise escaped his mouth. What kind of pain tolerance did this kid have?

After Josh carved out of the fragments, he bit of a piece of old fishing wire with his teeth and threaded it through a needle from the first aid kit. Tyler glanced at Josh, fear flashing briefly before he was nodding his head again.

Josh had to give it to the guy, he was tough.

45 minutes later Josh was finished and leaned back to admire his work. Tyler was pale, and looked ready to pass out. No way could he leave him here.

Even if Josh was an emotionless bastard, he still had a little bit of compassion.

With another sigh Josh reached into his bag to retrieve his water bottle and poured a little bit of it onto the wound. The rest he handed to Tyler, who downed it without even questioning its yellow discolour. Good for him.

When he finished with the water, Josh pushed him a small piece of bread to eat as well. They sat in silence as Tyler shakily ate.

“Thanks,” he said quietly once he finished. Josh nodded his head.

“Uh, well, the sun’ll be down in a few hours, and you can’t be wandering the streets in your condition, so I guess... you could, uhm, come back with me. If you wanted to.” Tyler continued to stare at him so Josh added, “I’ll give you your money back.”

“Uhm, yeah. Yeah. Thank you, that would be really nice of you.” He winced as he shifted.

“Alright, quit it with the mushy stuff. And don’t kill yourself already.” Josh quickly gathered up the rest of his stuff and strung his bag back over his shoulders before helping Tyler slowly stand up. He winced again once he had settled.

At this pace, it would be midnight by the time they got home.

“You good?” Josh asked. Tyler nodded.

“Yeah, I’m good. Let’s go.” He started inching his way out the door with a limp, injured leg dragging through all the debris. Josh ran a hand through his hair and settled his protection before following Tyler. He walked next to him cautiously, looking over at him every few seconds. Everytime he asked if Tyler needed to lean on him, the kid would shake his head and bite his lip. Josh felt terrible. He knew how much it sucked getting shot.

They walked in silence for the longest time, Josh resisting his every urge to put his headphone over his ears. The last time he had interacted with someone like, _this_ , had been Pete.

And that had been six years ago.

When they reached the familiarity of the suburbs, the sun was completely gone. Tyler stopped moving, his hands on his knees as he panted like a dog. Josh swallowed hard.

“You need to take a break?” Just like every other time, Tyler shook his head and continued limping. Josh had to give him that, the guy was stubborn. “We’re almost there.”

“Awesome.”

\---

When they reached the park, Josh held a hand out in front of Tyler to stop him from moving. “There’s mines and stuff scattered throughout the park. I put them there for protection,” he explained before swinging Tyler into his arms bridal style. Tyler yelped in surprise, but didn’t fight him off. Josh felt naked without access to his weapons, but he had to remind himself this more important.

Josh didn’t put Tyler down until they were inside the cabin. He laid him down on the bed and dropped all his equipment to the ground, per usual, before switching on the lamp.

“Sorry. Just thought that was the easiest way to get through.”

“Yeah. No, I understand.”

“Right.” Josh rolled his eyes and busied himself by putting his stuff away. He could feel Tyler’s eyes burning a hole into his back. “Why do you keep staring at me?”

“I uhm...” Tyler stuttered, not finding the right words to grasp onto. “I don’t know. You’re just... interesting. I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Josh,” he grunted, shelving the new books he obtained. He didn’t want to reveal where _all_ his stuff was hidden.

“Josh. Hmm. That’s nice.”

“Whatever. You want radio or not?” He placed his hands on his lips, glaring at Tyler before deciding Tyler’s opinion didn’t matter and turning it on anyways. Frank Sinatra was playing again. “Damn that radio host.”

“Hatton Radio?” Tyler questioned excitedly. “Yeah, Bren plays Sinatra quite a bit, doesn’t he? He’s a nice guy though. Buys a lot of old junk from us.”

Josh replied with another grunt as he hung his weapons back on the rack and slid the goggles off his head. Tyler went back to staring at him.

He tossed Pete’s jacket over the back of the chair and stripped out of his long sleeved shirt, shivering slightly before slipping into clean, short sleeved one from the bureau. Then he went to work starting a fire.

“638,” Tyler said aloud after Josh had gotten a flame to light in the fireplace. Josh turned around. He had forgotten Tyler was watching him.

Josh clenched and unclenched his fists by his side. Why had he brought this guy home again?

Oh right. Kindness.

Well, this was enough kindness for the next ten years.

“You’re from a closed community,” Tyler exclaimed in disbelief. “How did you get out?”

“None of your fucking business,” he growled in response before pulling Tyler’s cap stash out of his pocket and tossing them his way. “Tomorrow morning, you’re out of here. I don’t care if you blow up trying to get out.”

He looked ready to say something, but his mouth snapped shut. Josh quietly set a glass of water and a can of beans next to the bed before cowering to the chair, scooting closer to the fire before cracking open a book. This is why Josh didn’t do nice things. People tended to overstay their welcome.

“Hey there travelers, we’ve got more news about Mr. Misty-Eyed. His bounty is now up to 2,000 caps, so if you’re looking for work, ya might wanna try your luck and head out into the Wasteland! I’m your host Brendon, and this is Hatton City Radio. Next we’ve got _Fooled Around and Fell in Love_ by Elvin Bishop.”

Josh slammed his book shut as the music started and shoved his hands towards the fire. Tyler looked over at him before quickly looking away.

“The radio makes a big deal out of that guy you know. It’s obvious he’s not even real.”

That caught Josh’s attention. He looked over at Tyler twisting his hands together. “Yeah? You think so?”

“Yeah. He’s just a fairy tale.” Tyler shrugged, not bothering to look up. Josh rubbed his neck and sighed.

“Look, kid. I’m sorry for being such a dick. I’m just, well, it’s been quite sometime since I’ve interacted with other people.”

“How long have you lived alone?” his voice was demanding.

“Six years,” muttered Josh as he pushed himself up out of the chair and set his Walkman carefully on the shelf. Really, Josh just needed to distract himself from everything.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Anyways, you should probably get some rest. That’s gonna be the best thing for your leg at least. You can have my bed.”

“No, Josh, I can’t-”

“I got a sleeping bag, it’s fine. Sides, it’s only one night.” He turned off the lamp before Tyler could say anything else and opened the bottom drawer of the bureau to retrieve said sleeping bag. The only sounds were those from the radio and the crackling of the fire and Josh laid down with his fingers strung over his chest.

“Goodnight Josh,” Tyler murmured as he turned to face the other way.

“Goodnight kid.”

\---

That night Josh had a dream that wasn’t exactly appropriate. He woke up soaked in sweat, his face bright red.

With a sigh he rifled fingers through his hair, pausing to glance over at Tyler before staring at the dying embers. For Christ’s sake, he had known the guy one day!

Josh hated dreaming, he decided.

He got dressed quickly and decided to do some hunting before Tyler woke up.

\---

When Tyler did wake up, it was to the smell of cooked meat, Josh carefully crouched over the fire. He turned around when Tyler let out a loud, audible yawn.

“Good morning,” Tyler quipped cheerfully. Josh grunted in response.

Two minutes later he brought Tyler a plate and thrust it into his hands before carefully sitting on the edge of the bed. “How’s your leg?”

“Still hurts like a bitch. Not feeling too good actually.” He still held a smile, but it faltered. Josh sighed and inspected the wound. The skin surrounding it was red and puffy; not a very good sign.

He pressed his hand to Tyler’s forehead. “You’ve got a fever. It’s probably infected.”

“Shit.”

“Here, let me get some ointment and wrap it up. Don’t want it getting worse than it already it.” Josh pawed at his face before moving to the floorboard he kept his medicine under and retrieved the needed essentials. When he noticed Tyler staring at him once more, he pointed to the plate in his lap. “You eat.”

Tyler obeyed, biting into breakfast with interest. Josh wasn’t about to tell him it was squirrel.

He himself went to work cleaning Tyler’s wound as best as could, lathering the ointment nice and thick before wrapping a heavy amount of gauze around it.  This is was when it occurred to Josh that Tyler wasn’t leaving tonight. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that.

Fantastic.

“So, you’re not leaving anytime soon,” Josh said, watching Tyler chew politely. Man, he forgot what city dwellers were like, he hadn’t been one in so long.

When Tyler swallowed, he responded, “Yeah. Kind of figured.”

“So you can stay until you get better.” Damn, was that hard for him to say.

“Really?” He actually seemed genuinely surprised, dark eyes growing all big to the point where it was actually cu-

Oh no. Nope, no, no. Josh did _not_ just think about that. He wasn’t going to.

“Yeah.” Josh went back to keeping his answers short. He was starting to get attached to this lanky pacifist city dweller and that was something he didn’t want to happen. “Don’t think I like you, cause I don’t.”

“That much is obvious.” Tyler chuckled a little before setting his plate on the bedside table and laying back down. “Thank you though, for letting me stay here. I can tell how much you don’t want me to be here.”

Josh snorted as he stood up, going to turn off the radio. The host annoyed him too much sometimes.

He needed to get out of the house. It was still going to be a normal day, whether he had company or not.

“I’m going out,” Josh decided, not bothering to look at Tyler. He began shoving supplies into his bag, slinging his holster around his waist in the process. Josh knew perfectly well the son of a bitch was staring at him though. He didn’t seem to realize that was rude.

The last thing he reached for was his Walkman, stringing the headphones around his neck before giving Tyler a quick glance. He looked up at Josh with a slight head tilt, eyes full of curiosity.

“What is that?” He asked, and what Josh should have done was turn and walk out the door.

Instead he sat down on the bed once more and told Tyler to put the headphones on.

“It’s called a Walkman,” he explained, fishing the actual Walkman part out of his pocket. “It was really popular before the war. They would put these little cassette tapes in them and listen to music. Here, this is the tape.” Tyler watched in wonder as Josh pulled the tape out of the of deck and shook it gently. “It goes in here. What you have on are called headphones. Don’t ask why they’re called that. I have no clue.”

After he put the tape back in, he pressed play, watching as Tyler’s eyes lit up in surprise. He quickly pulled the headphones off and glanced around the room.

“Can only  _I_ hear that?” his voice was full of astonishment and Josh was thinking horrible thoughts again.

No matter what his stupid brain was thinking, Tyler in amazement was _not_ cute. Josh didn’t even know what that word meant.

“Yeah. That’s why it’s cool. Here, put them back on.” Josh moved to gently set the headphones back over his ears, his hands accidentally bumping against Tyler’s. He pulled away sharply, praying Tyler didn’t notice.

They sat for a few seconds, Josh watching Tyler move his head happily, eyes still wide in surprise.

“I really like this song!” he exclaimed, practically shouting at Josh.

For the first time in six years, Josh actually _laughed._

He reached for the Walkman and pressed pause, staring smugly at Tyler as he blinked a couple of times.

“What?”

“You’re shouting.”

“Oh.” Tyler chuckled, his face burning red. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Let me see what you were listening to.” This time Josh set them on his head, pushing them back so they wouldn’t interfere with the goggles also on his head and pressed play.

 

_I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say_

_I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be_

_But if you wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me_

_I promise you I will_

 

Ha fucking ha. The world could be so cruel and utterly ironic at times.

Josh reset the tape.

“Anyways, that’s a Walkman. I’ll see you in a few.” Josh turned to leave when Tyler reached out for his arm.

“What’s the song called?” That same warm smile that filled Josh’s stomach with butterflies was back. Goddammit, Josh was a heartless killer. Lanky men with mocha eyes and soft smiles did _not_ give him butterflies.

“The Promise. When in Rome. Is that all?”

“Uh, yeah. Stay safe out there, okay?”

“Yeah.” He settled the goggles over his eyes, tied the bandanna over his mouth, pressed play on his tape and shot out the door with a gun already cocked in his hand.

No more Tyler for today.

Or ever, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh is such an asshole.
> 
> Also, caps are what they use as currency, just a heads up. And I actually did make the playlist for the tape, so I'll post that sometime later.


	3. Tyler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
> 
> \- Franklin D. Roosevelt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I'm so glad you guys are liking this! Thank you for reading and commenting.

Somehow Josh managed to convince himself that Tyler wasn’t real when he was back out in the Columbus ruins. He refused to think of Tyler’s eyes so full of innocence and purity and his warm smile and his nice hands (seriously, who had hands _that_ nice?)

Not Tyler. Tyler didn’t even exist.

Too bad that daydream was shattered when he came back into the house to see Tyler sitting on the bed, good leg thrown over the side. He curled inwards on himself when Josh came in, almost like a dog who had just got caught doing something bad.

“Oh. Hey.”

“Hey,” Josh responded, setting his Walkman at the end of the bed before going to hang his gear up. “Tomorrow I’m gonna do some laundry. I’ll wash your clothes and you can borrow some of mine.”

“Thanks,” mumbled Tyler, his fingers twisting in his lap. Josh noticed he kept glancing over at the Walkman next to him.

With a sigh, he waved his hand. “Go ahead.”

“Huh?”

“I know you wanna mess around with it. Go ahead. Just don’t break it or anything. Batteries are a little hard to come by these days.” Tyler nodded in response, taking the Walkman in his hands with care. He flipped it over, observing it like it was the most interesting thing in the entire world.

“How do you know what the songs are called if they’re prewar?”

“Uhm,” Josh rubbed his neck, “My friend found them. The tapes were in these cases with the songs scrawled on the back. He was really into the oldies.”

“Ah.” Tyler’s eyes fell back to the Walkman. “Is that friend of yours still around?”

“No.” Josh swallowed hard. He wasn’t going to cry. That was a sign of weakness. “He’s been gone for a long time. This was his house actually.”

“I’m so sorry Josh,” his voice was so sincere, so full of sympathy.

Tyler reminded him of Pete.

“I just, I gotta be alone for a little while,” Josh mumbled before taking back out the front door. Josh wasn’t going to cry.

Joshua Dun did _not_ cry.

Pete always had been a soft spot with him though, and Tyler was the first person he had ever talked to about Pete. In fact, Tyler was the first person Josh had interacted with that hadn’t been at gunpoint. (Even though part of it was briefly.)

Josh wasn’t quite sure what Tyler did to him. Tyler was just your average city dweller, just a normal, average human being. He was a weak kid with no meat on his bones who wouldn’t last a day in the Wasteland. In fact, if it hadn’t been for Josh, Tyler would have surely _died._

“Oh fuck,” he muttered, raising a palm to his forehead. It made sense now.

Tyler was the exact same way Josh had been nine years ago.

Okay, so maybe this was Josh’s conscience trying to make up for everything Pete had did. Josh was always thinking about what Pete would do. And he felt in debt to Pete, for all he did for him. He knew he would always feel in debt.

So maybe taking Tyler in was him subconsciously trying to repay his debt to Pete. He knew Pete would have taken the kid in.

Problem was, that wasn’t the only thing that intrigued Josh. It was how _nice_ Tyler was, how nice he could be to someone so rude to him, how he could trust someone out in the Wasteland when it was full of murderers and thieves. The kid didn’t believe in violence, didn’t believe in stealing, didn’t believe in all the basic things people out here had to _do_ to survive.

And he was absolutely gorgeous, but Josh was going to ignore that.

After Tyler got better, he was leaving, and Josh would be alone again, just how he liked it.

Just how he wanted to be.

\---

When he came back into the house, Tyler was still on the bed, headphones over his ears and eyes closed shut. He looked peaceful.

Josh felt bad bothering him, so he left once more, planning on checking the defense system. Everything seemed to be fine, so he went back inside. Tyler hadn’t even moved.

He tapped Tyler on the shoulder softly, causing him to jump a little. He blinked a few times, staring at Josh before clicking pause and taking the headset off.

“You feeling better?”

Josh cleared his throat. “Yeah. M’fine. Let me look at your leg.” Tyler scooted over and swung his leg back up so Josh could examine the wound. He peeled back the gauze sticky with ointment and narrowed his eyes. “Looks like it’s getting better. Slowly but surely. The medicine must have helped.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.” Josh took his Walkman in his hands and set it on the bookshelf, pausing to gently pad his fingers across the new books he had gotten the day before. One of them was called _Fahrenheit_ _451_ , a picture of a fireman on the front surrounded by flames. He was lost in a daze, running his fingers across the burned cover until Tyler cleared his throat.

“Are you okay Josh?”

“I’m fine,” he grumbled, stepping away from the bookshelf to turn on the radio so it was nothing but a low hum in the background. Then Josh dropped to the floor, pulling more wood from his pile that was starting to get low. Guess he was getting more wood tomorrow too.

Josh poked at the flame absentmindedly, listening to the music. He was surprised it wasn’t Sinatra playing at the moment. If Josh ever met that Brendon guy, he’d punch him in the face.

“That was _Want You Back_ by The Jackson 5, and you’re listening to Hatton Radio. My name’s Brendon ‘Bad Boy Urie,’ here with the news. It’s cloudy skies tonight with a slight chance of snow, temperatures ranging from a high of 30 degrees to a low of 8. The city is lit up tonight for the game, so if you’re nearby, come on in! Hatton is always open to the Wastelanders. I’ve also got report on another sight seeing of the mysterious Mr. Misty-Eyed, last seen heading west towards Indiana. If you got any sightings, send ‘em my way! And it’s request hour! If you’re a Hatton resident, come on down to my station. You know where to find me. Next request comes from a ‘Ryan Ross,’ requesting the popular hit ‘Brendon we need to talk about our relationship,’ but I can’t seem to find that song so I’m playing _Rock of Ages_ by Def Leppard instead.”

“Brendon is quite the character, isn’t he?” Tyler said dreamily, almost if to himself. Josh shrugged, rotating his position so he could look over at Tyler and pull his knees up to his chest.

“Kind of annoying in my opinion. Plays too much Sinatra. In fact, I’m starting to friggin’ hate Frank Sinatra.”

“What do you like to listen to?”

Ohh no. Josh knew exactly what Tyler was trying to do. He was trying to make small talk and Josh wasn’t going to give in to his mind tricks.

“80s,” he grumbled, turning back to poke at the fire.

“You like to read, don’t you Josh? You like history and all that stuff? Pre-world history I mean. Everyone knows about the shithole we live in now.”

“Yeah. So?”  He felt like Tyler was patronizing him, even though he wasn’t. Was it too early to go to bed? Not that he would even get his own bed back until God knows when.

“Nothing wrong. It’s just different I guess. But you’re different.” he looked away from Josh, grasping the thin blanket strewn across the bed with his fingers. Josh scoffed.

“Right. Looks like it’s time for us to go to bed.” With an eye roll he latched onto the mantel to pull himself up and clicked off the radio before walking two paces to turn off the lamp. The cabin was plunged into eerie darkness, the fire casting large shadows across the walls. Josh tried not to think about how nice Tyler looked with the warmth of the fire on his face.

He settled himself down on the sleeping bag, turning his back towards Tyler so he wouldn't have to look at him. Josh could hear Tyler making himself comfortable behind him.

“Goodnight Josh,” Tyler whispered.

Josh didn’t answer.

\---

Fortunately for Josh, he didn’t experience any new, er, erotic dreams, and woke up nice and early to get a jump start on the day. The first thing he wanted to do was chop firewood, and then later, when Tyler woke up, he would go do laundry. Josh was also in desperate need of some bathing. He figured Tyler might be too.

And then Josh found himself think about Tyler naked.

“Fuck,” he muttered, shaking his head. It had been _two_ days. Two.

“You’ve got a crush,” Josh pictured Pete saying in a singsong voice as he wiggled his eyebrows. He scowled under his breath.

He didn’t have any crush. Crushes were for 14 year old boys.

So Josh manned up and left the house, shivering a little at his poor attempt at keeping himself warm. He had been so focused on not being in the same room as Tyler that he left his jacket inside.

Oh well, too late now. He wasn’t risking waking Tyler up. Josh simply didn’t want to listen to him ask questions.

He hadn’t forgotten his Walkman though, and with music blasting through his ears Josh grabbed the axe leaning against the side of his cabin and disappeared into the woods to chop. It would have been a good idea to chop more wood _before_ it got cold. With a shake of his head, he brought his arms back and swung as hard as he could at the tree in front of him. It wasn’t too difficult to get the trees to come down; all of them were already dead.

 _Hungry Like the Wolf_ came on, and Josh stopped swinging the axe. He leaned against a different one to catch his breath, trying to avoid focusing on the lyrics. Why couldn’t he get the stupid city dweller off his mind?

_I howl and I whine, I’m after you._

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” he cursed loudly at how fucking _stupid_ his body was, knowing perfectly well what was going on in his pants. Fuck that song.

Josh finished chopping wood without music.

\---

He didn’t give his body the satisfaction by sticking his hand down his pants and instead let it go away by itself as he continued to bring stacks of wood to the front of the house. Josh gathered as much wood as he could in one armful and stepped inside, leaving the rest outside for later. He noticed Tyler was awake, doing nothing more but staring at the ceiling. He didn’t even move or look over as Josh dumped his armful of wood into the corner.

“Mornin’,” he huffed, dusting flakes of bark off his hands. “You hungry?”

“A little.”

Josh turned on the radio, muttering a silent “thank _god_ ” that Brendon’s obnoxious voice wasn’t on at the moment before sitting down at the end of the bed. He pulled Tyler’s leg into his lap, causing Tyler to jump in surprise.

“Sorry.”

“Your hands are freezing,” he whined, squeezing his eyes closed briefly before opening them again.

Josh rubbed his hands together to generate some heat before gently pulling down on the gauze again. It looked better than yesterday, but he figured he should replace the bandages to avoid making it even worse. “I’m gonna put new bandages and medicine on it. It looks a lot better than it did yesterday, I’ll give you that. You might even be able to get up and walk by the end of the week.”

Tyler snorted. “Please. I’ll get up and walk today. I hate being bedridden. You chopped wood without me, so what was next? Laundry?”

Surprised at Tyler’s statement, Josh stared with his mouth agape before swallowing. “Uh, yeah. It’s pretty chilly outside, so the stream might be frozen. We might have to put a hole in it or something. I’m also gonna try and clean myself off. I have some soap I got off a raider one time. It’s been far too long since I last bathed. Yeah, I know it’s gross.”

“Not like you have access to a shower.” Tyler looked at the window, where little flurries of snow were starting to fall to the ground. “It’s gonna be cold.”

“Yeah. Not anything I’m not used to. I’ll just keep the fire going.” he stood up, maneuvering his way over to the first aid stored under the floorboard. “Pretty sure I got a towel for you to use somewhere in here. I’m not one for drying off.”

“You don’t dry off after you bathe? But then your clothes get all wet!” Tyler seemed actually bothered by this information. It brought some amusement to Josh’s brick wall of a face.

“Then I’ve got a fire to dry me off. Problem solved.” He plopped back down next to Tyler, once again pulling his injured leg towards him. Tyler watched closely, teeth pulled over his bottom lip as Josh undid the gauze, cleaning off all the old ointment and oozing liquids from it before applying a fresh coat and wrapping the new gauze tightly around it. He threw the old one into the fire before offering an arm to help Tyler stand up.

“Thanks.”

“You go out and bathe first, so I can go ahead and wash your clothes. I’ll show you where the stream is. Let me just, uh, gather stuff.” Josh stepped away from Tyler before heading back over to the cabinet above the fireplace, pulling out a small box full of miscellaneous items. With a small cheer he pulled out the soap and then turned towards the bureau to rummage for the towel he had used probably once. He also pulled out some clean clothes for Tyler.

Most of Josh’s clothes were all of Pete’s, besides the ones he had stole off of raiders. Josh even still had the suit from New Columbus, hidden away at the bottom of the dresser. He wasn’t sure why he still had it.

“Here,” Josh grunted after shoving all of it into his bag he usually took on runs. Tyler nodded.

“I uh, thanks.”

“Yeah. You gonna be able to lace up your boots or no?”

“I can do it,” Tyler snipped, his brow furrowing into annoyance as he reached for his shoes by the threshold. Josh watched with a smirk at Tyler struggling to bend down for his shoes. The kid had too much pride.

“You need help Tyler?”

“I’m fine,” he growled, sucking in a breath once he finally managed to grab ahold of his shoes. Then with a bitten lip he slipped his feet into them, pausing to take a few breaths.

“You _suuure_ you don’t need any help? Look, I’m pretty stubborn too, but you took a fuckin’ bullet to the leg.”

“Let me jus’, hold on.” Tyler’s eyes slammed shut, his palms clammy as he leaned against the door. Josh actually had _sympathy_ for the scene going on in front of him.

He wasn’t sure what compelled him to do this, but suddenly Josh was across the room, his hand gently on Tyler’s shoulder before he crouched down and helped him get his socked feet into his shoes. Tyler was trying to be strong, but he was sweating immensely, and sucking in a little too much air. Josh laced up his boots, double knotting the ties before standing back up. He retrieved his jacket and his bag before once again offering his arm to Tyler. Tyler gave him a look that could kill before latching onto his arm with one more shaky breath. Josh pushed open the door, and the two were on their way in the frigid air.

\---

Josh wished he could ignore how much pain Tyler was trying to hide, but deep down his conscience was barking up a storm. He was happy Tyler still had a jacket though. At least he wasn’t twice as miserable.

When they reached the stream, Josh was relieved it wasn’t completely freezed over. He looked at Tyler with a furrowed brow.

“You gonna be okay on your own?”

Tyler shivered. “I uhm, no actually.”

“Someone finally killed their pride, huh?” Josh teased, sliding the bag off his shoulders. He pulled off his jacket and shirt before nodding towards Tyler. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“Huh?” Tyler stared at him like he was on fire.

“I’m gonna help you get clean, thought we established that. Now c’mere, so I can help you take your shirt off.”

“I can do that on my own,” Tyler grumbled in an offended tone. He slid his jacket off his shoulders and flung it lazily on top of Josh’s pile before peeling his shirt off as well. Josh blinked, his mouth cracking open slightly.

For someone so lanky, Tyler _sure_ had a nice body.

And for someone who strictly worked in a caravan, he _sure_ had a lot of scars.

On his left arm were also thick, black banded _tattoos_. How had he gotten those? When had he those? He thought tattoos were bad and a sign someone was a troublemaker. Why did someone like _Tyler_ have _tattoos_?

He didn’t have much time to think about it now, so Josh forced himself to turn his head away. “Okay. You should probably, uh, take your pants off too. I mean, they are pretty much already destroyed with me cutting into them and stuff. Take off your shoes as well.”

Tyler shivered, nodding his head in agreement. “You can cut the pants off of me. Don’t want to risk hurting myself any worse.”

“Er, right.” he pulled his knife out of his pocket and flicked it open, dragging it down the seam of the fabric. He balled them all up and tossed them deep into the woods. After that he helped him slip out of his shoes.

That left Tyler in just his underwear, his wound dark against his shivering skin. Josh pointed to the water. “So uhm, I guess we’re bathing together.”

_Fuck this guy, fuck this guy, fuck. this. guy._

“You can take your jeans off. No point in getting them soaking wet.”

“Okay.” Josh _hated_ how he felt right now. He felt awkward and nerdy, like he did as a 12 year old in the changing room during gym. Tyler was just a _guy._

A guy he had known for two days and was about to help bathe.

 _But,_ he argued with himself, _You’re helping him recover. You’re being nice_.

Well fuck. Josh hated being nice.

He stripped out of his jeans and shoes and added them to the pile, grabbing Tyler by the arm to lead him to the water. Tyler flinched at the coldness, and Josh could feel his muscles constricting underneath his touch as he helped settle Tyler down into the water. Josh was used to bathing in freezing water, but Tyler lived in a community that had homes with warm, running water. He doubted the guy had ever done anything like this in his life.

With a loud grunt Tyler’s boxers surfaced the water and he balled them up before tossing them to shore. Josh blinked. Okay, now he was really naked.

“I’ll get you the soap,” Josh mumbled as he stepped back onto the rocks to reach a wet hand into the bag. He tossed the partial bar of soap Tyler’s way and moved back into the water.

Josh tried to forget he was sitting in such close proximity with someone _naked_ as he let the cold water fall over his hair and face. There was nothing weird about it at all. Nothing. He just… yeah. He had been alone far too long.

“Is t-t-the water s-supposed to b-burn this b-b-bad?” Tyler’s teeth were chatting so badly Josh wanted to throw his hands up and rush him back to the fire.

“It’s fucking cold out here, so uh, yeah. Just, uhm, keep your leg straight. The water is good for it. You just need to rush a little and clean off.” He pulled the soap out of Tyler’s open palm and began running it down his arms, shifting to his knees for better access. Tyler’s eyes were squeezed shut, the only noise his chattering teeth.

After he lathered some soap into Tyler’s hair, he pulled away swiftly and pointed to the water with the lump balled in his hand. “Rinse, and then we’ll get you back by the fire.”

“T-t-thank y-you,” he mumbled, sinking under the water. Josh shook his head and began to quickly clean himself off as well. He realized then that the only clothes he had brought had been for Tyler, which meant he had nothing.

_Way to be prepared Dun._

Josh clambered out of the water and pulled his old clothes back on, a small chill running down his back as they pressed against his skin. Then he threw the towel over his arm before helping Tyler stand up. Josh closed his eyes to provide some form of privacy as Tyler wrapped the towel around his body, teeth still clacking together a mile a minute.

“We’re doing this again kid,” Josh demanded, not waiting for a response before scooping the lanky man into his arms, bending down slightly to retrieve his bag. Tyler curled against his chest, his hands shaking as they were folded tightly around Josh’s neck.

Neither of them said a single word until they were back inside the house, Josh setting Tyler carefully down next to the fireplace. He knelt down and reached for the stoker to raise the flame a little bit. Tyler looked ready to burn his own skin off with how close he was getting to the flame. With a wary look, Josh held his hand out in front of Tyler’s bare chest and raised an eyebrow when he got a weird glance in response.

“G-god, how do you d-do that f-f-frequently?”

Josh shrugged. “I wouldn’t be able to bathe all winter if I only did it when it was warm. Not fit for life in the Wasteland, are you kid?”

“‘P-parentally not,” he mumbled, scooting even closer to the fire to shove his hands out in front of him. Josh leaned back on his knees, tugging the bag he had abandoned towards Tyler.

“Clothes are in there. I’m gonna change into some warmer ones and go finish washing stuff. I don’t want you to move. You’re injured.”

“B-but-”

“You’ll stop chattering if you get warmer kid, so stay in here and do what I said. I’ll be back in an hour tops, okay?”

“F-fine.” Tyler looked back at the fire in disappointment, but Josh noticed his hands were already slowing in their shaking. Personally, he wanted to do this alone anyways. He could go back to his daydream of being alone again.

\---

After Josh had hung his clothes out back (Yeah, he knew they weren’t going to dry anytime soon, but it was better to get them not dripping before he brought them inside) he made his way back inside the house to see Tyler fully dressed, towel hung over the side of the bed and radio on a low hum. He still sat by the fire, injured leg outstretched as he stared into the dying flames with such an interest you might have thought he was seeing the future or something.

Josh cleared his throat to alert him, and Tyler twisted his neck to give a small smile and a wiggle of his fingers.

“Hey there.”

“Hi.” He tossed his jacket over the back of the chair and plopped down on the floor next to Tyler, glancing over at him for a second before distracting himself in taking off his shoes.

“Thank you for listening to Hatton City Radio, your number one stop for the best hits in the Wasteland! I’m Brendon ‘Pizzaz’ Urie, your fine host, telling you that it is a cold one out there today! It’s not quite freezing, but the temps making its way there. Stay safe out there travelers, and if you’re around come stop by my good friend Patrick’s shop. He makes the meanest cup of coffee in the Wasteland! Now back to the music. Here’s Journey with _Faithfully_.”

“So you stayed busy,” Josh pointed out as he nervously ran a hand through his unruly, still wet (and sort of frozen) hair. Tyler shrugged.

“I wouldn’t call getting dressed and turning on the radio staying busy, but sure. How was laundry?”

Josh sighed. “Tedious.”

“Yeah.” Tyler began picking at his fingernails. “Can I ask you something that uh, might be a little personal?”

Josh’s entire body tensed up like his body was preparing him for flight or fight. Josh didn’t talk about things; he had nobody to talk to. Everything he had to talk about he locked deep inside of him, planning on never opening it up ever again. Josh, an emotionless brick wall, was certainly not about to let this stupid city dweller ask him a personal question.

_Just say no, just say no, just say-_

“Sure.”

_Goddammit you stupid idiot!_

“You uhm… uh…” Tyler rubbed at his face, words hitting a dead end. He looked at Josh for a second before his eyes flickered back to the fire. “You lived in a closed community. What was that like?”

_Choose the flight option, flee! FLEE!_

Josh swallowed hard, eyes falling to his lap where he strung his fingers through the empty spaces of one another. “It wasn’t nice.”

“Is that number a… did they brand you?”

“I think it’s more of a tattoo. It was used as an identification source. Like, ‘Number 638, please make your way to the principal’s office’ kind of thing. Trust me, I’ve tried to get it off, but it won’t budge. I’ve had it since birth.”

“And all the scars on your back. Is that from-”

“Let’s just say I wasn’t a very good kid when I was younger,” he interrupted sharply, voice retreating back to its resting tone of a grunt. Tyler started wringing his hands.

“I’m so sorry they did that to you. You don’t… you don’t deserve a punishment like that. Nobody does.” His voice was full of so much sympathy Josh was back to thinking about Pete.

“Everyone had to be exactly the same. ‘Fair is Equal,’ the overseer always said, but that was stupid. The government was stupid. It was all stupid.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want to be the same as everyone else. I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to look at my brother and see me. I didn’t want to think about the lies my father told me every morning. I didn’t like to think about my real life. So I buried myself in illegal literature and pretended I could hide away in prewar life.” Josh scoffed loudly, placing both his hands on either side of his head. “I thought leaving would be a new life for me.”

“And it wasn’t?”

“It was. Pete… that was my friend. He…” A pause. “He took me under his wing and taught me everything I know. Every damn thing I’m capable of doing today is thanks to him. But all good things have to come to an end I guess.”

“Thanks for telling me.” His voice wasn’t higher than a murmur, but Josh still felt like an idiot. Who dropped personal information on one person they met two days ago?

Apparently him.

And to make things worse, Tyler was the first person he had gave into since Pete.

“Yeah. Whatever.” His tough guy act was back.

They stayed quiet the rest of the night, listening to the radio and the crackling of the fire. Neither said a word as Josh made dinner, as they ate, not even to make witty comments about the radio host. Normally Josh would have enjoyed the peace and quiet, but something was different. For some reason he found himself wanting Tyler to say _something_ , to ask him another question, to complain about the cold or his injury. He wondered if Tyler was staying quiet simply for Josh’s preference.

He hoped he hadn’t scared the kid away.

\---

Josh was nodding off before Tyler that night, drained of all his energy from a day of long work. The background noises didn’t help his groggy state either, and he curled up in that chair with an open book still on his lap as eyelids fluttered shut.

“Sleep tight Josh,” he thought he heard Tyler say before the light snapped off.

He could have sworn Tyler pressed his lips to his forehead.

But then again, Josh could have been dreaming.


	4. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If the road is easy, you're likely going the wrong way."
> 
> \- Terry Goodkind

Tyler stayed with Josh for the next week and a half.

During that time, Josh had to take out Tyler’s stitches, and once again the kid didn’t made a single sound. He really wanted to know how Tyler was able to have a tolerance that high. One day he’d ask. Not today, definitely _not_ tomorrow, but one day.

Ever since that night he had gave in and told Tyler something personal, Josh had been on high alert. He stopped trying to make chitchat, and Tyler did too. Their conversations were brief, nothing more than the occasional “Thanks” or “Goin’ Out.”

Tyler was getting better though. The infection was gone, and his skin had returned back to its normal colour. He told Josh he might be able to leave in a few days.

“That’s good,” Josh had said, his face bearing no emotion, but he didn’t really feel that way. A part of him didn’t want Tyler to ever leave.

But Tyler was leaving. He was leaving and then everything would go back to how it had been before he had come into Josh’s life and ruined everything.

On the morning of the third week since Tyler came to stay with him, Josh was outside checking the defense lines when he heard something he had never heard before in his entire life.

It was a loud rumble that sent him spinning in a frenzy trying to locate the sound.

And then he spotted it.

In the air right above the trees was a rusty black fighter jet.

It looked like it it could brush the tips of the trees with how low it was, elegant and extravagant across the blue of the sky.

Josh stood with his eyes wide, hands shaking by his sides. Planes didn’t exist. They hadn’t existed since the war, and, and-

 _Holy shit,_ that was a _plane_ that just flew over his head.

Josh was throwing open his front door in seconds, causing Tyler to almost have a heart attack. He looked at Josh in confusion as he barreled through and grabbed Tyler by the shoulders.

“There was a plane outside,” he said, not being able to hide his excitement. Tyler tilted his head in confusion.

“A what?”

“A plane!” Josh repeated a little louder before an idea popped into his head. He held up a finger and backed away before turning towards the bookcase to retrieve the overread book with its worn down cover, flipping through a few pages before shoving it into Tyler’s hands. Josh pointed to the dark green plane in the corner of the open page.

Tyler squinted, skimming the caption before looking back up at Josh’s overly excited expression. “I don’t understand.”

“They had planes before the war. They’re these big heavy machines that can fly. There were passenger planes and fighter planes, and… well you get the idea. But Tyler, all the planes were destroyed during the war, or so I thought.”

He sighed loudly, fingers moving through hair before he looked back up at Josh. “Are you sure it was a plane?”

“What else would it have been? It wasn’t a passenger plane though, it was one meant for war, skinny and black and so close I could see the rust on it. That means it had to have come from nearby. I don’t know if there are any airports around, but I would assume so since Columbus was a pretty big city.”

“Where would someone get access to a plane?”

Josh grabbed the book out of Tyler’s hands and pulled out the map in Pete’s box of random junk. Tyler watched him closely as he unrolled it and sat down on the bed as well. “Look. Here’s where Columbus is,” he slid his finger up the page, “And that’s where it was heading. It had to have been close to Columbus, or around that area.”

“So it was going north then?” Tyler tried to clarify, his own finger following the path of Josh’s. Josh nodded.

“I think so.” He stood up, leaving the map in Tyler’s lap as he began tossing food and water into his bag. Tyler stared at him for a few seconds before shoving the map to the side.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going after that plane. I have to find out who was flying it, where it came from and how the hell they got it to work.”

“You can’t just up and leave out of the blue!”

“And why is that?” Josh stopped short, glaring at the city dweller with crossed arms. “You’re leaving soon anyways. You said so yourself.”

“I…” Tyler trailed off, his eyes wandering everywhere but Josh. “I have no idea how to get back home.”

His voice came out as a growl. “ _What_?”

“I wasn’t in charge of leading the caravan, I didn’t pay attention on how to get back, I was just trying not to get killed and get away from those crazy people out in the Wasteland!”

“What, so you thought I would just _agree_ to be your stupid tour guide? Guess again kid, ‘cause that’s not going to happen.” Josh went back to packing his bags. Stupid Tyler.

“Please Josh, I won’t be able to get home without your help. Nobody knows the Wasteland better than you do! I don’t live out here, I’m going to die if I go out there on my own.”

He snorted, ignoring Tyler’s pleading.

“Cleveland is the exact way you want to go, I can help you just as much as you can help me!”

“And how exactly is that? You’re pathetic Tyler.”

“I know people like you know the Wasteland. I can get us supplies, I can help deal with the raiders and-”

Josh let out a short, loud laugh. “As if. You know what that means, ‘taking care of raiders?’ It means blowing their brains out. You freaked out about me killing people who were about to _murder_ you. Can you even shoot a gun?”

“I… I had a gun, but-”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Josh, _please_. If you just show me, I-”

“Why can’t you understand that I don’t want you to be here?” He was yelling, and for a split second, with a clenched jaw, Tyler seemed ready to respond, but just like that every trace of boldness was gone, replaced with a small, fearful man.

Josh stared at him with fury fueling his veins, hands clenched into fists. He was tired of living the same day over and over again. He hated living life.

All he wanted was Pete back.

“I’m going out,” he muttered before yanking his jacket off the back of the chair and slinking out the front door.

\---

Tyler was asleep when Josh came back.

He had his head curled under his arm, eyes squeezed shut and breathing uneven like he was in the middle of a nightmare.

Josh felt terrible.

He didn’t understand why he felt terrible. Tyler was just like any other person he ever talked to. He _shouldn’t_ feel terrible, but he did.

With a long sigh, he dropped down into his chair and strung his fingers together. Maybe it would be better to have a companion. If Tyler learned to shoot a gun, Josh could make use of having back up. They could find that plane twice as fast.

He just didn’t want to get close to any community and certainly didn’t want to risk getting recognized. Josh doubted anyone paid any attention to those “Wanted” boards besides raiders anyways, and he killed anyone he came in contact with.

Except Tyler.

But then again, it wasn’t like he could leave the kid to wander the Wasteland like an idiot. He would get himself killed within the first three days. Besides, Josh knew it was what Pete would do.

So when Tyler woke up, Josh was quick to get his answer out before he changed his mind.

“I’ll do it.”

“Huh?” He let out a yawn and rubbed his eyes vigorously before staring at Josh with confusion.

So Josh repeated, “I’ll do it. I’ll be your stupid tour guide.”

Tyler sighed with relief, his hands falling to his sides. “Thank you, thank you, I promise it won’t be a waste of your time-”

“I have rules though. You have to follow my rules and not do anything stupid if you want to not die, understand?” Tyler nodded firmly, and Josh continued. “Good. We’ll get to that later. First thing is first though: you need to learn how to shoot a gun.”

“But-”

“No buts. If you’re coming with me, you’re learning to defend yourself. I’m not going to be your babysitter, got it?”

“Yes sir,” mumbled Tyler with as much enthusiasm as chair. Satisfied, Josh reached for his pistol hung on the wall and thrust it into Tyler’s hands. He looked down at the gun like he had been handed a tarantula.

“Grab your jacket and meet me outside,” Josh demanded before pushing open the door, leaving Tyler to decide what to do with the foreign object in his hand.

\---

“With this particular gun, which is most likely the one you’ll be using, you get ten shots before you need to reload. So you just take the magazine out and put the bullets in, alright?”

Tyler nodded, watching closely as Josh pointed to where the magazine was.

“You see that tree right there? I want you to aim for the center. It’s not hard.” Josh proved his point by taking the gun out of Tyler’s shaking hands, clicking the safety off and firing three, loud shots. They hit the center of the tree perfectly, and a smirk rose to his face. Tyler pushed his hands over his ears and stepped back in discomfort.

“I don’t want to do this,” he shook his head with wide eyes, and Josh grabbed ahold of his shoulder to pull him in front.

“Come on kid, you can do this. Here.” Josh thrusted the pistol in Tyler’s hands, his own hovering until Tyler could steady the gun. He raised it, arms still shaking as he slipped his index finger over the trigger and folded his opposite hand on top. “Okay, so usually you would pull this back to cock it, but this is a semi-automatic so it’s good for now,” Josh’s fingers ghosted over Tyler’s to move his from the hammer back to the right place, “and this little red thing means the safety is off. Always put the safety on before holstering it, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Right, so you’re gonna use the sights to line up the barrel with the back of the gun.” This time Josh rested his hands on top of Tyler’s to move the gun to the desired position, and when he was satisfied added, “Now shoot.”

“At the tree?”

“At the tree.”

With a deep breath, Tyler pulled the trigger, and the bullet barely brushed the tree. Josh rubbed at his face before waving his hand. “Again. I’m not touching you this time.”

He stuck his tongue out in concentration, once again raising the gun before shooting. He shot too high this time.

“That was better. Now do it again.”

“Josh-”

“Do it again kid.”

He sighed but turned back towards the tree and raised the gun again. It didn’t hit the spot Josh intended, but as long as Tyler could fire it somewhat, he’d be okay. Josh planned on doing most of the killing anyways.

While he was busy with his internal monologue, Tyler hit the center of the tree, right where Josh had hit previously. Tyler let out a loud cheer, and Josh narrowed his eyes. Hitting the middle on his fourth try was a little suspicious, but then again, it could have simply been beginners luck.

“Nice job kid,” he grunted, and Tyler beamed.

\---

“Hey there Wastelanders, it’s your favourite host Beebo and you’re listening to Hatton City Radio! Up next I’ll be playing _Hooked on a Feeling_ by Blue Swede, but first, the news! The temperatures are looking up this weekend, so if you’re planning on traveling this is the time to do it! Next, Mr. Misty-Eyed’s bounty is now up to 2,500 caps, and it seems to be increasing everyday. I’ve talked to a few people in town about what they think, and most seem to think he’s simply a legend. What do you think? Hit me up at the studio if you got a sec! Now back to the music!”

“It’s so ridiculous they keep increasing his bounty like he’s real or something,” Tyler muttered as he shifted closer to the fire. After a long hour of shooting, Josh replenished the fire and fixed up some dinner for the two of them, his packing long forgotten.

Josh shrugged. “People all want something to believe in I guess.”

“Do _you_ think he’s real?”

“Maybe. No way to really tell, is there?”

“I guess not.” Tyler messed with the hem of his shirt. Josh couldn’t tell if he was nervous about something or simply bored.  “When are we planning on leaving?”

“For Cleveland? I thought tomorrow.”

Tyler looked up at him like he was crazy. “Seriously? That early? Don’t you need to get some supplies or something? Oh! We could go to Hatton!”

Josh was about to say he’d get everything he needed off of raiders and travelers, but something told him slaughtering an entire group of people wasn’t exactly Tyler’s style. Only problem was, going into that particular city was a poor decision on his part. Someone could recognize him, could trace him to Mr. Misty-Eyed, and then Josh’s days in the Wasteland would be cut short. He couldn’t risk it, could he?

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Tyler,” he said in a serious tone, not meeting Tyler’s eyes.

“Why not?”

“Why would we go back only to turn around and head the other way? It’s going to take at least a week to get to Cleveland from where we are now if not more. Do you wanna add more time on?”

“I know people in Hatton, remember? A lot of them owe me favours.” He raised an eyebrow, and Josh was suddenly curious to how Tyler obtained access to these so called “favours.” How could people be in debt to someone like _that?_

“Why don’t we stop at a different community somewhere else?”

“Nu uh. They aren’t big enough to even be called communities. Have you ever left the Columbus area?”

“Not recently,” he grumbled before reaching for the map folded on the seat of his chair. It was an old, pre-war map, with cities and towns still marked on it from before. Pete had added where communities were on it as well, which was extremely helpful to Josh.

“Hatton’s huge Josh, and we can get a lot more than you have now, for really cheap. Trust me on that. I can even get Bren to talk about that plane on the radio, maybe somebody can give us information.”

Josh pondered this. “Can you get him to stop playing so much goddamn Sinatra?”

Tyler laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling and Josh felt his stomach doing flips again. _Stop it._

“I might be able to.”

“It’s about a three day journey on top of our other one.”

“We could stay a few days in Hatton. Come on Josh, when’s the last time you got out of the Wasteland and lived a little?”

Josh didn’t answer. He went back to looking at the map and dragged his finger over to the poorly drawn star with “Hatton City” written underneath it in Pete’s scraggly handwriting. Tyler was right; they did need better supplies well fitted for a long journey and everything Josh had now was not going to suffice.

“Alright, fine, fine. We’ll go to stupid Hatton City.”

“You won’t regret it, I promise.”

“Better not,” Josh mumbled as he leaned over to carefully fold the map back up. Tyler watched him with large eyes as he stowed it away on the shelf, fingers trailing lighting across his books.

“Will you tell me more about the pre-war stuff?”

He whipped his head back around, leaning forward as if that would somehow let him hear what Tyler said again. “Really?”

“Yeah. Besides planes, what did they have?”

“They had all kinds of things,” Josh started as he sat back down in front of the fire, “cars and planes and tanks and submarines. You know what cars are, right?”

“Er, maybe.”

“All those huge rusting pieces of metal lying around? Some of them have windows and tires still. Those are cars. People used to use them as a form of transportation. It was much faster than walking.” He sighed. “Wish I had a car.”

“What’s a submarine?”

“It’s like an underwater plane, kind of. People could stay in them without getting wet and go deep into the ocean. They could breathe in them too. Man, do I wish I could see the ocean.” A pause, and then a simple shrug. “Tanks were used a lot in World War II. That was a long time ago. And then World War I wasn’t even always called that. They used to call it the Great War because they thought that would be the last time the world would have a war of that size.”

“That didn’t turn out the way they planned, huh?” Tyler chuckled. “Kind of ironic.”

“Yeah it is. You know in World War II was the first time nuclear warfare was introduced? I wish that would have never happened. I could have a television, and a car, and-”

“Not everything is all bad, right? I mean, we still have electricity and radio, so that’s good right?”

“Running water too,” Josh added under his breath before answering Tyler’s question. “Yeah, that’s a good thing. I just... if there hadn’t been a war, I could have had more books.”

“We have a library in Cleveland you know.” Tyler’s voice was soft, his hands back to messing with his shirt. “It’s full of all the books bartered for and found around the city ruins. It’s actually pretty big.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope! Not a lot of people go in there though. You’d probably be all alone.”

The thought of being surrounded by so many books overwhelmed him. Usually, when he got lost in his daydreams, Josh thought of having a library of his own. He thought about how people used to have shelves of books in their homes with so many choices Josh surely wouldn’t be able to pick just one. An actual, real life library.

“I can go in?”

Tyler nodded vigorously, a large grin plastered across his face. “Oh course you can! It’s the least I can do.”

“I uhm,” he swallowed, “thank you. That uh, uhm, yeah, uh, means a lot.”

“You don’t have to keep up the tough guy act all the time you know,” Tyler said quietly, like he wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to say it. “I know living out here has gotta suck, but you can trust me Josh.”

“Don’t blame me for not trusting anyone. Last person I trusted got murdered.” Josh looked at Tyler with so much contempt the kid seemed to crumble right on the spot. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he ducked his face, running fingers through his hair.

“It’s hard, losing someone. Trust me, I know.”

Josh scoffed, pulling his glare away from the city dweller back to the dying flames. He didn’t bother poking at it, too lost in his own grief.

“My brother Zack got really ill when I was a teenager. He wasn’t much younger than me, but he went from always running around with the other kids to being able to barely move his head. Each day we watched him get sicker and sicker, and the doctor couldn’t do anything about it. They told us he had radiation poisoning.” Tyler sniffled, raising a hand to wipe the back of his nose. Josh could tell he was starting to cry without even looking. “It turned out Zack wasn’t the only one that got it. The town went into a panic; everyone was afraid of dying and the government spent forever quarantining and cleaning the water and stuff. It was a shitty time in my life.” He rolled his shoulders back, sniffing again. “I didn’t want to really be around death after that.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you,” Josh muttered quietly. That was when he felt Tyler’s hand settle down on top of his.

Tyler was _freezing_ , and he jumped a little in surprise, planning on pulling away.

But he didn’t.

Josh  just looked over at Tyler’s warm eyes, the corners of his mouth tilted up into a small smile. “It’s not good to keep things bottled inside. One day you might explode.” His hand moved up his arm, sending a shiver through Josh’s body until it cupped his cheek, thumb resting on his cheekbone. Josh closed his eyes.

“I don’t do mushy stuff,” he grumbled, hating the fact that he wasn’t strong enough to tell Tyler to stop touching him.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to break down the walls just yet. Just know I’m here, alright? I’m your friend.”

“I don’t have friends.”

“Agree to disagree,” Tyler chuckled, and suddenly his mouth was right by his ear, breath warm against his skin. “I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

Josh couldn’t believe how pathetic he was right at this moment, quivering under a stupid, lanky city dweller. He was a raider, the most wanted man in the Wasteland, an emotionless killing machine. He murdered and stole because he _could_ , he was the definition of intimidating, he-

He couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly Tyler pressed a feathery-light kiss to his lips, pulling back slightly to hover millimeters apart, and he resisted every urge to slam his lips against Tyler’s and make it even worse. What was this stupid kid doing?

His skin felt barren when Tyler pulled away from him.

“That beard’s a weird feeling when you’re kissing someone,” he commented with a chuckle, and Josh shook his head as he blinked a few times.

“We aren’t talking about this ever again.” He felt angry with himself all of a sudden, and Josh really didn’t want to take it out on Tyler. He could feel the kid’s eyes on him as he pushed up off the floor and slid his jacket on quickly before pulling a gun off the rack. “I need some fresh air before we leave tomorrow.”

“It’s dark outside. You could get hurt or something.”

“I don’t care.” He swung his bag over his shoulders, ignoring the pain in Tyler’s eyes.

“I’m sorry Josh, I didn’t know, I wasn’t thinking-”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Josh interrupted, looking at him with a look of anger before disappearing out the door.

\---

He woke Tyler up early. “We’re leaving in ten.”

Tyler rubbed his eyes as Josh finished packing all his bags. Making long trips was a little annoying at times, simply because all the extra weight tended to slow him down. Josh still couldn’t believe he had agreed to all of this.

“Do you want some help?”

Josh tossed Tyler a long sleeved shirt and a new pair of pants as he began digging out clothes to shove into the bag. “No. Just get dressed.”

Tyler didn’t answer as he stripped out of his clothes, still watching Josh. When he finished with the clothes and made sure he had food, medicine, water, and money, (He really hadn’t had a use for it until now) Josh went to wrap his hands with cloth all the way to the crook of his elbow. Then he strapped on his holsters and reached for his guns.

“I got an extra holster for you. You can hold just the one gun.”

“I-”

“I realize you only had an hour worth of practice, but it’s better that you know how at least in case of an emergency. I’m sure I’ll be doing most of the shooting anyways.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“C’mere, let me wrap your hands.” He beckoned Tyler over with a wave of his hands and gently pulled the cloth over Tyler’s cold hands three times before tying it off at his elbow. Tyler swallowed loudly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as eyes looked at Josh’s fingers on his skin. With a scowl Josh pulled away and tossed him the other holster. “That goes around your waist.”

“Josh...” Tyler sighed loudly. “Can we please talk about yesterday?”

“No.” One semi on either side, sword across his back, shotgun in his hands-

“Please.”

“I said no.” Josh reached for two of his bags, slinging them across his back before tossing the other two at Tyler. “Before we leave, I’m establishing some rules.” He narrowed his eyes at Tyler who was looking at the floor, snapping his fingers to catch his attention. “Listen to me.”

“I am,” he muttered.

“You stay by my side at all times. If you leave for any reason or at any moment, we’re going to have a problem, got it kid?” A nod full of fear. “You make use of all the bullets in that gun. Ammo is hard to come by. Cities may be your territory, but the Wasteland is mine. Out here, I’m in charge. You do what I say and you don’t complain.” Another nod. “I don’t want to hear any noise from you at any time during our trip. It’s going to be a lot of walking and it’s not going to be pleasant outside. Lastly, you don’t say a single word about what happened last night. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Josh,” Tyler reached out for his arm and Josh slammed him against the wall, shoving his hand around his throat with a growl.

“Don’t _touch_ me.”

With a look that could kill, he pulled away with a huff. This was going to be a painfully awkward journey for the next few weeks.

Tyler had so much fear in his eyes as Josh busied himself doing some last minute checks. The fire was dead, cabin cleaned, defense system good, house key in his pocket, gear on...

They were good to go.

Josh waited until Tyler had slung his own bags over his shoulders before handing him his own gun for the next few weeks; then they were out the door and through the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it bad to say that I love this? Because god, I love this.


	5. Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A hero is an extraordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
> 
> \- Christopher Reeve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news! (Possibly.) Josh is much less of an asshat in this chapter.

Neither of them said a single word the rest of the day.

It was a pretty good day of travel up until Josh realized he had forgotten his Walkman in all the anger and felt even worse than he had before. It wasn’t like they could go back.

So they walked in silence.

Most of day one would be spent walking through the ruins of Columbus, and it was a lot of jumping over stuff and walking around others. They didn’t come across a lot of people surprisingly, but Josh was on high alert. He usually was.

Sometimes Tyler looked ready to say something, but he never did. Josh was afraid he might lose his temper if Tyler ever did say something to him. It wasn’t like he was furious with Tyler, no, he was more pissed with himself for stooping to that level. He was angry that he let down his walls with some stupid stranger he would never see again after this.

Most of all, Josh was angry that Tyler was making him feel this way.

It had been a while since Josh had been down this path. He remembered the way there of course; Josh didn’t think he could ever forget that. It was mostly traveling down what had been an old highway, one straight shot after you managed to find your way out of Columbus.

He looked at his feet as he walked, one in front of the other as he tried to avoid large cracks and weeds. It was warmer than it had been, but the wind was harsh and frigid, even with his gear. Tyler didn’t have anything protecting his face at all.

At one point Tyler started humming and Josh didn’t tell him to stop. He secretly liked the noise; it was a change from the cold wind and the dusty Wasteland. Occasionally Josh looked over at Tyler through a sideways glance, curiosity getting the better of him. Tyler had only a slight limp, but his leg didn’t seem to be bothering him too badly which was great. He opened his mouth to ask if he needed to sit down, but Josh remembered how much pride Tyler had and didn’t want to embarrass him or something.

Since day one was the toughest, Josh wanted to get as many miles in as possible so they ate on the go, passing a water bottle back and forth without much conversation and snacking on nuts and dried meat. He felt bad for yelling at the kid this morning. Josh was short tempered, he got  _ extremely _ angry, and he had a commitment problem. Trusting, believing, talking about things… Josh didn’t do that. He lived to the beat of his own drum and he didn’t let stupid city dwellers with pretty eyes and nice hands tell him what to do or control him. 

So why was his stupid life suddenly being ruined by Tyler? 

He snickered a little, earning him a small glance from his companion. It was just amusing to him that after so long, this one dude he met three weeks ago was causing him to question his entire sanity.

\---

“We’re stopping in Jeffersonville. There’s an old motel there,” Josh muttered quietly after dropping the bandana down around his neck and placing his glasses on his head, staring at the setting sun that had almost fully dipped under the horizon. He couldn’t see as well in the dark as he could during the day, which pissed him off a lot but there wasn’t much he could do for that.

Tyler looked up at him with wide eyes, probably shocked Josh had even responded with something that wasn’t a grunt. He nodded his head, directing his attention back to the ground. He stepped over a shifted part in the cement, his bad leg dragging behind him. That caused Josh to stop walking and cross his arms across his chest as he watched Tyler stiffen with each new step.

“Something you want to tell me?”

“Hmm?” Tyler turned around, gulping at Josh’s defensive stance. He froze, eyes jolting everywhere except Josh.

“Is there something you want to tell me Tyler?”

His neck twitched, hands twisting together. “N-no.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Because it sure looks like there's something you want to tell me.”

“No.” A sigh. “Okay. Maybe.”

“Leg hurting?”

“Yes. Pretty bad actually.”

Josh sighed this time. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” he moved closer to Tyler, who flinched and immediately backed up a little, tripping over a crack in the road and falling onto his butt. He grimaced again, shoving his head in his hands. Josh crouched down next to him, laying a hand gently on his shoulder.

“Tyler. If your leg hurt so badly why didn’t you just say so?”

He peeked between the cracks of his fingers. “I… uh, well…” Tyler trailed off, dropping his hands to his sides. He picked at weeds before moving to push himself up off the ground. Josh raised an eyebrow, still not buying Tyler’s act.

“Tyler.” He said his name a little sterner, hoping he would get the hint. Tyler only grunted and took a few steps away from Josh, farther down the road. With a shake of his head Josh straightened his posture, cracked his knuckles and caught Tyler’s pace. 

“How much longer ‘till Jeffersonville?”

“We’re about a few miles off. You wanna sit down for a bit? We’re making good time here.”

Tyler shook his head firmly as he tucked his hands into his pockets. “No. It’s not safe. Who knows what’s out there.” he shivered, glancing behind him just to make sure nothing was there. Josh rolled his eyes, resting a hand on the small of his back. It caused Tyler to flinch again, and Josh recoiled like he had been burned, clearing his throat.

“Right. Okay. Let’s keep going.”

They went back to being quiet.

Josh kept an eye out on Tyler this time, more than he had the rest of the day. Knowing Tyler was in pain and was continuing to walk like he was fine was not something that pleased Josh. He wanted to scoop Tyler into his arms and carry him the rest of the way, but something told him Tyler wouldn’t exactly like that.

So he just watched.

\---

When that shitty motel was in view, Josh shoved an arm out in front of Tyler to stop him from moving and put a finger over his lips. He listened quietly, trying to see if any raiders had made it their home in the years since he had visited. Josh couldn’t hear anything, but he removed his shotgun just in case, gesturing that Tyler ready his gun as well. With shaky hands Tyler pulled his pistol out of the holster and held it with tightly, waiting for Josh’s lead.

Josh went into sneak mode, moving stealthily on the balls of his feet before crouching down behind an old car. Tyler looked at him with wide eyes, one hand over his mouth to muffle his loud and anxious breathing.

“Don’t panic yet,” Josh whispered. “Stay here.”

Tyler happily obeyed, watching as Josh rolled out to the front of the car and moved closer towards the motel. Half of it was completely caved in on itself, few shingles remaining on the roof. The right side was more of a barren skeleton, windows shattered and walls deteriorated from years disuse. You know, minus the nuclear fire.

The left side was doing much better, and Josh could pinpoint the exact room Pete and he had stayed in the last time they had made the road trip to Hatton. He kicked open the slouching door, the bang of it on the wall echoing madly across the empty lobby. Josh let out a low whistle between his teeth, listening for any footsteps or the loading of a weapon.

Nothing.

With a satisfied grin, Josh turned to call for Tyler when something hard hit him in the head, blurring his vision and sending a roaring headache spreading throughout his brain. His gun scattered across the broken tile of the lobby floor, a grunt escaping his lips as his back hit the wall and a low cackle came from the man who was now holding a knife to his neck.

“Well looky here, seems like I’ve found a rat!”

Through his double vision Josh could see the man speaking was bald, his smile a mouthful of yellow and missing teeth. He groaned again, lifting his head up just a little bit to avoid having the knife go through his jaw.

“What do you think you’re doing here?”

“This is mine,” Josh said firmly, feeling for another weapon. The man seemed to realize what he was doing and kneed him in the crotch, pulling out both of Josh’s pistols and tossing them to the floor with his shotgun as Josh himself let out a grunt of pain.

“Not so fast,” he titled his head slightly, slimy smile still on his face. The man pressed the knife harder into Josh’s neck, a small drop of red rising to the surface. He traded the point for the flat side to the skin, sliding it up until it was resting on his Adam’s apple. Josh glared at him in disgust, his nostrils flaring. He couldn’t believe some lowlife raider had got the jump on him. One stupid slipup…

Then Josh caught sight of Tyler peering at him from behind the front wall of the building, his eyes full of fear. Josh looked back to the raider, not wanting to catch his attention and have him see Tyler. He thought Josh was alone. Good.

He needed to stall this asshole so Tyler could clip his ass. Only problem was, Josh wasn’t sure if Tyler would actually do that.

“What are you gonna do, kill me?” Josh laughed mockingly, wiggling underneath the grip of the raider. The man narrowed his eyes, pressing the knife even harder into his neck. Josh could tell this guy was new to the whole “raider” thing.

“I won’t kill you if you get out of here. Don’t know if you know anything, but out here in the Wasteland there aren’t no rules.”

“Well considering I had this motel claimed first, guess you’re going to have to kill me.” Josh shrugged underneath him, a smirk rising to his face as the guy blinked in confusion. He let up on his pressure, and Josh guessed the guy didn’t think he’d get this far.

“Don’t try me you freak, I know exactly what I’m doing, and I  _ will _ kill you!”

“Then do it.”

They went head to head in a staring contest, the raider’s breathing heavy until he looked like he was finally going to man up and do something. The knife went back to pushing into his skin, and for a second, it seemed it was going to slit across his throat. Up until his brain exploded, spraying Josh with a whole lot of blood and bits of brain matter, the man’s corpse slumping forward onto him. Josh blinked in surprise before looking forward. There stood Tyler with the gun held out directly in front of him, both his shaky hands wrapped around the trigger. He let it fall to the floor almost immediately, body almost curling in on itself as he let out a sob and dropped to his knees. Josh looked at him in sympathy before shoving the dead raider off of him so he could kneel next to Tyler. He awkwardly rested a hand on Tyler’s back, not knowing what else to do.

“Hey, it’s okay. Everything’s over now.” Tyler shifted his posture to wrap his arms around Josh’s neck, and in surprise he let out a soft noise before moving his own to the small of his back. Josh had no idea what to say. He realized Tyler didn’t like death, didn’t like killing and murdering people, but he had just saved Josh’s live, which sounded crazy when he thought about it.

Tyler was still crying uncontrollably, his breaths coming out ragged as he hiccuped and gasped for air. Josh bit his tongue as he thought of something to say.

“I know it’s uh, hard, to do that, but you saved my-” Josh cleared his throat, “life. As much as I hate to say it.”

Tyler sniffed and pulled off of Josh. He rubbed his eyes and nose before looking into the darkness behind him. Josh offered a comforting smile when Tyler looked back at him. “S-sorry, I just, I’ve never  _ killed _ someone before. It… it doesn’t feel right. I feel dirty, I feel-”

“But you saved mine. Isn’t my life a little better than some dirty raider who was going to kill me? I mean Jesus Ty, I could have died.” (He probably wouldn’t have died, but he wanted to make Tyler feel better about the situation.)

Tyler sniffed again and intertwined his fingers. “You called me Ty.”

“Oh, sorry. Wasn’t really thinking.”

“No, s’okay. I like it.” A shrug. “I guess you’re right.” He looked over at the body, a wave of shivers moving through his body as he squeezed his eyes shut. “I don’t like looking at it.”

“Let’s go to the room then,” Josh offered, pushing himself off the ground before taking Tyler’s hand. He ignored his urge to loot the body, thinking Tyler would probably strongly dislike that particular idea. He’d come back and do that later without Tyler around.

The room Pete and Josh had stayed in so long ago really hadn’t been touched. There was still the old radio in the corner of the room, the broken dresser that slanted to the right, the dusty plush chair in the corner that was probably infested with disease. The only thing that was different was that there was only one mattress now instead of two. Josh internally groaned. The motel had been looted a long time ago and he doubted anything was left. Not to mention it was starting to get pretty dark outside and the room was getting harder and harder to see in.

“You can have the bed,” he mumbled before sliding his bags to the floor. Josh knew he had a blanket in a bag somewhere.

“There’s enough room for two,” Tyler pointed out, oblivious to Josh’s irritation. “Or we could drag another one in here. It’s a motel; there’s bound to be another one.”

“You can go ahead and look if you want, but a lot of the rooms are either ridiculously hard to get into, destroyed or looted. Thus why there’s only one mattress remaining. You can have it, I don’t care. You need it more than me.”

“Sorry I was such a baby,” he said softly, dropping his own bags to the floor before sitting atop the mattress. “I just-”

“You don’t need to apologize. Just take the bed, alright? I’m gonna go back out and grab our guns before I forget or they get stolen or something, I don’t know.” With an irritated grumble Josh left the room before Tyler could say anything else. Even though the kid had prevented Josh from bleeding to death, he was still pissed at him. And really, still, his rage wasn’t at Tyler, it was at himself. Josh was an idiot, and he knew it.

Maybe he just needed to go with it.

Josh was so desperate to hold onto the past that he didn’t think about his future. He lived day by day, wishing he could have Pete back, wishing he lived before the war,  _ wishing _ -

He laughed out loud, a hand running through his hair. He needed to stop.

\---

Tyler was laying on his back when Josh came back. He sat up as Josh dropped his weapons next to the bags. (Josh had checked the body of that stupid raider. He had nothing on him.)

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Josh sat at the end of the mattress and pulled his knees up to his chest with a sigh. “I uhm… can we talk?”

Tyler blinked, his eyes widening in surprise. “I uh, sure. Okay. Yeah.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. Like, for real sorry, not I’m going to apologize and then be a dick to you again five minutes later.” He raked fingers through his hair nervously, pausing to look at Tyler’s expression before continuing. “I… I don’t know exactly how to put it, and I know I’ve said it before, but I… I’m not good with interacting with people. You’re the first person I’ve had a decent conversation with in six years, and I dunno, you… you make me feel all weird and stuff.”

“...Weird and stuff?”

“Let me uhm…” he started rubbing the back of his neck, still not looking Tyler in the eye. God, what was he trying to do again? “I’m not good at explaining things. My er, feelings and stuff.”

“Right.” Tyler was smiling now. “Let’s just talk about a different subject, okay? Like, what’s your favourite colour?”

“I don’t think I have one.”

“Everyone has a favourite colour.”

Josh shrugged. “Never thought about it.”

“Well, you can think about it overnight and tell me tomorrow. Sound good?”

“Sure.”

“You know, my offer still stands. There’s enough room for two people. The floor sucks to sleep on, you and I both know that. Besides, I stole your bed from you for three weeks. You need this more than I do. And if you don’t want to, then I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Josh didn’t say anything, because he knew if he did it would come out as sarcastic or rude and he swore that wasn’t his intent. So instead he scooted up to the top of the mattress and laid down on his back, ignoring the dip as Tyler settled next to him.

“I can take first watch,” Josh murmured as he intertwined his fingers and laid them across his chest. “One of us should be awake, just in case.”

“You need your sleep Josh. Let me take the first watch. I promise I’ll wake you up.”

He sighed, but nodded his head in the darkness. “Yeah, alright. Thanks.”

“My pleasure.” 

Josh closed his eyes, his mind on nothing but his breathing, and it didn’t take long before he was out cold.

\---

The following morning, Josh awoke to sunlight streaming in through the window of the motel room. He blinked a couple of times, letting out a loud yawn before he realized just what exactly he had woken up too.

Josh had his head on Tyler’s chest, one of his legs pulled over Tyler’s waist and his arm around his neck. His face began burning up as he quickly untangled his limbs from Tyler’s and rolled off the bed in a giant heap.

And to make things even worse, there was a very obvious tent in his wrinkled, tighter than usual jeans.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath with a sigh. Damn his stupid fucking body. How was he supposed to explain this to Tyler? Josh was pretty good at making up excuses, but the fact of the matter was that this was caused by another, er,  _ dream _ , and Josh was sick and tired of his stupid brain.

A yawn made Josh’s face turn even redder once he realized Tyler was awake now. He smacked his lips a few times and stretched before giving a groggy “Good morning,” to Josh.

“Er, hey.” Josh pretended to rifle through the bags.

“Sorry I didn’t wake you up last night. I was going to, I promise, but you looked like you really needed the sleep and I didn’t want to wake you up. I promise I wasn’t asleep for long, just, uh, well,” Out of the corner of his eye Josh watched Tyler rub his face vigorously and stretch his arms, “I didn’t really take you as the cuddler type.”

“I’m not,” he grumbled under his breath as Tyler burst into laughter. Josh decided he was searching for food.

“I mean, it’s alright, I didn’t mind. It was freezing last night and you kept me warm.”

Oh dear lord, this was not helping Josh’s current state.

“Yeah, I uhm, I gotta get some fresh air.” Without looking back at Tyler’s face, Josh stumbled out of the room, using the wall for support. He couldn’t believe this.

The minute he reached the lobby Josh was shoving a hand down his pants, leaning his head against the wall as he pumped a good three dry strokes. A small noise of pleasure escaped his mouth and his hand came back out.

“Fuck everything,” he grunted, palming his stupid morning wood through his pants. Josh prayed Tyler hadn’t seen anything, because if he had Josh was utterly and completely screwed.

Tyler was packing everything up when Josh came back into the room. Truthfully, he wasn’t completely satisfied, but he refused to give his stupid body the satisfaction it wanted.

“How’s the air?”

“Cold.” Josh hooked his fingers through his belt loops and hiked his pants higher up his waist. “You got everything packed?”

“Uh, yeah. Did you want breakfast?”

“Probably a good idea. There’s bread somewhere in there. S’got carbs and stuff.”

“Right, right.” Tyler raised an eyebrow, his eyes narrowing. Josh swallowed nervously and pulled at his shirt collar.  _ Don’t say anything, don’t say anything, please don’t say anything. _

“Something wrong?”

“No. Just wondering what took you so long out there.”

“What, a man can’t get some fresh air?” Josh cleared his throat, willing himself not to blush.  _ Come on you heartless bastard, you aren’t about to blush in front of stupid city dweller. _

“Sure you can. Ok, food, and then we leave.”

\---

Five minutes later they were back on the move, and Josh was feeling a lot better. Of course, he couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid dream he had, but dreams were dreams and this was a cold, harsh reality he was living.

“We’re about four miles ahead of schedule, so we can take it leisurely today. If at any time today you need to sit down, for the love of God please tell me. If you don’t I’ll kick your ass.”

Tyler rolled his eyes. “I promise I’m fine. If I need to stop, I’ll tell you.”

“Thank you.” A pause, and then a long sigh. “Red.”

“Huh?” Tyler looked over at him in confusion, waiting for Josh to clarify.

“My favourite colour is red. That’s what I decided.”

“Oh! Right. Yes. That’s a good one.” Tyler went back to looking at the cracked asphalt, taking a break to maneuver around a wreck of a car. Sometimes Josh expected terrible things to come climbing out of those.

Josh also expected Tyler to say something more, but he never did. They walked in complete silence for almost an hour, the only noises from the wind shifting random cars on the road. He was almost tempted to tie his bandana over his mouth, (there wasn’t a lot of dust out on the highway, but hey, it’s good to be careful) since they obviously weren’t going to be talking anymore. Until,

“Hey Josh?”

“What?”

“So uhm, this morning, when you woke up, and then I woke up… what were you dreaming about last night?”

“Nothing,” Josh was quick to reply, his pace quickening. Tyler matched it perfectly.

“Are you sure about that? Cause I was awake, remember?”

“Yes I’m sure.” Fuck, now his face was turning red again. Josh ducked his head to the best of his ability so Tyler couldn’t see.

“I mean, you were out in the lobby for quite a long time… and you seemed to be in a hurry this morning…”

“Drop it,” Josh growled, but instead of recoiling like usual, Tyler started laughing.

“Oh man, your face is so red! I’ve never seen you like this!”

“Stop it,” he muttered, ducking his head again. Tyler laughed again.

“It’s okay Josh, we all get ‘em. It’s a normal thing.”

“Just drop it, okay? I don’t want to talk about this with you. God, go back to being silent.” Josh sped up again, weaving in between another set of cars. Tyler hung back this time, the smile wiped off his face.

Josh would never tell Tyler what he had been dreaming about, strictly because he knew Tyler wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, and Josh knew he would be red in the face, and Josh did  _ not _ want to blush  _ again _ in front of him.

They actually stopped to eat this time, sitting down right in front of a car missing all its windows and two tires. Josh leaned against the cool metal with a sigh as he pulled his bags out in front of him. Tyler did the same, refusing to look him in the eye.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he murmured, and Josh shrugged his shoulders.

“Whatever.”

“Wasn’t right of me to tease you.”

“It’s fine. Forget about it.” he forced a smile before pulling out the last water bottle in the bag. Tyler frowned.

“Are we-”

“We walked about 40 miles yesterday, so we’ll have another 40 today and then we’ll get to Hatton about tomorrow evening. Sound alright or do you wanna take it slow?”

“I think it would be better to just go as much as we can. We can go visit ‘Trick,” Tyler responded as he twisted his fingers together in his lap. He was sitting with his legs cross underneath one another, and Josh couldn’t help but think how innocent he looked (and how cute he looked.)

“Who?”

“Patrick. He’s lives down in Hatton, runs an inn there. He’ll let us stay the night.”

“Wait, is this the guy who supposedly makes really good coffee?”

“Yeah! There’s a shop in his inn. It’s like a bed and breakfast kinda.”

“Ah.” Josh went back to rifling through the bag, pulling out a small container of nuts and dried fruit and another with the rest of the dried meat. He planned on replenishing his supplies once they made it to Hatton. “Well, eat up so we can go. We’ll have to book it from here.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And we gotta conserve the water. I kinda fucked up on how much to bring. We’ll be okay I think though. It’s colder, so.” Tyler watched closely as Josh shoved everything away and stood up to swing his bags back over his shoulders. 

“Right.” He did the same.

“You ready to go?” Josh waited for Tyler’s approval before sharply nodding his head and continuing their walk.

\---

The pair were completely quiet the next couple of hours. It wasn’t because either one was upset with the other, it was mostly just because neither knew quite what to say. Things were still kind of awkward between the two from the morning and Josh didn’t know what to say or do. Sometimes he could feel Tyler’s eyes on him, and Josh had become accustomed to Tyler’s staring so he didn’t say much. He figured if he was going to stop being a dick to this kid then the first step would be actually talking to him.

“So kid… what’s Cleveland like?”

“Huh?” Tyler looked up from his feet in surprise Josh had initiated a conversation. “Oh. Uhm, it’s alright I guess. Really, it’s a nice city. It’s smaller, all fitted inside a baseball stadium that used to belong to the Cleveland Indians. I found some old black and white photographs of them playing in a storage closet. I wish I could have been around to see a baseball game.”

“That would have been cool,” agreed Josh with a nod of his head. “I’ve read up on some baseball teams. It was apparently known as something that defined America back in the day. I don’t know exactly how it works.”

“We still have the scores too. Cleveland wasn’t hit too bad, most of the stadium is still intact, but that day the Indians were playing a team called the Cardinals. I think they’re from St. Louis.” Tyler chuckled quietly. “I would love to go to St. Louis.”

“That’s a long walk.”

He laughed again. “Yeah, I know. Maybe if we end up finding that plane we can go to St. Louis.”

That got Josh to crack a smile. “If we get access to a plane, we’re going to see the ocean.”

“You mean… I can go with you?”

“I don’t see why not.”

Tyler looked back down at his feet, his face burning with pink. Josh’s smile widened. After a few seconds he responded, “It’s fun to fantasize.”

Josh ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Yeah.” A pause. “So who was winning the game?”

“Oh, like from the scoreboard?”

“Yeah.”

“The Cardinals. The Indians weren’t doing too hot.” Tyler laughed loudly, and Josh couldn’t deny the warm feeling in his stomach. Tyler’s laugh was loud and obnoxious and made him smile. He thought about what it would be like to hear that laugh every day.

“Hmm. You could just change the score and say they were.”

“True, but that room is usually locked up. It’s like a piece of history forever frozen in time. I think it’s pretty cool. Nobody is really allowed in there, but I was allowed to see it because I’m part of that caravan.”

“Oh that’s right. How’s that?”

“Stressful sometimes. We have to look out for raiders and stuff, but I enjoy traveling and meeting new people. It’s cool seeing all the stuff we can barter as well.” He sighed. “Too bad it all got stolen from us.”

“Yeah, that must have uh, sucked.” 

“Well, it wasn’t great watching my friends get killed right in front of me.” Tyler’s jaw was clenched, his entire body rigid. He didn’t seem like the same person he usually was; that small, timid boy. No, he seemed like he had seen some shit.

Like Josh.

“I know the feeling.” Josh looked away from Tyler, nervous he might spark some bad memories. He decided to change the subject. “So you said Cleveland was in the baseball stadium?”

“Yeah! I guess they decided it would be the easiest that way. The area around the stadium is also considered part of the city. They’ve got defense and stuff and security that sits outside. Inside is really cool I think. They’ve got catwalks from the stands and buildings and lights and all kinds of stuff. I don’t know, it’s just really bright and happy. I’ve lived there all my life.”

Josh grinned. “I can’t wait to see it.”

He could have swore Tyler’s face dropped for a split second before it was back in its grin. “I can show you around. First place you’ll see is the library of course. It’s in one of the dugouts.”

“That is sick.”

Tyler was blushing again, and Josh forgot all about his change in expression. “I’ve never heard you talk this much.”

Josh shrugged. “You like Hatton?”

“Totally. I guess that place is practically my second home. I have a lot of friends there.”

“Yet you can’t remember how to get there on your own?” It was meant as a playful taunt, but Tyler frowned again, turning his body away in guilt.

“I just, I’m not good at directions.”

“It’s okay, I was just joking. I don’t mind taking you.”

“You did at first,” he mumbled, and Josh’s stomach churned.

“I have a hard time moving on, you know? And I’ve-”

“You’ve been alone for awhile. Yeah, you mentioned that.”

Josh clenched his fists by his side, not appreciating Tyler’s snippy attitude. He didn’t say anything though. Josh decided he was going to be quiet again.

This is why he didn’t talk to people.

\---

That night they stopped in South Lebanon, and Josh led Tyler to an old department store called T-Get. Josh always had assumed it was called something else at one time, because there were missing spaces where extra letters could go, but he never questioned it.

Pete had usually took Josh to a house in one of the neighbourhoods, but they had walked an extra few miles and Josh decided this was good enough. The doors had been bashed in long ago, the front end of the store completely covered in trash and debris. Josh let out a low whistle between his teeth, shotgun cocked and Tyler positioned behind him. It wasn’t pitch black in the store, but it was still dark to the point where shadows danced in the corners. When there was no answer, he made his way farther into the store down where there was a mixture of carpet and pieces of wood.

“Sorry, this isn’t quite ideal but I figured you might want to stop. Haven’t said anything about your leg.”

“My leg is fine,” Tyler promised as he bent down to clear a spot on the carpet. His bags hit the floor and he dusted off his hands before pointing to a shelve with a few old shirts resting on it untouched. Josh assumed not many people stopped to loot a department store in a small town. “Help me move that?”

“Sure.” Josh responded as he shoved his weight on the right side to help slide it across the carpet. When they finished, Josh dropped down to pull out the blankets he had brought just for something like this. Tyler sat cross legged on the floor, watching Josh carefully.

“There sure is a lot of red in this store.”

“Must have been their theme,” Josh grunted as he smoothed out the last blanket and pulled one the bags forward to use it as a makeshift pillow. Tyler copied his movements.

“It’s kind of depressing thinking about life before the war. I mean, this store right here. People shopped here. It was a normal thing. And now everything is destroyed.”

“Blame the human race.”

“I wish we never discovered nuclear warfare.”

“Then we would have lost World War II.”

“I guess that’s true.” With a audible sigh, Tyler rolled over onto his side facing away from Josh. “You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met, you know that? I’m so intrigued by you.”

Josh scoffed loudly. “Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re this tough guy who can kill anyone and anything with one shot, but when you talk about books and history your eyes light up and you smile bigger than any person I’ve ever seen. I don’t know, I just like it a lot. I like you. As a person I mean. Even at first, when I knew you didn’t want me in your house. I know you put on that bad guy act, but just because you’re a bad guy doesn’t mean you’re a  _ bad _ guy.”

“I’ve killed a lot of people. I’ve stolen a lot of things. I’ve done a lot of bad things. I think that makes me a bad guy.”

“You’re just surviving. And if it hadn’t been for you, I would have died.” Tyler rolled back over so he could face Josh this time. Josh rolled over too, carefully tracing the outline of Tyler’s jaw with his eyes in the darkness. “You’re incredible.”

“Thank you,” his voice was barely over a whisper. Tyler smiled.

They stared at each other for at least ten minutes before Tyler reached for Josh’s hand, and Josh didn’t bother to pull away. Instead, he squeezed to let Tyler know it was okay, for him to do that.

And the funny thing was, that’s how they fell asleep.

That night Josh dreamed he was watching fireworks on the Fourth of July, Tyler right next to him.


	6. Hatton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."
> 
> \- John F. Kennedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there fam, a few things:  
> I now have a tumblr! Jesus, that took a while. Follow me at pastelxmess.tumblr.com (someone had pastelmess saved... can you even believe it) for all things cool. Not really, but you guys can send me prompts, ask me questions, beg for updates, (which I plan on doing) and here about new stories first. I do want to get to know some of you so hit me up.
> 
> The other thing was this super nifty playlist I made that's based off the tape Pete left behind for Josh. Find that here: https://open.spotify.com/user/1249232734/playlist/4iAUVlaOPz0MiRzounansd
> 
> Love you frens.

“Today’s the day,” Josh said excitedly once they had gathered all their stuff together and were back on the move. They really had to be careful with the water supply today, even though it wasn’t going to be that bad.

To be honest, Josh was a little nervous to what was going to happen once they made it there. He had stopped coming to Hatton once he realized his picture was up on the “Wanted” board, but that was four years ago. Since then, all the attention has been on Mr. Misty-Eyed, and Josh didn’t think that could have any link to him unless somebody was really smart or something. Hopefully.

“Thank God,” Tyler commented, snapping Josh out of his daydream. “I need a real bed and a cup of coffee. You’ve had coffee, right?”

“Er, yeah.” Josh lied. He knew what coffee was, but never had the chance to try it. They didn’t have it in New Columbus and it certainly was hard to come by in the Wasteland. Josh didn’t think he could tell Tyler he had never had it, not with the dimpled grin he had on his face (that was utterly adorable, mind you.)

“Oh good. You haven’t had coffee like Patrick’s though. Wait until you meet him; he’s probably the nicest person to ever walk the planet.”

“Nice people are alright.”

“I think so,” Tyler said as he playfully elbowed Josh and jumped over a piece of debris, “you’re a pretty nice person.”

Josh snorted. “I guess I better start being meaner then. I don’t want to ruin my reputation.”

“Oh please.”

“I’m not nice to everyone.”

“Trust me, I am well aware.”

“Then why did you say I was a nice person?”

“Because you totally are.”

Josh let out an aggravated groan. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“Now that wasn’t very nice.”

They both burst into a soft round of laughter, and once again Josh felt his stomach explode with a million butterflies. He wanted to kiss Tyler so badly, but-

No. No, that wasn’t going to happen.

“I’m sorry about that,” Josh said quietly once their laughter had died down into awkward silence. Tyler looked up at him through his eyelashes before looking at the ground again.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry for being so rude to you. I shouldn’t make up excuses.”

Tyler shrugged. “Like I said, you’re just trying to survive. I can only imagine what it must be like living out here full time.” he paused. “Do you ever worry about dying?”

“I don’t really care,” Josh replied, and it was the truth. If he died, so what? He hoped heaven (or hell most likely) would be better than this.

“You don’t care about dying?”

“If it happens it happens, oh well. No use fighting it.” he dragged a hand through his hair. “I wouldn’t try and commit suicide. Pete would be really disappointed in me if I didn’t put up a fight. I’m just saying. Life out here, it sucks pretty bad. Life without Pete has been even worse. I don’t feel anything anymore. Every single person I see is exactly the same. I can’t even distinguish between people anymore; it’s just, ‘Hey, look at that human with resources, I should kill it!’ I don’t feel _guilty_ killing someone. I live for that splash of blood in my face, blood on my clothes, and…” Josh ended his sentence with a scoff. “A monster is what I am.”

“Josh,” Tyler whispered, still not looking at him. He stopped moving, just stood there in the middle of the road.

“You know the last thing Pete said to me before he passed away? ‘You take care of yourself out there kid.’ Something tells me this wouldn’t be his idea of taking care of myself. Pete was always so optimistic. He was the best person I ever knew. He would be so disappointed in me.”

“Josh,” Tyler said again, a little louder this time. He grabbed ahold of Josh’s hand and refused to let go even when Josh tried to shrug him off. “Look at me, please.”

Josh looked at him for about five seconds.

“He wouldn’t be disappointed in you at all. You’re surviving perfectly fine. He was murdered. Trust me, if any of my family members were murdered, you bet I’d be the same way. You can’t think like that. Besides, if you were a monster, you would have left me for dead back in Columbus. You wouldn’t have taken me to your house, gave me your food, let me sleep in your bed, helped me _bathe_ , and you certainly wouldn’t have agreed to come with me. You aren’t a monster.”

Josh shook his head and Tyler’s grip tightened.

“You’re important to me Josh.”

“You hardly know me.”

“I know enough about you to know I wouldn’t be alive if it was for you. And just like you said, you make me feel weird and stuff.” he grinned. “I’ve been with you a little over a month. A majority of those days, you focused on taking care of me. Every day, you asked if I was in pain, if I needed food, water, warmth. Even now, you ask if I need to rest. Are you telling me you wouldn’t have helped another person in this position?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“What makes me different Josh?”

“You…” Josh let out a growl and yanked out of Tyler’s grasp. In surprise, Tyler let go, his bottom lip trembling as Josh began walking away. He hated when Tyler did this crap.

He hated when Tyler brought up his feelings.

\---

“I’m sorry,” Tyler said softly after one long hour of walking. The air was crisp, but the sun was beating down heavily and the wind wasn’t as bad as it usually was. Josh wished he had his Walkman.

He didn’t answer Tyler, just continued to walk.

“Please Josh, I only want to talk to you. Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because we hardly know each other!” Josh stopped moving, throwing his hands up in the air. “Why the fuck do you always want to talk about my feelings and shit? We don’t know each other. You’re the complete opposite of me, and I don’t get how you can be so nice all the goddamn time. I’m the worst person you’ve ever met and you know it. Stop saying crap like ‘You’re important to me’ and stop trying to convince me I’m not a monster. I _kill_ people because I _can_. I _steal_ because I _can_. I don’t have time to listen to some stupid city dweller talk to me when in a week I’ll never see you ever again!”

Tyler sighed. “Josh-,”

“And stop saying my name! I don’t even understand how you manage to live. You can’t do a goddamn thing.”

“You know what? I’m tired of your back and forth bullshit.” Tyler spat, pointing a finger at Josh’s chest. He was surprised Tyler was talking back. “I don’t get how one second you’re nice and sweet and warm and then I try and get to know you better and you treat me like I’m five years old and go back into hiding. I know what the hell I’m doing thank you very much. I’m so _fucking sorry_ I don’t feel happiness murdering someone. I’m sorry that I don’t lose my goddamn shit every time someone tries to talk to me.”

“I don’t lose my shit every time something talks to me,” he growled in response, fists bunched by his sides. Tyler snorted.

“Please. Look at yourself Josh. You are stuck in the past.”

“I’m not.” He knew he was.

“You call everyone kid because Pete used to call you that.”

“No I don’t.”

“You’re into history because Pete was.”

“No he wasn’t!”

“You like music because he did. You probably dress like him, write like him, I bet that beard is even ‘cause he had one too, huh?”

“Fuck off,” Josh had a buzzing in his fingertips, that itch he got when he wanted to pull the trigger and watch someone’s brains cover the sidewalk. Who the hell did Tyler think he was?

“Everyone on this goddamn planet has lost someone Josh, not just you. You need to move on and start a life of your own. Listen to me when I tell you this: it gets better once you move on. Pete’s in a much better place now, and you will be too if you. just. let. go.”

He felt tears burning the back of his eyelids but refused to let them fall. Josh wasn’t weak.

“All I want to do is be your friend. That’s something we all need out here. You gotta trust me. I’m here for you, and I will be until the end. Even when you leave, even if you hate my guts. I’m forever in debt to you, you know that?”

“Well don’t be.”

“It doesn’t work like that. Can we please just work things out and see where this takes us?”

“What’s this?”

“Our journey! Jesus Christ, what do you have against showing feelings?”

“Feelings are a sign of weakness!” He was back to yelling. “And I am not weak! I’m not.”

“Fine. We don’t talk about feelings. We’ll just pretend you didn’t kiss me back and didn’t hold my hand last night.” Tyler shoved past Josh, continuing his way up the road with a passive aggressive strut. Josh rolled his eyes and let out another growl. He hated Tyler, he hated him with every bone in his body.

\---

They didn’t talk the rest of the day.

Josh certainly wasn’t going to give in, and at this point he didn’t think Tyler was going to either.

They were about three hours off when Tyler slowed and Josh slammed him into a car, getting a strong hold on his wrists. They stared at each other in fury, Tyler’s eyes narrowed and Josh’s nostrils flared. Yet, neither one said anything.

Josh knew Tyler was right about everything. If he had found someone trapped by raiders, he probably would have done the same thing. Tyler was just a little bit more persuasive, and it helped that he was cute.

But the thing was, Josh _knew_ he was stuck in the past. He wanted to pretend Pete was still with him every day, and that was holding him back. That was why he did everything the same exact way and every day was the same.

He saw Tyler as a change, and Josh, well, he didn’t like changes.

Josh pressed his knee lightly to the inside of Tyler’s thigh, his grip still tight on Tyler’s wrists to the point where he knew there’d be marks.

And then Tyler fucking moaned.

It was quick and quiet, but Josh knew it was there. He stared at him in surprise before letting go.

“What, that’s it?” Tyler cocked his head and smirked, and if it weren’t for his self control Josh would have melted right on the spot. Too bad he couldn’t hide his blush.

“Let’s keep moving.”

“Jooosh,” Tyler said in a singsong tone, moving quickly so he was in front of him, and suddenly Josh was pressed against the car. “You can’t just do that unexpectedly.”

“I wasn’t trying to do anything.”

“That’s a lie.”

Josh huffed loudly. He knew what he had to do, and it was going to kill him. “Look. I’m sorry.” his voice dipped down so low there was no way Tyler could have heard him.

“What’d you say?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Come again?”

“Goddamn, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for being such a dick. You’re right about everything. I’m afraid to move on, because, because I don’t want to forget him, you know? Taking you home with me, talking to you, all that shit; It was a new thing for me. I was scared. I still am scared. I mean, holy cow Tyler, you, I don’t know what the hell you do to me.”

Tyler let out a long sigh, letting his eyes wander to the sky. “You and I are very different, but in the same way, not really. I know letting people in is scary. I was the same way. But talking, it makes you feel a lot better. And if we’re being honest here, I don’t know what the hell you do to me either.”

Josh was quiet for a few seconds as he thought about this information. “So you want me to be open with you.”

“I’d like that, yes. I just wanna be able to help you feel better about yourself. I want to be someone you can trust, you know? I’ll be the test subject. If you don’t like the talking thing, we don’t do it again. Can you just give it a shot?”

Tyler’s eyes were warm again. They reminded him of Pete, and how much kindness radiated through his body. If eyes were the windows to the soul, then Tyler’s resonated with ethereal characteristics. His eyes felt like home. His eyes, they felt like that beginning note in the Simple Minds song, the charcoal and flames, the water in the stream on a summer day.

He thought that’s what prompted him to say yes.

“Fine. Okay. We’ll, uh, give it a shot.”

Tyler pulled Josh into a tight hug that lasted for almost a solid minute. “You can trust me J.”

That right there, that J that slid past Tyler’s lips, was what made him feel safe about his decision. Josh had a difficult time with trust, but Tyler was different, and always had been. But he felt he could. From now on, wherever Tyler was, that was what Josh called home.

When Tyler pulled away, there was a mischievous sparkle in his eye. “Just one question.”

Josh grunted in reply.

“What were you planning on doing when you pinned me against a car?”

“I was gonna put you in your place.”

“Sure you were.”

“I was!”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Tyler laughed quietly before taking Josh by the hand and pulling him further down the road.

\---

The sun was dipping under the horizon, a mixture of oranges and pinks lighting the sky and casting dancing shadows across the Wasteland. The two came to a stop on a hill, a crooked, rusty green sign laying in the dirt in front of them. At one point it read “Welcome to Cincinnati!” in big letters, but most of them had been scratched off. Josh paused to run a hand through his hair. Tyler had a goofy grin on his face as he watched the sunset, and Josh couldn’t help but smile as well.

“The sky is pretty,” he commented, and Josh nodded. (He thought Tyler was prettier than the sunset.)

“Yeah it is.” Josh pointed to the city laid out in front of them. “Hatton is just through there.” He tried not to show how worried he was, but he really was terrified. Terrified someone would recognize him. Josh was wanted, dead or alive. Really, it wasn’t him, but someone could figure that out.

“Are you scared?” Tyler turned towards him, a worried look crossing his face. Josh shrugged, trying to play it cool.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve left Columbus.”

“I know. Hey, remember what you said though? The Wasteland is your territory, and cities are mine. I know Hatton. I know the people. You’ll be safe with me, okay?”

“Yeah.” Josh looked back over at the sunset and took a deep breath. Here went nothing.

They walked carefully and close together, Josh on high alert. Hatton was on the edge of the Cincinnati ruins, but that didn’t mean raiders or god knows what else could be roaming around. The closer they got to Hatton, the more lights they spotted, as well as borderland security. “Hatton City this way” was tagged in spray paint on some of the old buildings with giant messy arrows underneath them and Josh pointed out turrets to Tyler, his voice quiet. He had an itching to pull out his guns, just in case, but something told him that would be a very terrible idea.

Finally they walked underneath an arch constructed of wood and scrap metal, two men decked out in full armour carrying large guns standing on top. Tyler swallowed nervously, his hands shaking by his side. It got louder the closer they got, until finally they reached the front gate. It stood almost eight feet tall, made of part of a fence and whatever else they could find.

The guard at the gate looked the two up and down before grunting in approval. “Welcome to Hatton,” he muttered before gesturing towards the gate with his gun. Josh kept his head down as they walked, trying to fit in.

Hatton certainly had changed a lot since he had last been there. Buildings lined the cracked asphalt, fairy lights strung all the way down the street. People stood out front of their stores, shouting out things like “Best haircuts in the Wasteland here!” and “Protect yourself out there, get guns!” Josh looked around in bewilderment, his stomach buzzing with nervousness. He moved closer to Tyler, who still had a smile on his face.

Above them people were walking across catwalks that reminded him a lot of New Columbus. They stretched between buildings, also twisted in fairy lights, and led to bright yellow windows. People of all different kinds walked around them, wearing dusty and old clothing. They were all clean cut though, Josh noticed. They probably showered a lot more than he did.

In the center of the town was a giant radio tower, which could be for nothing other than Hatton City radio. A small stream ran around the edge of the commons, the water bright and sparkling. Two little kids, a boy and a girl wearing no shoes giggled loudly as they chased each other around in the dead grass. Their parents sat on a bench making discussion. There were also a few vendors around selling food.

“Wow,” Josh said out loud before his brain could tell him not to. Tyler laughed.

“This place is pretty breathtaking, huh?”

“Uh, yeah.” Josh had forgotten how incredible Hatton was.

“Okay. We’re gonna go visit Brendon first, okay? I think you should meet the guy that you listen to every day. Just a warning though, he’s a little eccentric and quirky.”

“I kind of figured that.”

Tyler chuckled again and slipped his long, slender fingers between Josh’s. “Okay, stay close. He lives in the back.”

The place Brendon lived was pretty extraordinary. It was this little trailer pushed against an old building that had deteriorated long ago, one side of it completely caved in on itself. However, the trailer had a set of stairs on top of it that led to an old fire escape and upstairs to the remaining part of the building. There were all kinds of wires coming from the trailer, the inside completely lit up. Josh blinked a few times.

“He’s got a pretty nice setup,” Tyler commented, and Josh nodded in agreement.

“Definitely.”

“Okay, so his door should be unlocked…” his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he reached for the door handle, turning it slightly. Tyler wiggled his eyebrows at Josh before pulling it all the way open.

Inside was just as impressive. The trailer contained all of Brendon’s equipment, giant grey boxes with blinking lights and lots more wires. Brendon himself sat in a giant, ripped up office chair, hidden to the view of the travelers. His voice was loud though.

“Your friendly neighbourhood Beebo here, logging off for the night. This is Hatton City radio, enjoy the music and I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow! Here’s Frank Sinatra with _I’ve Got You Under My Skin._ ”

There was a loud beeping sound as Brendon turned off his microphone and reached over to poke at some buttons. Josh couldn’t tell you what exactly he was doing.

When he finally swiveled around, Josh was completely surprised at the radio host’s appearance. He had dark brown hair styled up in pompadour, dark brown eyes complete with heavy black frames, tanned skin, a sharp jawline and a sparkly white smile. He was also tall and lanky, evident from when he stood up.

“Well if it isn’t Tyler Joseph! It’s good to see you again!” Brendon pulled Tyler into a bone crushing hug, Tyler himself laughing as he hugged back.

 _Joseph,_ Josh repeated in his head with a furrowed brow. Now why did that last name sound familiar to him?

He didn’t get much time to think about it, for Tyler was pulling on his shoulder. “It’s great to see you again too Bren. This is my friend Josh.”

“Heya Josh, nice to meet you. Any friend of Tyjo’s is a friend of mine.” He held out his hand in a friendly manner, grin still amongst his features. Josh stared at him for a few seconds before punching him in the face.

His knuckles hit Brendon’s nose and a rather loud crack echoed throughout the tiny trailer. Tyler’s mouth dropped as Brendon let out a loud groan.

“Josh, what the hell?” Tyler scrambled to help Brendon find something to hold over his now broken nose, blood pouring out of it in rivers. Josh smirked proudly. Good to know he still had it.

“What the fuck was that for?” Brendon moaned loudly, leaning against a piece of equipment as he readied himself to double over.

“That’s for playing so much goddamn Sinatra,” Josh said fondly, blowing Brendon a kiss with as much sarcasm as he could throw in. That caused Brendon to laugh a little, groaning afterwards. Tyler handed him a dirty grey rag he found in a desk drawer, shooting Josh a look of disgust. After Brendon pinched his nose with it, he responded.

“I was told this might happen one day.”

“You’re going to need to have your nose reset,” Tyler said with a sigh. He shot Josh a another look, to which Josh only shrugged.

“So, are we cool now? Are you gonna hit me again?”

Josh shook his head. “I think we’re good now. Nice to meet you too.”

“You certainly know how to make an impression, Jesus.” Brendon shifted and groaned again.

“It’s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

“Josh is a big music fan,” explained Tyler, who seemed to be over Josh’s belief in the best way to make an impression, “He listens to you every day.”

“Not everyday,” he mumbled, and Brendon grinned. He moved the rag off to the side and sniffed, face twisting into a grimace.

“Fuck, that hurts.”

Josh rolled his eyes and gestured with a wiggle of his fingers. “C’mere, I’ll reset it.”

“I don’t know if I trust you.”

“You want to have a jacked up nose the rest of your life? Come here Brendon ‘Bad Boy’ Urie. It’ll take two seconds.”

With a grumble Brendon took a step forward and shut his eyes as Josh glanced over at Tyler’s worried expression. Brendon’s nose was still bleeding, but it was already starting to scab, and Josh figured it would be easier to scrub off without him screaming every two seconds.

“Is it going to hurt?”

“Not at all,” Josh deadpanned, staggering his stance. Brendon raised an eyebrow. “How loud do you scream?”

“Josh!” Tyler interrupted, horrified. Josh waved him off.

“I won’t scream,” Brendon promised, leaning his body backwards in fear. With another eyeroll, Josh grabbed Brendon by the elbow and led him to the desk where he strategically placed his hands behind him.

Brendon squeezed his eyes shut as Josh’s hands hovered over the bridge of his nose. “Alright, on three.”

“On five.”

“On two then.”

“Jesus fuck,” Brendon muttered, his knuckles turning white. “Just do it.”

Josh didn’t even bother to count, just slid Brendon’s nose back into place, and a string of profanities slipped past Brendon’s lips and his knee bucked upwards. It hit Josh right between his legs, and then he was cursing too.

Brendon blinked a couple of times, his fingers entangling in his hair. Josh curled in on himself and hissed loudly.

“What a great way to introduce your friend to me Tyler,” Brendon quipped with a smirk. “Fuck that hurts.”

“Josh?” Tyler asked, approaching him with caution. “You okay?”

“I would have rather had my nose reset,” he replied with strain in his voice and Brendon laughed obnoxiously loud.

“Guess we’re even. I’ll stop playing so much Sinatra.”

“Thank you.” Tyler hooked an arm around Josh’s shoulders.

“God, I’m so sorry about everything,” he apologized meekly and Brendon only shrugged.

“Hey, now I won’t forget about Josh. You guys in town for a while?”

“Couple days, yeah. We’re getting supplies before we get back on the road.”

“Weren’t you just here?”

“Got injured. It’s a long story, I’ll tell you more tomorrow. We’re staying over with Patrick. Again, sorry about your nose.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Josh grunted.

“Sorry about your balls dude,” Brendon grinned, and Josh flipped him off. Tyler led him out of the small trailer, waving goodbye as Brendon yelled out “See you later!” from behind them.

\---

The next place they went was a small shop called Patrick’s. The letters were painted across a large piece of crooked metal, the paint cracked and chipping. Josh was feeling better now, and Tyler wasn’t even mad at him. Hopefully.

He held the door open for Josh, raising an eyebrow as Josh’s head swiveled in circles. The shop was dimly lit, littered in wobbly tables and mismatched chairs. There were only a few other people inside the shop, curled in the corner next to the fire. The walls were mostly intact, only a few pieces of metal scraped together from where it had been destroyed long ago. A long counter sat in the corner, a door in one corner and some kitchen appliances against the wall.

Josh had to admit, it was cozy.

“I’ll be out in a minute!” A voice called from behind the cracked door, and Tyler beamed proudly before pulling Josh down to the table. He bounced his knee as they waited, nervousness still coursing through his body. Josh wasn’t sure why he felt nervous.

True to his word, a short, dirty blonde appeared in the dining room, a large, polite smile on his face. He wore a pair of glasses with cracked lenses and a cardigan two times two big for him.

“Tyler! It’s so good to see you!”

“Patrick!” Tyler cheered in reply, pushing himself out of the chair to envelop Patrick in a giant hug. Josh sat quietly, waiting for Tyler to introduce him.

“What are you doing back in town so quickly?” Patrick asked once their embrace was over.

“Oh, it’s a long story. But uh, this is my friend Josh.” Tyler stepped to the side so Patrick could see him, and Josh waved briefly. Patrick’s face twisted into confusion, or maybe, something else. It was that look people got when they remembered something important.

“Nice to meet you,” He finally said, voice noticeably quieter. Josh wondered what he had done.

“We were gonna stay a few nights in town.”

Patrick cleared his throat and smiled again. “Well, you’re more than welcome to stay here. You want a drink?”

“Josh has got to try your coffee.” Tyler exclaimed, waving his hands all around, Josh nodded his head in agreement.

“Of course. I’ll get that for you two.” After Patrick went back to the kitchen, a whoosh of air escaped Josh’s mouth. It looked like whatever reminiscing Patrick had been doing was over. Maybe it hadn’t been him.

Tyler had watched Patrick leave, and his head swung back around once he was certain he was gone. “Patrick’s a lot nicer. Brendon, he’s cocky, but he’s got a good heart. Thus why he was okay with you _punching him in the face._ ”

“Hey,” Josh held up his hands defensively, “how else was I supposed to get my point across?”

“Did you have to punch him?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t punch Patrick in the face,” warned Tyler, and Josh laughed mockingly.

“Come on, have a little faith in me.”

“Sorry, it’s not like you just punched my friend in the face.”

“Eh, he’s fine.”

Tyler opened his mouth to say more, brow furrowed and finger pointed, but Patrick chose that moment to come back out with two steaming mugs of coffee. He sat them down right in front of the two and placed his hands on his hips.

“There you go, two steaming cups of joe. Tyler, yours is just how you like it. Josh, I wasn’t exactly sure what to do with yours, so it’s kind of standard.”

“S’fine.” Josh stared at the dark liquid in curiosity. Should he choose now to tell them he’s never had coffee before?

Tyler took a long sip, producing a loud moan as he set the mug back down. “I’m never disappointed. Try it Josh!”

“I uh, well,” he stared at a very interesting smudge on the table and said nothing more.

“Josh?”

“You see-”

“You’ve never had coffee before, have you?”

“Er, no. But,” he held up a finger, preparing his excuse, “I was never allowed to have it, and it’s hard to come by in the Wasteland.”

“Well try it now! Come on!”

“Jeez, hold on.” Josh shot Tyler a look before gripping the mug with both hands. It was hot to the touch, but it smelled amazing, and when he put it to his lips, he had an urge to down all of it. “Holy shit.”

“Good, huh?” Patrick grinned, his smile full of pride. He knew he made a damn good cup of coffee.

“Yes.”

“Told you so,” Tyler smirked, leaning back in his chair.

Josh rolled his eyes, but took another long sip. How had this not been introduced to him sooner? This could have been life changing!

“Well, when you guys are finished I’ll show you to your room.”

“Two twins?” Tyler asked curiously, leaning forward onto his elbows. Patrick quirked up an eyebrow.

“Just a double bed… I thought you guys were together?”

Josh almost spit out his coffee, but instead forced himself to swallow. “No, no. We aren’t.”

“Totally not,” Tyler agreed, his face completely red. Patrick grinned sheepishly.

“Sorry, kind of just assumed. I mean, you’ve never talked about a boyfriend, so it seemed kind of strange but I just assumed…”

“I said he was my friend!”

“That could be interpreted in a number of ways!”

“Okay, okay, sorry.” With a long sigh, Patrick pinched the bridge of his nose before he let his hands swing by his sides. “Are you okay with a double bed? That’s all I got left.”

“S’fine,” Tyler mumbled, and Josh lazily moved his shoulders up and down. He couldn’t stop thinking about what happened the last time they slept in close proximity with one another.

This was definitely going to be an interesting night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Josh is all over the place and Brendon plays too much Sinatra. Good life lessons.


	7. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I fell in love with you because you loved me when I couldn't love myself."
> 
> \- Anonymous

The thing was, Josh was still nervous being in a city. Even single person that looked over at him could notice and connect the dots. Maybe they would remember that time long ago when it was his face poorly sketched on the wanted board.

Even going up the stairs to their room, passing residents in the hallways, Patrick’s cheerful talking becoming white noise, Josh was nervous, and that wasn’t a normal thing for him. He looked at the pictures hanging in crooked frames on the walls, black and white polaroids of prewar life, happy smiles, laughter, and…

Holy shit. It couldn’t be.

The last picture on the wall was one of a smiling Patrick with his arm around… Pete.

Josh was sure that was Pete. He wasn’t sure who else is could be. There was no denying the old leather jacket, or the beard, or the kindness in his eyes. How the hell did Patrick and Pete know each other? And why the hell was he feeling so angry all of a sudden?

He hadn’t noticed he had stopped in the middle of the hallway with his fists clenched until Tyler said his name.

“Josh? Everything alright?”

“That picture,” he muttered through gritted teeth, “How do you know that man?”

Patrick looked up at the polaroid of him and Pete with a sad smile. “Pete?”

“Yes Pete!” Josh was yelling now, and Patrick stepped forward, his smile melting into a stoic expression of fury.

“Well why the hell do you have his jacket?” he practically spat, and Josh stepped forward too, one of his fists swinging upwards. Tyler jumped in front of the two of them, his hands thrown out to stop the two from getting closer and getting into a physical fight.

“Okay guys, just, calm down, alright? I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this.”

“Stay out of it Tyler,” growled Josh as he continued to glare at Patrick.

“I think we need to talk about this in private,” Patrick commented, his jaw clenched. With a loud clicking of his throat, Tyler nodded solemnly and took off back down the hallway and down the stairs. They stared at each other for about ten more seconds until Patrick beckoned Josh to follow him, and they filed into a room at the end of the hallway.

Patrick’s room consisted of a rusty old bathroom, a bed, a desk and chair, and a radio. He let Josh sit in the chair while he took the bed.

“Josh,” Patrick started off, waving a hand at him. Josh breathed heavily, his narrowed eyes relaxing as he pushed back into the office chair. “I don’t want there to be any ill will between us.”

“How do you know Pete?” Josh wanted answers.

“We met here in Hatton almost a decade ago. He was a Wastelander here on a supply run and he came into my shop. I remember, we talked for hours that night. Every time he’d come to Hatton we would talk and talk, and then…” Patrick trailed off, his fingers moving together in a twitch. Josh noticed how dreamy his face looked. “I loved him a lot. He loved me too, I knew it. But he belonged in the Wasteland, and I belonged here in Hatton. He wasn’t going to stay in the city. He visited of course. I lived for those visits. They made life so much more tolerable.”

Pete loved somebody?

It wasn’t surprising to Josh at all, that Pete could have been in love. Pete was just never one to discuss his life before Josh with him. Pete had never told Josh about Patrick, not even when they visited Hatton. In fact, Josh was certain they had never even come over near Patrick’s shop.

“What about you?” Patrick looked him dead in the eyes, his tongue pressing on the inside of his cheek. Josh grunted, leaning forward to cross his arms over his chest.

“Pete uh, he saved my life. He took me in, taught me how to survive the Wasteland, gave me a home and food and warmth and shelter. He was the closest thing to family I had.” His eyes fell to the floorboards. “He never told me about you.”

“Our relationship didn’t end very well. We fought a lot. They were mostly petty fights, but one of them was terrible and we decided it would be best to end our relationship. I was heartbroken of course, but it was what Pete wanted and my happiness came from his.” Patrick chuckled softly, now fiddling with the oversized sleeves of his sweater. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s dead.” Josh didn’t look at Patrick’s face.

“Oh my god.” Patrick was hyperventilating now. “How did, how could…”

“It happened about six years ago. We were out on a supply run and got jumped by raiders. They murdered him.”

“Oh Pete,” Patrick’s voice cracked, and then he was crying.

Josh finally worked up the courage to look at Patrick’s expression. His entire body was shaking, tears rolling down his face. Josh remembered that day so vividly. He remembered what Pete had been wearing. He remembered that scratch Pete had on his face, the food he ate for lunch, the conversation they had about New Columbus.

Josh. remembered. everything.

“I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. I know we don’t know each other very well.”

“It’s,” Patrick sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, “It’s fine. I mean, I’m glad I know. It just… I never got to apologize. We ended on bad terms, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.”

“Don’t blame yourself. Pete forgave you, I’m sure of it. You know, he was-”

“One of the nicest people in the entire Wasteland. Trust me, I know.” Patrick tried for a weak smile again. “Thank you. For talking with me. It’s good to know someone else who loved Pete just as much as I did.”

“He was the most important person in my life,” Josh agreed with a sigh. He looked back down at the floorboards, at his fingers, before pushing up out of the chair. “Could you tell me which room is for us?”

“Yeah yeah.” Patrick stood up quickly and stumbled to the door. Even though he seemed fine, Josh knew deep down he was wrecked. He knew what it was like to hide pain and grief. “It’s the one right across the hall. It should be unlocked.”

“Thank you,” he whispered before shooting out into the hall and into the room. His and Tyler’s room almost mirrored Patrick’s, with a similar bed, bathroom, and desk.

Josh breathed in the room as he removed his guns and placed them on the desk. The bags went to the floor, and then he was moving to the bathroom.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen a shower. It looked old, but it had running water, and soap and shampoo, and _holy shit_ he could shower. The roar of the water was loud as he let it heat up.

But the thing that occupied his attention was his reflection.

Josh looked scary.

His hair was longer than he remembered, and the sides had already grown back in, creating one shaggy mess. The scraggly beard didn’t help either, and the fact his skin and clothes were caked in dust and blood made him look like a madman. No wonder people were looking over at him.

With probably the fiftieth sigh that night, Josh stripped out of his clothes and climbed under the spray.

\---

Josh was dressed (Well, he wasn’t wearing a shirt, but you know) and lying on the bed by the time Tyler came back.

He hadn’t been doing much besides tracing the swirls of the ceiling with his eyes under the dim light of the bedside lamp, trying to forget about the past. Josh felt clean on the outside, but he was still filthy on the inside.

“Josh?” the door creaked open, and in came Tyler with his hands behind his back. Josh propped himself up on his elbows, narrowing his eyes at Tyler’s smug expression.

“What took you so long?”

“I was trying to give you some ‘me time.’ Also, I got you a present.” Josh cocked one eyebrow as Tyler made his way around the bed and thrusted a small package into his hands. Josh stared at the thick, brown paper before his eyes flickered back to Tyler’s grin.

“What’s this?”

“Open it.”

So he did, and Josh swore his heart almost stopped beating. It was a book, a plain, boring one with a black cover and some gold accents. The title of the book was _The Great Gatsby_ , according to the spine. Josh flipped through the pages, noting most were intact besides a few rips, tears, and scorch marks.

He looked back up at Tyler.

“The guy said it was a classic. I thought you might like it.”

“I love it,” Josh replied, his eyes still wide. “Thank you.”

“I wanted to get you something to let you know I really am thankful for everything you’ve done for me. I’m serious when I tell you that.”

“Nobody’s ever gotten me a book before.” Josh’s voice was still trembling, an avalanche preparing to slide down a mountain. “How did you-?”

“I have my ways.” Tyler’s grin doubled as he climbed over Josh to the other side of the bed and snuggled deep under the covers. He then frowned. “You aren’t wearing a shirt.”

“No. Is that distracting to you?”

“Not at all, just, uh…” Tyler moved closer until his thighs were pressed against Josh’s and his pointer finger was poking Josh’s stomach. “I lied. It is distracting.”

The two stared at each other, faces close enough that Josh could do it, could reach over and kiss him. Tyler’s face blossomed into one of his crinkly at the corners, dimpled smiles, one of the warm ones Josh so dearly adored. He pulled the blanket further over them, not even flinching once as Tyler shifted his head from the pillow to Josh’s chest.

“Will you read?” he asked, and Josh fumbled with the book in his hands.

“Yeah,” Josh responded quietly. He swallowed loudly, aware Tyler could hear because the room was radiating silence, and flipped to the first page of the book.

“ _In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning  over in my head ever since.‘_

_Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,’ he told me, ‘just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.’”_

\---

Early the following morning Josh woke up with a crick in his neck and a book barely in his hand.

He yawned loudly, rubbing his eyes with his free hand for a solid minute as the other grasped the book tightly so it wouldn’t fall. Tyler was still asleep, curled up against his chest with his mouth parted and his hair mused. Josh smiled sleepily.

Tyler truly was beautiful.

Josh wanted to go back to sleep, as it was still dark outside and no one should really be awake at an hour like that, so he gently laid his book down on the side table and snuggled back into the pillows, trying to be cautious of Tyler on top of him.

It took about thirty-five minutes before Josh decided he was done trying to sleep, because obviously that wasn’t going to happen. So he moved under Tyler again, freezing when Tyler mumbled and curled tighter, and reached for his book. Josh decided he really liked this book. The main character was quirky and awkward and somehow always managed to be a third wheel. He also really liked the time period the book was set in. Humanity was living right after a war, with almost the same things they were. They did have cars, but people didn’t know how to use them. Josh liked the foreshadowing. He had read about the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl. Neither were great things.

Josh wasn’t sure how long he read, but he had put a pretty decent dent in the book by the time Tyler’s eyes peeked up at him. He felt him shift, heard his yawn, and smiled as the book was discarded face down to the side.

“Well hey there sleepyhead.”

Tyler’s smile was heavy with sleep as he yawned groggily once more and rolled off of Josh. “Mornin’. Have you been awake long?”

“Nope,” lied Josh as he pushed himself farther up the bed. Tyler rubbed at his eyes and ran fingers through his hair.

“Good. You could have woke me up you know. I’m sure all my weight on your chest wasn’t exactly picture perfect comfortable.”

“Weight? You’re like fifty pounds. I was fine.” Josh grinned as Tyler’s face blossomed with a dark red. Josh decided that red was his favourite shade.

“Well thanks.” he sniffed. “You smell good.”

“Took advantage of the shower.”

“I should do that,” Tyler chuckled quietly as he peeled back the covers and padded across the floor, “I need to shave too. I saw myself in the mirror and forgot who I was.”

“I kind of like it. Makes you look tough,” Josh commented, and Tyler blushed once more. He rolled his eyes before gently resting his fingertips on the bathroom doorframe.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They were both quiet for a good minute, just staring at each other with soft smiles. Josh took in all of Tyler’s sleepy features; his messy hair, heavy eyes and thin, pink lips. He started fantasizing again without realizing it.

Tyler cleared his throat, interrupting their staring contest. Josh blinked a few times, putting himself back in real time as Tyler jabbed a thumb back towards the bathroom. “I’m gonna shower, and then we can go get some food and discuss our plans. Sound good?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah. Sounds good.” Josh felt awkward as Tyler smiled once more and shut the bathroom door. His face was burning pink by the time the shower turned on and he was picturing Tyler climbing in _naked_.

“Stop it,” he grumbled to himself before climbing out of bed and reaching for his clothes. He needed some familiarity in his life before everything turned towards Tyler.

\---

After Tyler changed, the two headed into the dining area of Patrick’s inn and curled up in a corner all to themselves. Josh recognized some of the same people from the previous night, as well as others. He felt like everyone was staring at him and his skin was on fire.

“I need a haircut,” he announced, causing Tyler to look up from his mug of coffee.

“You… really?”

Josh leaned forward, his Adam’s apple moving up and down rapidly. “People keep staring at me and I don’t like it.”

Tyler snorted. “Really? Heartless killing machine is afraid of people _staring at him_?”

 _If only you knew._ “The last time I got an honest to god real haircut was six years ago. I’ve been cutting it with my sword and it’s really been awhile.”

“So you want to cut it all off?”

A shiver ran throughout Josh’s body as the memory of waiting in a line with a hundred other people to get his head shaved flooded his head. “No. Just the sides. And the back. I look crazy.”

“I don’t think you look crazy.”

Patrick came over then, interrupting their conversation. He smiled brightly at the two of them before sliding into a third chair.

“How you guys doing this morning?”

“Alright,” replied Tyler, and Josh nodded in agreement.

“You want food? I just put in some chicken. We had to butcher some of them because they were getting too aggressive. I’ve got eggs too.”

It really wasn’t a surprise Hatton had a pasture; there had been one in New Columbus as well. The problem was Josh had forgotten those existed, that people in cities didn’t have to rummage for food and water or sometimes go days without it.

“Food sounds nice.”

“Yeah it does,” Josh added, and Patrick pushed out of the chair.

“I’ll bring you guys a plate. Be right back.” One smile later, he was disappearing back into the kitchen. Tyler shifted back towards Josh, leaning his entire weight forward on his elbows.

“Like I was saying. I don’t think you look crazy. I mean, I might consider you like a grizzly man but you’ve got an excuse for that.”

Josh scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. What else are we doing today?”

“I thought we could spend most of today relaxing a bit. I know it’s uh, been a while since you’ve been in a city and I thought that would be best for you. Not that I know what’s best for you, cause I don’t, only you know that-”

“Tyler,” Josh cut him him with a firm shake of his head, “It’s fine. Thank you.”

_But the longer they stayed in the city, the better chance someone had of noticing him._

Which reminded him, he needed to check that wanted board.

“We can go back to Brendon too and see if he could mention something about that plane. I know that’s really important to you.”

“Definitely,” he said softly, wishing it could take him away from stupid Ohio.

“We’ll get supplies tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah.” Josh forced a smile, watching as Tyler scratched behind his ear and laid his chin down on top of his hands.

\---

The two of them ate quietly. Patrick was a really great cook, Josh decided, and it felt amazing eating something besides dried meat and nuts. It also was nice seeing Tyler grinning at him each time he looked up from a mouthful of eggs and meat.

When Tyler excused himself to use the restroom, Patrick slid into Tyler’s seat and stared hard at Josh. In confusion, Josh raised an eyebrow.

“Can I help you?”

“I see the way you look at him,” Patrick commented nonchalantly as he folded his arms across his chest with a smirk. Josh shrugged.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh please. I’ve been in love before. I know that _look_ , and you look at him like he’s the last lick of water on Earth. Why don’t you just do something?”

“I’m taking him back to Cleveland. After that, I’ll never see him again, and life will go back to normal. I want that.”

“Do you really?” Patrick narrowed his eyes in skepticism and resorted to leaning forward. Josh looked down at his empty plate with pink beginning to burn his cheeks. “Have you noticed the way he looks at you Josh? You two are hopelessly in love and the both of you are too stubborn to do anything about it.”

“He’s leaving.”

“Okay, Pete left and that didn’t stop us.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“It just is, okay?” Josh’s voice rose in volume, earning a couple of suspicious looks from other guests. He grumbled under his breath before looking up at Patrick’s stoic expression. “I’m not like Pete. I’m an asshole, and Tyler, he deserves better.”

“He seems to really like you. And I _know_ you have feelings for him. Pete was more like you than you think Josh. Our relationship didn’t start off smooth sailing. He’s rough around the edges, just like you. I know you probably don’t like me very much, but please trust me when I tell you that you need to latch on to Tyler and never let go.”

Josh was silent.

“I’ve known Tyler for a few years now. He’s a strange kid, but he needs someone like you to keep his head on tight. And you need someone like him to remind you that there is good in this world.”

“But…” Josh wanted to bring up the fact that he was still having a hard time figuring out his feelings for Tyler, or dealing with every instinct to not trust the kid and turn the other way. The thing was, he _did_ trust Tyler. He trusted him to have his back out in the Wasteland, to keep him safe and sound. Josh believed that Tyler wouldn’t even tell anyone if he were to find out Josh was Mr. Misty-Eyed.

“But?”

“I’m not going to admit to anything,” Josh started, hoping he could find the words along the way, “but theoretically, say, if I knew someone who felt that way about him, what would you recommend he do?”

Patrick was grinning now. “I would tell your friend to man up and make a move already.”

Josh nodded his head, short and abrupt. Make a move. How the hell was he supposed to make a move? He wasn’t the one who wanted to make a move at all.

“Pete wasn’t the one to make a move, you know that? It was me. So I think you should get anything out before-”

“Whatcha guys talking about?” Tyler bursted in on their conversation, sliding into the third seat. Josh could feel his face heating up and looked down at his half eaten plate of food.

“Nothing too important, I promise. Anyways, I guess I’ll leave you guys to enjoy the rest of your day. See you later?”

“Yep!” Tyler smiled, watching as Patrick stood and waved goodbye. Josh hoped Tyler didn’t notice the wink Patrick gave him.

The minute Patrick had left Tyler was yanking up on Josh’s arm. “Okay, let’s go. We’re talking to Brendon first.”

“Okay,” Josh agreed, following Tyler up and out through the cafe doors. He still felt weird not having any weapons on him, but he had to keep reminding himself that this was a city full of security and he had to be careful. So, in conclusion, no weapons.

\---

Brendon was talking when the two of them silently tiptoed into his office. Tyler hung towards the back of the trailer, his fingers loosely wrapped around one of Josh’s wrists.

“I got a request to not play as much Sinatra, so I guess I gotta stop doing that. Anyways, I’m in the mood for a power ballad so here’s _Groovy Kind of Love_ by Phil Collins.” He pushed the microphone away and pressed some buttons before swiveling around in his chair. Josh’s nose scrunched up in disgust and a little bit of sympathy because Brendon’s nose was _bad_. It was completely swollen, decorated in swabs of black and blue and little bits of dried blood he forgot to scrub off.

The radio host shot the two of them a look before a sigh left his mouth. “What do you want?”

“Again Brendon, I’m so sorry,” Josh apologized again, but it came out in snickers at Brendon’s facial expression. Brendon grunted. “If it makes you feel any better, it’ll be stronger when it heals in case of a next time!”

“There better not be a next time. Anyways, what do you want?”

“Why do you assume we want something?” asked Tyler with innocence and Brendon sighed again.

“Because I can tell. Now come on, spit it out.”

Tyler and Josh looked between each other before Tyler finally opened his mouth to say something. “Okay, this might sound a little strange, but Josh saw a plane in the sky.”

Brendon cocked an eyebrow. “A what?”

“It’s like this giant flying machine in the sky,” explained Josh as he took over. “The kind I saw was used in the war. It was a fighter jet.”

Brendon was still not following. “Okay, so?”

“Planes went obsolete after the war,” Tyler added, glancing at Josh, “That’s why it’s strange that one would be out and about. We wanted to know if you could mention something about it on the radio, see if anyone has seen it or knows anything.”

“I really want to know where it went and how it’s working,” Josh finally ended, his voice soft. Brendon scratched at his chin with a nod before leaning back and crossing his legs. He seemed to be thinking, until,

“Okay, I’ll do it. But, I need you guys to do something for me.”

“Anything,” Josh promised, stepping forward and breaking away from Tyler’s grasp.

“You have to find me information on Mr. Misty-Eyed.”

Tyler sighed obnoxiously loud and dramatically spun in a circle. “Are you kidding me right now? He’s not real Bren!”

“He totally is!” he spat back, a grin rising to his face. “I need to know more. You bring back new and relevant information to me, and I’ll talk about your flying machine on the radio. Is it a deal?”

Josh wanted to punch Brendon again. Was this stupid asshole really doing this right now? He knew it wouldn’t be hard to make shit up, but this was ridiculous.

“I already have information about him,” Josh replied, straightening his posture. Brendon lit up, and Tyler scowled.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. He hangs out near the Columbus ruins all the time. He’s fucking crazy dude.” Josh resisted his urge not to burst into laughter as Brendon’s eyes grew larger.

“Oh my god. Tell me more.”

“He’s a fucking monster I’m telling you, like eight feet tall with four arms and legs. Yeah, him and I are pretty tight. He sends me Christmas cards.”

Brendon’s curiosity dipped into stern annoyance as he grumbled under his breath. “Fuck you.”

Josh was laughing now, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Tyler smile softly. “Sorry Brendon. But no, we’ll find you some shit, promise. It’s a deal.”

“Great. Now get out you fucking asshats.” Brendon swiveled back around in his chair, conversation forgotten as he went back to poking at buttons. Josh and Tyler shared a shrug before Tyler led the way out the door and back into the crisp air.

Tyler pulled his jacket tighter around his shoulders with a shiver. “How do you expect us to find information on someone that doesn’t even exist?”

“I’ll just make some shit up. He’ll never know.”

Tyler’s eyebrow furrowed. “That’s lying. You can’t do that.”

“You think he doesn’t exist. So what else do you wanna do?” Josh sighed. “Look. Brendon believes in this guy. The town believes in this guy, even people in other cities believe in this guy. People want something to believe in Tyler, and this raider, for whatever reason, is that. So let’s give Brendon some information and get it over with, okay? If you want, I’ll ask people around town so we have some honest answers.”

“I’d like that better.”

“Fine, then we do that. Sounds good to me.” With a huff Josh sped up, not stopping to wait for Tyler behind him. Sometimes that kid’s beliefs pissed him off.

\---

The next place they went was the hair salon called Lynn’s, but Josh doubted it could even be called a “hair salon.” It was a little shitty shop at the end of a row of buildings, completely held together by scrap metal and wood. There wasn’t even a door, just a sheet strung over the entrance.

Inside was dark besides the fairy lights strung throughout the room. There was a mirror on one wall, filled with scratches and dust, and a few chairs facing it. There was a set of stairs in the back, up to the living area if Josh guessed, and a desk.

At the desk sat a girl with bright red hair. Josh’s eyes widened in surprise, because how the hell was her hair that colour?

He really was out of touch with the real world.

The redheaded girl looked up when Tyler cleared his throat, a smile rising to her lips. She pushed out of her chair and reached to shake Tyler’s hand. “Hi there! My name’s Hayley, what can we do for you today?”

“Uhm, he wants a haircut,” Tyler started, his voice cracking nervously (Josh held in his laughter), “And I’m probably good with just a shave. If you have time.”

“Yeah of course, that’s our job isn’t it? Here, let me get everything settled for you two. Names?”

“I’m Tyler and that’s Josh.”

Her tongue peeked out the corner of her mouth as she scribbled on a piece of paper. “Tyler and Josh. Got it. Let me go get the experts. You two can have a seat right there.” She pointed to a tattered couch before flashing another smile and disappearing up the stairs. Tyler sat down, pulling Josh down next to him.

“You sure you want to do this?” Tyler seemed worried this wasn’t what Josh wanted or something. No, Josh definitely needed a haircut if he actually wanted to be viewed as a normal person.

“Yeah, it’s fine. If I didn’t want to I wouldn’t be doing it, alright? Everything is alright, I promise.”

Tyler looked like he wasn’t buying it, but dropped the subject anyways. He started twisting his hands together in his lap worriedly, but Josh pretended not to notice. He really wanted to get out this town.

Five minutes of awkward silence later, Hayley came back with two others; a guy with bright pink and green hair and another girl with dark brown hair shaved on either side of his head. Josh blinked a few times as he tried to adjust himself to their hair choices. People weren’t supposed to have their hair that out there. Raiders had their hair like that, not city dwellers. Wasn’t it frowned upon? Didn’t people not like that? He was so confused.

“Hey there,” the brown haired girl said with a small smirk. “My name is Lynn, this is my shop. That weirdo behind me is Nick. Mountain Man, you’re with me.” She pointed towards Josh, who stood up with a gulp and followed her to the chair at the very end of the salon. He settled into it, scowling under his breath at his reflection. Tyler was put in the chair next to him, Nick messing around with tools.

Lynn seemed to realize his nervousness and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. He flinched, defense mode already kicking in. “Chill Mountain Man, I’m not gonna hurt you. You’re from the Wasteland, aren’t you?”

Josh grunted.

“That’s what I thought. Don’t worry, this isn’t my first haircut. You’ll be fine.” She ran fingers through his long hair, humming as she decided what to do with it. “Anything you want in particular? I see you tried that whole mohawk thing. You want that again?”

Josh made an affirmative noise.

“Great. Let’s get started.”

\---

Josh actually started making small chat with Lynn through the process. Josh asked her how long she’d been in business (only a few years, but she had worked under her father much longer) and how she was able to maintain such an outgoing haircut.

“Nick, Hayley and I aren’t exactly given the most respect. A lot of older people have lived in this town and don’t enjoy seeing us walk around. It wasn’t that we wanted to be raiders, but more that we didn’t want to conform. Who fucking cares what Linda, age 52 cares about my hair? It’s my hair and I like it. It doesn’t matter what other people think.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” Nick had commented with a grin. Josh liked that.

Tyler was done first, considering all Nick did was shave him, which left Josh with a lot more time on his hands. He asked Lynn what she thought about Mr. Misty-Eyed, smiling slightly at Tyler’s affirmative nod.

“I think, that if this dude does exist, that’s he’s probably proud of what he’s done. I think raiders are taken for granted sometimes. We’re all just trying to live, and they are living different than us so people get all pissed. Sure, they don’t need to kill all the time, but I’m sure sometimes it’s for self defense and they get all the piss for it. If I ever did meet this dude, I’d tell him congrats for getting out of town.” She shrugged. “I’d rather be living in the Wasteland than in the city if I’m being honest.”

“Have you heard anything about where he’s been?”

“Nope. I don’t get out of Hatton much. Probably won’t. Sorry.” She let out a sigh and spun Josh’s chair back towards the mirror. “Anyways, I’m finished. Whaddya think?”

Josh blinked a few times. The last time he had a proper haircut was over six years ago and he barely recognized himself. It looked so _nice_ , he looked like a normal person and not someone who had been living alone in the Wasteland. Minus the beard, he wasn’t really “Mountain Man” anymore.

“I like it.”

“Good. Shaving now, or you still wanna be Mountain Man?”

Tyler about exploded trying to reach Lynn from across the room. “No. No, don’t do that he doesn’t want that done, he doesn’t-”

“Do it.”

Tyler’s mouth fell open. “Wha?”

Josh turned up to face Lynn. “Shave it all off. I mean, leave a little scruff if you don’t mind, but yeah. Shave it.”

He remembered what Tyler had said to him about Pete. About how he needed to let go. And yeah, Josh was admitting that one of the main reasons he even _had_ a beard was because of Pete. If he was going to let go, than this was the first step.

“Are you sure?” Lynn could notice Tyler’s worry, and it wasn’t hard to connect the dots that it was about Josh. But yes, Josh was 100% sure.

“I am. Do it.”

“Alright, if you say so.” She reached for the razor, and Josh closed his eyes. He tried to forget she was shaving it off, because he had spent a really long time growing it out. Instead, Josh tried to picture what he’d look like afterwards. He’d probably look like he walked right out of a city.

Wasn’t that ironic.

When Lynn announced she was done, and Josh was staring in the mirror, all he could manage was a single, meek “wow.”

Because if he was unrecognizable before, then he was five times that now. Even Tyler was staring at him with large eyes.

He tapped his fingertips gently on his chin, still in disbelief. That was _his_ reflection in the mirror. He looked like a normal person.

“You look hot, and I’m not even straight,” Lynn broke the silence with a huge grin, her hand gently on Josh’s shoulder. Josh swallowed loudly with a sharp nod. She then bent down and whispered in his ear, “Your boyfriend thinks so too. I think he’s getting a little bit excited.”

Josh’s face turned red and he didn’t even bother to hide it. Did people really think they were dating? Was it that obvious?

Maybe Patrick was right.

Oh God, he needed to get out of here before he started hyperventilating.

Lynn seemed to notice this. “Hey Mountain Man, everything okay?”

“I’m uh, I’m,” his breathing was getting heavy as he pushed out of the chair and stumbled towards the door. Josh was well aware Tyler and everyone was staring at him as he made his way outside.

Josh felt sick to his stomach and he exactly why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woowee, a lot happened in that chapter.
> 
> And y'all know I'm Great Gatsby trash there is no denying that


	8. Facade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet."
> 
> \- Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh is in looooooooove

Josh wasn’t sure how long he stayed outside the shop, but he knew it was a long ass time. He had slid down the wall and pulled his knees to his chest, breaths still abrupt and short as he tried to calm himself down. He felt terrible leaving Tyler in there by himself, but it was getting far too warm and he wasn’t okay.

He _knew_ he had feelings for this stupid kid and he couldn’t deny it any longer. If random people were noticing, then what was he supposed to do? Josh knew he didn’t have the courage to come out and say something. Less and less every day was his tough guy facade slipping away.

Tyler came out a little while later and sat down next to him with a sigh. Out of the corner of his eye Josh could see him staring at the sky, with its fading purples and yellows and oranges and pinks of the setting sun.

“Are you feeling any better?”

Josh liked that Tyler asked that instead of asking if he was “okay.” He hated that word because he never felt okay. You couldn’t just be “okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, burying his head in his hands. Everything was wrong. He wasn’t able to hide anymore, he shouldn’t have shaved, he shouldn’t have gotten rid of everything-

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for J.” two of his finger curled around Josh’s wrist as he scooted closer. “It’s a lot to see changes, and that was really bold of you to do that. It’s a big step in the right direction.”

“It doesn’t feel right,” mumbled Josh as he reached for Tyler’s arm. Tyler pulled Josh close to him and allowed him to bury his head in his shoulder.

“I know. You’ll get used to it. And if you decide you want to grow it out again, you can.”

Josh only nodded. A few seconds later he took a deep breath. “Sorry I left you in there. I shouldn’t have left. I was just-”

“Like I said, it’s fine. I paid, everything was taken care of, Lynn said she hoped you felt better later. Now come on big guy,” Tyler tugged on Josh’s arm, pulling him to his feet after he stood, “Let’s go get a drink. Does that sound like a plan?”

“Sounds really nice.”

Tyler smiled softly, sliding his hand nicely into Josh’s before pulling him along the cracked asphalt. Josh secretly liked that Tyler was the one comforting him. He hadn’t been comforted in so long, and it felt good having someone tell him it was all going to be alright. He needed that safety right now, that rock. And Tyler definitely was his rock.

Josh debated whether or not to say something later that night.

\---

Josh remembered the bar from the last time he had been in Hatton. He remembered that night with Pete when they sat facing each other and Pete continuously laughed at the faces Josh was making after trying alcohol for the first time.

Josh even remembered the bartender. He definitely was a lot older than last time, but he had grown up nicely and seemed to enjoy what he was doing. His hair was dark with a blonde strip in it and his eyes were a booming brown.

The bar looked how most of these places looked: made of random materials and covered in a thin layer of dust (as everything usually was.) Tyler approached the counter with a bold smile on his face.

“Hey Jack, long time no see!”

The bartender, Jack, grinned and let out a noise of satisfaction as he leaned to hug Tyler over the counter. Josh stood back awkwardly, his eyes wandering around the room and peering at other guests.

“Damn, is it good to see you again! Who’s the friend?” he gestured towards Josh, whose face turned pink as Tyler reached for his hand to yank him towards the counter.

“This is Josh. He’s traveling with me back to Cleveland, but we’re also on the hunt for this flying machine. You haven’t heard anything about it, have you?”

“No clue. Sorry boys.”

“What about Mr. Misty-Eyed?” Josh tried, sliding into a seat at the bar. Tyler copied his actions, his face baring a look that said “hey that's a really good idea.”

“What, that low life raider my boyfriend claimed he saw?” Jack rolled his eyes and started to wipe down the counter. “I’m sure he’s running around like a chicken without a head.”

“You think he’s real though?”

“Sure.” Jack shrugged. “You guys want anything or what?”

“Please.” With a wink Jack slid them two beers and went back to leaning on the counter. Josh couldn’t have been happier to crack his open. He needed a distraction desperately.

Tyler took a long swig, ending it with a loud sigh as he directed his attention back to the bartender. “Have you seen Alex in a while?”

“Nope. He’s been out traveling. Said it would only be a month, but something tells me that’s not going to end up being true.” An eye roll. “Guess who’s left to be the housewife? Right. Good ole’ Jack Barakat, taking care of this shithole bar. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here, but god does all his traveling piss me off sometimes.”

“You’re telling me,” Josh murmured. All _his_ traveling pissed him off and he hardly ever did it. Which was another weird thing about him agreeing to travel with Tyler. Everything that defined him was being destroyed by stupid Tyler.

His stomach was churning again.

Jack rolled his eyes and sighed again. “So how long you guys here?”

“Just a few days,” answered Tyler cheerfully, “and then we’re off to Cleveland. Sort of.”

“Nice. Well, have fun. Must be nice having a change in scenery.” Jack was scowling again as he left the bar through a door. Josh went back to looking at the few other people in the bar, none who were staring at him anymore. That was a good thing. When jack came back, he went back to complaining. “I’m going to kick Alex’s ass next time I see him.”

“We’ll happily kick it for you if we see him.” Tyler’s face was full of such joy, and Josh enjoyed it very much. Tyler seemed a lot more comfortable in cities and around people, that was for sure. He was the exact opposite of Josh. (Maybe that’s another reason why he liked him.)

“Eh, thanks. I appreciate that.”

Tyler and Jack continued their playful conversation, Josh staying silent as he sipped his beer. He decided he enjoyed being a listener more than a talker.

\---

The walk back to Patrick’s inn was quiet and a little awkward. Josh didn’t know what to say, and apparently either did Tyler. They were walking really close to one another though, and occasionally their hands would brush, but neither attempted to hold on.

And then Tyler was huffing.

“What’s wrong?”

Josh looked at him, refusing to give in. His face remained expressionless. “Nothing.”

“Something’s wrong. I can tell. You haven’t been… you today.”

“How do you know what I have and haven’t been? You’ve known me for like a month.”

“Josh…” Tyler sighed quietly and fiddled with his shirt, “please don’t start this.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m not good with words, and I’m going into defensive mode, and I know I shouldn’t because I said I would talk to you, but I don’t know if I can do that, okay? I don’t know if I’m ready to do that and I’m sorry Tyler, I’m so sorry.” Josh was still struggling to breathe, his head hurt so badly, and he wanted to run away and hide.

But Tyler pulled Josh into another tight hug right there on the sidewalk, and his arms were warm and protective around him. He felt safe, and calm, and, and-

The butterflies were back.

Josh wondered if he could drown them.

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay Josh. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, okay? Take your time. I’m still gonna be here, and I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

A sniff, a forced smile, a brushing of his fingertips on Tyler’s shoulder. “Thank you. I uhm, just, thank you.”

“Anytime. Let’s get back to the hotel, okay? We can talk more there, in private.”

Josh nodded, and let Tyler take his hand. He even let Tyler lead him back to the hotel like a little kid, eyes wide at all the people still walking around.

When they made their way through the park, Josh still in tow, he suddenly stopped, and Tyler was ripped from his grasp. He stared at Josh peculiarly with his head at a slight tilt, waiting patiently for an explanation. Josh, however, was not going to give it to him.

Because his attention was at the wanted board right smack in the center of town, a sloppy sketch of some inhuman being the center of attention. He guessed the sketch was based off of several different (probably made up) eyewitness accounts. With another glance at Tyler’s worry he reached toward the board and lifted a few other posters up, his mind set on one particular person.

“Josh? Is everything okay?”

He wanted to shout for joy. His picture was gone.

Gone.

They must have decided he simply wasn’t worth it. Maybe Mr. Misty-Eyed was more important. Maybe, _maybe_ -

“Josh!”

“I’m okay!” Josh exclaimed, wrapping Tyler in another hug. Tyler smelled like cinnamon and cleanliness and everything Josh needed at the moment. “I’m okay. Let’s just, let’s get back. I need to think about this.”

“Think about what? You aren’t making any sense.”

Josh only smiled.

\---

“My picture used to be on that wanted board,” he said quietly after a few minutes of silence. The two sat on the bed, Tyler still patiently waiting for an explanation. He sat cross legged, hands twisting in his lap. Josh pulled his knees to his chest with a sigh, his eyes on the wall in front of him. “Remember what I told you? About being a monster.”

“And you remember what I told you? About that not being true. You weren’t coming into Hatton guns blazing-”

“You don’t know that-”

“I do.” Tyler gently drummed his fingers on the top of Josh’s hand, his face twisted like he was thinking. His skin was cold to the touch and sent a shiver through Josh’s body, but instead of pulling away, he shifted so his hand was entangled with Tyler’s. “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. I know you keep up this tough guy act but with me just being around you I’ve seen different. Josh, I know you’re made of layers, and I know you don’t want me to keep pushing but I’m going too.”

He rolled his eyes. “You wanna be my friend. I know.”

“You haven’t gone into defensive mode yet, have you?”

“No. I don’t think so at least.” Out of habit, Josh went to tug on his beard only to forget it was gone. Fingers fumbled on scratchy skin and he almost screamed.

_There’s a reason it’s gone. Remember that._

“You do look good like that, you know. I dig the scruff.” Tyler moved closer, and Josh didn’t move away. He was thinking of when Tyler kissed him and he freaked out and if that happened again he might freak out just as badly.

Maybe it’d be better if he tested things, just as an experiment. If he didn’t like it, it didn’t happen again. He didn’t want to make things awkward, but maybe Patrick was right.

“So… me with no beard?”

Tyler chuckled. “I dunno. There’s qualities of both, but I think I like the scruff better.”

There went the butterflies again. Under the light of the lamp, Josh was noticing little things about Tyler. His eyes, mainly, how bright and warm and heavenly they were, a deep brown with gold mixed in like the best tasting cake he could ever come across. He loved the way Tyler ran his fingers through his hair and it stuck up everywhere, he loved when Tyler laughed and his tongue poked out of his mouth, or the spray of tiny freckles he had on his arms and face and how soft his hands were.

“Ty?” Josh’s throat was dry.

“Hmm?”

“Do you…” Josh moved closer until his thigh was pressed up against Tyler’s and he was able to awkwardly cup his hand over his jaw. Tyler’s eyes went wide, and he moved his hand to place it right on top of Josh’s. Josh swallowed and took a moment to reflect on how stupid he was. Was he really about to do this?

Apparently so.

“Er, do you mind if I try something? For science.”

“I can’t turn down science.” a smile spread across his face, and Josh thumbed at his cheekbone. Why was he so nervous? He wasn’t supposed to feel nervous. A lanky pacifist city dweller was especially _not_ supposed to make him feel nervous.

“Okay, I’m just gonna, uh…” he leaned forward, lips hovering millimeters above Tyler’s chapped ones.

“Just do something you dork,” Tyler replied teasingly and then he was pressing forward and their noses bumped before lips could find traction and then, _then_ , oh, there were fireworks exploding in Josh’s stomach. It started off soft and blossomed into something beautiful, with hot breaths and clacking teeth and Tyler was sinking further into the bed, Josh hooking his leg over Tyler’s waist and he was shivering in such a good way he couldn’t see straight.

It didn’t get much further than a kiss, and Josh wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. Surely he wasn’t ready to progress further, not yet.

But he did like the way he felt now, laying next to Tyler with his forehead glistening with sweat and his breathing heavy. He felt different, at home.

Tyler was holding his hand again. “That was what you wanted to do, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I liked that.”

“I think I liked it too.”

\---

Screaming.

All he could hear was screaming, the ear piercing kind that made your heart hurt and beat faster all at the same time. Ears ringing, blood pounding -

That was Tyler screaming.

A waterfall of “no” poured from his lips as he moved, just waiting, looking, _running_ , because Tyler was in pain and he had to help him.

Everything was black and white except Tyler, whose blood was the colour of roses as it pooled around his body. He was barely breathing, and then it wasn’t him screaming anymore.

It was Josh.

The scene kept repeating and repeating and every single time he got close enough Tyler was dead before Josh could do anything. This wasn't right. Josh could help if he fast enough, he wasn't  _fast_ enough -

He woke up in a startled jump, a soft whimper echoing throughout the room as he tried to calm himself down. _Just a dream, it’s just a dream_.

Oh god, he felt like he had cradling a dying Pete in his arms. His throat was burning and his eyes were strained and he knew he was about to burst into tears.

“J?” Tyler’s small voice was heavy with sleep as he rolled over, one hand latching onto Josh’s arm. “Did you have a bad dream?”

Josh did not answer. He didn’t think he could, even if he tried. Instead, he continued to alternate between soft noises and heavy breathing.

“Hey, shhh, it’s okay tough guy.” Josh had his eyes closed, but he could hear Tyler shifting, could feel the mattress jostling underneath him and suddenly he wasn’t freezing anymore. The blanket was pulled farther up as Tyler continued to whisper soothings and petted Josh’s arm. “You’re okay, I promise. I’m right here.”

It was like a tape being played right behind his eyes. A bottle being shattered, long shards of glass crumbling to the ground below.

“You were dead,” Josh spat out in one gross breath and his voice was so hoarse he hardly recognized it. “So much blood, I-” He was struggling so hard not to cry.

“Shhh, it’s okay, I’m right here! Look, I’m right here.” Tyler was gentle as he cupped Josh’s jaw with his slender fingers and Josh slid his hand right over. He sniffed a few times, forbidding any tears from falling. Never again.

“I miss Pete so much,” he mumbled, and Tyler was letting him nuzzle into his shoulder. Josh missed human touch, he missed comfort, and he _knew_ this was what he needed. He needed nurturing from someone that wasn’t himself and he needed to be told that everything was going to be okay.

“I know you do J. I’m sorry you lost him in such a terrible way.”

“I… I don’t want you to leave. I know I’m rude and all over the place but I don’t think I can watch you leave, or get hurt, or _die_ -”

“I’m not going to die anytime soon, okay? Not when I’ve got you around to protect me. And I’m not leaving, not right now anyways. I think… I think we can work things out later, okay? For now, I think you should and try and get some sleep. You need to make up for a lack over the years.”

“You think I’m pathetic, don’t you? Look at me. Freaking out over a stupid dream.” He scoffed, and Tyler sighed.

“You aren’t like most humans, you know that? Most humans react that way. It’s a normal thing to react over. It’s okay to have feelings once in awhile.”

“Explain them to me.”

Tyler stopped ghosting his fingers over Josh’s skin. “What?”

“Feelings.” Josh almost expected Tyler to laugh mockingly and make fun of him or something, but he was serious. He wanted to hear Tyler speak. Tyler had an almost therapeutic voice; it was something he could be lulled to sleep with on a rainy day. Besides, he had almost forgotten what feeling was actually like.

Tyler didn’t laugh or point or make fun of him at all. He went back to rubbing his arms and spoke. “Well, when I’m happy, my insides feel like sunshine. I feel unstoppable, like I could touch the sky if I felt like it. When I’m sad, my ribs feel like they’re being crushed and my heart feels like it was soaked in tar. I want to scream and cry and lock myself away. When I’m in love, I feel safe. My heart’s in a cage, all safe and ready to be taken into someone else’s hands. I think my heart has a flaw though. There’s this rip in it, a tear maybe. It reminds me that I’m alive, and sometimes it presents me with heartbreak and pain. Other times, I’m fuelled by fire and I never want it to stop.”

“What about if you feel like you’re suffocating?”

Tyler was thinking, Josh could tell. His fingers stopped at Josh’s shoulder and balled up the thin fabric there. “I think it could be several different things. I would put that in the love category I think.”

_Shit._

He breathed deeply in through his nose and sank further into the bed, careful not to shake Josh too much. Josh snuggled further into his chest and closed his eyes again.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime. Sleep tight tough guy.”

And then Tyler was singing.

It was beautiful in a strange kind of way, Josh decided. He recognized the song too; it was the one he asked about one of the earlier days of being bedridden.

The Promise.

\---

Josh was secretly thankful Tyler didn’t mention anything about what had happened in the morning. It was almost as if it didn’t happen.

“So, supplies today,” he commented enthusiastically, leaned up against the frame of the bathroom door as Josh washed his hands.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. We should make a list. I can do it.” He left to retrieve a pen and Josh stared at himself in the mirror.

He looked weird. Plain. Not right.

“Quit staring, you’re only making it worse,” Tyler popped his head back around the corner with a small grin and reached over to pull Josh out of the bathroom. “Now come on, we have to make this list. Tell me what we need.”

Josh shook his head a few times, trying to clear his mind. Supplies, that’s what he was thinking of. Not Tyler and his cute smiles and warm hands and certainly not that fact that his face was bare. “Uhm, we need food. Stuff we can carry with us, like dried meat and fruit and nuts and stuff. We need medicine too. Ointment and gauze and a way to stop bleeding. Definitely put water on there, that’s an important one as well. We need a shitton of water. There’s places to stop and refill along the way but we need to be overstocked. Warmer clothes will suffice, and-”

“Books?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Hardy har har. We don’t have room for those. Anyways, put ammo on there too if you would.”

“Sure thing.” He finished his chicken scratch and looked up for confirmation. Josh pulled the list towards him.

“I think that’s good.”

“Alright, then let’s go! Oh wait!” Tyler smacked his forehead with a palm and reached for one of their bags. Josh watched with his arms crossed, waiting for Tyler to tell him what he was searching for.

When Tyler turned back around, Josh gaped, his arms falling to his sides. Because cradled in Tyler’s hands was his one and only Walkman.

He reached for it, sighing at the touch because it _wasn’t_ a figment of his imagination, no, it was real and here _right now._ “How…?”

“I knew you were upset with me the day we left, and I didn’t want to say anything. Then I kind of forgot I grabbed it.” Tyler shrugged. “I knew you would want it.”

“Thank you.” Josh strung the headphones around his neck and tucked the Walkman into his pocket. He felt so much better now with his comfort back with him. Josh swore he was having withdraws without it being in his pocket.

“I know it’s important to you.” Tyler was smiling softly, and with a wave of his hand he grabbed the list off the desk and disappeared out the door. Josh hung back for a few seconds just to think. Should he have said something more?

Josh didn’t know how to talk to Tyler. More and more everyday were his _feelings_ (bleh) growing for this city dweller and he didn’t know how to handle that giant thing in his gut. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

\---

They spent a couple hours supply searching, making sure everything was of quality. Tyler was shocked at the amount of money Josh had accumulated over the years. (Josh didn’t tell him how he got it.)

The entire time they were shopping Tyler kept finding little ways to touch Josh, whether it be touching his shoulder or gliding his fingers across his wrist. Josh swore he was going to die. Did Tyler know what he was doing? Did he think he was funny?

Josh wasn’t going to confront him though. Not yet.

When the two decided everything they had would be enough, they dropped the supplies off at their room to handle later and made their way to Brendon’s trailer. Inside he was tossing a ball back and forth between his hands, his entire body slumped halfway down the chair. His nose didn’t look any better than the day before either.

Brendon raised an eyebrow when the two made their way in and rolled his eyes. “What’s up?”

“What’s with the attitude?” Josh replied, folding his arms across his chest with a frown. Tyler gently brushed the small of his back as a warning not to spice things up.

“I’m at work.” Brendon pushed himself up and tossed his ball onto his desk. “Boys suck, you know that?”

“Er…” Josh looked towards Tyler to answer that one.

“Is it Ryan?” Tyler’s face became sympathetic in seconds, his touch leaving as he made his way over to comfort the pouting radio host. Brendon groaned.

“Ryan is an ass. I don’t understand why he always wants to talk to me and then when I finally get a chance he suddenly changes his mind. Why does everything have to be so complicated?” His head went into his hands and another groan, this time in pain, escaped his lips.

“You’re telling me,” Josh scoffed, and Tyler glared at him sharply before crouching down in front of Brendon.

“Hey, it’ll get better with time. Go on a few dates with some other people and try and get Ryan off your mind. You’re better than him anyways, you know that?”

Brendon sighed and peeked between his fingers. His voice was muffled as his complained in response. “But I loooove him.”

“You don’t. You’re over him. Move on. Things get better that way, you know?”

“Yeah.” Hands pulled away from his face and a hint of a smirk rose to his lips. “You know, there was this guy I noticed has been coming up here a lot. He’s always trying to touch my hand or shoulder or something. He owns the general store.”

“No way.” Tyler seemed both shocked and overjoyed with this information. “ _Dallon Weekes?_ ”

Brendon only shrugged, but his entire body posture had changed and his face was in full blown happiness. “Maybe.”

Josh whistled jokingly. “Get some.”

“Quit it.” He rolled his eyes and held up a finger before swiveling in his chair to push some buttons and probably move on to the next song. When he finished, Brendon was back to join the conversation. “Anyways, how can I help you guys? There’s a reason you came, right?”

“Yeah. We were gonna tell you we had some information on Mr. Misty-Eyed.” Tyler moved back towards Josh and latched onto his arm. Josh tried to be nonchalant about it.

“Oh really?” Brendon seemed skeptical.

“Yeah. I mean, sort of. A lot of people in town seem to think he’s actually real.”

“No shit Sherlock. Anything else?”

Josh watched Tyler’s jaw clench with something, anger maybe, and his eyes narrow. Tyler had something mystical about him; even though he was lanky and weak beyond compare, something, Josh wasn’t sure, was off about him. Or maybe nothing was wrong and Josh was just being paranoid.

“You know what?” Tyler started, his face melting back into its relaxed state, “yeah. We found out that he’s not heading anywhere near Indiana. He’s over by Columbus. White glasses, bandana, super tall and muscly. Jack heard it from Alex who heard it from someone in his caravan who heard it from someone else and so on. There’s your news.”

Josh tried not to stare at Tyler stupidly, but it was kind of hard not to when he had just _lied_ to Brendon, especially when he said it was wrong to do that. Brendon seemed to buy it.

“Ah yes! Now that’s some news. I wonder if he’s planning on raiding New Columbus or something.”

“Impossible,” Josh spat out before he could remind himself this was a bad idea, “There’s no way to get in.”

“You don’t know that! Have a little faith you killjoys. Jesus. Anyways, I’ll mention your stupid plane. Now get out and let me do my frickin’ job.”

“Okay fine, we’re leaving.” Tyler rolled his eyes, grumbling under his breath as he pulled Josh out the door forcefully and let it slam behind them. Josh had never seen this side of Tyler, had never know he had that amount of force in him. What happened to the little skinny pile of bones he found a month ago?

“What this that?” he breathed, and Tyler laughed.

“Brendon’s a dick sometimes. I know it’s wrong to lie but he was getting on my last nerve.”

“I’m the one who wanted to lie in the first place. Besides, that was hot.”

This was the moment Josh realized he had said something he should have _not_ said. His eyes lit up in embarrassment and his words were a stutter as he tried to spit out an excuse. “It was hot. No, fuck, I…” Nothing. He had nothing.

“I try,” Tyler grinned, not even seeming to be phased by Josh’s comment. “I love when you get embarrassed. It’s quite a rare treat for me.”

Josh grunted, ducking his head as he tried to move away from the scene. Tyler seemed to forbid this, grabbing Josh’s arm and pinning him against the side of Brendon’s trailer.

“Hey. Where you going?”

“Let me wallow in my own embarrassment alone.”

“But I like seeing you have normal human emotions. It reminds me you’re not this perfect tough dude like I think you are.”

A pause. “Oh come on.”

“You think me yelling at people is hot?”

“No.”

“You said so.”

“Maybe I lied.”

“I don’t think so.” Tyler’s grin melted into a hefty smirk. He pulled away. “Fine. You can go.”

“You suck, you know that?”

“Yep.”

Josh ignored Tyler’s smirk as he sulked down the sidewalk with his hands shoved deep in his pockets and his head down. He even slid his headphones over his ears and blasted the tape, relief flooding his veins at the familiar songs.

He couldn’t wait to get out of Hatton.


	9. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My mind wanders a lot, and it always finds its way to you."
> 
> \- Anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long ass chapter with a lot happening. Have fun.

Tyler fell asleep a few hours before Josh that night, while Josh was organizing supplies. He could be extremely picky sometimes, and nothing was right until everything was in order.

In fact, by the time he had packed and repacked and checked  _ once _ more, it was after midnight, and Tyler was snoring softly, his chin resting on his folded arms towards the end of the bed. He had fallen asleep watching Josh sift through everything, the radio a low hum in the background. 

Tyler looked so peaceful when he was asleep, like he dreaming of warm fuzzies. Even now, as he slept on his stomach and his mouth was slightly parted, Josh couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorable and tranquil the city dweller looked.

Josh wasn’t sure how he felt about the mix of emotions that were always churning in his stomach. The kiss they had the previous night only made it worse and Josh didn’t know what was to come after. What was he supposed to say? What was Tyler supposed to say?

The last time he even remotely had feelings for someone was when he was 14 years old. His best friend was a beautiful girl with a thick, bright red shade of hair and full lips. Her name was Debby, and Josh remembered how he felt whenever she laughed or bumped shoulders with him. She had been one of his only friends that actually stayed by his side despite how much of a terrible person the community viewed him as.

Sometimes Josh wondered if he only had feelings for her because he was told he was required to get married someday, but other times he knew that wasn’t true. He really had liked Debby a lot.

He was sure he liked Tyler more.

With a sigh, Josh pushed himself off the ground and padded his way out the door and down the stairs to the dining room with no real intention or mission. He really just needed to sit alone in the dark and think some things out.

Surprisingly, Patrick was downstairs, sitting at a table with his feet kicked up and a newspaper in his hand. There was only one lamp on in the corner of the room, casting large shadows across the wall. Josh cleared his throat to alert his arrival and smiled when Patrick looked up from his reading.

“You’re up late,” Patrick commented as Josh slid into the seat across from him. Josh shrugged.

“I could say the same for you.”

“I guess you could. I couldn’t sleep. Came down here to think.”

“That’s what I came to do.” Josh looked down at the table and began picking at a chipping piece of wood. “I finished packing and uh, well.”

Patrick cocked an eyebrow. “Well?”

“I was trying to sort some things out about Tyler.” he could feel his face turning red, which was dumb. Josh hated that his face did that.

“Ah, I see.” Patrick was a wise man, Josh decided. He could see the characteristics Pete had fallen in love with, and Patrick was someone that understood him, that maybe understood everyone. Josh liked that. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Er…” Josh weaved fingers through his hair and leaned forward on his elbows. “We… we kissed the other night.”

“Oh! That’s good, right?” Josh could tell Patrick was trying to get a read on him, his head tilted slightly to the left as his face smoothed out into concentration. “Or… no?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I liked it. He liked it too. But neither one of us has confronted the other about it and I don’t know what to do.”

“Well what do you feel you should do?”

“That’s my problem. I have no idea. I’m new to all of this, you know? I didn’t have a chance to really think things through. I mean, I don’t want to rush things, because it hasn’t been that long, but it  _ feels _ like it has. I feel like I’ve known him for years. I trust him, and I see things in him that I’ve never seen in any other person. It just sucks because he’s going back to Cleveland.”

“I’m sure the two of you can figure something out. You guys are both intellectual people.”

“I just…” Josh groaned and laid his head on the table. “I don’t like this.”

“You wanna know what I think you should do?” Patrick leaned forward, his eyes strict and mouth pressed in a straight line. “Just bring it up when you’re walking. You can’t avoid that you know. It’s kind of a big deal.”

Josh grumbled again. “But-”

“Hey, don’t you but me mister. I know what I’m doing.” A smirk rose onto his face as he settled back against his chair and folded his arms. “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow I guess. We haven’t really talked about it but I think it’d be best.”

“Well get a meal before you leave. Can’t have you traveling the Wasteland on an empty stomach.” he sighed. “I heard that radio host mention the plane you guys were going on about. Are you really going to go look for it?”

“I’d like to. I mean, so many things were kept from me growing up. I didn’t even know radio existed until I was 16. To see that  _ planes _ exist, well, I just have to go look for it. It’s a long shot, but I’m willing to take it.”

“That’s good Josh. Follow your ambitions.”

He scoffed. “Yeah.”

“I’m right you know, about you being like Pete. Just the little things you do remind me so much of him. And  _ man _ , you look so much different with a clean shaven face.”

Another scoff, but this time Josh didn’t reply.

“I can tell you miss him a lot Josh, but this is what I mean when I talk about Tyler being good for you. We all need someone in our life we can depend on and love. Follow your ambitions there too.”

Well, guess it was settled then.

Josh felt like rolling his eyes. Instead, he looked around the empty shop, pausing to stare at the fire crackling in the corner. He knew Patrick was looking at him, waiting for a response most likely. Josh didn’t know what to say. He hoped Patrick might understand.

And well, he hadn’t  _ meant _ to change the subject, but that’s what ended up happening. “What are you going to make for breakfast?” he felt like smacking himself in the forehead. Sure Josh, change it to food. Real smooth.

“Something with eggs,” chuckled Patrick as he turned to look at the fire as well. “You hungry?”

“Just curious. You ever get supplies from Tyler’s group?”

Patrick whipped his head back around quickly, his cheerful smile melting into a confused frown. “What?”

“Tyler’s caravan. Like, your food and stuff. I’m just thinking of more exotic stuff they could bring for-”

“Tyler’s not in a caravan,” interrupted Patrick and suddenly Josh’s stomach dropped. What did he mean Tyler wasn’t in a caravan? Why would Tyler  _ lie _ about his job? If Tyler wasn’t in a caravan, why was he in Columbus in the first place? Why was he-

“Josh? You okay?” Patrick waved his hand in front of Josh’s face a few times, attempting to bring him back to the present. Josh blinked, his mouth agape in shock. He still couldn’t believe it.

“I uh, I’m just thinking. It might be better for me to go back up to the room now…” His voice was quiet and his hands felt cold and Josh didn’t know what to do. He bumped into the table as he stood up, Patrick watching him with a worried look.

“Goodnight Josh, I hope you feel better in the morning.”

Josh hoped he did too.

He stumbled back up the stairs and into their room, trying to ignore Tyler sleeping on the bed. He didn’t  _ understand. _

Josh certainly had no means to climb into bed with Tyler, so he grabbed his book off the bedside table and plopped down on the floor, flipping through the pages to find his spot. He read until the book was over, and then it was discarded to the side.

The book ended terribly. Go figure.

\---

He probably got no know than an hour and a half of sleep that night, uncomfortable from lying the floor. His neck hurt and his eyes were bloodshot and Josh felt irritated beyond belief. It also didn’t help that his hands were shaking and he was having trouble functioning. Most of it was from the lack of sleep, but Josh knew part of it was going to be confronting Tyler when he woke up. Funny, before, he wouldn’t have had an issue with confronting anyone.

Tyler pretty much destroyed him.

Maybe this was a good thing. Josh knew that getting attached was bad and if Tyler was lying then he had an excuse to pull away. There was, however, a part of him that didn’t want to believe Tyler was lying. There had to be an explanation, right?

By the time Tyler woke up, Josh was fully clothed and sitting in the desk chair with only his very interesting fingernails occupying his attention. He tried not to think about how cute Tyler was in the morning as he yawned and ran fingers through his hair.

“Mornin’,” he smacked, rubbing at his eyes. “I fell asleep in a weird spot.”

Josh didn’t answer.

“Did you get all the packing done? Sorry for falling asleep. I would have helped you.” Still no answer. Out of the corner of his eye, Josh could tell Tyler was figuring out about the silent treatment going on. “Josh?”

“You lied to me.” Guess the silent treatment was over. Josh looked up at Tyler’s still confused expression.

“What?”

“You said you were in a caravan and you’re not. So you lied to me.”

“Josh, I’d never lie to you. What makes you think I’m lying?”

“I talked to Patrick earlier and he said you have never been in a caravan. Why would you say that? What the  _ fuck _ were you doing in Columbus if you weren’t apart of a caravan?” Rage was on one continuous build and if Tyler didn’t answer soon it might cascade.

“Woah, wait! You gotta give me a chance to explain!”

“Explain then.”

Tyler gulped as he run a hand through his hair once more and twisted his fingers together in his lap. “Okay, look. The whole caravan thing is new for me. I’ve only been in it for a few years. I mean, I haven’t been in Hatton in a few years besides the last time. I never exactly got the chance to tell him.”

“You never introduced anyone to your friends?” Josh was still not buying it, evident by the skepticism in his narrowed eyes. Tyler sighed.

“Look. My friends weren't the best of people. They spent most of the time here in Hatton getting drunk at the bar.” His face was solemn, jaw clenched. “You wanna ask Jack? Guarantee he’ll answer anymore questions.”

“Okay.” He almost commented on Tyler’s change in mood, or the fact that he was displaying some major attitude problems, but decided it was better to just drop it. Obviously something had happened and now was not the time to try and get into it. “Thanks for telling me. I’m sorry I accused you.”

“Not like you could have known.” Tyler forced a tight smile, pushing himself off the bed in the process. “Forgive and forget, right?”

“Yeah right.”

“I’m gonna hop in the shower. Do you wanna…” he pointed towards the door, but Josh firmly shook his head. 

“I’ll wait in here.”

“Okay. Are we leaving after breakfast?”

“That was the plan.”

“Okay.” After another ten seconds of awkwardness, Tyler excused himself and shut the bathroom door behind him, leaving Josh to put his head in his hands. Why did he have to mess everything up?

\---

Brendon was the last person they expected to see upon entrance to the dining room. He was sitting at a table with Patrick, the two laughing up a storm. Josh clucked his tongue at the scene, slowing his pace to the table. Bren’s poor nose.

“What’d you doing here?” blurted out Tyler as he slid into a free seat at the table. Josh sighed. Leave it to him to completely change up Josh’s plans.

“I’ve got some good news,” he exclaimed, reaching to grab another chair for the table. “Come sit down Josh, you’ll want to hear this.”

One single grunt and Josh was dropping to the chair in partial annoyance. Brendon’s grin grew bigger.

“I got a note left on my door. It was an anonymous tip on that plane of yours.”

Josh’s eyes widened and suddenly he had as much interest as kids do in mud (for some weird reason.) “Well go on then.”

“It said that the plane was returning back home from an excursion and that it belonged to a community up by the great lakes. That’s where it was heading, right?”

“Yeah, north,” Tyler agreed. 

“Then there’s got to be an airport around or something, right?”

Brendon nodded his head firmly. “Right. It also mentioned a base overcome by raiders, but they didn’t specify whether or not that related to the plane itself.”

“That’s fine, completely and utterly fine.” Josh sighed in relief and collapsed back into his chair. This was great news! Now they had a lead, something to go off of, and Josh could find that plane and fly away to a better life. He could see the goddamn  _ ocean. _ Josh couldn’t be happier at the moment. 

“Well, glad I could be of some service. I also wanted to come say goodbye. Josh,” Brendon waved a hand as a gesture, “it was nice to meet you. And I forgive you for punching me in the face.”

“Oh thank god, what would I have done if you never forgave me?” 

“Can it hotshot,” Brendon replied with a roll of his eyes, but there was still a soft smile on his face. 

Patrick blinked, face twisting into worry. “Josh punched Brendon in the face?”

“Long story,” Tyler and Brendon said at the same time. Patrick shrugged, and Josh wondered if this was normal for him.

Brendon continued his goodbyes. “I also got you a gift Josh.” With yet another shit eating grin, Brendon bent down to retrieve a package wrapped in an old newspaper and some string. Josh raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

“Why would you get me a present?”

“Just open it.”

With one more glare, Josh began delicately unwrapped the newspaper off the box, everyone’s eyes on him. He sort of figured it might be a bomb or something.

But nope, because inside was something Josh wasn’t quite sure how to explain. It was shaped like his Walkman, except a little smaller, with three simple dials on it. Attached was a way to secure it to his wrist. He looked up, suspicion now confusion as he waited for Brendon to explain.

“What?” Brendon seemed even more confused to why Josh was staring at him.

“He doesn’t know what it is,” explained Tyler as he pulled it out of the box and reached for Josh’s wrist. Josh watched Tyler secure the strap and press a button. The screen lit up in fluorescence, a small blonde cartoon boy popping up on the screen before it was replaced with green waves. Josh still wasn’t following.

“It’s a portable radio,” Brendon finally replied, leaning over the table to show him how it worked. “You use these dials to pick up the frequency and then all is good. I know you like music a lot, so I thought it’d be perfect for you.”

Josh decided that city dwellers weren’t as bad as he thought them to be. With a pathetic attempt at a smile, he decided it’d be better to just hold out a hand. “Thank you man, that really means a lot.”

Brendon completely ignored Josh’s hand and pushed Tyler out of the way to wrap him in a hug. Josh’s nose scrunched in discomfort, his arms hanging limply at his sides as Brendon continued to squeeze him.

“I know how much you love listening to me,” he added once the hug had ended. Josh rolled his eyes.

“Oh yeah. How’d you know.”

“And Tyler, don’t think I forgot about my precious, tiny little bean,” Tyler was grumbling as Brendon wrapped his arms around his head and planted a wet kiss on his cheek. “Until next time princess.”

“Get off of me you big sap.” With a playful shove, Brendon pulled off and stared at the two with that big, loopy grin of his.

“I’ll miss you though.”

Tyler rolled his eyes, but he was smiling too. “I’ll miss you too. Next time I come around I’m expecting to hear all about your boy adventures.”

“And get back with that Ryan guy. That’s who he was talking to, huh?”

Tyler nudged an elbow Josh’s way and glared. “Quit it. Bren, you stay away from Ryan or I’ll kick your ass, understand?”

“Got it mom.”

\---

After Brendon left, Patrick left to bring out some food, and the two were quiet as the shoveled eggs into their mouths. There were pros and cons to leaving Hatton, Josh decided. He would miss Patrick, and having a bed and running water. But, it would be nice to be out in the Wasteland. He didn’t belong in a city.

Josh wondered if Tyler was upset with him about this morning. He seemed tight, movements rigid and short as he ate. Should he bring it up? Maybe apologize again?

“I’m gonna use the restroom,” announced Tyler as his fork clattered to the table. His chair squeaked as it pushed out, and then Josh was watching him slink away across the dining room.

“Things don’t look good between you too.”

With a sigh, Josh looked up from his food at Patrick, who had once again joined him at the wooden table. His eyes were scrunched in worry, mouth set into a thin line, like he had been watching the two during breakfast.

“I brought up the caravan thing. Turns out it’s fairly new, and he hadn’t got the chance to tell you. Tyler’s coworkers spent most of their time getting drunk.”

“Oh. Well see?” Patrick patted him gently on the back, “It’s all good then, right?”

“Not exactly. He’s all pissed now. Probably because I accused him.”

“I’m sorry. That’s mostly my fault.”

“No it’s not. It’ll be fine, I’ll just talk to him about it later. He can’t stay mad at me for long.”

A click of his tongue, and Patrick was shaking his head. “I dunno about that Josh. Tyler is really good at holding grudges.”

“But he shouldn’t be mad at me for thinking he was lying! He’s the first person I’ve been able to trust since Pete, and if he was lying-”

“I wasn’t lying.”

_ Fuck. _

Josh slowly turned in his chair, a small whoosh of air leaving his mouth. Tyler looked even more pissed off than before.

“Look Ty, you need to chill a little bit. It wasn’t Josh’s fault, okay? It was mine. I’m the one that brought it up in the first place.”

He looked ready to fight back, but his posture changed and his jaw relaxed. “Right. I’m sorry. Let’s just forget about this, okay? I don’t want either of you to be upset with me.”

“We don’t want to be upset with you either. Especially since you’re leaving me in a few minutes.” the corners of Patrick’s mouth twitched easily into a small smile as he reached to pull Tyler into a hug. They stood there for a few seconds before he was unlatching himself and doing the same with Josh.

“You remember everything I told you,” he mumbled into his ear, and Josh pushed his chin further into the crook of Patrick’s neck to let him know he understood. “If you ever need anything you come visit me.”

“Yeah,” Josh choked out hoarsely. He would miss Patrick a lot. It wasn’t just because he was Josh’s only connection to Pete, but because Patrick was a kind and caring person who had offered a lot of time towards Josh. He had been alone so long that, and suddenly, not having any touch or connection to any other humans seemed displeasing.

“Thank you for your hospitality as always ‘Trick,” Tyler beamed, back to his peppy and cheery self. It was almost as if that previous scene had never even happened.

“Anytime boys. You be safe out there, okay? Be wise with your water and don’t do anything stupid.”

“We won’t,” promised Josh, and he started moving towards the stairs to gather up their bags. Everything was already packed, he just needed to holster his weapons and sling bags over his back.

Five minutes later and one more goodbye to Patrick, the pair were moving through the city and on their way out. Tyler matched Josh’s quick pace almost perfectly, which meant his leg was doing a lot better. Josh was glad about that.

He also felt a lot more easy with everything back to normal. Even going a couple days without his weapons and gear had made him really paranoid and worried, so with everything back, Josh finally felt like  _ him _ again.

“We’re taking a different route there,” he explained once they had left the city limits and he pulled Tyler down a different street. Josh didn’t know much about the route to Cleveland, but after a long and intense two minute study session, he had a pretty good idea of how to steer them in a different direction. “I figured a change in scenery would be nice. There’s a few settlements scattered around that we might be able to stay the night in. Besides that, I don’t know a whole lot simply because I don’t the area very well, but I’ll get you back home safe and sound. Pinkie promise.”

“Thanks.” Tyler was staring at his feet, stepping over pieces of litter and debris from crumbling buildings. Josh took a deep breath, running fingers through his hair as he looked at the cityscape in front of him.

“Look, I don’t want things to be… weird between us.”

“Things aren’t weird between us.”

“Are you sure about that?” Josh stopped walking, causing Tyler to turn back around in mild annoyance.

“Yes I’m sure. Let’s just keep going.”

Josh scoffed loudly, but decided waiting around to argue with Tyler in the middle of a city was a terrible idea. Once they were back out in the Wasteland, he was bringing it back up. There was a lot of ground they needed to cover.

“Fine. Do you remember how to shoot a gun?”

“Yep.”

“Good.” Josh wanted to say more,  _ boy _ did he want to say more, but he had to remind himself one more that there was a reason he was waiting.

The whole silence thing reminded him of the first day of walking, when neither did much more but stare at the rubble around them. And sure, being in had once been a gigantic city was bound to be interesting. There were a lot of skeletal remains and plenty of blood splattered throughout the cracked asphalt. Rusty cars with broken windows and missing tires lined the streets, along with random parts of trees and normal everyday objects. Josh had counted at least five telephones already.

As much as it felt nice to be back out in the Wasteland with his gear like normal, something was bothering him. He just, well, he didn’t want there to be silence between them. Josh enjoyed Tyler’s company, and did more and more every day. 

They just needed to get out of the city.

\---

It was pretty calm a majority of the way out, almost as it had been on the way in. The two weren’t even going the same way and it was void of any raiders or people wanting to say hello. Josh was almost curious to where everyone was.

Until of course, they were almost out of Cincinnati city limits and Josh shoved Tyler behind the corner of a building. Everything bad had to happen right on the horizon of hope.

“What?” Tyler’s scared, wide eyed expression was back as he fumbled for his gun. Josh rested his hand gently on Tyler’s forearm, putting a finger to his lips.

“Stay here,” he whispered, voice muffled by the fabric of his bandanna. Josh had caught sight of a group of raiders.

There weren’t too many of them, probably no more than four, but they were camped out in a building that still had a faded “For lease” sign in the window. It wasn’t Josh’s first encounter after all. He knew what he was doing.

The men pulled their guns almost immediately as he entered secretly through a missing part of the wall. For nothing but pure dramatic effect, Josh smirked as he pushed his goggles up into his hair slowly and let the bandanna hang around his neck.

“Hey boys,” he cooed, examining his fingernails.

“Who the hell are you?” One growled, his finger hovering inches above the trigger. Josh rolled his eyes.

“Oh come on man! I’m your old pal, Jimmy McFuck Yourself!”

One of them snickered. “Tell us before we blow your brains out. Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Oh my  _ god, _ just kill him already!” Another whined.

“You a raider? A trader? Part of a caravan?”

“No, I’m actually the president of the Alaska, home to polar bears and whales.”

“Alright, look here you smart ass,” The first raider shouted, obviously done with his bullshit as he began advancing towards Josh. Before he could get any farther, Josh was reaching out and grabbing the raider closest to him by the scruff of his neck, putting a bullet in his brain before using him as a human body shield. Three more bullets zipped through the air, each lodging its way into the foreheads of the other raiders.

Oh, the power surging through Josh’s body at that moment. Josh felt unstoppable. He was becoming soft, being around Tyler, and being in a city hadn’t helped either. He needed this to remind him who he still was deep down inside. Josh was a killer. He was nothing but a machine.

After wiping some of the blood off his face, Josh looted, emptying ammo from guns and grabbing medical supplies before taking off back through the wall. Tyler was still shivering badly, almost curled in on himself as he leaned against the wall. Josh was surprised to find he was holding his gun.

“Did you get them all?” even his voice was faltering. Tyler must have been really terrified. That was another thing Josh had forgotten.

Tyler was terrified of everything in the Wasteland.

“No, I killed all but one and invited him to dinner.” Josh rolled his eyes as Tyler scoffed.

“Nice one asshole. Cute. Real cute.” He went rigid again, fear dripping off his body as his posture straightened and his weapon was holstered. With another glare, Tyler stepped over an old bookcase partially hidden by weeds and sauntered back around the corner.

Patrick had been right. Tyler could hold a grudge.

Josh was crumbling. He was trying to be strong and hold a grudge as well, because dammit, this was  _ his _ territory and he was a heartless killer, but his palms were clammy and he kept looking at Tyler walking in front of him and he didn’t  _ like  _ it. That was the only way he could describe it.

When they were finally out of city limits and walking along an old highway with a few passing homes and faded buildings here and there, Josh let out a huge breath and started fiddling with the portable radio thingy Brendon had given him. He wasn’t quite sure what to call it; for some reason “portable radio” didn’t feel quite right.

He began twisting the dials on the radio, watching the green waves more up and down with the sound. In front, Tyler turned around in curiosity for about two seconds before a scowl left his lips and Josh rolled his eyes.

Some frequencies only brought up static, but others had little whisps of music of all types. There was one with only instruments, (He thought it was called classical) one with a talkshow, and of course the usual music. Hatton Radio still seemed to be his favourite however, and when Brendon’s voice came from the speakers he cheered quietly. It was fascinating to him that this “portable radio” could play music and he didn’t even need to plug anything in. How was it doing that?

“Hey there Wastelanders, I hope all is well out there. It’s not as cold as it has been, but I hope you are all still bundling up! Spring is approaching! And to my favourite Wastelander: a little bird told me you were a fan of the oldies. So this one is for you. This is  _ Come on Eileen _ , by Dexy’s Midnight runners.”

A small smile rose to Josh’s face at the mention of himself on radio. He felt honored being Brendon’s favourite Wastelander, even though he had to have met other people from outside Hatton. That old radio host wasn’t so bad after all.

A little bit of noise was better than complete silence between the two. Josh was tired, and was struggling to keep his eyes open even with the sun pouring down on them. At one point he shifted his gear back onto his face, eyes glancing over at Tyler every once in awhile. Wind sifted through broken car windows and potholes, and Josh strategized ways to speak with the city dweller currently holding a grudge four miles thick. Should he bring it up now? Wait until they camped out?

Why did they always get into fights?

After careful pondering, Josh decided to wait it out until they got to camp. Even getting out of Cincinnati had taken several hours, so they didn’t have too many hours of daylight. Besides, and Josh would never admit to this, but he was trying to stall as long as possible getting to Cleveland simply because he didn’t want to see Tyler go or deal with the consequences of being around another city.

So the silent treatment it was. Although the radio did make it a little better, and even though his Walkman was in his pocket, Josh preferred the radio at the moment. If trouble rose, he’d be able to hear and keep a close eye on Tyler’s location.

Tyler would hum along to some of the songs, or sometimes even sing under his breath. Josh enjoyed it. It was like getting his own personal performance, special only for him.

A lot of things circled through Josh’s brain as they walked, deep thoughts that usually only surfaced when he was walking or out and about the Wasteland. Spending time in a city had delayed these thoughts.

This time, most of them were about what he would say to Tyler when he went to admit his feelings. Very few people got to witness Josh actually being a human being, and here he was, planning on spilling his heart out. Would Tyler think him pathetic and leave?

He hadn’t looked at him all day, not even when they passed back a water bottle between the two of them or ate lunch. Tyler even refused to communicate in anything more than grunts and nods. That wasn’t supposed to be his spiel; it was Josh’s for fuck’s sake and he was getting mad. So although he planned to wait, Josh simply wasn’t taking it anymore.

“We need to talk,” he demanded after clicking the music off, making his words understandable and matching Tyler’s quick pace. Tyler himself only scowled.

“What?”

Josh grabbed ahold of Tyler’s shoulder tightly, his fingernails digging into the fabric of his jacket. They shared a tense glance before Josh continued.

“This is serious. I need you to stop acting like someone insulted your artwork and focus on what I’m about to say.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll make you. You know how things go Tyler.”

Another look that could kill shared between two men. “Fine.” Tyler shoved Josh off of him.

“I don’t understand why you’re so pissed at me. Can you please explain so I can figure out what the hell I did wrong?”

“First of all, you flat out accused me of something without having all the answers first. Then you went and talked about it with Patrick! What the hell Josh?”

“What the hell is right! How many times have I told you that I’m learning to trust again? I’m taking baby steps Tyler, and I’m nervous, okay? This is hard for me to get used too. I’m trying, I promise. I’m sorry for accusing you, but can’t you see where I’m coming from? Someone tells me different and I suddenly freak out because someone I trust with my goddamn life could be lying to me. And yeah, I talked to someone about it. Patrick is the closest thing I have to Pete now.” Josh was fueled at the moment, hands clenched tightly into fists. He wanted to punch something.

He expected Tyler to start yelling again, but he did the opposite. After a long sigh and a short pause, Tyler swatted a hand through the air and spoke softly. “You trust me with your life?” He seemed almost nervous about this information. Josh wondered if he had made a mistake.

But he knew he hadn’t.

“Yeah I do. Look Ty, the last time I had feelings for anyone was when I was 14 years old. Back then, every day was exactly the same and I talked to the same people and ate the same food and read the same stupid text books. I don’t even know if the feelings I had for her was  _ real _ . You,  _ you _ , you’re different, and scary, and exhilarating all at the same time. I feel alive when I’m with you. That’s exactly why I left New Columbus in the first place. I didn’t want to be safe and protected and a frickin’ clone. I wanted to live my own life.” he breathed deeply in through his nose. “I feel like a machine. I point, and I shoot, and I don’t question anything. You make me feel these, these  _ human _ feelings. These past weeks with you, I haven’t felt the usual machine routine. I’ve felt alive. Everything about you interests me. Your eyes are beautiful, and they crinkle at the corners when you get happy and I get this pit in my stomach that makes me want to hug you, and you have the prettiest dimples and your hair is such a pretty shade of brown, and it’s so fluffy, and your hands are the most beautiful hands I’ve ever witnessed, soft and calloused all at the same time. Your skin is so pretty, and I love the warmth you create when we’re next to each other, and, and-”

“Josh!” Tyler was giggling now, his hands cupped over his mouth and his face a million shades of red. “You’re being a sap.”

Josh blinked. “I uh… I don’t know how to respond to that.”

Tyler was still smiling, but he forced himself to be serious. “I’m really sorry I was such a dick to you. Usually that’s your job right?” Josh rolled his eyes as Tyler continued. “Sorry. Just, I, I don’t know. I want you to trust me, and I don’t want you to think I’m lying to you. I would never lie to you.” He sniffed. “I didn’t know when I called for help it would be you. And I didn’t think you would take me back to your house and take care of me for almost an entire month. People in the Wasteland, they just don’t  _ do _ that, you know? You might be a machine, but you’re human to me. You’re more human than anyone in this goddamn world could ever hope to be. Josh, you’re kind, and sarcastic and funny and, and, _ wow. _ ” Tyler scoffed, pausing to run fingers through his hair. “You’re a big teddy bear J. I’ve never seen someone get so excited over books, or history, or even old pre-war music for that matter. And, I mean,  _ damn _ , you’re  _ gorgeous _ .”

Now Josh was blushing. “You’ll have to be patient with me. I’m still… I’m still learning. I learn more and more every day.”

“Hey.” Tyler closed the gap between them, pulling Josh into a tight hug. Josh buried his nose into his shoulder. “That’s okay with me. As long as I’m with you.”

“You have no idea how much weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Just… don’t tell anyone I said all that. I’m supposed to be big and scary and tough, alright?”

Tyler burst into soft laughter as they pulled away. “I already forgot what you told me.”

“Good.”

“...Do you really think my hands are pretty?”

Josh groaned as Tyler laughed once more. “You said you forgot!”

“How could I forget that?” He leaned forward to trail fingertips down Josh’s arm, stopping at his wrist simply to tease him. Josh closed his eyes, sighing happily as fingers meshed with his. “Our fingers fit nicely.”

“Yeah, they do.”

Another pause. “So I’m the first guy you’ve had feelings for.”

“What?”

“You said you had feelings for a  _ her. _ So I’m the first dude?”

“I mean, no…”

“Okay J, whatever you say.”

Josh rolled his eyes as Tyler began pulling him down the road once more. He had a feeling he’d be sleeping comfortably tonight.

 


	10. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I take to the open road; healthy, free, the world belongs to me."
> 
> \- Walt Whitman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> errrr.... yeah.
> 
> Let's just say there's a reason this chapter is called Discovery.

“Hey Ty?”

“Hmm?” he replied groggily, shifting over to curl against Josh’s chest. In response, Josh began playing with Tyler’s hair.

The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, the sky blending into what would be the best oil painting in the entire world. They had camped out the night before in an old house, curled on a mostly intact mattress with a few blankets strung over them. It was cold, but Tyler always seemed to provide some warmth.

“You sleep well?”

“Mmhmm,” grumbled Tyler. “Five more minutes.”

“Fine. Only five.”

What the lie that turned out to be. Josh was fine with it though. He continued to weave his fingers through Tyler’s hair, picking out strands that were shorter than others, or ones that seemed to be a different colour in the sunlight starting to stream in through the window. Tyler moved again on top of him, and the sleeve of his shirt rode up to reveal those black banded tattoos Josh had almost forgotten about. His curiosity would eat him alive if he didn’t ask now.

“Ty.” he nudged the smaller man with an elbow, “I gotta question for you.”

“Wha.”

“Those tattoos. Why do you have them?”

Tyler suddenly froze, apparently no longer needing sleep, for he popped up quickly and pulled down on his shirt sleeves, removing all trace of black bands. “Er, yeah. About that.”

“What?” Josh cocked an eyebrow. This was bound to be interesting.

“So tattoos over in Cleveland, well, they aren’t uncommon. Most of the people that have them are nothing but thieves and low life criminals. When I was uh, a teenager, I had a little bit of a rebellious phase.”

Josh snorted. “No way.”

“Yes way. I’m not proud of it. I used to think I was so cool. My friends and I used to try and spray paint things on walls. We came up with this tag, nothing more than a bunch of lines, but it became our thing. Then I realized I didn’t want to get kicked out of Cleveland and stopped. I started wearing long sleeve shirts after that.” Tyler shrugged nonchalantly. “Try and forget about my underage stupid teenage self.”

“And here I used to get whipped for stealing library books,” Josh whispered absentmindedly, Tyler long forgotten. He would have _killed_ for a childhood like that.

“I’m really sorry J. Nobody deserves that.”

“No they don’t.” With a long breath, Josh raised his arms above his head in an attempt to stretch and untangled parts of his limbs out from under Tyler’s to get out of bed. “Anyways, we should probably get going. We can get a lot more miles in if we leave now.”

“We don’t have to go back to Cleveland right away you know. I mean, if you wanna look around, explore…”

“The plane is up at the Great Lakes, remember? Those are up by Cleveland. Faster we get over there, faster I get to see my plane. Bam. Everything is taken care of.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I know I’m right.”

“Humble too,” joked Tyler as he climbed out of bed and wrapped his arms and Josh’s waist. He planted a small kiss on Josh’s nose, chuckling at the low grumble that stirred in the back of Josh’s throat. “You have no idea how nice it is to be able to kiss you whenever I want now.”

Josh pushed forward, pressing his lips to Tyler’s, hands trailing down to his waist. His fingers twisted in the hem of Tyler’s shirt as Tyler pushed forward, one of his hands sliding under Josh’s loose tee. Josh practically melted at the pressure of Tyler’s fingers on his abdominals, and he let Tyler mold him, Tyler’s teeth dragging across his bottom lip as another moan burned in his throat.

“You have no idea how nice it is to be able to do _that,_ ” he mumbled against flushed lips and Tyler chuckled.

“It’s really nice.”

“Oh yeah.” Josh finally fully pulled away, his shaking hands moving to fold up the blankets. “Maybe we can take our time today.”

“A leisurely stroll through the great American Wasteland,” Tyler said in a terrible British accent and Josh snorted.

“Right.” After everything was packed, the two snacked on a small handful of almonds each and took a drink of water before they were leaving the house hand in hand. Before they left through the front door however, Tyler stopped, peering over at the skeleton slumped in a rocking chair in the corner of the room. He sighed loudly.

“Do you think they died ‘cause of the war or of old age?”

“Maybe it’s best to not think about it,” offered Josh as he tugged on Tyler’s sleeve. “Come on, let’s get back on the road.”

Tyler sighed again before nodding, sliding his hand up Josh’s arm to grip his bicep tightly. “I wish so many people didn’t have to die.”

“That’s why you don’t worry about them and only think of the living.” Josh pushed open the door and pulled Tyler through the dead weeds, the two stepping over part of a stove before they were back on the street.

“But you think more about dead people than I do. Everyone is history is dead.”

“Well that’s different.”

“How?”

“Just is.”

“Tell me about the United States. Do you know anything?”

Josh grinned. “Yeah I do. It used to be this gigantic nation with fifty states. _Fifty_! Can you believe how big the Wasteland is? And we’ve only ever seen one small part of it.”

“If we were to go to the ocean, what state would that be?”

“Depends on which ocean. We’re closer to the Atlantic, so probably Virginia or something. If it’s the Pacific, then California.”

“California,” Tyler tried the word out, accenting his vowels to the point where he sounded ridiculous and Josh laughed.

“Yes, California. The entire country was under the control of one government called a democracy and they had presidents that were in charge of the whole place.”

“One guy led the entire country?”

“Well, he had help and stuff from something called a cabinet. There were three branches. The one with the president, and the people who decided whether you were right and wrong, and the people who made the laws.”

“Ooh! Now people just have their own governments.”

“I wish that wasn’t the case.”

“Why?”

“We need some more unity. That’s why everything is in ruins.” Josh shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Anyways.”

“Have I ever told you how adorable you are when you get excited about something?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Quit it.”

“I’m serious. Your eyes get all squinty. It’s so cute.”

“Stooooopp,” whined Josh as his face began to tinge pink. Good thing nobody was around.

“Never,” Tyler smirked, poking Josh in the cheek before taking off down the street laughing his head off. Josh grinned, running a hand through his hair as he watched the city dweller jump and maneuver over cracked asphalt.

Then he was running too.

\---

The running didn’t last too long.

After that, they walked with their hands intertwined between them, music playing softly from the radio secured tightly to Josh’s wrist. He liked this.

He wasn’t sure what it was he was feeling, but he liked it.

“Ty?”

“Hmm?” Tyler looked over at him with smile of support and nodded for him to go on. Josh cleared his throat.

“It feels nice to not have to pretend that I wasn’t as deeply into you as I actually am.”

Tyler chuckled, running his thumb over the top of Josh’s hand and he shivered slightly with delight. “That’s why you were acting so weird, huh?”

“Whoops, you got me. Shoot.”

Tyler laughed again. “It is nice to not be under the stress of wondering. Just, I feel like we’re missing something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. I just, I don’t think things are quite _complete_ yet, you know what I mean? I can’t describe it.” a simple roll of his shoulders. “I honestly have no clue. Maybe it’s nothing.”

“We can figure it out later,” decided Josh as he ran his teeth over his bottom lip and brushed his free hand over the butt of his gun. He was always on edge, no matter what.

“Could we maybe break and uh, well…” Tyler scratched awkwardly behind his ear, mouth open but no words spilling from his lips. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m having an urge to kiss you again.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Josh mumbled as he swung Tyler towards him and slid a clammy palm across the back of his neck. Tyler moaned softly, tilting his head up to give Josh the okay to do what he pleased. His hands provided friction as they padded across Josh’s hips and at that moment, nuclear warfare could have broken out and the two wouldn’t have been phased one bit. They were too lost in exploring one another.

Until of course, a loud scream erupted from farther down the street, and Josh was pulling away from their entanglement. How was it he knew he could tell someone was in trouble before bombs started falling?

“What was that?” Tyler’s eyes widened involuntarily, his fingers trembling as he removed his pistol from the holster and clicked the safety off. Josh slung his sword off his back and took out a pistol as well, cocking it for good measure.

“Someone’s in trouble,” he said quietly, nodding towards Tyler before darting farther down the road. They were in more of a neighbourhood area, houses spread over between every few miles. Really, they hadn’t walked more than a few miles, but another house was in sight and that same, feminine scream came again.

Josh was kicking down the door in seconds, firing blindly at whoever was currently inside. One bullet shattered a still intact window, another went out the crumbled back wall of the house and another hit a raider in the back of the shin. He cursed and turned to fire, as well as the other two that were in there as well. Behind them cowering was a woman with short, faded blue hair, her face hidden behind her blood covered hands. Josh didn’t have time to stare at the moment.

From the corner of his eye he saw Tyler duck behind an old bureau and shoot, and Josh tucked his own gun back into his pants before latching both hands onto the hilt of the sword and swinging. He hadn’t quite used it in a while, so it felt a little off, but with a few more swings it would be all good.

Josh rolled across the floor, stopping right in front of one raider to kick his legs out from underneath him. He tumbled to the floor, and with a wicked grin, Josh shoved the machete right into his chest, watching with glee as the light faded from his eyes. He heard another raider scream in what might have been grief, (but it also could have been pain) and suddenly a bolt of electric white hot pain shot up his right arm. Josh didn’t have too much time to reflect on what injury that could have been and instead swung for one of the two other raiders. For a brief moment he caught Tyler firing, face burrowed in concentration as he shot the raider in the stomach, wrapped his arm around his neck and flipped him over, firing one last bullet into his head before he and Tyler both collapsed to the floor.

 _What the fuck._ Someone who was that weak should _not_ have been able to lift a 200 pound man like that. And since when could Tyler actually fight in combat?

The raider he was currently heading up against growled, snapping Josh out of his stupor, and with an annoyed sigh, Josh slid the sword up through his jaw, sliding it out as the corpse dropped to the scorched carpet. He breathed heavily as he wiped blood off his face, dragging hands across his shirt. Tyler was already next to the girl, his touch soft on her as she sobbed.

Josh moved towards the two, crouching down with worry across his features as he spoke. “Hey, are you alright?”

She sniffed, hands sliding off her face and into her lap. She had big eyes, a small nose, and lips so full of colour Josh would have thought she was wearing lipstick under different circumstances. The girl was strikingly beautiful.

“I’m f-fine. Thank you for coming when you did. I was sure-” her body shook with another gut wrenching sob, and Tyler leaned forward to pull her into a hug. She cried into his shoulder for about a minute, Josh watching with a little bit of jealousy stirring around his stomach.

When she was finally composed enough to let go of Tyler’s now tear soaked jacket, she cleared her throat and spoke. “They ambushed me. I wasn’t ready. If I had been…” the girl shook her head with agony. “Fucking raiders. They murdered half my settlement. There were 20 of us, then 10, and now there’s only me. The others died of natural causes or other things lurking around the Wasteland.”

“I’m so sorry.” Tyler’s voice was sympathetic, and Josh suddenly realized how lucky he was Tyler was here. Josh was not compassionate, and even if he could get the job done, he wouldn’t know the first thing on how to comfort someone after traumatizing events.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for being kind of a mess.” She chuckled, trying to ease the mood, but it came out sideways and a little harsh. “I’m usually not like this. The name’s Halsey.”

“Halsey?” repeated Josh with skepticism. “What the hell kind of a name is that?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s my code name. Only family and friends get to know the real one.”

“You sort of look like a raider.” Tyler shoved an elbow into Josh’s stomach. She glared at him.

“Anyways,” Halsey pushed off the ground and reached for one of the dead raider’s weapons. “Thanks again boys, but I really should be going. Stay safe out there, okay? Hopefully we cross paths again.”

“It was nice to meet you,” said Tyler softly, and she smiled.

“What was your name again?”

“I’m Tyson and that’s Jim.”

“Tyson and Jim. Good to know.” And just like that, she was gone, darting out of the skeleton that was the house structure and disappearing back the way they came. Josh suddenly remembered the wound in his arm and turned towards it.

Shit, it was bad.

“Did you get hurt?” asked Tyler as he pulled his bag off his shoulders and unzipped it. Josh grunted.

“I’m fine. It’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad my ass. C’mere tough guy.” With another grumble, Josh moved closer to Tyler and allowed himself to sit down, crossing his legs in the process. Tyler clicked his tongue as he observed the wound. “Doesn’t look like you got shot. I think maybe you were just grazed. Can’t exactly tell until we clean off some of that blood.”

Josh sighed obnoxiously, but allowed Tyler to take his arm in his hands and blot at the blood with a cloth from their medical supplies. He watched closely as Tyler cleaned it up at first, but lost interest staring at some of the blood that had found its way across his face.

“Why did you tell her our names were Tyson and Jim? I thought you were against lying.”

“She didn’t tell us her real name. Thought it would be the safest for us and for you. You did used to be a wanted criminal, did you not?”

 _Still am_. “Yeah, I guess. Another thing. Where the hell did you learn to do that takedown? You shot him and took him down like you knew what the hell you were doing.”

Tyler shrugged and reached back into the back to pull out some ointment. “I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was doing, but there was so much adrenaline running through my body that I decided to just go with it. Also, I picked up some things from you.” he blushed, causing a tiny smirk to rise on Josh’s face. “No bullet in your skin. You’re a lucky one Joshie.”

“Bleh, don’t call me that,” scowled Josh as Tyler laughed and reached for the gauze.

“Sorry.”

“I’m glad you’re able to learn so quickly. Here I thought I’d be dragging your ass out of this situations. You fucking _led_ this fight.”

“Oh shush. Everything I know, I know from you.” Tyler paused, running his teeth over his lower lip as he trailed his fingers over the finished product and patted Josh on the shoulder. “There, done. You’re as good as new.”

“Thank you.” They shared another smile before Josh pushed himself off of the ground and went about collecting bullets and medical supplies and anything else important. “So… are you okay with uh, death now?”

“I mean, I won’t be able to ever get over that. But it was easier this time for sure. And I’m sure next time it will be even easier. I’m not okay with it, but I realize it has to be done when people are in trouble.”

“Good.”

“Do you…” he trailed off, almost like he was worried what the reply would be. “Do you think there are a lot of people like that girl? Stuck wandering the Wasteland with no where to go?”

“I don’t know. Probably.”

“And what did she mean by other things lurking around the Wasteland?”

Josh shrugged. “I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m sure she’s seen more of the Wasteland than I have. Why did you want me to take you home again?”

“You know, you should quit this Wastelander gig and became a comedian. I think you’d be way better at that.”

“Oh shut up.” They bumped shoulders, sharing another small, shy smile. Even though the two had finally admitted everything, things were still a little… er, strange between them. Josh wasn’t sure how to explain it. Just like Tyler had said, _something_ was still missing. Were they technically dating? Could Josh consider Tyler his… uh, boyfriend?

“What are you thinking about tough guy?” Tyler poked at Josh’s cheek, giggling when Josh swatted his hand away. He stepped out of the house and back onto the hard ground, Tyler skipping behind him. “You’ve got your thinking face on.”

“I’m thinking about Halsey. About how her entire settlement was murdered.” It wasn’t exactly what he was thinking, but it was something clacking around his brain. Josh wasn’t completely comfortable with bringing the other thing up quite yet.

“I feel terrible for her. Nobody should have to go through that.”

“She’s a fighter, I can tell. I can always tell when someone has seen some shit.”

“I’m really sorry Josh.” Tyler’s fingers were freezing when he slid them into place with Josh’s, and Josh himself jumped a little in surprise. He settled back down after a few seconds though, wanting nothing more than to curl up next to Tyler and sleep.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you now.”

“You’re damn right you do.” Tyler leaned over and kissed Josh on the cheek, laughing silently behind a hand as Josh groaned in embarrassment.

“Good thing nobody is around to see my manhood evaporate into thin air.”

“Shut up you big softie.”

“Fine, fine.” Josh rolled his eyes as Tyler leaned over to kiss him again.

This time he allowed it.

\---

It seemed most of their traveling time rotated between silence and small conversations. They weren’t even full conversations, just the usual “You doing okay?” to which Tyler would always reply with a small smile and a nod of his head. Josh wasn’t sure though. He could tell Tyler was thinking.

That night they stopped off in a city called Selma, silently slinking in the ever growing darkness past old department stores and dirt trails. Josh tightened his grip as they moved through an old neighbourhood that had “Doctrine” painted over an old sign at the entrance. Tyler slammed into the back of Josh as he froze.

“Everything okay there J?”

“There’s a settlement in this neighbourhood.”

“Okay? Maybe they’re friendly.”

“Tyler. It’s the Wasteland.”

He shrugged. “I’m just trying to be optimistic.”

“That’ll get you killed out here dumbass.”

A sigh. “I know.”

Josh looked forward into the fading light and ran fingers through his hair in nervousness. It wasn’t that he was afraid of being ambushed; no, Josh could take care of himself. It was the fact that he had someone to protect now, and if anything happened to Tyler he would never be able to forgive himself.

Tyler’s thumb padded over the top of their intertwined hands in comfort, his other hand reaching forward to run a knuckle over Josh’s cheek. “Hey tough guy, it’s all good. Let’s just find us a place to stay, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” With a few intakes of air, Josh pushed forward, Tyler trailing behind them.

\---

He felt incredibly stupid upon arrival to this, quote, “settlement.” It was nothing more than the houses at an old cul de sac, the population probably no more than twenty people. Josh had nothing to worry about it.

A tall man with broad shoulders and a little bit of scruff approached the two of them as the pair drew closer to the settlement, a large smile on his face. He threw out a hand, still smiling as Josh and Tyler awkwardly stood there.

“Welcome to Doctrine! It’s so great to come across new faces. My name is Spencer and I’m the one in charge. What brings you here?”

“Just… uh, traveling…” stuttered Josh, taken back by this guy who didn’t seem phased by all the weapons strung on his body. Maybe he was used to that.

“We’re on our way to Cleveland,” Tyler explained, stepping in front of Josh almost… protectively. Something stirred in Josh’s stomach and he started mentally yelling at himself. It was _not_ the time. Did he like that? He had no clue.

Suddenly, it was really hot and stuffy and Josh was sweating.

“Ah, Cleveland! You’ve got a ways to go then.”

“Yeah, we were just wondering if there’s some place for us to crash? If there isn’t, that’s fine.”

“Of course we’ll make room for you! You guys must be weary. Let’s get you some food and then find you a place to rest up.” Spencer smiled widely, throwing an arm towards the houses. “I don’t think I ever got your names.”

“Tyson and Jim,” Tyler replied, using their fake aliases again. Josh wasn’t going to complain; it was probably a good idea in the end.

They followed Spencer to the house directly in front of them, noting how smiley he was towards all the other settlers. It was almost an unsettling smiley. Josh decided that the sooner they got out of this town the better.

The house had been torn into a dining area, three people already instead eating. It smelled absolutely _amazing,_ and Josh hoped nobody could hear how loud his stomach was growling.

“So if you two want to take a seat, I’ll go grab a plate for you from Mandy. She’s an excellent cook, promise.” Spencer smiled again, gesturing towards an empty table before disappearing around the corner. Tyler and Josh shared a confused look before sitting down. Josh began picking at the rough finish of the table, Tyler’s eyes on him.

“You doing okay?”

“This place is putting me on edge.” _And I’m almost 100% sure I’ve got a boner right now._

“Why, because people are actually being nice?” He chuckled, earning himself a death glare.

“How many times do I have to explain to you Ty that people out here just aren’t _nice?_ They might kill us in the middle of the night or something.”

“You’re being paranoid. Come on tough guy, that’s your nickname for a reason, isn’t it? Or do I need to step in and protect my little sweetheart?”

Josh was sure Tyler was joking, but now he _knew_ he was fully hard and he was in fucking _public._ Why was that turning him on? They were just words.

_Pet names, Tyler taking control, Tyler being dominant, Tyler-_

“Hellllllooo?” Tyler waved a hand in front of his face in curiosity to what the hell Josh was doing, staring off into space in the middle of a conversation. “Did you pause to enjoy the greater things in life, or were we still having a conversation?”

He cleared his throat, but that didn’t end up being enough. Josh’s voice cracked in the middle of his sentence. “I’m fine.”

But he couldn’t stop thinking of Tyler on top of him, his fingers strung tightly through Josh’s hair as he whispered “so good babe,” over and over again. _What the actual fuck._

Josh was pretty sure he had never had thoughts like this ever in his life. This was definitely not good. It was sinful and he was going to hell.

Tyler was a weak, lanky string bean, and he was the strong, dominant one.

Er, maybe.

“Do we need to skip dinner?” Tyler sounded genuinely worried and Josh felt bad about what he was about to do. Tyler thought this was an emergency, but nope, he just needed to go somewhere private and satisfy himself before he exploded.

“No, I just need to get out of here.” He stumbled trying to stand up, and in seconds Tyler was pushing him back down into his chair.

“I’ll go find Spencer, just stay here and don’t move, okay? You aren’t looking too well.” He pressed a tiny kiss right behind Josh’s ear and another shudder ran laps throughout his body. _Goddammit_.

He had to give it Spencer though; he was fast. The two were in their own room within minutes, Tyler slamming the door and locking it for privacy. His sympathetic look had turned more into a smirk as Josh leaned his head back against the wall and focused on breathing through his nose.

“You doing okay tough guy?”

“Oh my god,” Josh groaned and he was certain he was going to explode once Tyler laid a hand on his shoulder.

And then Tyler slotted his knee right in between Josh’s legs and an involuntary moan ripped through his throat, echoing in the room. Tyler did not flinch.

“Holy shit Josh, were you going to leave dinner to go _get off?_ ”

“No! No, I just-”

“Oh my god, you totally were!” He went silent again, and Josh refused to open his eyes. Then quietly Tyler said, “Do you want me to help?”

“What?!” Josh’s eyes shot open, face bright red at Tyler’s completely serious expression. “What are you talking about?”

“Help. Like I touch you.” Tyler blinked a few times, clearly amused by Josh’s bewildered face. “Do you know anything about this kind of stuff?”

“Yes…” Josh lied, but at this point it didn’t even matter. He began shedding all his outer layers just to make satisfaction come quicker.

“You totally don’t!” Tyler grinned, his smile turning seductive in 0.2 seconds as he began tugging at Josh’s hands to stop him from undoing his belt. “That’s my job baby.”

Josh was melting.

“You like me calling you that?” He whispered, pulling the leather out of the belt loops and dropping it to the floor. Oh god, what the hell was happening?

“Don’t talk, just, do it.” Josh’s jaw was clenched as Tyler unbuttoned his pants and tugged them down past his thighs and to his ankles. “Please,” he added softly and returned to closed eyes.

“That conversation isn’t over,” Tyler muttered, but he stopped talking anyways as gentle fingers trailed across the giant bulge in Josh’s boxers. Josh was moaning softly again, very disappointed in himself to what he had become around this city dweller. Tyler was molding him like putty and Josh didn’t even _care._

Fingers were on his clothed cock once more and Josh bit his tongue. He was going to punch Tyler in a few seconds if he didn’t stop being a fucking asshole.

“I’m going to kill you,” he growled, and Tyler kissed his jaw before his boxers joined his jeans by his ankles. Should he be embarrassed now that Tyler could totally see his dick? Was that a normal thing?

“Damn, you are incredible Joshua,” Tyler exclaimed in one hot and heavy breath as his entire hand wrapped around the base of Josh’s dick and at a painfully slow rate moved all the way down to the tip. “And I’m the one that made you this hard. Unbelievable.”

“Shut up.” Josh was trying to keep up his grunt and growl scheme, but a high pitched moan left his mouth and completely ruined his plans.

“Almost there baby?” Tyler was back to whispering, and Josh cracked open an eyelid long enough to see Tyler spit on his palm before it was back on his cock. Josh was going to die. This was the end. It would be written on his grave and everyone would make fun of him for the rest of eternity. _Scary tough Joshua Dun is the biggest virgin in the world and died getting his dick stroked by a dude who turns him into a shivering mess._

Josh didn’t reply to Tyler’s comment, but instead continued to moan and groan as he came, body finally satisfied that he was getting some fucking action for once in his life that wasn’t himself.

They both stood there for a few minutes, Josh breathing heavy. He couldn’t believe that had happened.

“Josh?” Tyler finally whispered, his face flushed red. “You okay?”

“Holy fucking shit.”

“Is that… bad?”

“No. Jesus Tyler, no.”

He laughed and Josh was reminded of one of the many reasons why he was falling in love with…

 _Shit._ That wasn’t the phrase he wanted to use at all, and yet… it sort of made sense.

But not yet.

The thought got shoved to the side as Tyler kissed Josh on the cheek and left towards the bathroom. “I’m gonna go clean up. I suggest you do the same.”

“Er… yeah. But uh… thanks.”

Tyler poked his head out from the ensuite and stuck his tongue out jokingly. “Hey, anytime.”

Josh wondered if that was an invite for something else.


	11. Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I realise there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.” 
> 
> \- Jeffrey McDaniel

Josh actually got a decent amount of sleep that night, and he knew exactly why his body was able to cooperate.

It felt so _damn nice_ to have someone sleeping next to him, someone who cared so much that they would do anything for him. And Josh knew Tyler would.

He had woken up about a half hour ago, and instead of waking Tyler up right away, he let him sleep. Really, it was mostly so he could watch him. Josh knew that was probably considered creepy and weird, but he didn’t care one bit. Tyler was beautiful and Josh got him all to himself.

And Tyler really was a cute sleeper. He always had his mouth slightly open, thumb drawing dangerous near, and he seemed to always be curled in on himself, tightly pulled into Josh’s chest. He liked this, pretending that his life was normal and he could live out the rest of his days in a house with someone he really, _really_ cared about. Who knew? Maybe in Cleveland that could happen. Maybe Josh could try city life again, just for Tyler. The kid was putting himself out there and out of his comfort zone for Josh, so it would only make sense for him to do the same. If Tyler would want it, Josh would do it.

Josh knew if Tyler told him to run the length of the Earth he would.

There was still so much they needed to talk about, and still so much Josh needed to decide and figure out on his own. Like the fact that he truly believed he was falling in love with Tyler.

Falling in love. What a ridiculous phrase.

Josh sat in bed for another half an hour before Tyler was stirring on top of him, shifting his chin upwards to smile at Josh. “Good morning.”

“Hey there beautiful. You sleep okay?”

“I slept amazingly.” Tyler let out a loud, obnoxious yawn before rolling over to the empty side of the bed to stretch. “You feeling any better?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know... last night.”

“Oh.” Josh’s face faded into a deep magenta in seconds as he ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Right. Yeah. I’m... I’m fine.”

“I was serious about what I said you know. I would do that anytime.”

“Really.”

“Yes, really. How many times do I have to tell you you’re incredible before you actually believe me?”

“Er... probably a lot.”

“Then I’ll keep saying it until you believe me. Now come on, why don’t you go make use of the running water we actually still have before we venture back out onto the road? Or is this place still giving you the creeps?”

“It’s still giving me the creeps. That Spencer dude is way too happy for a downer like me.”

Tyler laughed. “Alright you dork, we’ll leave as soon as possible. Sound good?”

“Since when did you start making the decisions?”

He leaned forward until his lips were millimeters from Josh’s ear, and a small shudder ran down Josh’s spine. “What are you gonna do about it tough guy?”

“Might have to put you in your place.”

“Come on Josh, be serious here. Do you really think you can do that?”

Josh swallowed loudly and cursed himself once more for allowing Tyler to put him in this state. “Yes.”

“So you’re telling me...” Tyler’s hand snaked down the center of Josh’s chest, brushing right above his navel gently. “That if I told you to take your shirt off right now, you wouldn’t listen?”

“No, I wouldn’t. What does that have to do with anything?”

“Because I really want to see that toned body of yours,” he whispered seductively once more, and Josh was getting dangerously close to melting under Tyler’s palms. But he couldn’t do that, not right now. He still had pride.

“Well that’s just too bad.”

Tyler raised an eyebrow, the smirk fading from his face as he scoffed loudly and clambered out of bed and towards the bathroom. “You’re such a tease Joshua.”

“I could say ditto to you Mr. Joseph.” The atmosphere in the room suddenly turned cold and Josh knew he shouldn’t have said that. Tyler’s eyes narrowed, and he went to slam the bathroom door. Josh _knew_ that last name from somewhere, and he didn’t know why he brought it up. He knew Tyler’s last name, but Tyler didn’t know his.

Yeah, they had a lot of things to speak about.

\---

Spencer insisted they eat at least one meal before getting on the road, and as much as Josh wanted to object, Tyler told him it was the nice thing to do. So that left them at a tiny two person table, looking almost everywhere besides each other as their food grew cold.

“I’m sorry,” Josh mumbled after five minutes of silence. “I know I have a hard time not thinking before I speak.”

“No, no… it’s fine. I uh, I overreacted. I do that a lot. It just came as a shock hearing my last name from you. I kind of forgot you knew it.” Tyler rubbed the back of his neck and picked at a flake of wood peeling off the table. “S’just weird is all. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You’re out in an unfamiliar place, I get hearing your full name might be a little strange.”

“I uhm…” Tyler twisted his fingers together in his lap, face starting to bloom into a deep maroon. “I have more to say, but when we get out of here. Is that okay?”

“Yeah. You ready to go? I got no business being here any longer.”

Tyler looked down at his untouched plate. “Yeah. I’m not very hungry.”

“You and me both,” muttered Josh, and the two stood up, fake smiling at the other settlers inside. God, Josh hated being around people.

Spencer was leaning against the doorframe outside the house and smiled when the two passed by. “You two heading out?”

“Yep. Thank you for your hospitality Spencer, we really appreciate it. Not many people like you are out there in the Wasteland.”

“Thank you for staying with us! It’s not very often we get to see travelers or traders, so thank you for making my people’s day. I hope to see you again sometime in the future. Perhaps on your way back?”

“You bet,” Josh grinned, and the minute Spencer turned towards Tyler he rolled his eyes. Bleh, happy people.

“Until next time.” Tyler slid his hand into Josh’s and started tugging him down the road, throwing a wave over his shoulder. Josh watched quietly behind him as he walked, narrowing his eyes at Spencer still standing there with a huge grin on his face.

His eyes drifted to Tyler instead. Tyler’s hair was still slightly wet and partially fell into his eyes, and all the sunlight he had been getting was tanning his skin and Josh’s stomach was churning again. How did he get so lucky?

Tyler cleared his throat after a while, snapping Josh out of his dull gaze and pulled his hand away to cross arms across his chest. “So I promised I’d talk more about my uh, freakout.”

“I wouldn’t call it a freakout. You just-”

“No, I really did overreact. It’s uh… well, my father.”

Josh stared at him for a few seconds. Tyler had barely talked about his family since he met him and was now about to launch into _something._ “What?”

“My father. He’s uh, he works for Cleveland’s government. He’s hardly ever home, travels a lot. That’s part of the reason I wanted to join a caravan, so I could travel and be like him, maybe even make him proud of me. I don’t know. It’s probably really dumb.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” Josh stopped simply so he could look Tyler in the eyes and let him know he really did care. “It’s not dumb to want your father to be proud of you. I was the same way.”

And now Josh was about to launch into something.

Tyler seemed to catch on to what Josh was about to do, and he began shaking his head. “Josh, you don’t have to.”

“No, you deserve to know. We’re a team now.” A deep breath. “I don’t know how much you know about closed communities, but it was led by an overseer.”

“Right.”

“And my dad was his right hand man. They were always together, no matter what. I mean, I was a pretty shitty kid as it was, but I still thought of what my father thought of me. He was a pretty important person in New Columbus, and I was nothing but that terrible, no good, rotten kid. Before I turned and went my own way, I actually tried to be decent. I got my hair cut, did my school work and followed the rules. I hardly ever saw my dad, but when I did, I was always asking him questions, and he’d always get this huge smile on his face and pat me on the shoulder. He’d say, ‘I love you Josh,’ and I’d hug him and he’d read to me and-” He paused to collect himself. It had been a really long time since Josh had told _anyone_ about his family. “I loved my father a lot. I loved my entire family a lot. But New Columbus was full of lies, and I wasn’t about to start living with it.”

Tyler was silent for about three minutes after that, his face furrowed like he was pondering. Josh swallowed nervously, his heart beating erratically. He didn’t know what Tyler was going to say. He figured it wouldn’t be anything too terrible, because it was Tyler, but there was that part of him that tore him down and told him that a million different things were wrong and he was never going to be good enough for anyone.

“I’m happy for you J,” He finally said, voice light and fluffy like the highest cloud in the sky, far, far away from all the radiation. “I’m happy that you decided to take life into your own hands. Your health and sanity should be your number one above all else.”

“I still think about my family a lot. I had two sisters, Abby and Ashley, and a brother, Jordan. They were annoying at times, but I really got lucky. We all _loved_ each other. They’d come to me with their problems, hoping I could help them. That made me feel good about myself, that I was the one they wanted help from. It’s just kind of ironic now.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I’m not the person people look to for help. I’m nothing but a rotten raider these days. The most wanted raider in the Wasteland.” Josh shook his head sadly, unaware he might have blown his cover with the whole Mr. Misty-Eyed thing. Luckily for him. Tyler didn’t seem to catch on to that.

“Hey, that’s a thing of the past. You’ve been different around me, and I know I’ve said this a billion times, but I’m saying it again. You helped _me_ when I needed it most. You’ve been kind to me, you’ve made me feel like I can touch the sky, and you’ve helped me conquer my fears. Don’t you think that accounts for something? There are a lot of raiders out there in the Wasteland that wouldn’t help a soul in their life. You may consider yourself a raider Josh, but if that’s the case I think you’ve kind of failed your title.”

Josh chuckled a little. “Yeah.”

“Let’s just keep walking, okay? Give you some time to think about things. Walking always helps, doesn’t it? Helps me at least.”

“Yeah, walking definitely helps.”

“Good.” Tyler took hold of Josh’s hand and pulled him forward slightly, no more than a millimeter. “Now come on. You don’t have to mutter a single word until you’re ready, got it tough guy?”

“Yeah dad.”

Tyler rolled his eyes.

\---

There had been a book Josh had read about two guys who went on a road trip. He read it back in New Columbus, but had never been able to take it back home.

The men in the book were charismatic, free-spirited, and carefree; they didn’t care where they ended up as long as it was some place different. Josh had really liked that book, because even though he knew he’d probably never get to drive a car or visit great cities, he still dreamed of freedom and adventure. Then he turned into the opposite of carefree and free-spirited, but hey, Josh was still living out that road trip, just... differently. After careful thought, Josh decided that he had made the right decision going with Tyler to Cleveland. He enjoyed walking, seeing new things, and having a companion watching his back; someone he was deeply in love with nonetheless. After dreaming for countless years, here he was, walking along a dusty path.

They had been walking for quite sometime in silence, and Josh was thankful for that. He got lost in his thoughts, and it was good for him to pick through them and separate good from bad. Josh had put off thinking about his family because he had always felt like he betrayed them, but he knew better now. It was okay to remember the good times he had shared with them, because Josh did, and probably always would, love his family. Even if he was upset with them, Josh knew he couldn’t just _stop_ loving his family. It was his family, the people that helped shape who he was. (Er, sort of.)

He thought about Pete too. It was true that Josh had idolized Pete, put him up high on a pedestal and refused to believe he did anything wrong. But Josh remembered the times they had got into fights and Pete had said things that had stung. Pete wasn’t perfect; no one was.

Living out in the Wasteland was hard, and Josh had to do a lot to ensure his survival. Maybe though, just _maybe_ , he could change the way he lived. It’d be hard, but he knew he could do it if he put thought and effort into it.

The sun was starting to set behind rolling hills when Tyler began to slow. At first Josh wondered if it was something with his leg, but he seemed dizzy and not well. Josh had to admit that Tyler really hadn’t been himself all day, but he hadn’t thought anything of it.

Until now.

“Ty?” His voice was full of worry and unrecognizable as he slung an arm around Tyler’s shoulders. “What’s wrong? What can I do?”

“I don’t, don’t know...” He sounded exhausted, the light sucked from his eyes. This was not good at all.

“Okay, let’s sit down, okay?” They were currently in the middle of nowhere, not a house or settlement or any sign of life present, but Josh would have to make do. He helped Tyler sit down on the cold asphalt, gently moving bags out of the way so he could cradle Tyler’s head in his lap. Josh noticed Tyler was shivering a little bit too. He had almost forgotten how cold it was outside.

With fear of causing Tyler more pain, he carefully pulled his bags off and dug for the blankets. Once they had been found, Tyler was swaddled, and Josh was assessing the scene in front of him.

“What hurts Ty?”

“M-my stomach, and head, and...” He paused, groaning loudly as he curled further inwards on himself. With a sigh, Josh pressed the back of his hand to Tyler’s forehead.

“You’ve got a fever. Jesus Tyler, how long have you been feeling this shitty?”

“Awhile. I didn’t want to say anything because we were supposed to keep m-” Tyler’s sentence was cut short by a coughing fit, to which quickly turned into gagging. Then he was rolling off of Josh and vomiting.

Josh stared for a few seconds at Tyler puking his guts out in front of him before he was there next to him, rubbing his back in small circles. “It’s okay babe, I’m right here.”

“Oh my god,” he mumbled before going back to retching. Josh tried to think of how Tyler could have gotten this sick in such a short amount of time. Was it food poisoning? Had his immune system clunked out?

Did he have radiation poisoning?

Jesus Christ, Josh hoped not. But Tyler _had_ grown up in a city, and wasn’t exposed to as much radiation as Josh was. Even if Tyler was a part of a caravan, he wasn’t wandering heavily irradiated parts. Unless... they had.

This territory was just as new to Josh as it was to Tyler, maybe they had and Josh’s body was already adapted to it. Holy shit, was Tyler dying right now?

“Tyler, are you...” He didn’t know how to shape this statement.

After wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he spat a few times before spinning around to face Josh. “I feel like my insides are sloshing inside of me.”

“I think you have radiation poisoning.” Better to be straightforward about it, right?

Tyler blinked, staring at him dumbfoundedly. “Don’t say that.”

“Fever, nausea, vomiting... those are all signs right? We need to get you to a doctor Ty. This could be really serious.”

“Where the hell would I be exposed to radiation? It’s not like we walked past any bombs.”

“The entire Wasteland is full of radiation. Oh my god, I think you’re dying.”

“Josh, quit it.” Tyler rolled his eyes, another grumble following as he clutched his stomach. “I think we need to park it here for the night.”

“Yeah, no kidding. Okay, just, stay here, and stay warm. I’m gonna go find some wood to make a fire. You definitely need it.”

“I’m sorry,” he said meekly, and Josh shook his head.

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” Josh smiled, tugging the slipping blanket over Tyler’s shoulders. “I’ll be back.”

\---

It seemed to hit Josh all at once just how ill Tyler was when he came back with an armful of wood. Tyler was very pale, his cheeks hollow and eyes rimmed purple. Josh sighed as he dropped all the wood on the cement and wrapped his arms around a shivering Tyler.

“On a scale of one to ten?”

“One hundred,” replied Tyler as he launched into another coughing fit. “I’ll be okay. It’s not the first time I’ve been violently ill.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me earlier. We could have stayed in Doctrine another night and you would of had a bed.”

“It was only mild aches and chills when we left. I didn’t think it’d get this bad.” He groaned. “I feel terrible.”

“I know Ty,” Josh mumbled, wanting nothing more than to cuddle Tyler and keep him warm. But he had to get the fire going before he did that. “Let me get the fire started for you so you don’t die from the cold. It’s even worse when you’re sick.”

“You’re the best love.”

Josh nodded, forcing a smile before he went to work getting the fire ready. He arranged the wood in a teepee and pulled the matches out of his bag, along with a few scraps of fabric to use as a fire starter. They were really lucky it wasn’t raining or snowing tonight.

After using the cement to strike the match, he lit the fabric, watching cautiously as it spread up the logs and blossomed into flames. Unfortunately, the fire wasn’t ready yet. He had forgotten about a way to keep the fire contained.

“Alright Tyler, I gotta go find some rocks. Stay right there, okay?”

“I’m sure you’d catch me before I managed to take one step.” He coughed again, throwing his hands towards the warmth of the fire. With a shake of his head, Josh ventured back off the road into the Wasteland.

\---

When Josh was _finally_ able to squeeze next to Tyler and wrap his arms tightly around him, he swore at that moment he had never been happier. Tyler melted into his touch, resting his head on his chest as he practically climbed into Josh’s lap. The two watched the flames dance, the shadows rising and falling like the steady beat of the waves Josh so badly wanted to see.

“Do you want some water?”

“That would be nice.”

Josh tugged on the strap of his bag, pulling it closer to him so he could remove a water bottle. He uncapped it before handing it to Tyler.

Tyler chugged almost the entire thing, but that was fine. Josh was sure being sick made you dehydrated, and throwing up certainly didn’t help either.

When he finished, he set the bottle to the side and curled farther into Josh’s chest. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Josh began playing with Tyler’s hair, smiling a little when he hummed with pleasure. “Of course.”

“Sorry for delaying the trip. I know we could have put a ton more hours in.”

“Tyler, it’s fine. Your health is above traveling.”

He chuckled. “Good to know.”

“If you start puking again in the middle of the night, wake me up. I know that isn’t fun.”

“Especially because I don’t have much left to puke out.”

Josh was silent for a few seconds, thinking. And then, “Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“What if you do have radiation poisoning?”

“Then my hair starts falling out.”

Josh frowned. “Tyler, this is serious.”

“Josh, I probably just caught the flu or something. We’ve been around enough people for that to happen. Just give me forty-eight hours and I promise I’ll be fine.”

“What if your not?”

Tyler shifted in Josh’s lap, lifting his chin high enough to face him properly. “I’m not going to die. You’re worrying too much. You don’t need to do that.”

Josh opened his mouth and closed it promptly, blowing out air from between his lips. “I’m going to worry a lot because you’re important to me. I’m not going to deny anything any longer.”

“Whaddya mean?” Tyler raised an eyebrow.

“All this time I’ve spent with you has felt three times as long. As rude as I had been, I enjoyed being with you and I still do. I love looking over and seeing you next to me. I’ve been doing some thinking. I don’t think I can drop you off at Cleveland and go back to how my life was before I met you. You changed the way I view my life. It’s valuable now, and I have someone to take care of. You.” He swallowed loudly, awaiting Tyler’s reply. He seemed expressionless, Adam’s Apple bobbing idly.

“So... what does this mean?”

“It means I’m ready to put my raider lifestyle behind me and follow you. Tyler, I’m...” He couldn’t bring himself to say those four words. The moment he said them, he was bound to them.

Tyler’s eyes widened. He seemed to realize what Josh was going to say, but didn’t push it. Just reached for Josh’s hand and squeezed it in support.

“I’m in love with you. Madly, deeply, entirely in love with you.”

“Josh,” Tyler croaked out, and he sounded defeated. Broken. Maybe that wasn't what he expected Josh to say. That wasn’t why he held his hand.

Josh’s heart sank.

_No, no, no. This isn’t right. Tyler is supposed to love me back. We’re supposed to love each other. He’s supposed to love me back, DAMMIT!_

His hands were cold, body shaking, heart not functioning.

“Josh, we-”

“No, forget I said anything. It doesn’t matter.” He jutted underneath Tyler’s weak form, sending him tumbling to the asphalt. Tyler stared up at him with sad eyes as Josh grabbed his guns from the ground and cracked his knuckles.

He kept expecting Tyler to say something else. Tell him not to leave maybe, or explain it was a misunderstanding. To say he did love him back.

But Tyler said nothing.

How could Josh have been so fucking _stupid_ ? They had barely known each other two months. Two months and Josh was telling the son of a bitch he was in love with him. He shouldn’t have done that. He shouldn’t have let his emotions get the best of him, he should have reminded himself that he wasn’t a _weak_ piece of shit and-

Josh sobbed. One single dry sob and he dropped to his knees. That stupid fire was still in his view and there were tears threaten to bubble over his eyelids. No. Never again.

Only one managed to escape and roll down his cheek as he stood up and walked farther and farther down the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger. Loooove youuuu


	12. Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It is always so simple, and so complicating, to accept an apology.” 
> 
> \- Michael Chabon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realllllly sorry about that cliffhanger. Trust me, I felt terrible. But in other news, it's all resolved right here!

Josh did eventually go back.

He got no sleep.

And Tyler threw up again.

They didn’t acknowledge the other, but Josh still helped. He didn’t say a word as he handed Tyler another water bottle and let him pick at some food, trying to help get his strength back. Tyler even managed to fall back asleep, even though Josh knew he personally wouldn’t be able to.

He couldn’t believe the nerve Tyler had, not saying a goddamn word about the incident that had taken place. Josh was beyond pissed.

Pissed enough to do horrible things.

Not to Tyler though. He couldn’t do that.

The next morning, (or when the sun came up rather,) Josh was poking at the dying embers of the fire with a stick when Tyler yawned and sat up. He tugged the blanket tighter around his shoulders and stared.

“Josh... can we talk?”

“Oh, so now you want to talk?” Josh hoped he was making it obvious with how furious he was.

“Can you cut me a break? I’m sick and you caught me off guard.”

“You sure seemed well enough to carry out a conversation with me prior to you not saying a thing.”

“Josh-”

“Just stop. I don’t want your pity. You made it loud and clear how you feel back. Sorry for assuming we might have had something between us.”

“Josh please!” Tyler yelled, his eyes squeezed shut. He rubbed his temples as Josh huffed and crossed his arms. “Just let me explain. Please. I know you’re upset with me and I’m so sorry. I know I fucked up big time. Please.”

“Fine. Give me some bullshit explanation so we can go back to not talking.”

Tyler sighed. “Josh, I do love you. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone in my entire life. Do you know how scary that is?”

Josh did not reply.

“The minute I saw you I knew I was in deep trouble. And then you showed me your kindness and I got to see past your rough edges and Josh, I was falling in love with you on day one. It took me as long as you to finally admit it to myself. I was in denial. These feelings we have for each other aren’t exactly normal, are they? How can two people who hardly know anything about one another fall in love with each other?”

“Love has no limits,” mumbled Josh as he picked some dirt out from under his fingernails. “You gotta hold on to someone and never let them go.”

“Exactly. And that’s what you’re doing with me. The way you said things, what you said about wanting to protect me, nobody has told me that. I’ve never felt like I had a close relationship with someone until I met you. Not even the people I’ve been in past relationships with have made me feel that way. The people I worked with meant nothing to me, but you Josh, you mean so much to me and I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. The fact that you are willing to risk everything and abandon your life to stay with me is the nicest thing anyone could ever do. It caught me off guard. I’m deeply in love with you Josh and I’m saying that right here, right now.”

Josh stared at Tyler. He was still beautiful, even for someone who had spent the night puking.

He also couldn’t believe it. Josh couldn’t bring himself to speak. His mouth was agape, ready to respond with something witty, yet no words would come.

“Uhhh... You gonna say something?” Tyler’s face filled with worry. Maybe he was scared he had broken him.

One minute passed. Then two. Then three. And still, they sat still, like a still from a film.

Then, “You’re in love with me?”

“More than I ever could be.”

Josh burst into soft laughter, rubbing his face with his hands as Tyler continued to watch him. “I can’t believe this. Why didn’t you say this earlier?”

“Because I didn’t know what to say. I had to think it over. I know it was a real shitty thing for me to do. I never meant to leave you hanging, and trust me, I’ve thought out a scene like that in my head before. I just... didn’t expect it to happen I guess. But I’m glad it did. You are important to me tough guy, and I wouldn’t want you to be any other way.”

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.”

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have stayed quiet.” Tyler looked over at the sky, squinting at the sunlight. “I’m feeling a lot better this morning.”

“I think we should wait the day out. Don’t think you should really be moving at the moment. It’ll be good for you to have another day to regain some strength and let your immune system fight some more, maybe assess the damages. That is, hoping you don’t have radiation poisoning.”

“I don’t Josh. I’m fine.”

“I hope so.”

Tyler scooted closer to Josh, eyeing him nervously. He seemed almost afraid to touch Josh. That wasn’t what Josh had wanted at all. Josh would _never_ want Tyler to be afraid of him, not in a million years.

But he probably had been. Everything they had worked for in the past weeks destroyed because Josh had to open his big fat mouth.

“Tyler?”

“Yeah?” He was looking forward at the landscape and Josh wanted to yell. _Look at me!_

“I messed things up, didn’t I? I went and accused you without the whole story. I’m really sorry Tyler. I don’t want things to be weird between us because we worked so hard to make things perfect and-”

“Shhh, it’s okay tough guy, take a breather.” He felt soft arms around his waist and sighed with relief. In response he twisted his body around, breathing in Tyler’s scent as he buried his face in the crook of his neck. “Things are fine, I promise. This is just another rough patch we have to climb through, and we did! Everything is okay, see?”

“M’sorry,” he mumbled.

“Everything can still be perfect. As perfect as we can get in a nuclear apocalyptic Wasteland.”

Josh didn’t want to move, but he was sure this wasn’t very comfortable for Tyler at all so he sat up. He took a few deep breaths, rolled his shoulders, and forced a smile. “I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth, you know that?”

Tyler laughed softly and tugged at the blanket around his shoulders, curling the end of the fabric between his hands. “You’re really that flabbergasted with a lanky city dweller like me?”

“Probably a thousand times more,” Josh admitted sheepishly, his face burning red. Tyler laughed again.

“You truly are the cutest person I’ve ever met.”

This time Josh reached for Tyler, pulling him tightly to his chest like he was a stuffed animal rather than a person. Tyler hummed happily, resting his head on Josh’s shoulder.

“I love you Tyler. A lot.”

“I love you too tough guy.”

\---

“What’s the best book you’ve ever read?”

“That’s a difficult question.”

“Tell me one you enjoyed at least.” Tyler was messing with Josh’s hands, spreading his fingers apart to trace one fingertip in between the empty spaces. Josh had his eyes closed. They hadn’t done much all day besides make small talk or sleep, (Well, Tyler slept, which was good for him. Josh was to nervous for Tyler’s safety to sleep.) and Josh was actually perfectly okay with that.

“I’ve enjoyed all of them.”

“You know what I mean.”

Josh thought about it. He had only read a few actual novels. A lot of them he couldn’t even name, but rather knew the plots or quotes that had stuck with him.

“There was this one line,” Josh began, cracking one eyelid to see Tyler focused on him. “I can’t remember what book it was from, but it made me think.” He took a deep breath, smiling softly. “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

Tyler’s eyes widened, and he pulled away, tucking his hands in his lap as he leaned backwards. “Wow.”

“Yeah. I read that when I was still living in New Columbus. I took a step back after that, and asked myself, ‘What love do I deserve?’”

“Everyone deserves to be loved in the best way possible.”

“I agree. Maybe that’s part of life’s journey. You gotta find someone who will give you the love you deserve.”

Tyler was quiet, his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek. He looked like he was thinking. Then he reached over for Josh’s hand once more, one bony finger ghosting over his knuckles. “You deserve the world J.”

He chuckled. “I really don’t.”

“You really do. Every time I hurt you, I feel guilty for days. I still feel guilty about making you think what I did. I hope I can give you the love you deserve.”

“I think you can,” replied Josh as he shifted closer to wrap an arm around Tyler’s shoulders. “I trust you. You made me a better person.”

“I’m glad you trust me. I’m really trying to give you my all.”

“I know. And I know we’re both trying. It’s a weird relationship, but I think it’s good for us. It’s good that we’re both coming out of our comfort zones and trying new things.”

“I’m really glad you agreed to go with me.”

“Me too.” Josh pressed a kiss to Tyler’s cheek, sighing happily. “I’m so happy I found you.”

“Yeah, I probably would have died if you hadn’t found me.”

Josh laughed. “I guess that’s true.” He paused. “So... does this mean we are technically... boyfriends?”

Tyler raised an eyebrow, a smirk spreading across his face. “I don’t think we ever decided that.”

“Are we supposed to decide that, or does it just happen?”

Tyler slipped out from Josh’s arm and kneeled down on one knee, holding out one of his hands. Josh stared at him strangely.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Josh, will you be my boyfriend?”

He blinked. Rubbed his eyes. Blinked again. Did Tyler seriously just ask him that? “...Yes?”

Tyler cheered, throwing his arms around Josh’s neck to pull him into a bear hug. “There,” he whispered, “Now we’re officially boyfriend and boyfriend.”

“Well, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be.” He grinned, settling back into a comfortable position. Tyler snuggled in against his chest once more. “I can’t believe this day started out so horribly.”

“It’s been a pretty decent day besides my fuckup. I’m really sorry about that again. Please believe me when I tell you that I will never forgive myself for doing that to you.”

“It’s okay. I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it.” He squeezed Tyler’s thigh in support, offering an encouraging smile. “I almost forgot I was even mad at you.”

“I’m really glad we were able to talk this out. Communication is good, you know?” Tyler closed his eyes and let out a deep breath before speaking again. “I want you to come live with me in Cleveland.”

“Are you serious?”

“Completely serious. I’ve got a house there, and it’s just me. Get’s lonely sometimes. I’d love to have you there with me. It’s up to you though, I know the Wasteland is your home and I wouldn’t want to take that away from you. I just, god J, you make me so happy, and I don’t want to give you up. I’m selfish like that.”

Josh had prepared himself for this exact moment. Did he want it to happen? Did he want to go live in a city for the rest of his days and change his whole life around? Or did he want to go back to Columbus and go back to his old life of venturing into the same old city every day to collect supplies? Did he really want to go back to his old life of wondering if he’d get food that day? The entire reason he left New Columbus was because he didn’t want to live the same exact day over and over again for the rest of his life, but Josh was _still_ doing that. Every day he woke up, checked his supplies, went rummaging, came home, chopped wood, etc.

Living with Tyler in Cleveland would be _new_ , and unpredictable and-

Who was he kidding? He’d be with _Tyler_. Josh would wake up in bed every single day next to the most beautiful person in the entire Wasteland. They’d eat breakfast together, shop together, read together; Josh wouldn’t be alone any longer. Was he really ready for this? Ready to settle down, go back to civilization and act like a normal human?

“Josh?”

He shook his head. “Sorry. Just thinking.”

“I know it’s a big decision to make. You’re changing up your entire lifestyle. I can promise you this though: Cleveland is no New Columbus. You’re safe there. People are nice, and it isn’t strict, and we could have a good life. I mean, I don’t know if I still want to be in a caravan after this, but I know you could definitely find work. But in the end, it’s up to you. Take your time.”

“Tyler.” A deep breath. “It will be hard for me to adjust to living in a city again, but the answer to that question is simple. Of course I will. I told you I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth and I’m not lying about that at all. You’ve had to do a ton of things I know you’d never do in a million years while you’ve been with me, and if you can do that, then I can too. Getting used to living in a city again will be worth it, because I’ll be with you.”

Tyler sniffed, pretending to wipe away a tear. “My tough guy isn’t so tough anymore.”

Josh rolled his eyes as a blush began to creep across his face. “Shush.”

“I love it when you’re all mushy with me.” Tyler teased, padding his fingertips across Josh’s hips. Josh pulled away, his blush deepening.

“I thought you were sick.”

“I told you I was feeling better this morning. It was just a 24 hour bug is all. No radiation poisoning, but I appreciate the worry.” His fingers moved towards Josh’s belt, tapping the leather tauntingly before pulling away. Josh narrowed his eyes.

“What are you up to?”

“Josh, do you remember how you melted underneath me?” One ridiculous smirk appeared, and it was almost like Tyler wasn’t ever sick. The colour had definitely returned to his cheeks, and he seemed strong enough -

A hand on his thigh, squeezing roughly. A tug on his shirt, fingers sliding layers off of him, the nip of the cold breeze -

“Are we really about to do this?” Josh wanted to, _God_ did he want to, but it was dark, and they were in the middle of nowhere, and Josh had never even... shit. Tyler didn’t know that, did he? Did he just assume or was Josh really going to have to tell him?

“I don’t see why not. Come on tough guy, let me kiss you.” Tyler pouted, his lip stuck out far and his eyes so wide Josh couldn’t possibly say no. With an exhale he scooted forward, tangling a hand at the nape of Tyler’s neck and gingerly nipped at his bottom lip. Tyler grinned underneath Josh’s lips, moaning softly as he moved into Josh’s lap and slid a hand under his shirt.

“You’re so beautiful,” Tyler murmured, and a small groan bubbled at the back of Josh’s throat. Kissing Tyler was therapeutic and beyond wonderful. His lips were slightly chapped, but rocketed pleasure throughout Josh’s body as they moved down his neck. Tyler’s tongue flicked across the sensitive skin there, his teeth grazing, and this time Josh couldn’t contain his noise. A loud moan left his mouth as Tyler sank his teeth into his neck and starting working on the formation of the first of many purplish marks. Damn, that felt _good._ No, better than good. It felt _heavenly._

“Fuck, Tyler,” Josh gasped, his hands failing to find purchase in Tyler’s clothing. He was hard now, wanting to remove all the layers between the two of them. Almost two minutes passed and they weren’t getting anywhere.

Then Tyler pulled off and Josh wanted to shout. “What are you doing?”

“Do you really want to go through with this?” He seemed worried and genuine about Josh’s care. There marked another reason of why Tyler was incredible.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we’re out here in the middle of the Wasteland, and that literally just came to my mind. Plus, you... you’ve never done this before, have you?”

“Are you talking about...”

“What we were about to do. I think...” He seemed confused. Josh sighed. Guess that was done with. “We were about to have sex, right?”

“I thought so.”

“Have you ever...?”

Ah, there was the blush. “No.”

“And here I thought you were this big scary raider.” Tyler patted his shoulder and fixed his shirt, pulling the hem up to hide the string of marks he had been working on. “Sorry. I just, I didn’t ask you, and I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

“No, I wanted to. You weren’t pressuring me into anything, I promise. Besides,” his voice dropped to a hushed whisper, “it’s about damn time.”

Tyler laughed. “Alright, sorry for killing the moment. Next time then. Somewhere maybe a little bit cleaner.”

“Alright then baby boy, I’ll be looking forward to that.”

They shared a smile, Josh’s stomach still twisted into knots. He wondered if Tyler was in the same condition he currently was.

“You know it’s a damn good thing we aren’t in public. I’m sure your neck will be a mess in the morning.”

Josh shrugged, shifting down into their makeshift bed and staring at the sky. “Worth it. Now c’mere.” Tyler was more than happy to oblige, cuddling in close and reaching for his hand. The sky was clear tonight, thousands of shimmering stars filling the sky. It was beautiful, but Josh knew that kind of beauty was always going to be right here next to him, watching his back.

“Back on the road tomorrow tough guy?”

“You bet.”

\---

They woke up bright and early the next morning to pack up their camp and were on the road before 6 o’clock. Tyler walked slightly in front of Josh, a bounce in his step as he watched the rising sun. Josh had music playing softly, a smile on his face. This was possibly the closest he had ever gotten to perfect.

“Good morning Hatton City, Double Bubble Disco King here bringing you all the hits and everything you need to know about the Wasteland. Updates today: news overheard of the famous Mr. Misty-Eyed. We’ve heard he’s been in Indiana, Nebraska, even all the way over in Michigan, but it turns out he’s right here in Ohio, over near good ole’ Columbus. He’s been pretty silent lately; not one single update of a mass murdering or raiding. Maybe his days as the most wanted man in the Wasteland are coming to an end. In other news, the weather is starting to look up! We have a forecast of sunny, clear skies until the end of the week, where it’s supposed to end with a rainstorm. Looks like spring has sprung folks! Now time for the music. Here’s The Beatles with _I Wanna Hold Your Hand._ ”

Tyler snorted once the song started. “That’s what you told him, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, weird he just now decided to say it. I didn’t say anything about the raider being silent, did I?”

“No. Although the stories have been few and thin lately, haven’t they? I wonder if people are finally running out of stories to make up about that guy.” He gasped, feigning surprise. “Or maybe they finally realized he’s not real!”

Josh chuckled a little, shoving his hands into his pockets. Maybe one day he’d tell Tyler the truth about the infamous Mr. Misty-Eyed. Tyler wouldn’t be happy, but it would be good for him to know, especially since he was about to go live with the kid. It’d be important for them to not have any secrets between each other. Sometimes Josh wondered if Tyler was keeping secrets of his own. If he was hiding something, he knew it wouldn’t be long before the city dweller told him. Tyler didn’t seem like one to keep things from people.

“Hey Ty?”

“What’s up?” He slowed his pace, stopping to walk side by side with Josh. Josh ran a hand through his hair and reached for Tyler’s hand. It was clammy he noticed. Was Tyler... nervous? Why would he be nervous?

“Were you serious about me coming to live with you in Cleveland?”

Tyler halted, his doe eyes wide in surprise. “Of course I was. Why would I not be?”

“I just...” Josh was blushing. Why was he blushing? “You remember that conversation we had about me taking baby steps with my emotions? I don’t know, I’m just anxious I guess. There’s a part of me that feels like I’ll never be good enough, or that you’re only doing this out of pity.”

“Joshua.” His expression was not one of pity, but of sympathy instead. His eyes were sad, but he was being patient and Josh couldn’t thank him enough for that. “I’m inviting you to live with me because I love you and you’re important to me. You’re more than good for me; you’re perfect for me, and probably better than me. I don’t want you to feel that way. It breaks my heart.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m trying to work through that mess of emotions I have one at a time and I’m getting there. Just, thank you for being patient with me. I guess I never really realized how badly I needed someone to take care of me until you came into my life.”

“Like you said Josh, we’re a team now, and a team takes care of one another. I’m always gonna be here for you, okay? Thick and thin. When things get too scary and all you wanna do is hide under the covers, I’ll be there to hide with you. If you wanna cry, I’ll cry with you. We’ll get through this together.”

“How did I get so lucky?” He whispered, and Tyler shook his head as the corners of his mouth tilted upwards.

“I ask myself that each day.” Tyler offered Josh his arm, and Josh slid his hand over Tyler’s bicep, smiling back. He didn’t feel so worthless anymore.

\---

The rest of the day went by far too quickly, which was a lot saying, because hiking through rubble wasn’t exactly something _fun._

But the sun was shining, and it felt really nice after so many days of cold. Not to mention that Josh was _happy_ , and felt ready to take on the world. One step closer to Cleveland meant one step closer to a new life, and-

“Holy shit.”

Tyler looked over from the fireplace, laying his hands on his knees. They were borrowing an old, mostly intact house tonight. Tyler had even cheered when he discovered it had a fireplace, and of course Josh couldn’t say no, so he went out and got wood.

“What?” He asked.

“I forgot about the plane I was so intent on looking for.”

“Oh yeah!” Tyler put on his best face of ponder, tucking his chin over an open palm. “Guess you got distracted by my charm, huh?”

Josh rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah, how’d you know?”

“Like I said, we don’t have to go to Cleveland right away you know. Let’s go up to the Great Lakes first and see what we can find. Brendon did mention an airport, yeah?”

“Yeah, it was overcome by raiders.”

“Pssh, that’s nothing. You could kill all of them with one hand tied behind your back.”

“What about you?”

Tyler shrugged. “I’ll be there to help. You know that.”

Josh exhaled loudly and started tapping on his leg out of nervousness. “I think that we should focus on the more important stuff first. Go over to Cleveland, get used to living, and then worry about going back out. Don’t worry, I won’t get too soft.”

“Alright, if you’re sure about that.”

“Of course I’m sure about that. I promise Ty. Our new life starts in less than a week. That’s a little more important than some plane that we may or may not find.”

Tyler was beaming ear to ear, and Josh knew he had made the right decision. Did he want to find that plane? Obviously. But it was obviously not as important as Tyler because he had forgotten about it.

“Alright then. Cleveland it is. Anything else you want to talk about? What else is on your mind?”

One deep breath. Jesus, why did he get so anxious talking about life with Tyler? It was getting on his nerves. “We’re a team.”

“Yes...” he waved a hand, egging him to continue.

“And I think it’s important that we’re honest with each other. I think we’ve come far since that night we met, and I’ve tried to tell you everything I could. I trust you a lot Tyler, and I think you deserve to know everything about me. I don’t want secrets to ruin our relationship.”

“What are you trying to say Josh? Are you keeping secrets from me?”

“Just one really. It’s a pretty big one.”

“Well have at it then.”

Here went nothing. Short and simple, straight to the point. “I’m Mr. Misty-Eyed.” Josh braced for yelling, maybe for Tyler to walk out on him.

He certainly didn’t expect laughter.

Tyler almost barrelled over he was laughing so hard, one hand grasping his chest as the other wiped away invisible tears. Josh sat there unmoving, his brow furrowed.

“That’s a good one Josh,” Tyler clapped jokingly after he finished, still giggling in between words. “You actually had me worried.”

“You think I’m joking?” Josh snapped, immediately regretting it as Tyler’s face fell. “I’m being serious. After Pete died, I became a mass murderer because I could. It’s not a fucking joke.”

“I’m sorry Josh, I didn’t think you were being serious. I just, I don’t understand. He’s just a myth.”

“No he’s not. People actually see me, you know that? The whole reason I started the Mr. Misty-Eyed alias was because my face was on the wanted board of cities and I needed to hide. My goal was to rid the Wasteland of filth and I actually got pretty far, you know? I felt good slaughtering people. I felt good _scaring_ people, and that’s how the whole urban legend started off. That’s why Brendon talks about me on the radio. I started hiding and I would sit there and laugh my ass off because people were so stupid.” He sighed. “I’m being completely serious here Tyler. You need to know this about me, because I’m a fucking psychopath and you deserve to know what you’re getting into. What you’ve seen of me out there in the Wasteland is just the beginning.”

“But you’re not like that anymore,” argued Tyler with a soft expression. He didn’t raise his voice. “You’ve changed. I’ve witnessed that being with you all this time.”

“Does it really matter? There’s a part of me that’s always going to kill Tyler. Do you really want to live with someone like that?”

He was quick to answer. “Of course I do. You’re important to me Josh, whether you’ve killed people or not. It doesn’t matter who you were; it’s who you are now that matters. Trust me on that. I’m not going anywhere.”

A pause. “You’re serious?”

“One hundred percent. Come here and quite moping.” Tyler opened his arms, stretching them as wide as he could, and chuckled as Josh slide into them lazily. He couldn’t believe Tyler could just, _accept_ that part of him. How could he be okay with that?

But maybe the part that mattered was that he was. He wasn’t running away screaming, or calling him a freak or threatening to turn him in. Josh had known from the beginning he trusted Tyler that much. He knew Tyler would never tell a soul.

“I won’t tell anyone you know,” he said, further confirming Josh’s thoughts. “If you’re worried about that. I’m okay with it.”

“I know you won’t.” Josh rested his head on Tyler’s shoulder with an obnoxious sigh. It felt good getting that off his chest. “My last name is Dun by the way. I think you deserve to know that too, since I know yours.”

“Joshua Dun,” Tyler replied, flicking his tongue out as he said it. Josh sighed again. His name was nice when Tyler said it. It rolled right off his tongue. “How quaint.”

“Totally.”

“Anything else you want to confess to me tough guy?”

“No. I think that’s it. If there’s anything else, I’ll let you know. Do you have anything you want to say?”

Tyler hummed, tapping his chin with his free hand. “Oh yeah. One time I ripped my sister’s teddy bear and blamed it on my brother.”

“Dude. This is serious.”

“Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.” He put on a shit eating grin. “But no, no secrets. I’m not one for keeping secrets, okay? If there’s anything that needs to be said, I’ll say it. Promise.”

“Okay, good.”

“I’m glad you brought that up though. Honesty is really important in a relationship. I can’t tell you how many relationships I’ve seen ruined due to dishonesty. It’s a shame, really. Doesn’t take much to be honest.”

“You’re right. I should have said something sooner.”

“I’m not trying to blame it on you Josh. You did the right thing telling me and I’m honored you trust me with that information. I’m not going to misuse it.”

“I know. Tyler?”

“Yes?”

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

Tyler shrugged. “So I’ve been told.”

With a playful shove, Josh reached over to kiss him. For the first time in his life since Pete passed away, Josh was _happy._

And at that moment, that was all that mattered.


	13. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.” 
> 
> ― Haruki Murakami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of discussion worthy stuff going on in this chapter. We're getting closer to Cleveland.

Josh woke Tyler up early so they could watch the sunrise. The sky was lacking cloud cover, which displayed a canvas of purples and pinks and oranges almost perfectly. He sighed happily as they sat on the front porch, pulling his knees tightly to his chest.

“Hard to think that people used to sit on their porches and do this, huh?” Tyler’s voice still contained that last lick of sleep, which Josh had to admit was really, _really_ attractive. He figured the only reason Tyler was bringing that up was to make small talk.

“I wonder how many people actually wanted to get up at this godly hour,” was his reply as he tapped his fingertips softly on the top of his knee.

Tyler chuckled. “I would assume not most.”

“It sure it peaceful though. All we need are some birds chirping, maybe the mailman driving by, and we’re all set.”

“If only.” Tyler huffed audibly and went to push himself up all the cold cement when Josh suddenly threw his arms out to stop him from standing up.

“Wait. I got a song I want you to listen to.”

“Now?”

“It’s fitting. Just wait, okay?” Tyler shrugged, watching Josh curiously as he grabbed onto the siding of the house and yanked himself up in one swoosh before darting into camp. There he swiped his Walkman from his bag and brought it back out, setting the headphones over his ear to find the song he wanted to Tyler to indulge on. When he found it, a small “Ah-hah!” broke through and he scooted to set the headphones over Tyler’s ears. Josh was having a little bit of deja vu doing this, thinking about the first time he had met the kid. Man, had they progressed a lot.

“It’s called _Don’t Dream It’s Over,_ ” Josh explained, setting the Walkman carefully in Tyler’s lap. “I want you to listen to the lyrics, okay? Very carefully.”

“Yes sir.” Tyler grinned before hitting play on the tape, his face immediately melting into one of attentive focus. Josh crossed his arms and leaned back against the house, the song already ringing in his ears.

 

_There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost_

_But you'll never see the end of the road_

_While you're traveling with me_

 

_When the world comes in_

_They come, they come_

_To build a wall between us_

_We know they won't win_

 

When the song was over, Tyler let the headphones hang loosely around his neck and glanced at Josh with a small smile on his face. “It’s about us,” he whispered, and Josh nodded.

“The world might be a difficult place to live, but we know they won’t win. We’re strong, and you’re my rock. Many battles are lost, but you have to keep moving forward.”

“If you lived before the war, I would have paid good money to see you speak.” Tyler’s grin was full fledged now, Josh’s face turning red.

“I think I would have been a historian if I could have.”

“I’m not surprised.”

Josh rubbed his neck, trying to remove the blush as if that would somehow work. With a sigh he stood up once more and rested a hand on the frame of the front door. “We should probably get a move on.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I’ll help you pack.” Tyler stood up as well, his hand gripping the Walkman tightly as he followed Josh to the living room to pack up their gear. Josh strapped up once more, not even bothering with his glasses or that old bandana. He figured he’d spend more time speaking with Tyler anyways.

He had to admit: watching Tyler strap his holster around his waist and slid his pistol into it sort of turned him on. Maybe it was because this kid had changed so much over the short time Josh had known him. He went from cowering at the sight of a gun to being completely fine having one in close proximity.

Tyler seemed to notice though, and raised an eyebrow as a cocky smirk slid onto his face. “You like what you see?”

“Yeah actually. I don’t know if you know anyone named Tyler, but he’s smoking hot.” Josh grinned sheepishly, stepping out of the way to dodge Tyler’s hand.

“Oh shush. Here by the way.” He cautiously handed the Walkman back over to Josh, who tucked it into his pocket and adjusted it around his neck. That Walkman felt like a limb he needed to have for survival.

“Shall we get going?” Josh offered Tyler his hand, and with an affirmative nod, Tyler clasped it tightly.

“We shall.”

\---

_“Thanks for meeting with us Mr. Dun.” Three men sit in a room, two out of the three wearing New Columbus’s famous one piece suits. The other, a stranger. A teenage boy peeks behind the crack of a crooked door, holding his breath._

_“Of course. What are we here to discuss?”_

_“Mr. Dun, you’ve met Agent Joseph, haven’t you?”_

_Mr. Dun swallows nervously. “I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure.” He holds out a hand. “Nice to meet you Agent.”_

_The Overseer, the other man in the room, is tall and sports salt and pepper hair. “Mr. Dun, you know you are one of my best employees, but the topic we are discussing today is your son.”_

_Mr. Dun seems taken aback by this information and stutters out his words. “M-My son?”_

_“You are aware of all the trouble he has been causing in our community, no?”_

_“Well yes, but-”_

_“And you know by the information our scientists have collected on him that he is dangerous and needs to be contained?”_

_He gasps. “My son is not dangerous. Impulsive maybe, but he would never do anything to endanger another life. He’s just confused. Perhaps if we offered support instead of strict discipline he’d learn to behave better.”_

_“Mr. Dun, your son is not like the rest of us and you know it. It’s up to the authorities to contain him before he goes off and we can no longer stop him. That’s why Agent Joseph is here. He’s done a perimeter check of the wall and has discovered a weak part in the wall. If your son was to know anything about this, we are certain he will try and leave. Nobody has ever left New Columbus, and no one will. We are planning on fixing the wall, but…” The overseer sighs sadly. “If you don’t help us contain your son, then we will do it forcefully. He needs to be stopped, and we need to do future research to stop whatever he is from happening ever again.”_

_Mr. Dun sighs, rubbing his face vigorously. He’s faced with a challenging decision. Finally, after a while, he makes his reply. “Of course Overseer. His sixteenth birthday is tomorrow. I’ll send him down to the capitol building.”_

_“Excellent. Tell him that’s where he’ll receive his job. The Agent and I will be waiting. Thank you for your understand Mr. Dun.”_

_The teenage boy backs away from the door with wide eyes, his heart beating frantically. That’s it, he decides. I’m leaving tomorrow._

\---

“Josh?” Tyler stared at him with worry strewn across his features and Josh didn’t reply. He remembered that night so clearly, but it hadn’t been _that_ clear. He rubbed at his eyes, feet remaining bolted to the road. “Josh, what’s wrong? You’ve been standing there for five minutes now.”

Josh burst into a coughing fit, hands curling into fists by his side. It felt like there was someone sitting on his chest, crushing his ribcage all the way down to his soul. When he finished, he looked over at Tyler with wide, fear stricken eyes. “I know your last name Tyler.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There was a guy in New Columbus that was talking to my father and the overseer the night before I left. He was an agent. Agent Joseph. Does that sound familiar at all?”

“Nobody in my family is an agent of anything Josh. You gotta know the last name Joseph is quite common, right?”

“They said I was dangerous. That I needed to be locked up because I wasn’t like the rest of them. Holy shit Tyler, how did I forget about that?”

“You gotta explain things Josh, because I’m really confused right now. From the beginning.”

Josh sighed in frustration and tugged harshly on his hair. “Look. The night before I left New Columbus, I overheard a conversation between my father, the Overseer, and a man by the name of Agent Joseph. They were talking about how I was a nuisance to the community and needed to be locked up before I did something horrible and ruined their name. After their meeting was over and I had been sitting in my room packing up my stuff, my father came in and told me about going to the capitol building the next morning to receive my job. I smiled politely and told him alright, but I knew he was lying. When I got to that capitol building, they were going to throw me in jail and do stuff to me or something. So early that morning I left through that break in the wall they had mentioned the night before and took off running.”

Tyler rubbed his eyes. Blinked. Rubbed his eyes again. “They were going to experiment on you?”

“Yeah! I remembered the wall part, but shit Tyler, that entire conversation popped up in my head like I was sitting there watching it happen in real time. It was like… a vision I guess.”

“Have you ever had a vision before?”

“No. I didn’t even know that could happen. Maybe I was drugged and all of this is a hallucination. Are you even real?” Josh leaned over to smack Tyler on the shoulder, but Tyler rolled his eyes and stepped out of Josh’s reach.

“Yes I’m real you dork. You aren’t on drugs. Just… maybe they were right about you, that you were different.”

“I… I don’t understand.” Josh rubbed at his head in aggravation. “Why now?”

“I really don’t know Josh, but it’s gonna be okay.” Tyler wrapped an arm tightly around his shoulders and slowly started pulling him back down the road. “Remember what I said? I’m here for you. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out together. I promise.”

“Thank you. I really don’t want to think about this anymore.” He knew he was going to though. Josh knew he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it.

“You don’t have to. Put on the radio and see what Bren’s up too. It’s bound to be interesting, right?”

Josh forced a smile, but this wasn’t something he wanted to put on the back burner. He had felt engulfed in that conversation, like it was that night all those years ago. How could he be okay after that? “Yeah, I guess.”

“Hey.” He kissed Josh’s jaw softly. “Don’t let this worry you.”

“It’s freaking me out. When they said I wasn’t normal, I figured that was because I didn’t want to conform, not because I could take a blast to the past. I’ve never had anything like that happen to me before. What if the next time it happens I’m in the middle of gunfire? You saw me, I froze and wouldn’t move.”

“We don’t know if it’s going to happen again.”

“Something strange is going on.” Josh ran a hand through his hair nervously and sighed. “I’m actually really terrified Tyler. I am _scared_.”

“It’s alright to be scared, you just gotta know that-”

“Oh my God stop!” He tossed his arms up in the air in irritation. “I’m sorry, I know you’re trying to be nice and encouraging and helpful, but I need to wallow and soak in what the hell just happened. We need to see if it’s going to happen again.”

Tyler kicked an old beer can off the road and watched it roll into a ditch before he looked up at Josh’s frustrated expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you more worried. Things suck, but we gotta keep moving and worry about it as it happens, you know?”

“Gah, yeah. Okay. Let’s just, try and forget this and worry about it the next time it happens. Okay. Let’s go.” Josh clenched and unclenched his fists, blinked rapidly a couple of times and went back to trudging down the road, Tyler trailing loosely behind him. Josh didn’t think it was weird Tyler wasn’t side by side with him, after all, he had just full on shouted at him, but he could have sworn he heard him whispering to himself as they walked.

\---

They set up camp out at what remained of an old camping ground at Tyler’s request. His eyes had lit up when he noticed the sign on the road.

“It’ll be like the old days! We can look at the stars!” He exclaimed, and his adorable outburst sucked Josh in. It wasn’t like he minded. The camping ground would allow him to get lost in his fantastic pre-world life. He and Tyler were doing nothing more than gathering equipment to spend a weekend at the grounds having cookouts and swimming. At night they’d talk about how the work week went and fall asleep in each other’s arms and-

“Josh!”

He looked over at Tyler’s grin, noting the bags he was dropping to the dirt. “Sorry.”

“Sometimes I worry about you. Can you help me with the blankets?”

“I was just-” Josh stopped, shaking his head in the process. It’d be better not to tell Tyler what he was daydreaming about. “Yeah.”

Together they spread out the blankets and Josh went out to collect wood for a fire. Luckily for them, the campsite already had a firepit, even after all these years, so he wouldn’t have to do much.

“What were you thinking about?” Tyler questioned the minute Josh came back. With a scoff, Josh let the wood fall to the ground and dusted off his hands before dropping to his knees.

He answered as nimble fingers began leaning the dry bark up against each other. “Nothing that important.”

“Sure had you in a trance.”

“I get lost in my thoughts sometimes. Sorry.”

“Come on, I wanna know!” Tyler reached for Josh’s shoulder, pulling him away from his construction.

“You’re interrupting my work,” Josh grunted as he yanked away, trying to ignore Tyler’s playful gestures. With a sigh, Tyler rolled his eyes and suddenly launched himself forward, causing Josh to lose his balance and fall to the ground. He then straddled Josh, his elbows resting on Josh’s chest as a seductive smirk spread across his face.

“Come on, don’t you think I’m a little bit more important than some stupid fire?”

“I dunno, do you want to freeze your ass off tonight?”

“Josh,” Tyler warned, moving in closer. One arm shifted, his fingers trailing across Josh’s bare arm to tug on the collar of his shirt to hide some of the bruises that were exposed. “You know, I wish people were around to see those.”

“I don’t.” He tried to escape from underneath Tyler, but the city dweller was not having it.

“Don’t be rude, just tell me what you were thinking about and I’ll let you go back to making that fire.”

“Fine. I was thinking about us camping before the war. You know, when things were actually normal and stuff. You happy? Can I leave?”

Tyler sucked in a breath, his eyes hooded and full of mischief. He slowly climbed off of Josh, watching as Josh rolled his eyes and reached for the next piece of wood.

“I swear to god, you’re the most oblivious person I’ve ever met.”

“What?” Josh froze again, the bark in his hand as he stared at Tyler sitting in the middle of their makeshift bed with his legs crossed. His hair was disheveled from the hand that had been dragged lazily through it and he looked so innocent Josh was actually caught off guard. Literally two seconds ago Tyler was…

Oh.

He set the bark down slowly, watching Tyler watch him with his head tilted slightly as he moved on his hands and knees towards the edge of the blankets. Tyler raised an eyebrow, his cheeks puffed up with air as Josh teasingly laid a hand on the fabric and pulled away quickly.

“What the hell are you doing?” Tyler finally exhaled, and Josh laughed, throwing his entire body forward, almost all his limbs smacking Tyler somewhere. He scowled, shoving Josh off of him, but that seductive smirk was back as he reached over and grabbed Josh’s wrist loosely, pushing him onto his back.

“Dunno,” Josh shrugged, his voice breathless as Tyler climbed on top of him again, his fingertips ghosting up and down his arms so _smoothly_ that he couldn’t help but shiver. Tyler seemed to notice this, and leaned down so close that his chest was barely pressed against Josh’s, and his lips brushed that dip right behind Josh’s ear.

“You’re playing hard to get,” he murmured, and Josh’s entire body stood on end with electricity.

“Maybe I am.”

“Maybe you are.” Lips touched skin, and his tongue flickered across that dip and Josh was moaning gently, softly, trying not to make too much noise as his back arched off the ground. Tyler sat up, a satisfied grin crossing his face as his fingers fumbled with Josh’s belt. “This place is clean enough, right? It’s isolated. You can make all the noise you want.”

Josh swallowed nervously, his eyes squeezing shut as his belt made a muffled thud on the hard ground and Tyler went to tugging at his pants. He lifted his hips off the ground, trying to make it easier for his pants to actually get off. Josh had no doubt at all that Tyler was most likely staring at that very obvious tent in his boxers.

The image of some random raider, traveler, or trader walking through the trees to discover a scene like _this_ crossed Josh’s mind at some point, and he didn’t even care.

Tyler was back on top of him again, lips crashing against lips in seconds and Josh was moaning under Tyler’s touch. He parted his mouth slightly, allowing Tyler’s tongue entrance. Oh boy, had Josh not realized how much he _wanted_ this, how much he _needed_ this. Tyler made him feel important; he was that match that started the flame raging inside Josh’s soul.

“Shirt off,” Tyler breathed, interrupting Josh’s thoughts, and he instantly obeyed, raising his arms over his head for Tyler to tug the fabric over and off his body, discarding it into the pile. His own shirt joined before he was back to kissing, one hand placed on either side of Josh’s head, fingers tugging harshly on his hair and causing another soft sound to remain hazy in the air. As Tyler’s lips moved down the length of his jaw and dipped right under, Josh gasped again, his back arching off the ground, and Tyler pulled away. “Oh my God, your fucking back muscles are killing me right now.”

“You know what’s killing me? You not hurrying the fuck up.”

“Someone’s impatient.” Tyler raised an eyebrow, two of his fingers sliding down from his head to curl under the elastic of Josh’s boxers. “You want me to touch you again?”

“Shit,” Josh mumbled, his eyes closing shut again. How did he get hard so fucking quickly? Tyler was burning the back of his eyelids and he had this incredible pain stirring in his chest. “Jesus Ty, I want you _inside_ of me.”

“Damn,” his voice was so hushed and gruff and Josh was so impatient he couldn’t wait any longer. His hand moved, and Tyler wasted no time helping Josh discard his boxers in the pile. “Josh-”

“Don’t talk-”

“Let me just,” Tyler’s hand was on his cock, pumping one, two, three dry strokes before he stopped. Josh arched up again, growling under his breath. Then Tyler leaned forward again, lips mere millimeters from his ear. “I wanna try something.”

“Fuck, do it.”

Josh's curiosity got the better of him as he opened his eyes to see what Tyler was about to do. Tyler pushed apart his thighs, allowing himself more room to work as he eyed Josh's member was lust.

As Tyler leaned forward, it occurred to Josh what exactly the other was about to do. His eyes widened, gaping. “Are you going to suck my-”

“Shhhhh,” Tyler whispered, spreading Josh's thighs wider. Josh dropped his head back down to the dirt, his eyes closing again. He couldn't believe Tyler was about to do this.

But _holy fucking shit_ , the minute Tyler took him all in, a loud gurgle leaving his throat and Josh was clasping the blanket underneath him with every inch of strength he had.

“Fuck,” he yelled, back curling upwards and fuck was right, because Tyler looked so _bad_ with his lips wrapped around his cock, an obscene sucking noise echoing in the breeze and Josh couldn't deal with this, this, whatever the hell was happening right now. Had Tyler done this before with someone else? How the fuck-

Tyler trailed his fingers across the inside of Josh’s thighs, and yet another loud moan left his mouth and he was bucking upwards towards Tyler. For all the wrong reasons it felt so goddamn _right._

“Tyler, fuck, you gotta, I think I'm about to-”

Tyler’s nails dug into skin and Josh let out another string of profanities as Tyler’s tongue lapped around the tip, and his body had so many _things_ stirring inside that he swore he was about to explode. Josh was a bomb that was going to cause a hell of a lot of damage if he didn't-

Fortunately for Josh, Tyler didn't seem to even care as he came. He just swallowed, pulled off with a vulgar pop, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and fell onto his back, breathing heavily next to Josh as he did the same exact thing.

Josh swore that image of Tyler - what with his wide eyes and red, swollen lips - would never leave his mind in a million years.

“Shit,” he panted, and Tyler laughed breathlessly.

“Shit is right. Sorry I didn't get to the ‘inside of you’ part.”

“Fuck no, that was, Jesus, that was incredible.”

“I've been trying to tell you that this whole time.” He forced himself to sit up and reach for a water bottle. Josh watched him down half of it before he passed it over, and Josh happily drank the rest.

“I should probably get some clothes on, huh?”

“Heavens no, leave the clothes off.” Tyler grinned, moving out of the way to avoid Josh’s punch.

With an eyeroll, Josh reached for his bag and pulled out some fresh(ish) clothes, ignoring Tyler’s heated eyes as he pulled them on and collapsed back to the ground.

He felt Tyler’s hand slide into his. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

\---

 

_A knock at the door causes an older gentleman to turn away from his writing to answer the door. Inside comes a man with salt and pepper hair and the fakest smile imaginable._

_“Good evening Mr. Dun.”_

_“Overseer,” he nods, gesturing towards the couch. “Please, have a seat.”_

_“Thank you.” He sits down and glances around the room before his eyes lock with Mr. Dun. “I’m afraid I have to be the bearer of bad news.”_

_“What?”_

_“It’s your son. He was caught stealing today. We had to hit him.”_

_Mr. Dun’s eyes widen and he shakes his head in mild anguish. “I was wondering why his back was so gruesome. He was dropped off by two other students. My son could barely walk.”_

_“We don’t want this to happen again. Hopefully his punishment will be enough to stop him from becoming something more.” The overseer’s face falls dark, and Mr. Dun swallows nervously._

_“Becoming more? Are you talking about his lab results?”_

_“Lab results and more. Mr. Dun, your son is not human.”_

 

\---

Josh woke up covered in sweat, the sky still dark enough he could make out a dusting of stars. He stared at the wood that had never been turned into a fire and coughed as his lungs filled up with invisible ash.

Tyler stirred, yawning as he felt for Josh’s hand. “Josh? What’s going on?”

“I had another one,” he sputtered out, wrapping a hand around his throat lightly. _Your son is not human_.

“Another vision?”

“Yes.”

Tyler sighed. “It might have been a dream J, it is nighttime. Don’t let it stress you out, okay? C’mere and cuddle with me. I’m cold.”

Josh squeezed his eyes shut, letting shapes form behind his eyelids before he laid back down in Tyler’s arms and pushed closely to his chest. Maybe Tyler was right. Maybe it was just a dream. That would make more sense than a vision.

He was ridiculous.

“Sorry for waking you up,” he murmured, and Tyler started playing with Josh’s hair.

“I probably would have woken up anyways. I have this sixth sense that tells me when my boyfriend is in need of some support."

Josh snorted. “Thanks.”

“Are you gonna be okay to go back to sleep?”

“I think so. Will you sing?”

Tyler’s fingers tightened in Josh’s hair, obviously taken aback by Josh’s request. But he settled comfortably. “Yeah. I can sing.”

He started singing the Simple Minds song and Josh focused on his breathing as Tyler’s voice rang in his ears and lulled him to sleep. They were so close to Cleveland now that everything Josh was worrying about was going to seem silly. He needed to relax.

Only problem was, Josh wasn’t quite sure he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Secrets, secrets are no fun, secrets, secrets hurt someone))


	14. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Work is hard. Distractions are plentiful. And time is short."
> 
> \- Adam Hochschild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huuuuuuuurggghhhh

It happened again halfway through a day of traveling.

The morning had been quiet, not much conversation between the two of them. An uneasy tension hung over the pair like a bad thunderstorm, a tension that neither were quite sure was there in the first place.

 

_A manilla folder is tossed on the desk of Mr. Dun. He looks up with wide eyes at the Overseer, whose lips are pressed into a thin line._

_“Information on your son,” he says, before he walks out of the office, the door slamming shut. With a heavy breath, Mr. Dun picks up the folder and removes the papers with shaky fingers._

_Advanced in hearing, creativity, intelligence, strength, agility, endurance._

_And in big, bold letters, “_ **_WATCH CAREFULLY._ ** _”_

 

He remembered those tests. “Follow the light with your eyes. Run a mile. Fill out these math problems. Write an essay. Read this passage. Tell me what you hear.”

 

_“Your son’s species is few and rare. He’s the first one in New Columbus, and we can’t let the word get out. I need you to make sure he stops getting into trouble. Can you do that Mr. Dun?”_

_“Of course.”_

_It’s a cold night when Mr. Dun sits down next to his wide toothed smiling son with a sigh. He twists his hands in his lap and runs through what he’s going to say in his head several times before the words actually come out._

_“Joshua.”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Why do you keep stealing?”_

_The son is quiet, his smile long forgotten. He pulls his knees to his chest and shrugs. “I wouldn’t call it stealing. Borrowing maybe.”_

_“You can’t take things that don’t belong to you. You especially can’t take books.”_

_“But they’re interesting. Why is pre-war banned? Shouldn’t we be looking into how to restore life as it was?”_

_“Those people lived differently than we do now. They were vicious and evil and we don’t need our people getting any ideas. Does that make sense?”_

_“No.”_

_“You’ll stop getting hurt if you listen to me. I need you to stop taking things that don’t belong to you. Stop looking at books you aren’t supposed to, or I’m going to have to start disciplining you on top of the Overseer, understand?”_

_A hand drags through his short hair. He hates it, his hair being that short. “Yes.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_But later that week, security breaks into the Dun home. Mrs. Dun screams, Mr. Dun shakes his head sadly, and three others, two wide eyed girls and another whimpering boy, hide behind a door. The son is contained by two large security guards as the Overseer overturns his room, pulling out books and clothing and blankets and almost everything else. Then, the son is whipped, the blood on his back another reminder of how much he hates this place._

 

“Josh, please!” Then came a muffled scream, one that sounded like Josh was submerged under water, sinking farther and farther down to the bottom. When he surfaced, Josh realized it was Tyler screaming. Tyler, whose face was stained with tears.

Josh blinked a couple of times, fading back into reality, his hands clenched into shaking fists by his sides. His head was pounding, and his vision was blurry. He could feel Tyler tugging on his arm.

“I’m sorry,” he said bluntly, feet still rooted to the asphalt. He didn’t recognize his own voice. Tyler sighed with relief, sniffing as he cleaned his face up a little.

“Your eyes got all glassy, and _holy shit,_ I thought you were about to die. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be emotional about this, but-”

“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry for putting you in that situation.” Unable to stand any longer, Josh collapsed, his body slamming hard into Tyler’s chest. Tyler’s arms gripped his shoulders tightly as he helped him sit down and gently cupped his jaw with a palm.

“Another vision?” He said quietly, and Josh nodded. He reminded himself to breathe as eyelids fluttered shut. Tyler’s hand was cold, his foundation in a faded reality.

“This one was bad.”

“It’s been ten minutes Josh. Ten whole minutes.” Tyler sniffed, still not fully over the events that had taken place. “They’re getting worse.”

“Yeah. I… I’m not feeling too hot after that.” Josh rubbed at his face, gently nudging Tyler’s hand away. “I gotta sit, just for a few minutes.”

“Take your time.” He watched Josh carefully, observing his every movement. Josh focused on breathing. _In and out, in and out._

These visions were only confirming Josh’s fears more and more with every one. _Species?_ He wasn’t human? What the fuck did that even mean?

“Will it help to talk about them?” Tyler’s head was tilted slightly when Josh cracked his eyes open.

He obviously couldn't mention the “I’m not human” part to Tyler. That was something he didn’t even want to mention to himself. “I was having a discussion with my father about my misdemeanors. He told me to stop, but I was too convinced I wouldn’t get caught. But I remember that night Tyler; the Overseer and security barged into my home and destroyed my room. They took all my books and like half the things in my room and then hit me again. You know, I’m wondering why my brain is taking these particular memories and making me suffer through them again, you know? Is there something I’m supposed to be seeing in these?” _Obviously. It’s the fact that I’m not human_.

Tyler frowned. “They seem to be getting worse the closer we get to Cleveland. Maybe you shouldn’t go to Cleveland. I don’t think it’s safe for you J.”

“Oh come on, distance between me and a city isn’t what’s causing the problem. There has to be a reasonable stimulus. Do you have scientists there in Cleveland? I’ll go talk with them.”

“A scientist? I’d see a doctor before a scientist.” Tyler blinked, gasping loudly in what might have been shock. “Josh, did New Columbus have a ton of scientists?”

“Well yeah. I thought most places did. They’re there to keep research on citizens.”

“Josh, most scientists don’t keep tabs on every person inside a community. A human being has the right to privacy.”

Josh blinked. “Oh.”

That was the reason the government had so much on him. He had a _fucking right_ to privacy and this was just now news to him?

“Josh?” Tyler reached for his hand, his eyes still wide with sympathy. “Josh, you didn’t know that? We have human rights.”

“Apparently not in New Columbus,” he mumbled, shuffling out of Tyler’s grasp. He pushed himself off the ground, dusted loose gravel off his pants and adjusted the strap of his bag.

Tyler still stayed on the ground, his bottom lip quivering. Josh scowled. “Tyler, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!” He stood up, racing after Josh who had started moving back down the path. “Josh, that’s not cool what they did to you!”

“It doesn’t matter. That’s said and done with. I haven’t been there in almost ten years.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!” Tyler’s voice was loud, louder than Josh had ever heard before. He sounded powerful, something that made Josh want to shrink right on the spot. He turned around with a grunt, bracing himself for Tyler’s follow up.

Tyler reached both hands for Josh’s shoulders, pulling him into a fragile hug. Josh let Tyler hold him without any complaining. He felt weak, and that was such a terrible feeling that struck so deep in his gut it made him want to give up everything he had ever worked for. He felt worthless.

Josh rested his chin on Tyler’s shoulder, eyes focusing on a broken car window that still had a few strands of glass attached. He sort of felt like that, like he was hanging on by a thread. “We’d have exams. They would have us do a bunch of tests. Physical and mental stuff. Almost every month actually. They’d come into our homes sometimes.”

“Did they ever touch you?”

“Jesus Tyler, no. Nothing like that. Just, they had a right to come into our homes. Sometimes they’d stay overnight. I just assumed it was a normal thing, you know? It wasn’t like we could say anything about it. They worked for the government, and you _never_ disobeyed or went against the government.”

“But you did.”

“Damn right I did.” Josh sighed audibly, slinking out of Tyler’s hug. “I promise I’m fine, okay? I’m more pissed off than upset.”

“You have every right to be. That’s not okay. That makes _me_ furious. I’m going to-”

“What are you gonna do Tyler? March down to New Columbus and demand they stop? They’d shoot you before you even made it to the wall.”

Tyler rolled his eyes. “Obviously I can’t do that. But I can promise you that Cleveland is going to make up for it. I won’t let _anyone_ touch you ever again.”

Josh snorted. “Thanks. I can take care of myself you know. I’m stronger than you.”

“Sure you are.” He squeezed Josh’s shoulder playfully, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, pinkie promise.” Josh forced a smile and gestured towards the road. “Now that I’m done interrupting, let’s get back to walking, okay?”

“I still don’t believe you,” muttered Tyler as he rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t bring anything else up, and Josh ignored his comment. In the end, New Columbus didn’t matter. Josh didn’t want to be defined by his past any longer.

\---

They didn’t talk much for a couple of passing hours, besides Josh asking Tyler if he was hungry and wanted to stop. (Spoiler alert: Tyler was not hungry.) And after that, Josh literally could no longer handle the silence between them that he started fiddling with his radio. Even if nothing was playing, at least Brendon’s voice would soak up the silence. Also, as much as he hated to admit it, Josh actually really missed Brendon. He knew it had only been a few days since he last saw him, but he missed his shit eating grins and eccentric personality. Plus, Josh was starting to feel bad for breaking his nose.

He kept waiting for the music to start, but it didn’t click that nothing was playing until Tyler nudged him.

“Turn that static off dude. It’s annoying.”

“Static?” Josh stopped walking, pausing as he twisted the dial a little further to the right and then to the left. Tyler was right; there was nothing but static. Where was the music? Where was Hatton Radio? “No, this is supposed to be Brendon’s station Tyler. Where the hell is Brendon?”

Josh didn’t realize he was yelling until Tyler was holding him again, whispering soothing words into his ear. His entire body was shaking like a tree in a windstorm and his mind was escalating.

“Josh, it’s okay. Just breathe.”

“What if he’s dead?”

“He’s not dead J! You’re overthinking this. Things go wrong with radio stations all the time.”

“No, you don’t understand, Hatton has the strongest radio signal in the Wasteland, they aren’t supposed to-” Why was Josh hyperventilating over this? Why had he suddenly become so paranoid over everything?

Tyler was making him someone he wasn’t sure he wanted to be.

“Josh, look at me. Please.”

With a deep breath, Josh leaned his forehead against Tyler’s, looking into his eyes. They were such a pretty shade of brown, it was a little hard not to go swimming in them.

“Brendon is fine, I promise. A piece of his equipment might have broke. Maybe he’s ill. There could be a storm over there at the moment. We don’t know, okay? You can’t always assume the worst when it comes to these situations.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve been a mess recently. This entire trip has made me so paranoid and frantic.”

“That’s what being out in the Wasteland does to a person. Look at me. I’m the definition of paranoid and I’m not worried about this. I don’t like seeing you so stressed out Josh.”

A scoff. “You and me both.”

“Maybe it’s those damn visions you’re getting. It’s messing with your adrenaline levels. As soon as we get home I’m taking you to Dr. Hoppus. He’s really good at what he does, I promise.”

“What’s a doctor gonna be able to do for me?” Tyler’s absence of touch left him feeling cold as he pulled away and curled in on himself, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. “I could probably do as much for myself that he could for me.”

“Oh, you don’t know that. Have an open mind.”

“Yeah, sure.” With an eyeroll, Josh sped up his pace, that damn static echoing in his shell of a mind. He had forgotten to turn it off.

“Josh, you’re freaking me out.”

“I’m freaking you out?” He pivoted back around, glaring at Tyler angrily. “I’m freaking _you_ out? For fuck’s sake Tyler, I keep getting trapped in my own memories and I can’t get out of them. Not to mention, they make me sick and remind me how fucked up my life was and still is.”

Tyler seemed taken aback by Josh’s sudden change in emotion. “I didn’t mean it like that Josh, I’m just worried about you is all! You haven’t been yourself and-”

“Yeah, like I didn’t fucking know that.”

“I’m sorry Josh. Maybe I’m part of the problem. I haven’t be a hundred percent there for you.”

Thunder rumbled. The static blared in Josh’s ears.

“You said it yourself Josh, we’re a team. You give me your all, and I’m failing you and I’m so sorry.”

Josh’s throat made a terrible clicking noise when he swallowed. “No, you’re not failing me Tyler. Not at all. It’s nice just having someone with me. I haven’t had company in forever that just your very _presence_ is enough for me. I know I’ve been weird and I’m sorry for that too. We just gotta keep moving forward, you know?”

Tyler nodded. “We apologize to each other a lot, don’t we?”

“Yeah we do.” Josh looked up at the sky, his focus not faltering even as Tyler joined him, lifting up his right wrist lightly to turn the static off.

“It’s going to rain,” he commented, and Josh sighed.

“Yeah, let’s see how much farther we can go before we make it. We don’t need to travel in the rain and catch some Wasteland illness.”

“No we don’t.”

“But if we’re cold, maybe that gives us the excuse to, you know,” Tyler bumped shoulders and raised an eyebrow as a hint of smirk rose to his lips. “Create some friction.”

“Pffft, right.”

“What, do you not enjoy it?”

“Oh no, I totally do. It’s just...” Tyler was wanting to be a distraction, one that Josh didn’t need at the moment.

“It’s just what?” Tyler’s smirk was gone, replaced with a worrisome frown.

“Nothing. Maybe. Sorry, I’m overthinking this.” Josh attempted a smile and toyed with Tyler’s fingers resting on his wrist. “That sounds good.”

“Good. You know I love you baby, right?”

“Yeah,” replied Josh absentmindedly. He let Tyler lead him down the road, his mind an ever growing abyss of information to worry him.

What had happened to him?

\---

“I think we have about a day left,” he told Tyler, pointing to Cleveland. The map was spread across the bed of the house they were borrowing. Outside, rain and wind pounded against the house, and Josh was happy that this house had not totally been destroyed by the bombs.

To be honest, Josh was having a hard time paying attention and all the colours of the map were warping together in a way where he couldn’t differentiate between cities.

“Well that’s exciting!” Tyler joined him on the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. Josh shifted slightly, allowing him more room.

“Yeah it is. Although it’s kind of a bittersweet feeling to me. On one hand, I can’t wait to get to Cleveland, but on the other hand, this journey is kind of what brought us together, you know?”

“I know what you mean. But you know, Cleveland can be the start of a new chapter. It’ll bring us together even more, right? Or I hope so at least.”

With a sigh, Josh folded up the map and set it aside before pulling himself up against Tyler’s chest. “You really think I’ll be able to find work there?”

“Of course. There are tons of people there looking for people to go something back from raiders, or find something in an old building, or perform basic manual work. You fit that description perfectly.”

Josh chuckled. “I guess that’s something I can do.”

“Just don’t be out too long. I don’t want you getting lost out there and not coming home in three weeks.”

“I’ll try not to get lost.”

“Good.” Tyler hummed softly, his fingers balancing carefully on the top of Josh’s knee. “I’m really excited for you to meet everyone. There hasn’t been a new face in Cleveland in quite a while. It’s a difficult place to get to, so we don’t usually have that many traders or caravans setting up shop there. And usually most of them are from Michigan anyways.”

“Do you think there’s a settlement in Michigan that figured out how to use planes again?”

“Maybe so. We can always go find out you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” He was quiet, scooting back against the headboard as Tyler traced the tip of one finger down the seam of his pants.

“Josh?”

“Hmm?”

Tyler’s reply was to kiss Josh, his lips warm and soft. With a sigh Josh melted underneath Tyler’s touch, breathing heavily through his nose as the city dweller touched everywhere skin was showing and tugged at fabric to expose more skin. Even though Josh was very much enjoying this, he was also very lost in thought about the shithole his life had plummeted into. As much as he loved Tyler, he needed a distraction, and the thought of using Tyler as one crossed his mind.

The thought of having Tyler inside of him, fucking him into the mattress so hard he couldn’t see straight and his mind consisted of nothing but the love of his life.

“Tyler,” he grunted as Tyler grinded his hips against Josh’s crotch, and his fingers fumbled to get his pants off.

“Yeah baby?” Tyler mumbled against Josh’s mouth as he wormed his way in between Josh’s fingers, sliding off his pants with ease. With more access to skin, he skidded fingertips across Josh’s thighs and paused to squeeze gently, Josh moaning at the feeling.

“I want to you to fuck me. Hard.”

Tyler pulled away, his eyes wide with bewilderment. “Are you serious?”

“Please,” he breathed heavily, mind running amuck. He couldn’t be thinking about Cleveland, or the fact that he wasn’t human, or New Columbus or his family anymore. Sex was a great distraction. Tyler was an even better one.

Plus, he was hard. Like, really hard.

“We don’t have any condoms.”

“I don’t care, just please, I’m begging you,” a hand disappeared under the hem of his boxers and Tyler sighed.

“Yeah. Sounds good babe.” He kissed him harshly, teeth tugging at his bottom lip, mouth twitching into a small smile when Josh moaned.

Josh’s mind went blank after that, profanities and loud sounds spilling from his lips almost the entire time as Tyler fucked him into the mattress hard, the headboard hitting the wall with each thrust.

And afterwards, when Josh was too weak and sore to even move, Tyler used his boxers to wipe come off Josh’s stomach, and curled an arm around his shoulder. “I love you,” he mumbled, kissing Josh lazily on the cheek.

Josh stared at the ceiling, and the words came out on autopilot. “I love you too.”

\---

_Following the birth of their first born child, Mr. and Mrs. Dun are waiting patiently to hold him for the first time. It’s common for the staff to run tests on newborns, because they need to make sure the child is healthy. Unhealthy children are disposed of properly, because New Columbus needs strong genes if they want their residents to survive._

_The Overseer is usually there for the birth of a new child to help register them into the system. He is here today._

_The head of the medical staff, Dr. Ryan, approaches the Overseer once he arrives. He has a folder in his hand and a sad smile on his face._

_“Sir.”_

_“What’s the results? Is the Dun child healthy?” The Overseer is biased towards this child, as he and Mr. Dun are good friends._

_With a sigh, Dr. Ryan nods. “He’s more than healthy. Sir, he’s one of them.”_

_The Overseer’s eyes light up in surprise. “That’s impossible.”_

_“I can show you the DNA sequences sir. He’s the first one in New Columbus. Should we dispose of him?”_

_The Overseer is not one to show fear, but at this point in time, he’s chewing on his fingernails in fright and begins pacing the facility. “No. We can’t. We can’t let anyone know what he is. This has to remain a government secret.”_

_“What about Mr. Dun? It’s his son. Don’t you think he deserves to know his baby boy is one of them?”_

_“We can’t tell him now. This is too big of a secret to risk it. This is their first son. We have to wait until the boy is of a proper age.”_

_“Sir, you know what’s going to happen. It’s in their genes.”_

_“We don’t know anything until it happens,” shouts the Overseer through gritted teeth. “Just keep tabs on the boy. Record every detail of every test extremely carefully. Call him in for god’s sake, go to his house, I don’t care. Just make sure you know everything at all times.”_

_“What about the side effects?”_

_“Put your team in charge of figuring out a prescription for the kid. Listen to me Dr. Ryan,” he grabs the doctor tightly by the forearm, “_ **_Nobody_ ** _can know. If anyone finds out…” suddenly there is a gun slammed against the doctor’s head and he whimpers in fright. “I will personally murder everyone in your family and make you watch. Then I’ll kill you. You make sure that boy stays in line, understand me?”_

_He swallows nervously and stutters. “Y-Yes sir.”_

_“Good.” He shoves the gun in his pocket, snatches the papers out of Dr. Ryan’s hand, and smiles politely. “Thank you for doing business.”_

_Two minutes later he approaches the Dun couple with a large grin on his face and shakes Mr. Dun’s hand. “Your baby is healthy and doing well. Ready to see him?”_

_“Yes sir,” Mr. Dun nods, unable to hide his excitement. His wife is crying tears of happiness, already relieved her child is going to stick around._

_The Overseer leads them to the nursery and to the only occupied crib at the moment, where a sleeping swaddled baby is sleeping. He looks peaceful, and the Overseer is disgusted by that thing as it is. One of_ **_them_ ** _in his community._

_But he has to fake it, because Mr. Dun is his friend. So he watches Mrs. Dun take her newborn in her hands and gasp happily, another round of tears running down her pink cheeks. Mr. Dun rests an arm around his wife’s shoulders, his eyes wet as well. With another smile, the Overseer chuckles. “What are you going to call him?”_

_The mother smiles happily, unaware of what her beautiful baby boy really is._

_“Joshua.”_


	15. Tradimento

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You were sent for; and there is a kind of confession in your looks which your modesties have not craft enough to colour.” 
> 
> \- Hamlet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do love you guys.

Josh woke up before the sun the next morning.

He felt uncomfortable and sick and could barely lift his head off the pillow.

 _One of them_. What did that mean?

The thing that concerned Josh the most about these “visions” was that he had no clue who to go to for information. How was he supposed to bring it up? “Hey, not to concern you, but I’m not human and I have no clue what the hell I am. You think you could help me out?”

Something told him that wouldn’t go over very well.

But he’d have to talk to someone. If there were more people out there like him, maybe they could inform him on what the hell he was.

And Josh of course wondered if he should mention it to Tyler. He discussed his visions, but always kept that not human part secret. Part of him wanted closure, to have Tyler know and comfort him, but the other part of him was terrified that Tyler would be so scared he’d run away.

With a sigh he blinked and rolled over, grimacing at how sore he felt. It was a good kind of sore though; he would happily participate in sex again. Josh bunched the fabric of the blanket in his hand and closed his eyes. It wouldn’t take very long at all to get to Cleveland today, so he figured he should try and get some sleep while he could. Being sick actually helped a lot, which really sucked that it had to be feeling like shit to get him to have a decent amount of shuteye.

It sucked, getting lost in your own thoughts to the point where it made you shake with anxiety. He was having a panic attack thinking about the stupid visions things. The side effects. The fact that he was not human.

He tried to remember what Pete had done for him those difficult nights where he cried himself to sleep. Those nights when Josh had nightmares about New Columbus finding him, or torturing his family, or killing him. Pete would hold him tightly and pet his hair and tell him it was all okay, that it was okay to cry, and that New Columbus didn’t matter anymore because he was here safe with him.

But Pete wasn’t around anymore.

Sometimes Josh thought what Pete would be up to if he was still alive. Josh knew he wouldn’t be the person he was if Pete was still alive. He might have never met Tyler. But if he had met Tyler, maybe he would have been a better person. A happier, kinder person, perhaps.

Thunder rumbled outside, and Josh’s brain hurt even more.

\---

“Joshua. Josh. Joshie. J.” Tyler poked at his cheek and Josh grunted, squinting as he rolled over away from Tyler.

He tried to respond with “Leave me alone,” but it came out more as “L’veme’one,” and Tyler burst into laughter.

“Someone’s tired.”

“Well yeah,” mumbled Josh as he attempted to sit up and rub his eyes. “Someone gave me a workout.”

“How are you feeling?”

“M’fine. A little sore, but hey. That technically was my first time I guess.”

“And?” Tyler stared at him, waiting for more. With a smirk Josh wiggled his eyebrows.

“And it was mediocre.”

Tyler scoffed, playfully shoving him as Josh laughed loudly. “Fuck you.”

“That’s what you did.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m joking Tyler. It was everything I could have dreamed of.” He offered an encouraging smile to Tyler, who gave his own back.

“I really do love you,” he said softly, reaching over to grab Josh’s hand. He began tracing around and in between fingers as a form of affection, and Josh sighed happily, scooting closer to  wrap his arm around Tyler’s shoulders.

“I really do love you too.” He pressed a kiss to Tyler’s jaw, staring at the closed door of the bedroom. “We’re actually really close to Cleveland. Should only take a few hours for us to get there.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“That... that’s great news.”

“I thought so.”

“Josh?” Tyler twisted his body to look at Josh face to face, a huge, loopy smile on his face. “I really am thankful for every single thing you’ve done for me in the past couple months. Seriously. I think... no. I _know_ I’ve changed for the better because of you. And I can’t tell you how happy I am to be starting a new life with you. I know that things have been tough in the past, but we’re going to climb that hill together.”

“I’m ready for that.”

Tyler chuckled a little bit, planting a sloppy kiss on Josh’s cheek before rolling out of bed. “Okay, now that we’re done being giant saps. It’s like one in the afternoon. We need to get a move on if we want to get there faster.”

“You know, I actually quite enjoy being a sap with you. You’re my sap baby boy.”

Tyler rolled his eyes at Josh’s smirk and tossed some clean(ish) clothes his way. “Get dressed.”

“Yes sir.”

\---

They didn’t get on the road until about two, but both were okay with that. It was beautiful outside, the sun shining brightly on wet pavement, not a cloud in the sky. It sort of represented how Josh felt at the moment, walking with a hop in his step with Tyler’s hand in his.

He felt sort of perfect, despite all the shit that was swimming around in his brain.

When they reached Cleveland city limits, Tyler stared at the worn down sign that hung right above the highway for almost five whole minutes. Josh gave him his time; he was more than sure it was an emotional moment, being so close to home after so long. He rested a hand on the small of Tyler’s back as a gesture of comfort, and with a jubilant sigh Tyler turned around with a fraction of a smile on his face.

“It’s damn good to be home,” he whispered, his voice wavering, like he was almost ready to cry. Then they kissed briefly, Tyler’s hands soft on Josh’s waist. And just like that, it was back to the grind. However, there was a different atmosphere between the pair this time, because every step closer to that baseball stadium meant one step closer to their idea of a decent life. No more murdering and plundering, just good old fashioned chivalry and friendliness.

“What’s the first thing we’re going to do when we get there?” Josh tried to make small talk, but he was so excited he was bouncing all around like a little kid, one large, goofy smile on his face. Tyler chuckled, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

“I dunno. It’s getting kind of late.”

“We’ll be there close to 6 probably. That’ll give us time to do something. Ooh! Do you guys got a bar there? We could go get a drink! Or-”

“We should probably worry about getting to my place safe and sound first, right?”

Josh huffed. “I guess. Way to be a buzzkill.”

“I’m just being reasonable. Now come on. If we step it up we might get there by five-thirty.”

“What’s the city look like?” Asked Josh as he removed one of his guns and cocked it. “Anything left lurking around we might have to take care of?”

“Nope. It’s pretty much cleared out for the most part. We were pretty far from the blast, so not many raiders are around. Besides, security is really tight up here. They take care of any threat to our city.”

Josh clicked his tongue, but still left his gun out. It was out of habit, and who knew? Maybe something was out there. Raiders were everywhere; he would be the one to know. (And secretly, he hoped there would be someone for him to shoot.)

“Okay, if you say so.” He paused, not being able to help himself. “What are we gonna do tomorrow?”

“I gotta go file all the shit that happened to my coworkers and myself, and then after that, we could do whatever you like.”

“Could we go to the library?”

“If you so desire.” Tyler poked Josh in the cheek teasingly and bowed. “My wish is your command.”

“I wanna see the library,” responded Josh cheerfully. He had a lot of enthusiasm in his voice and it was almost strange. Josh hoped that would start happening a lot. His voice sounded better that way. “After that, we can walk around I guess. You can show me your favourite places. Maybe meet your parents.”

“What do you think they’ll say about me bringing a strange man back from a business trip?”

“I think they’d be a little freaked out.” Josh laughed behind a hand, his cheeks flushing red. “Maybe you could show me the pictures of the stadium?”

“Yeah, I could definitely do that.”

“I can’t wait. I might wake up early tomorrow and jump on you to wake you up.”

“Please don’t. I need my beauty sleep.”

“It’ll be nice having an actual, clean, warm, bed.”

“Agreed.” Tyler slipped his hand into Josh’s, nuzzling into his shoulder for a second before tugging him down the road. Man, Tyler really wanted to get back.

Not that Josh blamed him.

They walked hand in hand the majority to the stadium, pistol ready to fire at a moment’s notice. Tyler was right; there wasn’t much, but he was still going to be prepared. You never knew what was lurking out there in ruins, especially after he’d heard rumours about there actually being other things, and not to mention he was probably included in that category.

The sun was starting to set, casting large shadows on the wrecked skyscrapers and twisting the world into one big pink and orange canvas. Josh wished he could save a moment like this for later. The world, even though it was destroyed, could still be really beautiful sometimes.

When Josh started noticing the turrets and security guards decked out in armour and guns, it hit him that their journey was finally _over_. He felt like he had been with Tyler for years and years, on the road traveling for no other reason than adventure. The talk they had about traveling to Cleveland seemed like months ago rather than weeks.

Josh turned towards Tyler to make a comment about them being close, but frowned instead when he noticed Tyler staring at the ground, refusing to make eye contact with neither Josh nor any of the security guards. Was he nervous around them because of the guns? Was it because he hadn’t been home in a while? He snickered. Tyler was Tyler. Josh really shouldn’t be questioning his strangeness.

When they made it to the front of the stadium, Josh stared in bewilderment at the giant (crooked) sign above them. An entire town inside an old baseball stadium.

Tyler let go of Josh’s hand to fish something out of his jacket pocket and flashed it at the guard who was sitting in what used to be an old concessions stand.

“Joseph,” he mumbled, and the guard’s face lit up in fear. He stumbled to get up, tripping over nothing as he reached to open the gate. Josh observed his strange behavior closely, his short, rigid movements and nimble fingers slamming the button aggressively.

“Almost there,” Tyler’s words road on a breathy whisper as he elbowed Josh to get his attention away from the guard. He tugged on Josh’s wrist, pulling him up the cement stairs to the top of the city.

Josh’s first impression of Cleveland could be described in one single word: breathtaking. It was about a thousand times more incredible than Hatton could ever _dream_ of being, and he had no clue what to say. The overlook of the city was full of bright colours and tons of lights and more people than Josh had ever seen in one time in his life. Not even New Columbus had contained this many people. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he stood staring and gaping like an idiot. What the hell was he _supposed_ to say?

Tyler didn’t wait around to hear Josh say anything. He was taking off down the ramp, Josh calling after him in confusion.

And the minute Josh was at the bottom of that ramp, two large security guards were on him, pulling him every way possible like he was made of putty, stretching him until he was ready to break. They stripped him of almost everything, Josh fighting back invasively.

“What the hell are you doing?” He yelled, struggling to get out of their iron grip. One guard pulled his Walkman out of his pocket, and Josh lunged for it, slamming his elbow in the man’s face in the process. In fury the guard snapped his headphones in half and tossed the broken pieces in the growing pile of his other stuff, growling. Pain coursed throughout Josh’s body as a fist slammed into his jaw.

He kept waiting for Tyler to stop them, to tell them it was all a misunderstanding, but he was just _standing_ there, digging his foot into the dirt like Josh wasn’t being harassed right in front of him.

“Joshua Dun, you’re under arrest for a number of crimes against the Capital Wasteland including murder, plunder, and treason against your own community. Everything you say can and will be held against you.”

Time seemed to slow down at the moment. Josh couldn’t hear a damn thing, but he knew he was screaming, still using every ounce of strength he had to try and get away. He was shoved into the arms of one guard, the other shoving his fist into Josh’s stomach again and again and again, and there was Tyler, not doing a damn thing. He was watching though, with his arms crossed, face stoic.

“We’ll put him in a cell, General.”

“You make him comfy boys; he’ll be there for awhile.” Tyler’s voice was full of so much venom it didn’t sound remotely what Josh was used to. Tyler sounded like him, like the voice he used to use before he spilled someone’s blood.

Josh screamed again, still fighting as blood ran out his nose and dripped to the Earth below. With a tilt of his head Tyler took one step forward, reaching out to pat Josh’s cheek.

“I’ll be over to visit in a little bit tough guy. Gotta go make myself presentable.” With a smirk, he turned on his heel, trudging past confused citizens intrigued with the scene. Even his goddamn _walk_ was different.

Tyler Joseph was a lie.

“FUCK YOU!” Josh bellowed, wanting nothing more than to slam his scabbed knuckles in that son of a bitch’s face.

The two men started dragging Josh farther into the city, hardly even giving him time to take a step forward. He slumped, letting his body become dead weight. There was no purpose in trying to get away. Josh knew he had met his defeat.

They pulled him into a dugout, one holding open the door to what Josh assumed was the jail as the other shoved him hard enough to fall and smack his head on the cement. He viciously yanked Josh up by the collar of his shirt, ripping it in the process.

“Whoops,” he sneered, tearing the fabric completely off of him. The guard dug his nails tightly into Josh’s shoulder as he led him around the corner and kicked him in the stomach, sending him tumbling to the cold floor. The cell door locked shut, Josh curling around himself as the entire place filled with horrible laughter.

He gasped for air, trying to restore an actual breathing pattern as the crowd of security guards dispersed, leaving Josh alone to wallow in his grief. He wanted to know how much of it was a lie.

Josh wanted to know how someone he trusted so much could do that to a person. He had _loved_ Tyler. He had trusted Tyler. He had let him into his home, took care of him, offered to come with him. How could that asshole do that to him?

His behavior around Josh wasn’t even real. Josh wondered if Tyler was even his real name.

He sniffed, eyes widening at the wetness on his cheeks. With a shaky hand, Josh brushed under his eye, biting back a sob when he realized he was crying.

Joshua Dun was crying, and it was over a _boy._

It launched into loud, ugly sobs, a mixture of snot, blood, and tears covering his face and hands. There was an empty hole in his chest, and his lungs refused to take in oxygen. It felt like he was underwater, blocked of every route to come up for air. His hands felt cold, and he gripped tufts of his hair as a loud, sorrowful scream ripped through his throat. Josh had _loved_ Tyler. He had fucking _loved_ Tyler and-

“You’re supposed to be that big scary fucking raider, right? Look at you now, reduced to a pitiful mess.”

Josh looked up at the voice, wiping the tears out of his eyes to take in a guard leaning against the gate. His hair was light brown, face round and eyes filled with that same venom Josh had discovered in Tyler’s. With a scoff the brunette crossed his arms.

“Yet I could still kill your sorry ass in seconds,” Josh shot back, smearing snot across the back of his hand. He stood up, making his way to the cell door.

“Aww, you think you’re tough, do you? You’re pathetic. We’ve been listening to you cry for ten minutes now. Shut the fuck up and realize how stupid you are, alright?”

With a growl Josh shoved his fist through one of the slots in the gate, nailing the fuckface right in the noise. He grunted, eyes lighting up with fire. The guard sidestepped to the lock, fumbling with the key as he unlocked it and beelined for Josh, fists raised. Josh managed to block his first punch, but failed with the second, and the third, and the fourth. His face was numb, feeling more like a pound of meat that had been rotting out in the sun for days than an actual face.

Josh was certain he might actually die until a new voice pierced over the smack of the fists in his face.

“Hey Boyd, how about you get the fuck off of him?”

The brunette, Boyd, immediately dropped his fist, Adam’s Apple bobbing rapidly as he slowly turned around to face the person who had told him to stop. Josh could see through his good eye that it was Tyler, but he _couldn’t_ be Tyler. Tyler was lanky and weak and adorable. This guy was scary.

He was decked out in thick black armor, a black hood hiding most of his face. There were four different guns holstered around his waist, as well as dual katanas across his back.

Tyler looked like a soldier.

“I-I’m sorry General, I was just having some f-fun, I didn’t-”

“I gave specific orders not to fucking touch him. Learn to take an insult and don’t act like you're five years old. Now get the hell out and go do your job. Go ahead and tell Vecchio to stop fucking around too. I’m tired of your shit.”

“Y-Yes sir,” Boyd stuttered before he scampered out of the cell, locking it behind him as he darted out of the jail.

And then there were two.

Josh didn’t want to look at the _thing_ Tyler had become.

He removed his hood slowly and ran a glove covered hand through his hair, a small smirk sliding comfortably across his face. Josh _hated_ it. This wasn’t Tyler, this was some psycho asshole.

“So Joshua,” Tyler practically spat Josh’s name, “What do you think of Cleveland so far? Are you enjoying our beautiful city?”

Josh refused to look up at him, and instead retreated to the back of the cell, wanting to put as much distance (as small as it was) between he and the traitor. He clenched his jaw and decided he wasn’t going to give Tyler the satisfaction of responding. Josh would bet good money Tyler was waiting for Josh to start yelling and asking why.

“It’s really a shame we couldn’t give you a tour. And I feel terrible, about leaving you in here half naked, stripped of everything. You do look pretty pathetic, don’t you?”

Josh pressed his nails into the bottom of his hand. _Don’t say anything._

“You have no _clue_ how hard it was pretending I was some weak, feeble nobody. Trust me, I know how to shoot a gun. We’ve got weapons in the armory you’ve never seen in your entire life. And you’re probably wondering who I really am, huh? I’m the leader of Cleveland’s militia and security. I’m the goddamn general Josh.”

When he pulled away, there were four purple half-crescents embedded into the bottom of his hand. That was it. Josh couldn’t be silent any longer.

With a growl he was back to the front of the cell, grabbing the bars angrily. “How the fuck could you do that to me? How could you do that to anyone?”

“How could you kill hundreds of people Josh?”

He took a step back, features becoming soft. He hadn’t expected that. “I was angry,” Josh started, “I only wanted to get rid of the bad guys and make the world a better place is all, I-”

“Did you ever look at the faces of the people you murdered? Did you even think if these people had families?”

“They were raiders, they deserved to die-”

“Well I guess you fucking deserve to die too, don’t you?” Tyler yelled, his voice echoing throughout the entire jail. “Did you ever think that any of them were confused and made a mistake? Did you think about that you piece of shit?”

“Tyler, I-”

“You killed my brother Josh. Do you remember that? Do you remember watching his fucking brains stain the wall behind him?”

Josh’s eyes widened. “What?”

“He never got radiation poisoning you asshole, that was a lie, just like everything else. He died because you fucking murdered him, and you’re getting what you deserve, right here, right now, because you’re a monster. That’s why I agreed to do this. I was getting my revenge.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”

“It doesn’t matter what you knew, it matters that he’s dead and it was your fault. Rather, Mr. Misty-Eyed’s fault, but that’s you, isn’t it? You told me that.”

“I trusted you,” Josh whispered, another round of tears starting to burn at the back of his eyelids. Tyler laughed viciously.

“New Columbus isn’t very happy with you Josh, you know that? You were the first one to ever leave, and that didn’t put a good view on them as a whole. It was pretty chaotic there after you left. Security tightened, anyone that was ever in cahoots with you was taken in and questioned. Your father was furious.

“They searched for you years and years after you left, but failed. Until Mr. Misty-Eyed appeared on the radios, and everything changed. They didn’t know it was you at first, but they were pretty damn sure. With how he operated out of Columbus and the first string of killings came from there, your government had an itching. Not to mention the way the killings were performed. I had my suspicions, but when you told me about having visions, I remembered what they told me. You aren’t human Josh, and they know that. They knew it was in your nature to do what you did. That’s where Cleveland came in. They’re trying to reunite the Wasteland, just like you want.”

“No,” Josh was pleading to nobody in particular, maybe God, “They can’t do that. Tyler, you don’t understand, they’re evil, they’ll destroy everything-”

“You shut the fuck up,” Tyler snarled before he closed his eyes, straightened his posture, took a deep breath and looked back at Josh with a calm and collected smile. “They were looking for other cities to help them locate a criminal. Hatton refused, and so they turned to us. You remember cheery old Spencer back at Doctrine? They're part of the movement. Cleveland has been in an alliance with New Columbus for the longest time, but I guess you knew that, huh?” He laughed loudly. “When I realized who they were looking for, I couldn’t say no to helping them out. This was my chance to finally get revenge. So the overseer met with our governor and me to hatch out a plan. They gave me as much information on you as possible, which was quite a lot. They had mapped out the way you moved, the choices you’d make morally, physically, and even physiologically. That’s where I came in.

“On an aircraft - yes I knew about that damn plane of yours too, - they took me and two of my men down into Columbus. We were to wait in the ruins for you to come, and they figured if you could tell someone was in danger, you’d go and investigate. Which is exactly what you did. I didn’t really appreciate you murdering my men either. At first, I thought you were going to leave me, and the mission would be a failure. But you didn’t. And then you brought me back to your place. I couldn’t believe how far I had gotten in the plan already.

“I was supposed to be this weak kid that got separated from a caravan, and I’m not the world’s best actor, but you ate that shit up so quickly I hardly had to do a damn thing. Then you kept telling me stuff, and it was getting very obvious. It took some coaxing, but I finally got you to agree to take me to Cleveland. The plane flying overhead had never been part of the plan; it was a slip up from New Columbus, but it made things so much easier. You were so set on following that plane, and after an anonymous tip about where the plane was heading,” he pointed to himself, “You were going the right way on your own. Hatton was part of the plan too. We needed Brendon to talk about you on the radio and keep New Columbus updated on your apparent whereabouts. Nobody in Hatton was in on the plan. They all thought I was some traveler, and that had always been my alias when I went down there on business. The plan was almost ruined when you had to go and open your big fat mouth asking questions. It sure was a good thing you believed everything that came out of my mouth. Even that whole tattoos explanation was a lie! You know why I have these? They let people know I’m in the military, but I’m not a nobody. I’m the general.”

“You’re evil.” Josh’s voice was broken, his vocal chords deteriorating right there in his chest. It felt like he was breathing in ash.

Tyler ignored his comment. “When I noticed you were acting strange around me, it finally clicked to what I had to do. I had to pretend I was in love with you.”

Josh’s heart snapped into forty different pieces. His soul was screaming, his body was shaking, and his entire chest felt like it was being hacked with a saw.

“I never really expected you to tell me you were in love with me. I had to think about if I really wanted to say it back. But I did, and that turned out to make my life a whole lot easier.”

“I loved you,” Josh would have never described himself as the word “meek,” but right there at that moment, with blood and snot and tears staining his face, and Tyler’s harsh words breaking up his bones, that was how he felt. He felt defeated. “We _slept_ together Tyler, I fucking LOVED YOU!”

“What a mistake that was, huh? Because I never loved you back. I still don’t. You were supposed to be scary and big, and you let me mold you like clay. You admitted _everything_ to me. You gave us the proof that would land you a personalized name tag in a jail cell. So now that we managed to get you here, here’s what’s going to happen next. We contacted New Columbus, which means first thing tomorrow you’ll be on a plane back there.”

“No, you can’t take me back, I can’t go back there, please-”

“And there,” Tyler spoke over Josh’s begging, “You’ll be locked in a cell in their lab and will be used to make sure no more of your filthy kind gets into their clean city. They’re going to quarantine you.”

“We were supposed to be happy together,” Josh was crying again and he didn’t even care. He barely had enough energy to speak. “You were the first person since Pete I trusted, I let my guard down because I loved you, and-”

“And now you’re stuck in a jail cell. Have fun! I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early.” With one more heinous laugh, Tyler was stomping away, his last whisper evaporating with the slamming of the door. Josh balled up in the corner of the cell and pulled his knees to his chest tightly. His life was destroyed.

Josh had never felt pain like this in his entire life. This was a different kind of pain than from when Pete died. He wasn’t angry like he had been when he watched those raiders murder Pete; he was mostly sorrowful and disappointed in himself. Josh knew not to let his guard down, but he thought Tyler was trustworthy, and he was so goddamn blinded by love that he didn’t see how shifty the man was in the first place. There had been all kinds of signs Tyler had been showing that Josh could have seen. The caravan lie, the fabricated story about his brother dying of radiation poisoning, the overdone acting when he was pretending to be scared, shooting a gun perfectly sometimes, not being scared after killing one guy...

He should have known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. I'm here for you. Support group.
> 
> The plot's just moving along, alright? Like seriously, what the hell is Josh?


	16. Agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The marks humans leave are too often scars.” 
> 
>  
> 
> ― John Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look. I know you guys all hate me, but sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger.
> 
> And you know, the person that you take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

Josh got absolutely no sleep that night.

He sat huddled in the corner of the cell, his knees pulled up to his chest, tears spilling from his eyelids. He was unable to make them stop and his body felt so cold. Josh knew he probably looked like a mess too, his eyes bloodshot and rimmed red and his hair an unruly mess from the constant tugging. His throat burned, and Josh doubted he’d be able to speak if someone asked him too.

The only good thing about that night was that Josh didn’t have another vision.

But he would have taken a thousand of those than having the love of his life betray him.

To be honest, it felt like he had a sword stabbed through his heart.

Anxiety coursed through his veins as the thought of traveling back to New Columbus clumped in his head. He was going back, and there was nothing he could do about it. Then of course, there was the fact that he was going to have to see Tyler’s face again, and Josh could think of a billion things he’d much rather do. It  _ pained _ him to see Tyler in front of him, because he was reminded of the meek and mild city dweller he thought he had been.

And don’t get him wrong, Josh felt terrible on his end as well. He spent a good majority of the night rifling through the faces of the raiders he had killed, trying to remember Tyler’s brother, but he couldn’t remember the faces of anyone. He couldn’t even remember the last person he had killed.

This was beyond worrisome. Tyler was right.

He was a monster.

\---

A lot of empty minutes ticked away, Josh staring blindly at the cement wall in front of him until the sound of footsteps caused him to turn his head. There stood that guard from the previous night, Boyd, with his lips pressed tightly. He looked almost... guilty.

“Uh, hey.”

Josh didn’t reply.

“I uhm, I wanted to apologize for last night. It wasn’t cool of me to do what I did. I know you’re a criminal and all, but still. I shouldn’t have provoked you. We all cry sometimes.” He sniffed, watching Josh closely, but Josh was nothing more than a facade, hiding behind a brick wall that was secretly crumbling. Boyd unlocked the cell door and approached Josh with caution, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. “The General wants me to take you to the landing zone so you can be taken back to your community. If you don’t cooperate, I’m gonna have to use force.”

With a faceless expression, Josh used the wall to pull himself out of the corner and put his hands behind his back. His face twitched when the metal dug tightly into his wrists.

Boyd rested a hand on his shoulder, guiding him out of the cell and down the hallway to leave the jail. The light was blinding when they went outside, causing Josh to squint. He let the guard lead him without much of a fight, his head down the entire time. Back in New Columbus, when he got caught, Josh would let security guide him through the streets with his head held high in pride. Now, he felt nothing but embarrassed.

Embarrassed because Tyler had used him and discarded him like he was nothing, and Josh had let him.

When the two reached the landing pad, Josh’s eyes widened at the sight of a working, intact, military plane. It was  _ huge _ .

Josh wanted to be excited. He wanted to feel the success of finding the one thing he had wanted to see so badly, something he didn’t even know still existed up until a few weeks ago. Part of their journey had included the plane after all. He had thought he and Tyler were going to find it. They were supposed to visit the ocean.

But Josh knew where that plane was going to end up, and it made him want to turn and run the other way.

Boyd pulled Josh up to the open door of the plane, right where Tyler was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, a guard flanking both his sides. Josh swallowed nervously at the sight. Tyler actually looked like a leader, which was a lot saying. But it had been pretend after all. Josh knew what Tyler really was. 

Tyler raised an eyebrow when Boyd nudged Josh his way.

“Sir,” he said softly, saluting Tyler.

“Boyd, you’re dismissed.” With a sharp nod, Boyd slipped back into the city streets, and Josh stared at the gravel. “Good morning Joshua. How are you feeling?”

“Still a little sore,” replied Josh as he whipped his head up, a smirk on his face. “You know, because you were balls deep in my ass the other night.”

The two other unknown soldiers looked over at their General in surprise, whose face was burning red. In anger he wrapped a hand around Josh’s throat and growled.

“You shut your filthy mouth you asshole. Don’t say another word or I’ll shoot you.”

“You’re bluffing,” Josh challenged, growling back. Two seconds later, Tyler was pulling out a gun and pulling the trigger, the bullet grazing the top of Josh’s bare shoulder. With a hiss he stepped backwards, trying to dodge Tyler’s hand. Unfortunately he failed, and Tyler dug his thumb into the fresh wound, grinning as Josh whimpered in pain.

“You’re so pretty in red baby,” he whispered, shoving Josh towards the steps of the plane’s carriage. Josh bit his tongue as he stumbled forward. He  _ hated _ Tyler with every bone in his body.

Tyler knocked on the shell of the plane, nodding his head in satisfaction as the others closed the door. Then he sat down, right across from Josh, still grinning ear to ear, face filled with villainy. “It’s about a two hour flight back, so make yourself comfortable tough guy.”

“Fuck you,” Josh murmured through gritted teeth. His injured shoulder was starting to go numb from pain and the blood had yet to stop running murky rivers down his arm.

Tyler laughed. “Oh Joshua, I’m so excited to visit New Columbus. It’ll be so neat to see your father again. Aren’t you excited?”

Josh refused to reply. He knew Tyler was trying to get him riled up and it was working. He didn’t want to see his father. His father had betrayed him, and was probably going to be there working with the Overseer just like he always had. His father was nothing but a follower, and a coward at that.

“You remember when you told me about knowing my last name? Agent Joseph? That’s my father, you know? He’s a close friend of your father and the Overseer. I guess it was fate for us to meet, huh?”

“Shut up,” he grunted.

“It’ll feel so good to see you back where you belong. Hopefully they can create something to stop more of you from happening.”

“What the fuck am I?” Josh finally snapped, pulling at his restraints. “You keep talking about me like I’m some kind of savage animal, so tell me what the fuck I am.”

“Why should I? It’s nice seeing you struggle.”

“I hope you rot in hell,” he snarled, and Tyler rolled his eyes, that horrible smirk back on his face.

“I’m already there.”

\---

Two hours and forty minutes later, (It was hard to believe that a journey that had taken them several days could be traveled in mere hours. Josh secretly wished it was longer.) the plane was landing, and Josh still had so much pain fueling his body, mentally and physically. He snarled like a wild animal when Tyler pulled him up by the shoulder and shoved him off the plane like he weighed nothing. Josh tumbled to the ground, gasping for the air that had been knocked out of him. He could feel the heel of Tyler’s boot digging into his back, and heard the giggle that came from his mouth.

After that, he looked around at the towering wall that protected New Columbus with fear. On one side were rows upon rows of planes, helicopters, cars, even goddamn _ tanks _ . All of this had been here the whole time, right under his nose. Josh wondered what else was going on here.

Two guards each grabbed an arm and began pulling Josh towards a small, hidden door built into the wall, Tyler leading proudly in front. Josh continued to fight, digging his heels into the asphalt as he attempted to yank his arms out of the guards’ grasp. They were far too strong, even for someone like Josh. It made him even more furious.

Once inside the door, they traveled down a hallway with ominous flickering lights, Josh’s breath lodging in his throat. He stopped fighting, eyes widening in curiosity as they moved. The hallways were made of smooth, clean metal, something Josh had probably never seen in his life. He wondered what community New Columbus had robbed of their freedom for something like that. Then they stopped at another door, and Josh was forcefully shoved into a white room. The lab.

“No, please stop, don’t-” Josh began begging them to stop inching him into the room, because this place brought back so many bad memories, and he spotted the cell they were going to put him in and wanted to scream. But Tyler only hit him, and Josh shut up with a whimper, his eyes squeezing shut as they tossed him into a smaller white room, the door sliding shut with a small hiss. That left nothing but a glass panel with an arrangement of holes between him and the traitor. Not only that, but he was still handcuffed.

“Don’t get too comfortable, Daddy’s going to be here soon.” Tyler laughed, raising an eyebrow as he settled down into a metal chair by one of the examination tables. The other two guards stood on either side of the cell, their faces stoic as they looked forward.

“You know what Tyler?” Josh yelled, pressing his nose to the glass, “I do remember killing your brother. His face was full of so much fear as he  _ begged _ me not to kill him. It was so entertaining to me watching his fucking head explode.”

Tyler growled, his fists clenched by his sides as he popped up from the chair. “You’re going to pay for what you did, if it’s the last thing I do.”

“I’d prefer to be paid in caps if you don’t mind.” he smirked, and suddenly, Tyler was pressed against the glass too.

“I can’t wait to watch them carve out your heart you selfish bastard.”

“You already did that for them.” Josh tilted his head sideways, the smirk still on his face. Tyler wanted to play games? Okay. He could play games too.

Another door opened, catching Tyler’s attention. He immediately straightened his posture and smiled, making his way over to greet the guests. That was when Josh’s breathing hitched.

The Overseer.

Josh felt like he was about to pass out. His palms were clammy, and his vision was starting to sprout black spots. After ten years, here he was, facing the one person that had made him want to leave in the first place. The person that had terrorized him from a small age, the person that had hated him from the very day he was born, the person that Josh  _ knew _ planned on make his life a living hell. And now that he knew more than he had in the first place, there was even more anger coursing throughout his body. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch the Overseer in the face, say something sarcastic or both.

Tyler lowered his head in a solemn bow, gesturing to the Overseer. “Nice to make your acquaintance once more, sir.”

The Overseer smiled politely as he crossed his arms over his chest. “General Joseph, so nice to see you again. It’s been a couple months. You’ve been through quite a lot, haven’t you?”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle.” Tyler smiled back, rolling his shoulders back as he cracked his neck. Josh pulled at the handcuffs with annoyance, grunting under his breath. All the buttering Tyler was doing made Josh want to shoot himself in the face, and then shoot everyone else.

“I always knew I could trust you. I’m very happy to see our subject back where he belongs safe and sound. Thank you General, I appreciate your assistance. You’re dismissed for now. I need to speak with the specimen alone.” his smile turned vicious, but Tyler didn’t seem to notice. He only nodded his head sharply, waved to his men, and filed out of the room.

Josh continued to shoot daggers as the Overseer stepped directly in front of him, arms still folded. His familiar New Columbus suit reflected off the glass and it only made Josh angrier as he thought of his own stuffed in a drawer back home. Back “home,” as in, the place he’d never see ever again.

“Joshua.” The Overseer’s voice reminded him of a dying bear. He snarled, snapping his teeth. If they all truly believed he was some filthy, savage thing, then that was how he was going behave. Besides, hearing his name spoken by this asshole pissed him off.

“Overseer,” he responded back mockingly.

The Overseer chuckled slowly. “It’s been far too long Joshua. Why, the last time I saw you, you were a pubescent teen. And now you’re a grown man. You’re looking quite well. I’m really digging the stubble. Makes you look tough.”

“Fuck you.”

“Still trying to resist, are we?” he sighed. “You’ve been very bad Joshua. You understand that you need to be punished, right? I mean, you committed treason. That’s punishable by death.”

Josh shrugged. “Worth it.”

“You’re still as immature as you were ten years ago. It’s a shame really.”

“It’s a shame that you used someone from a different community to capture me. What’s your goal in all of this? You gonna keep tricking communities into bowing before you until you control the entire Wasteland? What are you planning on doing to the communities that refuse to succumb to your evil?”

“Oh please Joshua, quit being so dramatic. I’m only trying to unite communities together. We’ve been living like savages for far too long. Besides, when I’m in charge, New Columbus will rule, and then everyone will be exactly the same, just like we all should be.”

Josh scoffed. “You’re crazy.”

“I’m not the crazy one Joshua. Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? You’ve killed hundreds of people in cold blood. A sane person wouldn’t do that. But I guess it’s in your nature after all.”

“It’s in my nature, huh? Guess that means I’ll have to kill you. I think I’ll quite enjoy slitting your throat and watching the blood pour down your front.”

“All of your kind are exactly the same. Which is the reason why you’re here. We’re going to make sure your kind never shows up in the Wasteland  _ ever _ again. You’re going to pay for everything you’ve ever done. We’re going to carve you up, and I’m going to squeeze your beating heart between my fingers while you take your last dying breath. Just a question, how loud do you scream?” The Overseer laughed maniacally, slamming one of his fists against the glass. “You’re going to  _ die _ Joshua.”

“And I’m the crazy one. Hmm. Right. You know, I always took you as one to hold grudges, but this is pretty extreme for someone who simply wanted to get the hell out of dodge.”

“It’s not about that. It’s about what you are. It’s about what you’ve become. It’s about what will happen if we don’t stop you.”

“Mmm, you’re right. I’m a ticking time bomb. Watch out sir, I might explode.”

“You son of a bitch,” he growled, narrowing his eyes. A vein in his forehead pulsed rapidly, and Josh beamed at the fact that he was succeeding in pissing the Overseer off. “You wanna know what trash you are? Do you? The stupid visions haven’t told you yet?”

“Not that I can recall.”

“You’re a  _ mutant _ Josh. A nasty, disgusting mutant. Your species arose from the radiation of the bombs and ruined the Wasteland. If anyone finds out what you are, you’ll be thrown to the wolves.”

Josh stared at him long and hard, his face twisted in contortion. He had no idea what that meant. A mutant? Lots of things had mutations. They were living in a post nuclear war zone.

After a few more seconds of silence, Josh finally spoke. “I’m a mutant?”

The Overseer rolled his eyes. “Yes. And we’re going to make sure no more of you show up in New Columbus. And after that, when we’re able to make a cure, we’ll make sure no more show up in the Wasteland.”

“No no, wait. Can you go back to the part about me being a mutant? What the hell does that mean?”

“It doesn’t concern you.”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure that does concern me, considering you said I am one. So... are you gonna tell me what makes me a mutant... or...”

The Overseer scowled as he turned away and brought a small radio to his mouth. “We’re starting phase one. Dr. Ryan and Mr. Dun, please make your way into the laboratory if you don’t mind.”

Eyes widened. His pulse pounded in his ears, his breathing quickened and Josh’s sarcastic rebuttals evaporated out of fear as he remembered the situation he was in. They were going to  _ experiment _ on him. He was going to die if he didn’t get out. Josh needed to formulate some kind of plan before they carved out his liver.

But Josh couldn’t even begin to think when his father joined the Overseer next to him. He locked eyes with his father, unable to break the connection no matter how badly he wanted to. Hands shook behind his back and his face was so pale you might have thought he saw a ghost.

His father smiled sadly. He looked almost the same, minus a few more wrinkles and a head full of grey hair. Josh’s father didn’t look like the kind of guy to help the villain murder his own son.

“What, no General Joseph?” Josh tried to spit back out, but his voice didn’t want to cooperate with him.

The Overseer ignored his comment. “The sedative Dr. Ryan. It’d travel faster through the carotid artery.”

“Of course sir,” replied the Doctor as he rushed to the back of the lab. Josh didn’t even bother to look at Dr. Ryan, just continued to stare at his father. He hoped he was making Dad nervous. 

“We’re going to make you beautiful Joshua,” cooed the Overseer as he threw an arm over Mr. Dun’s shoulders. “I’m so excited to see what makes you tick.”

Something sarcastic was right on the edge of Josh’s tongue, but he couldn’t speak. It felt like his lips were glued shut. He wondered if he were to scream bloody murder if anyone would hear him.

When the sliding door opened with Dr. Ryan holding a needle, Josh backed into the corner of the cell, his eyes still wide. He felt like he had when he was six, terrified of getting his shots for the year. Although, unlike the others, this shot was fatal.

“Don’t fight Joshua, you know you won’t win,” the Overseer called from the other side. Josh kicked a leg out, trying to stop Dr. Ryan from coming any closer, but the Doctor grabbed him tightly by the hair and jammed the needle in his neck forcefully. A soft breath of air escaped Josh’s lips as pain rocketed throughout his body. His muscles went slack, body slipping to the floor. He couldn’t move anything.

Then, two Overseers were in his face, their eyes rotating from left to right as their faces blurred into one. Josh mumbled something, but his jaw wouldn’t move.

“Sleep tight,” he whispered, and then everything went black.

\---

“Josh. Wake up.”

“No.”

“Josh, come on.”

“No.”

“Joshua William Dun, you open your eyes right now.”

With a sigh, Josh cracked an eyelid open and attempted to move, only to discover his ankles and wrists were chained to a table. No, not just a table.

An operating table.

With a quick side glance, he noticed all the silver tools laid out gently on a tray and felt his heart increase in speed. Josh was still out of it, his vision double crossing and his head pounding against his skull. He fought the restraints, grunting as he tried to escape.

“Josh, please stop. You’re only making it worse.”

Oh, that was his father.

“What the... ‘hat are -yyou... doing ‘ere?” He asked, blinking a few times. Half his face was numb along with his bottom lip and his words came out jumbled and incoherent. The tips of his toes and fingers tingled but he couldn’t feel them there. They were nothing more than a waste of space at the moment.

“Don’t make yourself sick. The sedative still hasn’t worn off. I just wanted to speak with you before the others realized you’re awake.”

Josh lolled his head back, tongue flickering out across his lips. He grunted. “Mmmmm.”

“Josh, I just wanted to let you know that I love you a lot. You’ve grown into an excellent young man, and I’m surprised you managed to live in the Wasteland on your own as long as you did. But why did you leave Joshua? You could have been safe if you stayed here. None of this would have happened if you stayed here.”

“Liwar!” he yelled, pulling on the shackles. Josh was sure they were digging into his skin, but he was still so drugged he couldn’t feel it. “You woulda killed me fthen.”

“We don’t want to kill you Josh, we just-”

“H-How could vou help k-kill me?”

“We’re just trying to make the world a better place Josh! We might not be able to cure you, but you’ll be helping cure others in the future. Think about all those people you’ve killed Josh. It’s because of what you are. Mutants are heinous creatures, it’s in their blood to kill, and if I could cure you I would. You’re important to me Josh, and your mother and siblings miss you dearly, but you need to be stopped. Mutants are usually locked away. Would you rather that over helping other people?”

“Let me go!”

“Josh-”

“Vou’re a traitor, jus’ like Tywer.”

“You really loved him, didn’t you? I suppose that’s one of the side effects, loving a man.” Josh’s father let out a loud, pain filled sigh. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the father you deserved.”

“Vou’re a coward.”

“I’m not Josh, I’m just obeying the rules. They’re there to be followed, and the Overseer is right. This is a tough decision, but it needs to happen.”

“Vou gus’ druffed me!” he groaned, struggling to escape again. He felt like a little kid throwing a tantrum to escape. Josh didn’t even have control over his own body. 

He felt like screaming.

Mr. Dun finally stood up, his chair scraping against the linoleum loudly. “I have to go now son. I promise nothing will be in vain.”

The minute he was out of the lab, Josh was crying again, tears streaming down his face and off his nose. One landed on his bottom lip, the taste of salt filling his mouth the only indicator it was there. Half his face drooped and he felt like a fool.

This whole thing could have been avoided if he would have been smart in the first place.

_ You stupid idiot. You never let your guard down, you know that. And you did, because you are a FUCKING idiot. _

Josh continued to cry.


	17. 1938

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.” 
> 
> ― Stephen King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All kinds of warnings for this chapter. I don't want to spoil anything, but there's this psychotherapy gone wrong thing.
> 
> (Also, shout out to those who recognized that the title Tradimento was Italian for "Betrayal.")

Darkness. Fear. Oblivion.

“You’re not even going to try and see if we can cure him?” _Worry. Dismay._

“It’s impossible to cure what’s in his genes.” _Rancor._

“Well, we could always try and cure his aggressive behaviors before we jump right in trying to make a vaccine.” _Hope._

“He’s right you know. We could try electroconvulsive therapy. Hydrotherapy. Maybe even a lobotomy. We won’t be able to create anything if we can’t get to him first. We might not be able to change what he is, but if we can cure any of the side effects -  his urge to kill, the homosexuality, the visions, to name a few - that’s always a start.”

“I suppose you’re right. If that’s what we need to do, then so be it. Ryan, start with electoconvusion. We’ll ease him into it.”

“Yes sir.”

Josh stared up at the ceiling of the lab, his eyes wide in dispair. His wrists were starting to hurt from the constant tugging, but that wasn’t what concerned him. What concerned him was the fact that he was in this lab, and the other three men about to terrorize him where nowhere in sight, and he had heard their _entire_ conversation. Josh’s hearing had never been terrible in the past, there had been countless times where he had heard raiders coming from a mile-

Oh. Crap.

Okay, so maybe he did have really good hearing. There was nothing wrong with that. He always had been advanced on all the tests; they had told him that was a good thing.

_Or you know, it’s because you’re a mutant._

Right. There was that too.

A hiss of a sliding door alerted the arrival of the Overseer and his followers, each bearing a different expression. Josh’s father’s face was solemn, Dr. Ryan’s was full of worry, and the Overseer’s contained nothing but evil.

“You know where the equipment is Dr. Ryan?”

A nervous swallow. “Yes sir.”

“Mr. Dun, if you could retrieve the agarose.”

“Y-Yes sir.” his comply was softer, and full of more regret. Josh raised his head off the table, watching the scene unfold in front of him. Dr. Ryan was pulling out a plethora of wires from a drawer, while his father removed a small jar of a clear gel from a cabinet. His lips were parted, bottom trembling slightly.

“You can’t do this to me,” he whispered, yanking harder and harder up on his restraints. The leather dug into wrists and ankles painfully, but he couldn’t let them do what they were about to do.

“Of course we can,” responded the Overseer as he leaned down closer to his face, one hand digging in Josh’s hair. “We’re only trying to cure you.”

“Since when were you concerned about curing me?”

“I’ve had a change of heart.” he smirked, slamming Josh’s head against the operating table. “We’re going to fix you right up Joshua. After this, you won’t be crazy anymore. I mean, you might not remember how to speak after this, but details don’t matter.”

“No!” Josh yelled, pressing up against the Overseer’s hand as he fidgeted underneath the pressure of the leather. “No, you can’t do this to me! I’m not insane, I’m just fine! You’re the crazy one! Dad, you can’t let them do this to me!”

Josh’s father looked away from his son, his hands shaking. Josh continued to fight and screech for help, up until the Overseer shoved a tight piece of leather over his mouth, muffling his screams. He couldn’t believe it; that damn man had put a _muzzle_ over his mouth.

The Overseer stroked Josh’s cheek with his thumb, tilting his head to the side as a smile spread across his face. “I’m sorry to have to do this Joshua, I really am. But you need help. You’ve been a bad boy, and this is the way to go. You can get that off once you’ve proven you can behave, okay?”

Josh growled underneath his muzzle, continuing to fight his restraints. His wails came from the deepest part of his chest, rabid animal howls that everyone in the room ignored. How could his own father and Dr. Ryan be okay with letting this happen? Did they really think electroshock therapy would really _cure_ him?

“Dun, the agarose.” The Overseer snatched it out of Mr. Dun’s trembling hands, unscrewing the cap quickly and sloppily. He dug his fingers in and slapped a good amount on each of Josh’s temples, rolling at his eyes at the raider’s screams. “Jesus Joshua, you are a noisy one.”

“Sir, maybe we should try-”

“Mr. Dun.” The Overseer swiveled around to face his righthand man, the one he had trusted and gave chances to over and over and over again, despite his son being the one thing he hated more than anything out in the entire Wasteland. But now, it was obvious Mr. Dun was pained by the state his son was in, and The Overseer did not like that one bit. “You know you are one of my best employees, but I need you to realize that your son is a monster, and this is the first step in the right direction.”

“I don’t think I can watch this.”

He growled, reaching for the wires Dr. Ryan was clutching in his clammy palms. He seemed to shrink right on the spot, scooting to the back of the room as the Overseer flicked on the electricity. “You can, and you _will_. So sit down, or there will be consequences.”

Josh’s father and Dr. Ryan hung their heads and wrung their hands. “Come on,” whispered the Doctor with uncertainly, “This will help.” Even though Dr. Ryan had been the one to suggest electroconvulsive therapy in the first place, he seemed to know just as much as Josh did that it would cause nothing but pain and suffering. Josh couldn’t really blame him though; he knew Dr. Ryan was only trying to stretch out his last days.

“I-I...” Mr. Dun gulped, wiping away sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. He dropped to a metal chair, leaning all his weight onto his knees. “I guess you’re right. Do it.”

Josh screamed again, squeezing his eyes shut. This couldn’t be happening. His own _father_ couldn’t be throwing him into the hands of someone who was actually clinically insane. This was surely going to kill him.

But that was probably what the Overseer wanted.

“Start at three seconds,” Dr. Ryan murmured with a wave of his hand, but Josh noticed he still wasn’t looking over at him thrashing around on the table. He had been right the entire time; no one was going to hear him scream. No one was going to stop him from being tortured. He was truly going to die.

The minute the wires touched his temples, Josh’s screaming went frantic, his back arching off the table as electricity shot through his veins. Red burned behind eyelids, hands clenched by his sides, tears pricked the corner of his eyes, and his thoughts jumbled in the back of his brain like he was falling into a dark abyss.

When the wires were pulled away, Josh tried to catch up on his breathing. His skin was so sticky with sweat and pale he didn’t feel like himself. How was his heart still beating?

“Again,” the Overseer bellowed, sending electricity flowing again. Josh bit through tongue and the metallic taste of blood slid down his throat.

He couldn’t see anything. Only his pulse and screams blared in his ears and his nerve endings rocketed with more pain than he had ever felt in his entire life.

It felt much longer than three seconds.

It happened again, and again, again. Josh was ready to give up on life. Death would be much, _much_ better than this.

“What’s your name?” The Overseer questioned after letting Josh recover for a minute, stroking his hand through Josh’s hair. He slid the muzzle off slowly, letting the hide dig painfully into his skin.

Josh stared at the wall in front of him, his eyes bloodshot as his body continued to shake. He was unaware of any of his surroundings, even more so of what just took place.

The problem was, he couldn’t remember his name. “I d-don’t know.”

Sick laughter echoed throughout the room. “How do you feel about your behavior?”

“I was a very bad boy.”

“Glad you realize that now. Dr. Ryan, could you snag a blood sample while he’s slack? Then we’ll put him back safe and sound.” With a loud exhale, he smiled as his attention settled back on the shell of a man in front of him. He went back to petting Josh’s hair. “Everything’s going to be alright.”

“That’s so good!” he giggled, lolling his head back. His father shook his own head, pausing to glance at his broken son once more before leaving the room. The Overseer rolled his eyes.

“I’m disappointed in your father. Why can’t he see that this is working? You’re practically as good as new. A few more sessions and you’ll be a vegetable.”

“Sir,” Dr. Ryan interrupted, a needle in hand, “I’ll uhm, grab that blood sample if you permit.”

“Of course Doctor. You know, thank you for suggesting this. I’m glad I gave this a chance. Getting a cure will be so much easier now. After a few more sessions of this, I think we’ll try the lobotomy next.”

“Y-Yes sir.”

With another sigh, the Overseer patted Josh’s forehead before nodding towards the Doctor. “You take good care of him. I’ll send in the General and his men to help carry him back to the cell.”

“Of course sir.”

Then he was gone without another trace, leaving the Doctor alone with a damaged man.

\---

There was pain everywhere.

Josh felt like he was brain dead. He couldn’t move his body an inch without something hurting. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the concept of time. Josh could hardly even think on his own. So he just lied there in his cell, staring up at the textureless ceiling with a loopy smile on his face.

Until there was a voice. And a person, pulling him into their arms.

“Hey there Joshie.” Tyler smiled softly, sliding an arm under his waist to cradle him closer to his chest. He was eerily transparent, but so warm. Josh giggled loudly, reaching up to caress his cheek. It was rough with stubble and felt weird under Josh’s fingers, but it was comforting after being alone and in pain for so long.

“Tyler, you gotta, you gotta help me.” he laughed again, head smacking against the wall as his expression turned into a grimace. “I’ve been so bad, and they say they’re gonna make me better, but I... I don’t wanna be better. It hurts.”

“I know it does baby, and you’re being so good for them. The pain will go away soon.”

“It will?” Josh broke out into another round of tiny, psychotic giggles. “That’s funny.”

“They’re going to cure you Josh. Then you’ll be like us.”

“That’s no fun.” Josh’s laughter turned into sobbing, and the cell faded from warm and safe to frigid and cold. Tyler was gone.

Rather, he had never been there, and Josh was faced with the cold hard reality of what his life had become. “I miss you Tyler,” he mumbled through his tears as he curled farther into the corner. “Please come back.”

But Josh had regained enough sanity back to know that wasn’t going to happen.

\---

Josh stayed in the corner the rest of the night as a cold, wet lump. His stomach growled with hunger and he could still feel the electricity tingling at his fingertips. Oh god, that had _really_ fucked him up. A few more times, and it might actually _kill_ him. Unless he was already dead. Technically, he was already in hell, so maybe that was not totally false.

He needed to get out of here. The only problem was, he had no clue how. Everyone in New Columbus knew he was a criminal and even if he managed to get out of the lab, he’d be so slow he’d surely get shot.

So yeah, guess he was screwed.

The following morning, Josh awoke from the little bit of sleep he got to the hissing of the cell door. His body jolted, head hitting the wall (for real this time) as the last person he ever expected to come in sat down cross legged in front of him. Josh stared with narrowed eyes as he rubbed the sore spot on his head.

“What the hell do you want?”

“Er... hi.” Tyler rubbed his neck awkwardly and stared at the floor. He was in ordinary street clothes, nothing more than a loose tee and ripped jeans, but he actually looked normal. It made Josh’s heart ache. “Good to see you’re back to normal.”

“Yeah, with no thanks to you.”

“Look. I need you to come with me.”

Josh raised an eyebrow and scoffed. “Yeah, cause that turned out so nicely the last time I did it.”

“No, you don’t-” Tyler whipped his head around to stare out the open door into the lab, eyes focused on wide windows to the outside. His Adam’s Apple bobbed nervously as he spoke again, this time in a whisper. “You don’t understand. I’m getting you out of here.”

A pause. “What?”

“They have a lobotomy scheduled for you this morning Josh. I came in early before that could take place. I could hardly stand watching them shock you, but this is to a whole new extreme. We need to get you out of here.”

“Wait, they’re going straight to a lobotomy? But they said I had more sessions of the EST, it’s only been a day-”

“No Josh, it’s been a week. This is the seventh morning, and you’re surviving the shocks, Probably because of what you are, but I’m past that. It doesn’t matter what you are. I was wrong. But we can talk about that later, for now we just-”

“Stop stop stop. You’re telling me I can’t remember the past _week_ of being here?” He blinked, scoffing at the very thought. But he remembered yesterday, he was-

Shit. No. He didn’t remember.

“The first time they just did it to see if it would get you to obey. I had to help put you back in your cell. You were so lifeless and your eyes were so glassy and you kept laughing like a maniac...” Tyler trailed off with a shake of his head. “The second time I think it was for your, quote, ‘sexuality.’” he mimicked quotation marks around the word and rolled his eyes. “They knew what it did to your brain, they could see what it did to your blood and I guess that was for kicks. They made me stand in there, and I regretted everything instantly. I glanced over at your father and he was just sitting there with his head in his hands and I couldn’t take it. The Overseer kept teasing you about me, which I knew was making it a thousand times worse. That time, you were out of it for the next two days. The last time they did it was to try and monitor your visions and other weird things going on in your head. They kept that electricity running through you for almost ten seconds every time those wires touched your head and you were such a mess they left you up on that table for a day and a half. All you did was stare at the ceiling, foaming from the mouth, and your body wouldn’t stop shaking. They had people come in and feed you, but I guess it wasn’t enough. Now they’re trying something else. Josh, a lobotomy is serious. They’re going to destroy the frontal lobe of your brain. Now do you see why it’s so urgent we go? We’re already wasting time.”

“But I don’t remember... any... of this.” he sat staring at Tyler. What had happened to the scary general?

“I know, and it’s probably a good thing too. Now come on, we can talk on the way. I’ve got clothes for you.” Tyler stood up first, offering Josh a hand. Josh stared at it with wary eyes before completely ignoring it, using the wall instead. He then gestured to Tyler to lead the way.

Unfortunately, the second Josh stepped forward, his legs gave out and he crumbled to the floor.

Tyler sighed. “I should have known.”

“Fuck you too,” Josh grumbled as he pulled himself back up and took a shaky step forward. Tyler continued to stare at him until Josh assured he could walk perfectly fine. Then Tyler slung a duffel bag over his shoulder and quickly shoved Josh towards the hidden door that ventured into the crawl space of the great and powerful wall.

“Okay, change quickly.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he muttered, thanking Tyler with a quick nod of his head as he slipped a clean shirt over his head and changed into some not so ratty jeans. He slipped socks onto his feet and tied his combat boots, wiggling his toes in the shoes that were a size too big for him. But he was thankful alright. Really thankful. This morning Josh had thought he was doomed, and now he was getting out.

“You good?”

“My face tingles, but yeah. I’m good. As good as someone who was shocked almost to death can be.”

“Great. Follow me.” Tyler led the way down the silver hallway in pride, his head held high. Josh didn’t get it. Tyler had been so set on watching him die and now here he was, helping him escape. He couldn’t go on wondering what had given him a change in heart.

When the door to the outside was in sight, Josh decided to do something about it.

“Tyler,” he demanded, yanking on his shoulder. Tyler pivoted with annoyance in his features.

“We really don’t have time for this.”

“Yes we do. You were so set on having me pay for what I did. You can’t use having a weak stomach as an excuse. I would have thought having me brain dead would be fantastic for you. I couldn’t kill anyone any more.”

“Look. I may have been sent to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, but sometimes the real me did actually come out. And even though at first I was pretending to be in love with you, I really did like you a lot. And it was hard Josh, because even though I knew I shouldn’t be falling in love with you, I was. I shouldn’t have been, because you killed my brother, and I was taking you back to your death pretty much, but I did. I’ve been walking around fuelled by pain and grief and sorrow far too long Josh, and it’s getting to be ridiculous. I don’t want people to be afraid of me, to cower at the sight or very thought of me. My brother made a whole bunch of bad mistakes, and going off to become a raider was one of them. Zack did drugs and drank a lot. He killed people of his own, just like you. And it’s not like you could have known it was my brother. I guess the point of this is that I couldn’t stand to see you getting tortured like that. I should have never agreed to do this.”

“I might not ever be able to apologize to you enough for that, but I was the same way Tyler. I became a heartless killer because of Pete’s death, and meeting you changed that. You may not ever be able to forgive me, but what you did can also never be forgiven.” Josh turned to keep walking, but this time Tyler reached for his shoulder and slammed his body against the shiny silver of the hallway. Josh was much too weak to try and fight.

“I have a place for you. They’ll be able to tell you what’s going on and really what you are.” he slid a slip of paper into his palm, and Josh squeezed it tightly. “Take this bag too. It’s got weapons and food and water for you. It’s only about a day’s walk.”

Josh slipped the bag over his shoulder, continuing to stare at the man in front of him. The real Tyler. Not the meek and mild city dweller, not the scary and cruel general, just... Tyler.

“Thank you for everything.”

“I need you to punch me in the face before you leave. I’ll tell everyone I went in to feed you and you punched me in the face and tried to flee. They’ll spend all day looking throughout New Columbus.”

Josh didn’t even bother to make some form of agreement, just swung his fist towards Tyler’s eye, nailing his punch right in the corner between his nose and right side. Tyler groaned, stumbling backwards as Josh shook his open hand lightly and shoved it in his pocket.

“Guess I should have seen that coming.”

“You should have.”

They stared at each other for a good thirty seconds, a nice bruise already forming underneath Tyler’s right eye.

And then, Tyler was kissing him.

Ooooh, did Josh know how much shit he was in. He wanted to pull away and yell at Tyler because he was such an asshole, but he couldn’t. Because Josh was reminded of how _nice_ his lips were, and how well they connected, jumbling into one beautiful mess. Here were two fucked up people making out in the middle of a secret tunnel, the betrayer to the betrayee.

When they pulled away, Josh wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stared long and hard. This was most likely the last time he would ever see Tyler.

“I’m so sorry for everything I did. I regret everything. Just, please be careful out there, okay?”

“Come on, you traveled with me for a decent period of time. You know I can take care of myself.”

Tyler chuckled. “I know.”

And then Josh was speaking before his brain could tell him to stop. “What did you think about when you fucked me?”

Tyler froze. The colour drained from his face, the purple under his eye even more prominent. “I was thinking about you Josh. I really do love you. I really did fall in love with you.”

Josh rested a hand on the door handle and shook his head sadly. He could feel tears pricking at his eyelids, and noticed they were already starting to fall down Tyler’s cheeks.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fall in love with you ever again.”

And with that, he turned away and pushed open the door, shivering at the cold air that hit him head on. The sun was just starting to rise on the horizon as the door slammed shut behind him. Tyler’s look of heartbreak burned the back of his eyelids when he closed his eyes, but Josh knew it was for his own good. Tyler was unhealthy for him. He was a drug that would get him addicted once more and make him unable to control his actions.

Josh was never going to make the mistake of letting his guard down ever again.

\---

Around midday, when Josh paused to get a drink of water and actually look at Tyler’s messy scrawl to figure out where the hell he was going, he found a familiar object at the bottom of the bag. His Walkman.

It had a brand new pair of headphones attached to it, along with a note with that same messy scratch.

 

_Can’t travel the Wasteland without your jams._

_I’m sorry I failed you J._

_Don’t you forget about me._

__― T.R.J._ _

 

Josh carefully slid his Walkman into his pocket and strung the headphones over his neck with a sigh, bunching the note up in his fist. Never again.

He continued walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: 1938 was the year the first session of electroshock therapy was performed. It was used in psychiatry at first.


	18. Freakshow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.  
> "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."  
> "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.  
> "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”
> 
> \- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things slow down in this chapter. As in, my poor bby Jishwa is not getting tortured of any kind.
> 
> NEW GUESTS!!!

Josh checked and rechecked the address.

This was the place. Newport Music Hall.

He was actually quite intrigued by this location. The front of the building was mostly intact, the concrete columns protecting the crooked neon sign. The left side of the building was in worse shape; besides being completely crumbled, it was nothing more than mess of twisting metal, wood, and concrete. He checked the address once more, just in case. Was he _really_ supposed to be at a rundown concert hall? Why the hell did Tyler send him here?

Josh wandered inside, his eyes moving in all directions as he traveled to the back of the venue. His footsteps echoed ominously off the wall, sending chills down his spine. He wondered if there had been a show going on when the bombs fell.

At the back of the venue was a set of stairs, and with one glance back at the front doors with the spray of a sunset behind them, he began his descent. Josh took the stairs slowly, afraid he’d turn the corner and get mauled by raiders or some mutated creature. Fortunately for him, neither of those happened. It must have been his lucky day.

The basement was a lot more cleaner than up above; there was only one section where the floor above had caved in, but the most important thing was the hole dug into the wall. With a tilt of his head, Josh swallowed nervously as he continued forward. He had absolutely no clue why he was so terrified right now.

It was kind of weird that Tyler had send him here. This place was destroyed to hell and showed no signs of human life; where were the people that were supposedly supposed to help him?

“I’m seriously venturing into a dark hole in the wall. What is wrong with me?” Josh grumbled under his breath as he rested his hand on the brick in front of the hole. He peered in, trying to make out shapes in the darkness, but there was nothing. He didn’t even have a light on him. Josh wished Tyler would have given him back his watch too.

But that really wasn’t important at the moment.

With a deep breath, Josh squeezed his way into the tunnel, his back pressed up against the wet dirt. He continued to shimmy to the end where it opened, and then a bright light was shone in his face.

“Stop right there!” Josh squinted, blocking the light with his hand as he made out the two characters pointing guns at him. One wore a yellow mask and had an unruly mess of red locks, the other had a American flag patterned bandanna over his mouth and ran a gloved hand through his ratty black hair. Josh blinked, clutching the paper in his hand. Okay, so there were people here. Suddenly Tyler’s note to refer to himself as “Mr. Misty-Eyed” made a little bit more sense.

He had to admit though, with their multicoloured bomber jackets, they did look very badass.

“I uhhh... come in peace?” he tried, raising his hands slightly. The redhead gestured at him with the barrel of his gun.

“How the hell did you find us?”

“Errr...” Josh looked back at the note in his hand, “I was sent by a guy called Blurryface." he resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Tyler's horrible code name. "I came from New Columbus, go by Misty-Eyed.”

The two men looked at each other briefly before they lowered their guns and dimmed the lights. They seemed shocked, postures completely changed.

“Holy shit, you’re _the_ Mr. Misty-Eyed? Boss is going to be thrilled. You have to follow us.”

“Yeah sure. Take me to your leader,” he responded in a cheesy robotic voice, bursting up into laughter at his own joke. The two men stared at him in curiosity as Josh cleared his throat awkwardly and followed them down the hallway.

“I’m Poison, and that’s Ghoul. Technically it’s Party Poison and Fun Ghoul, but that’s kind of a mouthful so we shortened it down.” the redhead exclaimed, waving his hands all around as he spoke. Josh guessed he was the type to ramble when he got nervous.

Ghoul nodded his head. “We’re big fans of yours. Your bounty was up to 3000 caps. That’s like, unheard of.”

“Everyone here knows who you are. You’ll fit right in.”

“Boss is going to freak out. He’s been waiting for you.”

“Okay...” Josh replied, looking around the dirt walls of the tunnel. It was incredible that they had an entire underground operation underneath the ruins of a concert hall. That was definitely a place he would have never thought to look.

“Misty-Eyed,” Poison announced when they reached the widening entrance, resting his hands on his hips, “Welcome to Suburbia.”

Josh was surprised at all the people wandering the enclave. They had beds and technology and weapons and things he had never seen before in his life. This was incredible. Josh wanted to touch everything. (Especially the shelf of books at the very back of the cave.)

Ghoul banged on the office door with a fist before leaning against the wall. “Boss, we have Mr. Misty-Eyed. Like, the _real_ Mr. Misty-Eyed.”

There was a shuffle on the other end and the office door swung open, revealing a tallish man in a black suit, a green dress shirt tucked into his pants. His hair was dark brown, shaped upwards into a fauxhawk, and stubble dusted his chin. He adjusted his suit jacket and raised an eyebrow, running his eyes down the length of Josh’s body.

“Blurryface sent you, huh?”

In an odd way, the man’s voice sort of reminded Josh of Tyler’s. Although it was much deeper than Tyler’s, it was almost just as shaky, just with a little more added gruff.

“Yeah. I came from New Columbus.”

His eyes widened. “Did you now? Look’s like they caused you some trouble.”

Josh’s hand hovered over the burn mark scorched into his temple and looked at his scuffed boots. “Just a little bit.”

“Step into my office Misty-Eyed, if you don’t mind. We have a lot to discuss.” He smiled politely, gesturing to his office door. Then he directed his attention to Poison and Ghoul. “Thank you for bringing him to me. You’re both dismissed.”

The two nodded, sending Josh one more round of encouraging smiles and thumbs up before he was corralled into the office. Josh sank into the velvet chair, crossing his arms across his chest as he looked around the room. It was pretty nice for an office surrounded by dirt.

The man sat down across from Josh, propping his feet up on his desk with a small smirk. “Alright eager eyes, I’m Mr. Brightside. But you can drop the mister part. Most people do. Just like I assume you do with yours.”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

“We all go by code names in Suburbia. It protects our identities in case of spying and other uh, disasters. You can meet everyone later, but as for now, we’re here to talk about you Josh.”

The colour drained from his face as hands flew out to grip the arms of the chair. He swallowed in fear, his throat clicking. Not only was he surprised, but Josh was also a little pissed off. “How do you the hell do you know my name?”

“Oh Joshua, I know a lot about you. I’ve known about you since you left New Columbus all those years ago. We’re not too far away from there you know, word gets around. Plus,” he reached into a desk drawer to pull out a manila folder labeled “Dun, Joshua William” and tossed it his way. “We’ve got this. You’re one of us, Misty-Eyed.”

Josh took the folder with shaky fingers and flipped it open, eyes scanning the plethora of information scattered throughout. It contained all his lab results, his symptoms, side effects, health information - even stuff about his family. No one should have had this information, nonetheless a fucking _stranger_. He looked up at Brightside in anger, his right eye twitching slightly. “How the hell did you get access to this in the first place?”

“We’ve got inside ears.” He tilted his head to the side, that stupid smirk back on his face. “Do you know what you are Josh?”

“I’ve been told I’m a mutant, but that doesn’t change the fact that you-”

“But do you know what that _means_?”

Josh paused, thinking about it as he let the anger rush out of him. Now he was mostly confused. “No, I guess not. Nobody will tell me what it means.”

“It means we’re more adapted to the harsh conditions of the Wasteland. We can live longer, we’re immune to more diseases, we’re faster, stronger, and able to process and act quicker. Some people have other side effects, but that's the jist of it. Unfortunately, it also means we have an urge to kill. Who doesn’t like a bloodbath every now and again?” he gestured to nobody in particular with a wave of his hand. “I used to be a wanted man, but my days of raiding are over. At least for now.”

“Wait. You’re a mutant?”

“Well yeah. About half the people here are. This place is kind of like a safe place for mutants. Really, the only way to tell us apart from humans is if you go and study our genes. I think it’s ridiculous how people act like we’re monsters or something.”

“Oh.” Josh rolled his palms back and forth over his knees in nervousness. He didn’t really know how to react to this new information, but at the same time he was happy he wasn’t like, a freak of nature or something. He may have been the first one in New Columbus, but definitely not the only one in the entire Wasteland.

“I know it’s a lot of information to take it at once.”

“Yeah, that’s a little bit of an understatement.”

“There’s more to this than just being a mutant Josh. The bigger picture is about New Columbus, and you.”

“Me?” Josh pulled on his shirt, trying to get some cold air flowing. How could this be about him. What the hell was going on? “Literally no one is explaining anything to me so you better start before I knock your teeth in.”

Brightside chuckled. “Ah, that’s the spirit. Look Misty-Eyed, you came from New Columbus, and I don’t know if you know that, but that place is super advanced in technology. They managed to get planes and cars and-”

“Tanks,” Josh interrupted in a mumble, and Brightside nodded.

“Exactly. They got them to _work_ again. They want to take over the Wasteland as a dictatorship. They want to make sure every single person is following and working for them. If I know anything, it’s that history repeats itself. You know how crazy and evil they are there. Josh, they won’t stop at anything until they get their own way.”

“I already knew that. So what? Nobody will stand up to them.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” he beamed, shifting in his chair to look Josh in the eyes. “Suburbia is the rebellion Josh, and you’re going to lead it.”

Josh’s jaw dropped, his heartbeat increasing erratically as his hand froze on his knee, rhythm long forgotten as he stared stupidly. “Wha?”

“I told you, Suburbia has always been in your corner. We know what you’re capable of. You aren’t one to conform. You do your own thing. You’re the best damn fighter in all of the Wasteland and Suburbia needs you. I’ve just been a fill in until you arrived, and I knew you would. I’m glad you did.”

“I can’t lead a rebellion.”

“I know you can. Mr. Misty-Eyed, the legendary raider, burning his hometown into ash. That’ll definitely make headlines. Besides, you know the most about that place.”

“But...” Josh wanted to start listing excuses to why he wouldn’t make a good leader or didn’t want to in the first place, but if this was his chance to destroy the terrible place New Columbus had become, and kill the Overseer, this would give him a really good start.

“We had allegations that New Columbus would start using force to the communities that denied them. They might call it an alliance, but they suck these people into their kingdom by fear. Only the strong are the ones to say no, but now we know that things will end badly.” Brightside paused to sigh, running fingers through his hair nervously. “They bombed Hatton.”

Those three words hit him like a sack of bricks. He was frozen to his chair, body tense and his face pale. Hatton was _bombed_. Just like the entirety of the United States, and he had witnessed first hand how well that had ended up. All he could think of was the people he knew there, broken up into tiny, bloody pieces. “Oh my God,” he whispered.

“It happened about a week ago. We managed to get some survivors, but a lot of people were injured or killed. Do you see now why we need you to lead this rebellion? They’re not going to stop until they get their way.”

It made sense now why Brendon’s station was nothing by static. He had _friends_ there. Had any of them survived? “I have friends in Hatton. Oh my God, what if they’re dead?”

“Hey hey, it’s okay. Just-”

“No.” Josh started pacing, his hands flying everywhere. He tugged at his hair in frustration, chest starting to fill with large amounts for air. “Don’t tell me to calm down.”

“I didn’t.”

Josh ignored him. “I have friends there. What if they died? What if that shitty community killed my goddamn friends? I’m going to murder the entire New Columbus government with my bare hands.” he growled loudly, slamming a fist into the wall. Then he stood there, trying to catch his breath, and Brightside continued to watch him. Now that he knew mutants had an animalistic characteristic to their nature, he felt a little embarrassed to be acting this way, even if Brightside was the same species.

“So... you in?”

“Yeah. I’m in.” He ran a hand through his hair. Hatton no longer existed. Patrick, Brendon, even Jack and Lynn - might all be dead and he would never know. This was all his fault.

“You’re welcome to look around for your friends. There’s a possibility we did bring some of them back here you know.”

“Oooooh man.” Josh squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was on the edge of a panic attack.

Then the door opened, and Josh stopped breathing.

Because there in the doorway stood a familiar dirty blonde with his cracked frames and too big cardigan sleeves pulled over his hands.

“Oh my God,” breathed Josh as he pounced on Patrick, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “I thought you were dead.”

“Josh!” Patrick exclaimed, awkwardly patting Josh on the back, “what are you doing here?”

“I’m gonna take it you two know each other,” Brightside interrupted as he pushed out of his chair and straightened his tie. “Fallout, we can discuss what you needed later. I think it’s best if you two talk.” The door shut quietly behind him after he glanced back at Josh one last time.

The minute he was gone, Patrick was all over him. “How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t know you were here. I thought you were dead. Brightside told me Hatton had been bombed.”

Patrick sighed as he pushed a few falling hairs out of his face. Josh tried to ignore the obvious burn mark scorched across his forehead. “They came out of nowhere. Fortunately for me I was close enough to the edge to get out, but a lot of people weren’t as lucky. Suburbia said I could stay with them, and here we are. What about you?”

“It’s a really long story, but I’m here to join the rebellion. And I guess lead it too.”

Patrick blinked. Opened his mouth to speak, shut it, and opened it again. “You’re going to lead the rebellion against New Columbus?”

“Oh, so you know about it then?”

“Well yeah! They fucking bombed us!”

“They haven’t treated anyone nicely, and that needs to change.” Josh clenched and unclenched a fist in fury. “I know New Columbus, and I know that they are worse than evil.”

Patrick’s jaw dropped as he connected the dots. “Are you... are you _from_ New Columbus?”

Josh nodded. “Born and raised, but I left at sixteen. That was when Pete came in.”

“I know you said he saved your life, but I wasn’t picturing that! Holy shit Josh! How did you get out of a closed community?”

“Magic,” he deadpanned.

Patrick snorted. “What about Tyler? Where is he?”

Oh yeah. Here was the part where Josh’s heart started cracking again. “Oh. Uh. I took him back to Cleveland.”

“You didn’t stay with him?”

“He didn’t want me,” Josh whispered. He latched onto the doorframe, trying to control his shaking hands. Patrick couldn’t know what really happened.

No one could.

“Oh Josh.” Patrick shook his head softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, really. I’m fine. We have more important things to move on too. By the way, I’m Mr. Misty-Eyed. Nice to meet you Fallout.” he thrust a hand Patrick’s way, to which he only stared at it like it was infested with lice.

“You’re the person Hatton offered a three thousand cap reward for?”

“The one and only.”

“You’ve killed hundreds of people?”

“Give or take.”

“You’re a mutant?”

“Sure am.”

“Holy shit. This whole time.” This time, his head shake was in disbelief. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything. Just tell me that Brendon is still alive and kicking.”

“He’s fine. Bren was one of the lucky ones. I’ll take you to him. But don’t think I’m over the Misty-Eyed thing, because I’m totally not.”

“I don’t think I’m over it either.”

Patrick punched him playfully, rolling his eyes before pushing open the office door. People whispered to others about Josh as Patrick led him to the back of the enclave and down a small offset hallway to the door of the farthest room. It was so weird to him that everyone seemed to know who he was. Josh was so used to having his identity a secret that suddenly the fact that everyone knew who he was really frightened him. It was kind of annoying that he was having these “human feelings” all the time now, but at the same time, he felt like a person, not a machine.

Josh knew perfectly well why that was.

“His lover wasn’t as lucky, so just be gentle and patient with him, alright?”

“Yeah.” Josh pulled Patrick into another hug, taking in a deep breath through his nose. Patrick smelled comforting, and that was something Josh needed in all this unfamiliar territory. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad you’re here too bud. Now go talk to Beebo.” He gently pushed Josh towards the door with a wink before disappearing down the hallway.

Josh paused, his hand on the door handle. He took a few unsteady breaths, trying to get rid of all his jitters. He was worried Brendon would be hunched over someone dying, or that he himself would be nothing but a traumatized shell.

What he walked into was the exact opposite of what he expected. Because Brendon was sucking face with a _dude_.

A loud gurgle left his lips as he fumbled for the doorknob, face blossoming into a million shades of red. Brendon turned around, the smirk fading from his face as he wiped his mouth. Josh could see the guy Bren had been making out with was also blushing. His long hair covered most of the scratches on his face, and he had a sling over his right arm.

“Josh?” Brendon exclaimed, pushing off of the bed. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Josh ignored his questioned and gestured to the giraffe of a man on the bed. “Who’s this Brendon?”

The man shook his head in fright when Brendon glanced back at him. He bit his lip, facing Josh with an annoyed expression. “I asked you first.”

“Fine. I came to join the rebellion.”

“What about Tyler?”

“Not here. Now who’s this?”

“This is, uh...” his voice cracked as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “This is Dallon.”

Josh waved sheepishly. “Hey there Dallon. Looks like you did get some Brendon. Nice job.”

A horrified look fell over Brendon’s face. “Dude.”

Josh shrugged. “Sorry. Anyways, I’ll leave you to your... er... whatever. Come find me later, okay Bren?” He nodded towards Dallon and offered a small smile as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Nice to meet you Dallon.”

Dallon smiled back softly, raising his free hand, a trace of red still on his face. Josh wondered if that was like, their first special moment. He definitely remembered how nice it was kissing-

He shook his head subconsciously, a small sigh leaving his lips. First step in moving on was to forget what had happened in the first place.

\---

“Meeting,” Brightside announced when Josh made his way back into the enclave. He barely had time to turn around before the boss was pulling him to the center of the room by the arm. Josh could feel everyone’s eyes baring into his very soul as he dug his foot into the floor and curled his arms around himself. Attention was something Josh really wasn’t used to. The people that had watched him get whipped back home had been few and far and even then he had been, uh, a little pre-occupied. Now, everyone was staring at him, whispering about him, and he had nothing to distract him from that.

As the crowd of people gathered closer and closer, Josh’s heart beat louder and louder. He actually rested the heel of his hand over it, as if that would somehow muffle the sound pounding in his ears.

“So I’m sure you’ve all heard the rumours circulating around the building, and I think it’s about time we talk about what’s going on.”

A wave of commotion ran over the crowd, people of all different kinds. When Josh looked up, he caught of a familiar face - that blue haired girl he had saved from raiders - and immediately dropped his vision back to the floor. Jesus, was the entire Wasteland here?

“As you all know, New Columbus has started using force to get people to join their sick, twisted party, as proven by the Hatton bombing.” Brightside paused, face falling sober as a hush fell over the agents. “We can’t let that happen again, not in this day and age. But the rumours are true. Mr. Misty-Eyed is here.”

Several gasps broke out as Josh forced himself to look up at all the faces and smiled uncomfortably. “Er, hi." 

“He’s going to lead the rebellion. We’re going to stop these assholes from getting any farther in their heinous acts.”

Josh locked eyes with a doe eyed Brendon, who mouthed “what the fuck?” to which Josh could only shrug. He had absolutely no clue what was going on at the moment. He was certainly not used to people being excited about a raider.

“We’ll talk about this in the morning and figure out where to go from there. Go easy on the new guy.” Brightside chuckled, slapping a hand on Josh’s shoulder. Then he leaned in and whispered, “My office later. We’ll discuss details.”

With a gulp Josh nodded, and the second Brightside excused himself, Josh was swarmed.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re _the_ Mr. Misty-Eyed!”

“Dude, I respect you, like, so hard.”

“You gotta tell me about what it was like living in New Columbus.”

“What made you want to become a raider?”

“We’ve been waiting for you for so frickin’ long.”

And then the crowd parted. “So you’re Mr. Misty-Eyed.” Brendon folded his arms, his eyes narrowed and lips tight. “You know, I thought I had landed in reporter heaven when everyone here was just as obsessed with the legendary raider as I was. They talked about him like he was some inhuman being. I guess maybe he was, being a mutant and all. But it’s you. I’ve met him personally.” The realization seemed to hit him all at once, and Brendon was no longer upset, but bouncing all around like he was meeting God himself. “Holy shit. How could you have not told me that? Jesus, you’re from fucking New Columbus? I should be breaking your nose.”

“No,” the blue haired girl cut in, throwing an arm around Brendon’s shoulders, “He hates them just as much as we do. If he still supported them he would still be stuck inside the walls.”

“True,” Josh added, pointing at her. Brendon scowled.

“I guess that’s true. But still. You’ve killed like, a billion people.”

“That’s a little bit of an exaggeration.”

“You’re a wanted man.”

“In some people’s eyes.”

“Shit.” a palm slapped his forehead. “The magic is ruined. Thanks a lot.”

“Alright Mona Lisa, lay off of him. He’s got other people to meet.” Blue hair giggled, nudging Bren away. Josh mouthed “sorry” as she pulled him away back towards the crowd of people. Her hand rested on his upper arm in a way that made him wonder if she knew how gay he was. “I’m Halsey, if you forgot. We met briefly.”

“Right. No, I uh, remember that.” his brow furrowed. “You knew who I was then?”

“You bet. Not sure who your buddy was, but he was help none the less. Where’d he go?”

“Long story.”

“No problem, you’re here now. I’ll introduce you to the agents. Most of them are mutants like us, besides the people from Hatton. It was just a bunch of normies there.” A chuckle. “Okay, so you already met Poison and Ghoul. Then we’ve got Kid and Star,” she pointed to a tall blonde and a man with an afro of crazy brown hair, both wearing the familiar bomber jackets of the previous “killjoys.” They were conversing with Poison and Ghoul.

She scanned the crowd, smiling at her fellow coworkers. “Oh! That’s Cobra, uh, he does a lot of uhm, stuff, you met Mona Lisa already, he’s new, same with Fallout, White Noise and Travesty. They’re from Hatton as well. And this crazy chick right here is Crybaby.”

Crybaby intrigued Josh the most, what with her petite features and outrageous hair. He rubbed at his eyes, just to make sure he wasn't making it all up.

She waved, a wide, gap toothed smile spreading across her face. Crybaby reached for his hand, shaking it wildly despite that fact that Josh just stood there awkwardly. “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Misty. I’ve been waiting so long to meet you.”

“It’s very nice to meet you too.”

She winked, tugging on her skirt before shoving out of the group. Josh leaned over to Halsey. “Why does she go by Crybaby?”

“You’ll see. Us mutants are nasty creatures.”

After that, people continued to introduce themselves, and Josh shook more hands than he ever had in his entire life. Don’t get him wrong, everyone was super nice, but it was a little overwhelming that everyone wanted to meet _him_. Tyler had been the one to always-

No. He had told himself to move on, and that was exactly what he was going to do. Every time he thought of Tyler was one more infraction on his brain.

Josh dug his nails into his hand and forced a smile to the last agent. It had been nice to see some familiar faces, but he really needed to sit down.

Halsey squeezed his bicep gently and offered a supportive smile. “You doing okay tough guy?”

It was no longer Halsey holding his arm, but Tyler.

“I’m fine,” Josh squeaked out as he dug his nails in his hand farther.

“You ready to really join to Suburbia?” Fake Tyler grinned, and Josh felt ready to pass out. He squeezed his eyes shut for a small period of time, swaying at the black spots that clouded his vision. Halsey was back when they popped open.

“More than ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAUSE I'M MR. BRIGHTSIIIIIIIIDDDEEE
> 
> Anyways the updates are probably going to slow down after this as I return to school and work accordingly. I'll try my best.
> 
> And in case you're wondering, "who the hell is so and so," here is my list.
> 
> Brightside - Bflow  
> Mona Lisa - Beebo  
> Crybaby - Melanie  
> Fallout - Pattycakes  
> Cobra - Gabe who can't saporta his own damn band anymore because they brOKE UP  
> (Kobra) Kid - Mikey  
> (Party) Poison - Gerard  
> (Fun) Ghoul - Frankie  
> (Jet) Star - Ray  
> Halsey - Ashley Frag-mine  
> Blurryface - STUPID TRAITOR  
> White Noise - Lynn  
> Travesty - you don't get to know yet but I'm sure you can guess
> 
> There's more people to come.


	19. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I believe that words are strong, that they can overwhelm what we fear when fear seems more awful than life is good.” 
> 
> ― Andrew Solomon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK FROM THE GRAVE!!!
> 
> Okay, not exactly, but I'm extremely sorry it has been a million years since my last update. I've been struggling with AP exams and EOCs and finals for weeks and haven't had much time to do anything. I've still got a few more finals I have to take, but we're getting there. School is almost over. (Thank GOD.)
> 
> Thank you for being patient with me. I really appreciate it.
> 
> This chapter is mostly information and important conversations, but the next one will be a little bit more interesting. We're getting there.

Halsey led him to one of the hallway rooms, a bright salon with so many bright colours he was sure he’d go insane. With a forceful push she sat him down in one of the chairs and busied herself at a shelf.

“White Noise and Crybaby will be here in a second. They’ll help us.” Josh knew White Noise was Lynn, but he wondered what had happened of Lynn’s partner and their secretary.

“Did you guys by chance bring in a girl with bright red hair and a guy with pink and green hair?”

“I really don’t remember. I wasn’t over there when they brought people in. Sorry Misty.” She offered up a small smile before going back to rifling through a bunch of stuff Josh thought looked like junk. “What colour do you want?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well we gotta change your appearance, don’t we? Can’t let anyone get suspicious. Come on, we’ll be gentle. We may be tough but that doesn’t mean we don’t have that special woman’s touch.” A wink. “We got all kinds of colours you can pick.”

“Come on Misty-Eyed,” a new voice added mockingly, and with a quick crane of his neck Josh spotted Lynn come into the room with Crybaby. “Don’t be a baby about it.”

“Hey!” Crybaby shouted, her face melting into a pout. Lynn rolled her eyes.

“I think I’d dig a bright colour on you. Pink maybe.”

“Oh lord.” Josh covered his eyes with his hands as Crybaby huffed.

“I’d like a purple on him better. Pink’s my thing.”

“You guys are crazy. I’m not dying my hair.”

Crybaby leaned forward, a wicked smile on her face as she whispered, “All the best people are crazy.”

“Everyone here is crazy,” Halsey added, “And you’re here now. Which makes you crazy. Now pick a hair colour. You’re an agent now; Even bigger, you’re about to lead a rebellion Misty. If you wanna look like a General then-”

“No. Nope. Definitely not.” Josh started pushing his way out of the chair, shoving grabby hands out of his way. “No way in hell.”

Halsey frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Look, you guys are all very nice and I appreciate you wanting to help me, but I’m not a general, or a leader. I’m nothing but a scumbag raider.”

Lynn sighed obnoxiously as she maneuvered around Halsey and Crybaby to reach for Josh’s shoulders. He flinched at her touch and grumbled under his breath as he sank further into the chair. “Listen, Jo-, er, Misty. I know I only cut your hair, but even before I found out you were the man you were asking me questions about I could tell you were a good person. There are a lot of bad people in the world, especially today. You aren’t one of them. Now if only you would have told me before,” she began combing his hair, pulling hard through the tangled curls enough for him to flinch at the sting and continued speaking, “That you were from the fucking place that bombed us, maybe I would have thought otherwise.”

“I left New Columbus when I was sixteen and never looked back. They spent years searching for me until my own boyfriend of all people threw me into the arms of their totalitarian government where I was then brutally tortured for weeks on end. I’m sorry they bombed Hatton, but that is not my fault nor did I have anything to do with it. I am here to end that terrible place once and for all, understand?”

Lynn stopped combing his hair, her fingers curled tightly around the handle of the brush. She swallowed nervously. “Tyler turned you in?”

“They tortured you?” Crybaby added, her face turning sympathetic.

“You’re gay?” Halsey finished, her smile long forgotten.

Josh sighed. “Yes.”

“I’m so sorry,” whispered Lynn as she discarded the hairbrush and bent down to hug him tightly. “I’m sorry for encouraging you the most. I probably made things worse.”

“It was no one’s fault but my own. And I’m fine now. I’m a strong person. Torture has nothing on me.”

“Let me get something straight,” interrupted Halsey as she rested a hand on her hip, “you’re gay? Like, that guy you were with was your boyfriend? You had _sex_ with him?”

“Jesus Halsey, could you be any more shallow?” yelled Crybaby as she grabbed Halsey by the arm and dragged her out of the room. Josh looked back up at the mirror, smiling at Lynn’s smirk. He didn’t think he’d get that much of a reaction.

“The people here are a little strange, aren’t they?”

“Just a little bit,” Josh agreed. “I’m still figuring things out.”

“Well, you’ve only been here a day. I’ve been here for a while now, and let me tell you, it’s not getting any less vague.”

“Great.”

“Maybe we should change your hair colour. We can’t have New Columbus following you, can we?” A sigh. “How you coping mountain man?”

“I’m alright.”

“Are you sure?” She looked at him with a look that let him know she knew he was definitely lying.

“No,” he whispered, bottom lip trembling, and Lynn was once again pulling him into a huge hug. This time, Josh squeezed her back. “I miss him so much.”

“I know you do sweetheart, but you gotta know what he did is too much for you to go running back to him. He’s the cause of your internal suffering, you know that, right?”

“Well when you put it that way,” he mumbled with a sniff, stealing a glance at his pathetic face in the mirror. “He was the first person I fell in love with.”

“And you’re gonna fall in love with so many other people. Better people, ones that don’t lie to everyone and treat you like a piece of shit. I know we don’t know each other very well, but I care about you Mountain Man, and I don’t want you getting hurt again. So here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to dye your hair purple, and we’re gonna trim you up, give you a new look, and then you’re gonna go talk to Brightside about this whole leader thing. You’re going to be the best damn leader out there to ever exist and we’re going to go back to New Columbus and fucking _destroy_ them. And then, you’re going to march up to Tyler, and say some really scary and intimidating punch line like ‘Get out my life forever you dick’ and then shoot him right in the head. Okay maybe that last part is really over the top but I mean everything else. And I know I’m really bad at making people feel better, but what I guess I’m saying is that you’re a really good person Josh and I want you to prove that you’re better than Tyler.”

Josh chuckled. “Thank you Lynn. That means a lot.”

“Hey, I’m here for you Mountain Man.”

“I know you are.” A pause. “Did... did Nick and Hayley-”

“I don’t know. I haven’t found them yet. We can only hope, you know? That they’re out there, alive and okay. I know New Columbus did manage to get a few prisoners back there in Hatton.” Lynn forced a smile, but Josh could see her eyes were starting to water. “They’re okay. They’ve got to be okay. Nick will protect Hayley, I know he will.”

“Lynn-”

“They’re _fine_ Josh, okay? End of discussion. Now let’s get started on this mop on your head. I swear, it’s been like a week since I saw you and you can’t even maintain it. I realize you were out traveling, but what the hell were you doing?” Josh opened his mouth to argue, but Lynn tugged on his hair and grinned (for real this time) as he whined in pain. “Can it Mountain Man, I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

Damn. Josh was full of those.

\---

He stared at himself in the mirror for a good five minutes with wide eyes, the three girls standing behind him. His hair was bright purple.

Bright. Purple.

Josh ran his fingers through it gently, as if that would somehow make a difference. He had looked plain and boring and suddenly there was this large _BANG_ that exploded in his brain. He truly looked like a legit raider now; wild hair, piercings and everything.

“Oh my god...” he moaned, shoving his head into his hands. Why had he gone through with this again?

“It takes a little while to get used to, but you’ll love it soon Misty,” Crybaby squealed, squeezing one of Josh’s shoulders encouragingly. Lynn scoffed, tousling his hair and bursting into soft laughter at his grumbles as he pushed her away.

“Let me just flaunt my flamboyance why don’t you.”

“You still look tough to me,” added Halsey quietly as she twisted her hands together. Then a meek, “Hey guys, you mind if I talk to Misty privately?”

Josh shot her reflection a look in the mirror, because this was news to him, and he wasn’t really sure if he wanted to speak to her alone. But the other two nodded their heads and left the room before Josh could beg them to stay.

They stared at each other briefly through the mirror before she was sighing. “Hey. I uhm, wanted to apologize. It was shallow of me to say what I did. I just...” Halsey scoffed. “I was dumb. Sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine.”

“It’s not. Look Misty, we’ve been waiting for you for quite a while. I mean, I’ve been apart of this movement for like five years, and we haven’t got much farther than adding people to Suburbia. Nobody really believed in our supposed savior. But then I saw you, like for real, out there in the Wasteland. You saved my life, and seeing you in person helped me regain my lost faith. I used to make up stories about the long lost leader and I falling in love. I just can’t believe you’re here. You’re going to make a big difference in the Wasteland, I know it.”

Josh sighed, and began pawing at his face to rid the oncoming storm of a headache. “I don’t understand why you guys think this. I’m one dude. I’m a raider. I-”

“We’re all raiders.”

“That’s not what I mean. I mean, I walk in here and suddenly I’m Jesus Christ after resurrection. I’m not fit to be a leader. I could barely lead myself.”

“Don’t say that. Every single person here believes in you. Like, the entire Wasteland believes in Mr. Misty-Eyed. Doesn’t that make you want to prove-”

“I don’t want to prove anything,” Josh pushed out of the chair, his voice starting to exit outside of its inside tone. “I don’t want to have to prove anything to anybody. Everyone that has faith in me better drop the act because newsflash: all I ever do is disappoint, and that’s most like what I’ll ever do. Believing in me is bullshit because I’m going to let everyone down.”

“But...” she trailed off, tapping her fingernails against her arm. “You said you were going to lead it. This is your chance to get back at New Columbus. We all know what happened to you. It’s terrible. It would make me want to get back at the people that destroyed my life.”

“I really don’t know Halsey, I’m just, I’m nervous about this. I don’t want any more deaths on my hands. I was ready to leave the raider lifestyle behind and here I am being thrown back into it. It doesn’t feel right.”

“One last time bud, for the community of people that are counting on you to save the Wasteland. You don’t think you can do this? Great. You got a bunch of other people making up in lacked faith. I’m telling you, if you believed in yourself, you’d get a lot farther in life.”

Josh stared at the floor as he absorbed all the information being thrown at him. Look, he was well aware he agreed to lead a fucking rebellion (seriously, that was _crazy_ ) but he knew he wasn’t fit to be a leader. He wasn’t a god, and he was too much of a scumbag to be referred to as a human being (even though he technically wasn’t human) so it made absolutely no sense why all these people believed in him. Nobody _knew_ him personally, so why were they so sure he was the one to lead them into something extremely dangerous?

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Josh blinked a few times and groaned. “Okay. Fine. I’ll just move on with things and see where they take me. I guess.”

Halsey squealed, immediately leaning over to pull Josh into a hug. “I knew you would make the right decision.”

“Maybe.” (Translation: definitely not.)

“Seriously. You should probably go speak with Brightside though. He knows a lot more about this leader stuff then I do. He’s a genius pretty much. The guy traveled here all the way from the Vegas strip. Can you believe that?”

“Oh man, so cool,” he muttered, pulling away her hand that was getting a little too close to his ass. She seemed to get the hint to let go then, and with a small smile, they parted ways.

And Josh was back in the one place he really wanted to avoid.

\---

For ten minutes Josh and Brightside had been staring at each other without much advance. Josh kept playing with his shoelaces while Brightside rifled through some papers.

“You ready to talk?” he asked without looking up, his brow furrowed in concentration. Josh rolled his eyes.

“I haven’t been sitting here to admire your perfect hair.”

A scoff. “Alright then. You wanna talk leader stuff?”

“As tempting as that sounds-”

“No. You do. That’s why you wandered into my office. We need to formulate a game plan before that hometown of yours starts causing more ruckus. Nice colour by the way. Really fits you.”

Josh scoffed. “Yeah thanks. But you’re right. We definitely do need to start thinking of something.”

“Do you know how to get in?”

“There’s a door towards the back of the wall. It leads to the crawl space. We could most likely get in through the lab. I know there are other doors too.”

Brightside smiled, pausing to set his papers down before tapping his fingertips together. “Oh yeah. That’s really good. We can send some people in as a ground fleet. As for an aerial attack…” he chucked. “Oh yeah. This is gonna be good.”

His jaw dropped before could control his amazement. “Wait, _aerial attack_?”

“Oh yeah. Didn’t you know?” Brightside’s smile grew bigger. “We’ve stolen a lot of things from good ole’ New Columbus.”

“Woah woah woah. You guys… you have planes?”

“Yeah, we’ve got one. Got a helicopter too.”

Josh blinked. “Damn. That’s… this is great news.”

“We just need you to get divide our people between the ground fleet and the aerial fleet. Have you talked to everyone?”

“Mostly. You know I have literally been here a day, right?”

“Of course I know that. What, you need your rest? Wanna talk about this tomorrow?”

“That’s not-” Josh snapped his mouth shut, one eyebrow raised in annoyance. “You sure are putting a lot on someone who really didn’t want to be a leader in the first place.”

Brightside raised his hands in defense. “Alright, alright. Sorry. I’m pretty fast paced if you haven’t been able to tell.” With a sigh, he pushed out of his chair and scooted out from behind the desk. “Let’s get you a room, okay? Then, if you’re up to it of course, we can further carry on this conversation.”

With a paw at his face, Josh nodded. “Okay. Just give me my five hours and I’ll be good.”

\---

The room they gave him was nothing special, but Brightside assured him it was the best room in the entirety of Suburbia. The bed looked clean though, and that was all he needed right now. The minute he dove into the mattress he was out cold.

Josh often had dreams about pre-war life, but this one was different. Here he was in a perfect two story house with a lawn full of bright green grass. The sun was high and the sky was blue and everything felt perfect.

In fact, it felt even better when there was a familiar touch of electricity on the back of his neck and a smiling brunette was dropping down next to him.

“It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?” he ran fingers through his hair with a happy sigh as Josh pulled him closer and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Not as lovely as you.”

“Oh stop.” Tyler rolled his eyes, but there was a blush on cheeks and a smile forming on his face. “I was thinking about running to the store to pick up a few things. You need anything?”

“Were we going to make dinner? I’m thinking pizza tonight. Homemade pizza. How’s that sound?”

“It sounds fantastic.” He leaned forward to whisper in Josh’s ear. “You know what else sounds fantastic? You.”

Josh shoved him away with a laugh. “You can’t have me every night. You need real food besides my ass.”

Tyler pouted. “Oh come on.”

“You come on.”

“In your dreams.” And then they were making out again.

Josh woke up covered in sweat and he dug his nails into his palm out of spite and frustration. If he could invent something, it would be a machine that allowed him to control his goddamn dreams.

He wondered if his brain would ever let go of the man who had betrayed him. Josh knew deep down he was still in love with Tyler, but the smart part of him knew that it was a waste of time and he needed to distract himself. You know, if only his dumb body would let him do that.

Josh climbed out of bed with a loud yawn and reached for the duffel bag Tyler had given him with the intention of getting new clothes. It was when he saw Pete’s jacket did he stop. It was almost nostalgia that fell over him, but at the same time gratitude for the fact that Tyler had taken the time to get that back to him, just like the Walkman. Maybe he really was sorry for what he had done.

Within the bag was also a few other shirts that Josh immediately knew were not his own. They still smelled like _him_.

“This is definitely not helping,” he muttered as he pulled on a clean shirt and jeans. New plan. Josh was going to talk to Brightside.

\---

“We have a problem.”

“Hey! Nice to see you too.” Josh rolled his eyes in annoyance and crossed his arms. “There are other ways to launch into a conversation you know.”

Brightside’s face remained expressionless. “This is serious. New Columbus has gone into lockdown because of your absence.”

“I would expect nothing else. I was their ‘freak’ you know.”

“They’re interrogating everyone. That’s what my inside eyes say at least.”

“Do I have the honor of knowing you your inside eyes is? Since you know, I lived there.”

With a sigh, Brightside shifted in his seat uneasily and folded his arms. “I uhm, I don’t know if that’s the best idea.”

Josh scoffed. “Come on. You’re really testing my patience.”

“What are you gonna do? Kill me?” he raised an eyebrow at Josh’s grunt. “Fine. It’s the doctor. He’s not too keen about the way New Columbus is at the moment. Hasn’t been really ever. Ever since you.”

“Dr. Ryan?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe it.” Josh pushed back into his chair with amazement falling across his features. The doctor really had been concerned with saving his life. Josh wondered if he had been the one to convince Tyler to help him get out.

“Well you better. What do you want to do Misty-Eyed? We’re running out of time.”

An aggravated sigh. “Okay. Fine. The mutants here. Tell me what they can do and I’ll try and organize some fleets.”

“You want paperwork? I got paperwork.” Brightside grinned as he pulled open a drawer of the filing cabinet behind him and pulled out a thick stack of manilla folders labeled with names. Josh looked up at him briefly before reaching for the first folder. “There you go boss.”

 

_Way, Gerard Arthur. AKA, Party Poison. _

  * _Quick shot_


  * _Blood_


  * _Dark past_


  * _Brother*_



 

“What’s this mean?” asked Josh as he pointed to the jotted notes in Brightside’s chicken scratch. Brightside picked at his chin before opening his mouth to explain.

“He’s good with guns, loves blood, like _really_ loves it, and has a brother.”

“That’s all you have on him?” he questioned again, looking for more papers besides just the one. Brightside shrugged.

“The Killjoys were their own group before they ever joined Suburbia. Don’t have much on any of them. Although I’m convinced they somehow came back from the dead.”

“Okay,” Josh muttered, ignoring that last comment as he reached for the next folder. “We’ll put him with the ground fleet.”

 

_Way, Michael James. AKA, Kobra Kid. _

  * _Brother*_


  * _Quick Learner_


  * _Goofy but also very sympathetic_


  * _Very dependent_



 

“Aerial fleet.” Mark.

 

_Iero, Frank Anthony. AKA, Fun Ghoul. _

  * _Loud mouthed_


  * _Close to Poison. Possible relationship._


  * _Good with people. Doesn’t like to be touched._



 

“Ground fleet.” Another mark.

 

_Toro, Raymond. AKA, Jet Star. _

  * _Quiet_


  * _Tough_


  * _Goes with the flow. Good to have around._



A sigh. Josh rubbed his neck. “Well damn, you really weren’t kidding when you said you had nothing on them.”

Brightside wiggled his eyebrows and took a sip of a glass of water on his desk. “I may be intimidating, but I’m not a liar.”

“Okay. I want him in the aerial fleet then.”

“Sounds good to me. Go on and finish. I’m here to add input if you need it.”

“Sure.” Another folder it was.

 

_Martinez, Melanie Adele. AKA, Crybaby. _

  * _Hard childhood_


  * _Don’t piss her off_


  * _Sonic scream_



His head whipped back up. “Sonic _scream_?”

“Why do you think we call her Crybaby? It can shatter glass, that cry of hers. I’d put her on ground fleet if I were you.” a smirk.

“I would say so.”

 

_Frangipane, Ashley Nicolette. AKA Halsey. _

  * _Best damn pilot we have_


  * _Master of disguise_


  * _Go to her for info on guns._


  * _Fast_



 

“So aerial fleet. Noted.” Josh clicked his tongue and Brightside marked his paper.

 

_Saporta, Gabriel Eduardo. AKA Cobra. _

  * _Usually high_


  * _But that might put him at his best._


  * _Incredibly charming, be wary. He’ll suck you in._


  * _Connections_



 

“Ground fleet,” Josh murmured, furrowing his brow as he moved the folder to the side. There was plenty of information on all of these people, but Josh knew it was best to provide some privacy. It was a right after all.

Alright. Three more files.

 

_Gaskarth, Alexander William. AKA, Travesty. _

  * _Hatton_


  * _Avoids family life_


  * _Possible alcoholic? Look further into that_


  * _Loyal. Runs a ton of missions_


  * _Emotional. Go easy on the kid. He’s been through a lot._



 

Josh’s eyes widened in shock. No way. This was _the_ Alex? The one bartender Jack had been talking about? Well no wonder he had been gone for awhile. He wasn’t in a caravan; he was a freaking agent for a rebellion.

“Do you know him?” Asked Brightside with a tilt of his head.

“I uhm,” a pause. “He’s a friend of a friend.”

“The bartender? Well, I guess he used to be a bartender. We haven’t come across Barakat. He might have gotten taken or passed away during the bombings. Travesty has kind of been invisible lately.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame him.” Josh rubbed at his eyes and let out a deep breath. “‘How’s he with guns?”

“Decent. He’s good with directions.”

“Aerial fleet. Mark it.”

“Yes sir.”

Another folder was in Josh’s hands, but this one seemed old and worn for tear. He trailed a finger across a wrinkle in the fold and opened it up slowly.

 

_Flowers, Brandon Richard. AKA, Mr. Brightside. _

  * _I shouldn’t really be writing notes about myself, but I feel this might be important just in case we find someone else who should know._


  * _I’ve been alive a long time. A very, very long time. Like, 200 years long. Guess with radiation comes immortality._


  * _Vegas Strip. Days were hard there._


  * _I’ve killed more people than I ever want to admit, and for that I’ll never forgive myself._


  * _I used to have a family._


  * _I do believe in a God, and I believe he’ll come to us in the form of a leader. We've been waiting for a very long time._


  * _New Columbus is going down if it’s the last thing I do._



 

Josh looked over at Brightside’s faltering smile with sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to worry about. With the perks of being a mutant comes the curse. Now, if you don’t mind me adding a preference, I would prefer to be in the aerial fleet if you’d so kindly let me. I think I can operate better when I’m up above.”

“Of course.”

“You have any idea what to do with the humans we rescued from Hatton?”

“Do they express interest in joining us? I mean, it’s a lot easier for them to be-”

“All of them have expressed intense interest. Their city was bombed. Besides, it’s the wasteland.” Brightside shrugged his shoulders. “They all know how to shoot a gun.”

“Alright. Mona Lisa in the air. He’s a radio host, he knows how to communicate. His partner can go up there with him. I want White Noise and Fallout in the ground fleet. They have anger fueling them and that can be put to good use. I’m depending upon that ground fleet to get all the citizens out of New Columbus. We aren’t animals. We aren’t going to let innocents die because we want to overthrow a tyranny.”

“I agree. We can get the civilians out easy. I mean, a few might die-”

“No. No innocent person is going to go through the pain and suffering any of us have felt or experienced, and I want you to know that right now. Suburbia is going to become a beacon of hope, not one of fear. As your leader, I forbid it.”

“Yes sir.” They faced off in a brief, rigid staring contest before a smirk was slipping back onto Brightside’s face. “You have one more folder Misty-Eyed. Where we gonna put that old sport?”

Eyes widened. “Have you read-”

“Of course I have. Now come on. People are dying out there.”

“Fine.” One shaky breath and Josh was opening the file like he was about to see into the future or something along those lines.

 

_Joseph, Tyler Robert. AKA, Blurryface. _

  * __No known whereabouts. Communicates rarely.__


  * _Aggressive. (In denial.)_


  * **_HAS CONNECTION TO MR. MISTY-EYED_**



 

“Wh-what?” he was sweating now, sweating immensely. Palms were clammy, heart was racing. Tyler was a _mutant?_

“Blurryface is the one who sent you here, correct?”

“He-” Josh swallowed nervously, his brain taking a hell of a long time to process information. “I didn’t know he was... was one of us.”

“He came to us about a year ago. Pathetic little thing. He seemed so scared and worried, but when I offered support he only shook his head. ‘Just in case,’ he mumbled before turning the other way. We hadn’t heard from him until he sent you here.”

“So I’m assuming that last note is new.”

“You’d be correct. You know, I could tell that boy was in denial from the start. He was fidgeting and denied almost everything. He was ashamed of what he was instead of embracing it.”

“He wanted to pretend he was human, so he treated us like shit instead to make himself feel better. But deep down, he knew the truth.” Josh shook his head in anger. There was another box to check on the list of things Tyler lied about. He wanted to beat the shit out of Tyler even more than he did before.

“Are you okay? I know uhm, things didn’t end well between you two.”

“Well Brandon, can I call you Brandon? It’s weird isn’t it, that we have a Brandon and a Brendon? Strange. I’ll probably get you two mixed up sometimes.” he chuckled awkwardly, hating the burn of sweat that was gathering across his hairline. It was just a stupid boy who literally did everything to make Josh hate him so much he actually had an underlying desire to kill him, yet he still had feelings for this man. “I’m fine, is what I’m trying to say. I’m fine. Can we just, let me just-” Josh pushed out of his chair, but his knee hit the desk, and an excruciating amount of pain shot through his leg at the same time the chair clattered to the ground. His cheeks burned red. “Okay. We’re going to have a group discussion and send some scouts out. I’m just gonna go sit in my room and wallow in my embarrassment for a little while.”

Brightside stared at him with worry as he backed out of the office and scampered back to his room with his head down.

Tyler was a mutant.

Literally fuck everything.


	20. We the People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” 
> 
> ― Charlotte Brontë

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Here I am with another chapter, alright alright. We're making some process.
> 
> I'm so close to freedom you guys, it's not even close. Just a couple more days.

_“You let him go, you son of a BITCH!” The man with the salt and pepper hair and an evil glint in his eye shoves the general as hard as he can. “I knew we couldn’t trust outsiders, and you’re the perfect example of it. I thought you were decent Joseph, I really did. You brought him back without a scratch on him. I should have known you would get attached.”_

_“I didn’t let him out,” the man pleads with wide eyes, but his hands are shaking and it’s not convincing enough. “Maybe you should speak with one of your employees; Dr. Ryan, or maybe his own father.”_

_The Overseer backhands him across the face with a growl. “Don’t play games with me boy, I know for a fact that it was you. You don’t think I can see the way you look at that pathetic piece of trash? You fell in love with him.”_

_“I did not!” Tyler screams back. “I did not fall in love with him. I was supposed to bring him back here, and I did. Under no circumstances did I fall in love with the mutant.”_

_“Then why did you let him go?”_

_“Because an innocent man does not deserve to be killed for what he is! Look around you! Josh was right in every way. You’re running a tyranny, scaring people into doing your bidding. You have Cleveland wrapped around your little finger amongst everything else. I had trusted you, and look where that ended up.”_

_“It ended up with a dangerous man behind bars, until you let him go. We were going to make a cure General, but I guess you wouldn’t like that, would you?” With a tilt of his head, the Overseer smiles as the General cowers farther into the wall. Tyler’s eyes grow wide._

_“What do you mean?” he chokes out, and the Overseer laughs mockingly._

_“Oh come on Mr. Joseph, don’t tell me you thought I wouldn’t do any research. We have all of Cleveland’s citizens on file. That’s something that happens when you control them. I know exactly what you are. You’re just like him. I guess it makes sense why you two vile creatures fell in love. Tell me General, what was it like feeling yourself inside of him? What was it like when you thrusted inside of him, listening to him moan your name like the slut you are?”_

_“You stop it right now!” he’s screaming now, eyes squeezing shut. “I never asked to be a fucking mutant!”_

_“Well it’s what you are Mr. Joseph, and while your family may not care, Cleveland is ran under me now, and you work for me. Excuse me, did work for me. And since you let my test subject go, I’m going to need a new one. Hmm, where on earth am I going to find another mutant around here?”_

_Tyler trembles. “Please-”_

_“Oh, that’s right. There’s one right in front of me. Thank you for volunteering Tyler.” And before the General can as so much begin to flee he’s grabbed by tight arms and has a needle jammed in his neck. In less than thirty seconds, high and mighty General Joseph has been reduced to nothing._

\---

Josh faded back into reality slowly, his entire body tingling like he had shoved a fork in an electrical socket. That… that wasn’t something that had happened to him in the past. Unless it had already happened, and he was too late.

With wide eyes he popped off of the bed with a loud huff and started pacing out of habit. It had been three days since he had left New Columbus. Had Tyler really been caught that early? Or was it something going to happen in the future? Was Tyler in _danger_? Oh god, should he have left with Josh?

It really shouldn’t have mattered if Tyler was in danger because he had caused Josh so much pain, yet Josh was feeling so much guilt for leaving Tyler behind. He knew the Overseer was ruthless, and now the man he loved was going to suffer because of it.

They needed to hurry up with this game plan. Stuff like this took brains and time, Josh knew that. He just wasn’t sure how much time Tyler had left.

A tall, lean man appeared in the doorway of Josh’s room then, his breathing heavy. Josh recognized him as Cobra.

“Oh dude. You scared the shit out of all of us.” With a sigh he dropped to the bed, Josh still staring at him with confusion.

“What’d I do?”

“You were screaming. Like, really loudly. Is everything alright?” A pause. “I’m Cobra by the way. I uhm, know who you are.”

“You’re the one who does ‘stuff,’ huh?” He put air quotes around the word stuff and chuckled softly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to freak anyone out. I uhm, had a bit of a blackout.”

“Did you have another vision?” Cobra asked softly, his eyes falling to the ground. Josh stared.

“You know about those?”

“We all do. We know a ton about you.” This time he laughed. “Sorry. I know we just met, but really, it’s an honor to be in your presence.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Josh muttered. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just trying to figure out if the one I had was present or future.”

“Well, you’re clairvoyant, right? You could have both?”

He blinked. “I never thought about that.”

“Oh.” Cobra rubbed the back of his neck and sighed loudly. “I’m not very good with this kind of stuff.”

“S’fine. Thanks for checking up on me.” Josh stood up with a small smile and pushed out of the room without any warning, leaving Cobra a little perplexed and most likely annoyed. He hadn’t meant to be rude, but at the moment Josh was nothing but anger and regret.

Game plan started now.

There was a hushed whisper throughout the enclave as he stormed back to Brightside’s office, causing the man himself to jump in his chair as the door bounced off of the wall. “Misty-”

“No time. We’re having a meeting now.”

“What’s wrong? We heard you-”

“ _Now,_ ” Josh growled, swiping all the folders on the desk into his hands. He couldn’t stand it anymore, waiting around. So many people were depending on him to lead them and he was tired of all the pressure. He arrived without any prior knowledge and that pissed him off. Tyler was locked in a cell back in New Columbus and _that_ pissed him off. Everything that he had let build up was about to explode.

“If everyone could please gather around. Meeting,” Brightside announced for him, and Josh nodded firmly, waiting for everyone to stop talking. The minute it grew quiet, Josh cleared his throat.

“Look everyone. I’m here for the same reasons you are all. We’ve all been personally victimized by New Columbus. I can’t even begin to tell you what that place does to me. It makes me want to tear the skin off every single city official there. They’ve had an impact on my life in ways that I’m sick and tired of living. I want to put that shitty community back in their place. Now, assuming you’re with me-”

“We are!” Halsey yelled from the back, smiling as the crowd nodded in agreement.

Josh glared at her with contempt, still upset from that stupid vision. “Assuming you’re all with me,” he repeated louder this time, “We are here to discuss a plan to destroy their tyranny once and for all. We are here to overthrow the government.” He glanced down at the papers and cleared his throat. “I’ve decided to separate the agents of Suburbia, including the newest recruits from Hatton, into two groups: ground and aerial. You have been separated based on your talents and abilities that will put your work at its highest point.” A pause. “The ground fleet will consist of Poison, Ghoul, Crybaby, Cobra, White Noise, Fallout, and myself. Kid, Jet, Halsey, Travesty, Brightside, Mona Lisa and his buddy will be the aerial fleet. If you feel I have put you in the wrong group, now is the time to let me know.” Nobody spoke. “Great. We can’t go in there guns blazing, as much as I would like to. So for today, I’m going to send out some scouts to get me information about New Columbus’s current state. Poison and Ghoul, I’d like you two to go.”

“Yes sir,” they both said in agreement. Josh forced a smile.

“Thank you. There’s a door towards the back of the wall. It blends in, but you’ll be able to tell if you look hard enough. Be quiet, okay? I believe they use the crawl space for traveling and deliveries, so watch out. One of the doors leads out to a lab, if you can get far enough. I would advise you to not go near there if you feel it isn’t safe.” They continued to stare at him once he finished, and Josh waved them off with an aggravated sigh. “Go!”

They disappeared with a stumble.

“As for the rest of you, I want to see you training at all times. We need to make sure we’re stocked up on guns and ammo. I want to make sure the planes are working and that you know what the hell you’re doing. We will plan for our attack to go down early next week. Any questions?” Everyone stared at each other nervously, eyes cast to the ground every time Josh looked at them. Not a word was mumbled. “Okay, I’ll take that as a no. Halsey, I wanna see your weapon choices if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Not at all sir.” she pushed to the front of the crowd and saluted proudly. It sort of made Josh a little bit uncomfortable.

A slap on his shoulder directed his attention away from Halsey and he looked into the eyes of a smiling Brightside. “I knew you’d be perfect for this job.”

“Don’t make any judgements yet,” he muttered, pulling away from Brightside’s grip to follow Halsey.

\---

The next morning Ghoul and Poison arrived out of breath with fear stricken faces. A hush fell over Suburbia as they approached Josh.

“Whatcha have for me?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. They both looked at one another before Poison stepped forward.

“We didn’t go inside.”

“That’s fine. You found the wall? Did you at least-”

“Yes. Things seem to be crazy in there right now. We could hear some shouting, maybe some possible gunshots.”

Josh sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “Did you find the lab?”

“I think so. There was this old guy-”

“The Overseer?”

“I think so. He was talking with a doctor, at least I think it was a doctor, and another man. They seem to have someone locked up in there. I don’t think anything’s going on, they’re just being held for a crime or something. But knowing New Columbus, it’s never just a crime, is it?”

“Never,” he murmured. So Tyler wasn’t being tortured. That was great news, up until he realized that it now meant he had really seen into the future, and Tyler was going to be tortured without a doubt. They had to hurry.

“Well, the good news is that they don’t suspect a thing. I think they’re still so busy looking for you that they aren’t concerned with outside forces.”

“And they have all those alliances,” Ghoul added. “They probably think there isn’t anyone to go against them. They annihilated Hatton and probably think a struggle is out of the picture.”

“We’re going to kick their asses for sure.”

“Thank you for doing that. I’ll follow up with everyone later.”

“Hey, no problem boss.” Poison flashed a toothy smile and ran a hand through his hair. “You know, for someone who has never been in charge, you seem to be a natural born leader.”

Josh scoffed. “You’re both dismissed.”

The whole leader thing was difficult, that much was true. However, everyone seemed to be right. Josh really did seem to be natural at it. Things weren’t hard now, but he knew they would get worse in a short amount of time.

They had few days to get everyone ready before New Columbus would be put to shit. Josh was more worried about himself than everyone else. They had been ready for such a long time, waiting for their “savior” to come. Don’t get him wrong, Josh was in great shape and knew what had to be done, but he didn’t feel ready. He wasn’t really even sure what they were going to do to New Columbus. Would it simply be enough to destroy the government, or should they destroy the community as well? That would leave Suburbia with a lot of homeless people with no place to go. No, they couldn’t destroy the entirety of New Columbus, as much as Josh would have wanted. All they needed to do was end the alliances brought up by fear, and make the community a place people wanted to visit. That was simple enough, right?

And he wasn’t going to lie, there were secrets Josh wasn’t sure if he wanted to know about that place. He certainly wasn’t sure if he wanted to face his family after so many years, or any of his neighbours or the people that used to be his friends. What would they say of him? Would they view him as a hero, or as the low-life criminal he always had been?

“Ugh,” he groaned with a paw at his face. This was too much to think about cooped up in an underground HQ. So Josh ventured up to the concert hall and sat outside the front, his eyes focused on the wind that was whistling through a million broken windows. It was comforting in a time of crisis.

“Josh?” At the mention of his name, he craned his neck to see Patrick of all people making his way through the rubble to sit down next to him. He looked forward, trying to figure out what the hell Josh was staring at. “Everything okay?”

A laugh. “Yeah. Everything’s fine for now. I’m just a little stressed is all.”

“I can imagine. Do you want to talk about it?”

Of course Josh didn’t want to talk about it, but he felt it might be in his best interest to get some things off of his chest.

“I’m nervous about the whole New Columbus thing. I’ve known these people less than a week and they trust me with their whole lives. How am I supposed to take that kind of pressure upon me? I mean, what happens if they get killed, or the plan falls through? I’m not some kind of messiah that rose from the ashes. I’ve known my place for a long time in this world and I don’t want it to change.”

Patrick was quiet, his hands twisting his in lap as he finally let out a breath. “Maybe change is good Josh. You encountered change before.”

“When I was sixteen, almost ten years ago. I was satisfied with how I was living-”

“Were you really? You were about to go live in Cleveland with a man you hardly even knew.”

“That’s not-” his jaw clenched, fists bunched by his sides. As much as Josh wanted to deny it, it was true. He was going to move in with Tyler. Now that he thought about it, it was pretty ridiculous to think about. He had known Tyler for less than two months, and look where trusting put him.

“If you weren’t open to change, you would have never left New Columbus in the first place. You’d still be there today, abiding by all the rules and laws and living a sad, pitiful life. Instead, you’re here with me, and Brendon, and all those other people because you’re _okay_ with change. You can live with the world changing around you. And Josh, I can tell you right now that Pete would have been so proud of what you’ve done for the people around you.”

“I’ve done more harm to the people of the Wasteland than I ever will helping them.”

“Look.” Patrick gently laid a hand on Josh’s shoulder, who shifted underneath it. “I know all about Mr. Misty-Eyed. I listened to Brendon’s station every damn day. I knew everything that man did out in the Wasteland. I know for a fact you killed those people because they were bad, not because you wanted to go out and hunt people for fun. You had a purpose in your killing, because you wanted to make the Wasteland safe. Am I wrong?”

Josh said nothing.

“Although the general public may view Mr. Misty-Eyed as some scumbag raider, that isn’t what you are Josh. These people here, they look up to you because you aren’t like anyone else. You’re strong, and you’re willing to get the job done. That’s something I love about you. And I don’t give one flying fuck that you’re a mutant. I don’t care that sometimes you might have urges to cut someone open or that your emotions sometimes don’t work properly or that you have some different talents than any human. I don’t care, because what you are doesn’t define _who_ you are. And I know that you’re going to make a wonderful leader, and that any way you choose to overthrow the government will get the job done right.”

“Thank you Patrick. That really, _really_ means a lot.” With a sigh, Josh took one look at the broken city in front of him and pushed up off the ground. “I gotta run, but I really appreciate you letting me talk with you.”

“Anytime my friend. You know that’s why I’m here.”

With a smile, Josh headed back inside.

He had some work to do.

\---

The week consisted of meetings, trainings, and lots and lots of questions.

One night the aerial fleet gathered to show Josh the setup on the planes. They were about half a mile out from the concert hall, tucked away in an old, abandoned building surprisingly still fully intact. The plane was beautiful, and Josh took a moment just to take it all in, despite the fact that everyone was staring at him. He didn’t really care. The last plane he had interacted with definitely didn’t count.

Halsey was to fly the plane, as she had done several times before. She knew that plane outside and in, and was to scout out the earlier in the day as the ground fleet made their entrance. Brendon was to radio in for the plane; Travesty the helicopter. Brightside offered to fly that, and no one was stopping him. Everyone in this group, minus Brendon and Dallon, seemed to know pretty well what they were doing.

“What’s the most practical route to avoid not getting murdered?” Brendon interrupted, and everyone else laughed, minus him and Josh.

“Nobody said you had to leave the aircraft.”

Brendon narrowed his eyes. “I can do more than just be the guy who gives directions.”

“Then you take almost being murdered into account, okay?” Josh smiled tightly before moving on.

Another night he met with the ground fleet. They seemed to be equally in check and fine with being the first to go in. Josh explained what they would find and what would most likely happen amongst all the gunfire. None of them really cared.

“We’ll kill them all if we have too,” Poison muttered as he scraped dirt from underneath his fingernails with a pocket knife. He leaned against the wall of the concert hall, Ghoul next to him.

Josh made it very clear that under no circumstances were they to harm anyone that was a normal civilian.

“How are we supposed to tell?” asked Crybaby with a tilt of her head, and Josh glared at her.

“Use your super mutant skills to find out,” he replied sarcastically. Josh swore sometimes that he was the only sane mutant in this entire place. She began pouting as he continued the conversation. “Now listen. All of you are good with guns, right?”

“Obviously.”

“Even you two?” he pointed to Lynn and Patrick, who collectively rolled their eyes.

“We live in the Wasteland,” Lynn started. “We know how to shoot a damn gun. Besides, we’ve had plenty of practice during our stay here.”

“You’re going to have to focus on some moving targets.”

“No problem.”

“Don’t kill unless you absolutely have to.”

“Pretty big words coming from a mutant himself,” Cobra grinned, blowing a ring of smoke out as he held a lit cigarette between his thumb and fore finger. Josh scowled.

“Interrupt me again and you’ll see what I have to say from there.”

To make a long story short, nobody said a single word unless they were spoken to the rest of the meeting.

Josh wasn’t going to lie, he felt pretty great having all this power. He wasn’t trying to be a dick, but that’s how things were turning out. It felt good to tell people what to do, and have them listen to him. It had been awhile since Josh had actually been rude to someone. Tyler had softened him up (which was a little ironic if he thought about it) and if he was about to lead an attack on New Columbus then he needed to toughen up. Besides, everyone here could take it.

The night before the supposed attack, Josh was sitting on his bed, looking through his folder Brightside had given him the first night he arrived. Really Josh wanted to see what New Columbus had kept on him throughout the years and it was pretty terrifying all that they did have. It enraged him that he was denied basic human rights his entire life.

A knock on his door interrupted Josh from his thoughts, and he looked up to Brightside himself standing in the doorway. “Hey there.”

“Hey,” Josh responded, watching as he dropped into a chair in the corner of the room.

Brightside parted his mouth slightly, closed it, and let out a loud sigh. “How you holding up?”

“I’ve been okay. What about you?”

“Never been better. I was wondering how you felt about the attack. Do you think we’re ready?”

Josh shrugged. “You guys seemed plenty ready before I arrived. Why didn’t you do anything before? I have a hard time believing you were simply waiting for me.”

“Looks like you got me.” he clasped his hands together and leaned forward, letting the entanglement dangle between his legs. “I’ve had my, er, doubts about attacking New Columbus because I know the power they hold. I know what they can do to their own people. You’re the walking example of it. They full on electrocuted you, did they not?”

“By the recommendation of your inside eyes,” Josh grumbled under his breath.

“He was only trying to prolong your life. Ryan knew you would survive that. Although we hadn’t had a plan to get you out. We had discussed one, but nothing was ever set in stone.”

Josh blinked. “So Ty- Blurryface, he, he-”

“That was all him. Guess he had a change of heart, huh?” Brightside rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how I feel about that man. Although he did help get you here, he’s also done a lot of shit to his own kind that I don’t appreciate one bit. He threw you to the wolves, but helped you get out. I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“You aren’t the only one.” Josh turned back to his folder, one finger tracing over the lab results and the big red letters that read _mutant_. “I think that he might be in danger.”

“How so?”

Josh looked up with a low whistle and stared at Brightside’s worried expression. “You know about my visions?”

“Of course. You’re clairvoyant.”

“So does that mean I can see into the future? Because so far they’ve only been in the past, but I think I just had one that allowed me to see into the future, as dumb as it sounds.”

“Nothing is dumb here Josh.” He waved his hand. “Explain.”

“I saw Tyler being thrown into a cell by the Overseer. He claimed he would do just fine since he was mutant and I was let go. But Ghoul and Poison saw nothing going on. So I think it was a future thing and that he’s seriously about to get messed up.”

His fingers danced across the stubble on his chin as he thought profoundly about the situation. After a whole minute, he spoke. “It’s a good thing tomorrow’s the big day, huh?”

“I guess. I just hope we’re not too late. It’s weird, you know? I know he betrayed me, but I’m in debt to him for saving my life. Maybe that’s why I’m so set on saving his. This way my debt will be repaid.” _Oh, and also, I’m still deeply in love with him despite all the shit he put me through._

“I can understand that.” with a grunt Brightside pushed out of the chair and patted Josh on the back. “I’m gonna go finish up some work in my office. You want me to make any announcements before people start heading to bed?”

“Could you tell them to gather in the enclave tomorrow morning, say around eight o’clock? Just so we can go over a few things. I’d do it myself, but...” Josh gestured to the papers spread across his bed, and Brightside nodded eagerly.

“Of course I can. Oh, and before I forget,” Brightside slid his hand into his suit pocket and pulled out a small, paper book that looked ancient. Josh stared when it was dropped in his lap and ran his fingers across the title. _The Constitution of the United States of America._ “I thought you might like this.”

“Holy shit,” murmured Josh in disbelief. He flipped through the pages, loving the way the withering paper felt between his fingers as if it would fall away any second. “Where on earth did you find this?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t touched our books yet Mr. Misty-Eyed.” a wink. “It’s not the original unfortunately, but it works just fine. It’s pretty interesting to see how the founding fathers set up this great land all the way back in 1788.”

“Interesting is right.”

“The uh, first ten amendments were the protected civil liberties for citizens. Thought you might want to figure out what you were supposed to have.” a pause. “I’m really sorry for everything New Columbus did to you, I truly am. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Josh replied absentmindedly, waving his hand as a symbol to tell Brightside to leave him alone. He was already nose deep in this tiny book.

“I’ll talk to you later. Try and get some sleep tonight. You of all people deserve that much.”

“Yep.” And the door slammed shut.

_Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble-_

Oh look. He was denied all of those things; just replace Congress with New Columbus.

_No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house-_

Did scientists count as soldiers? Either way, denied.

_The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated-_

100% denied.

_In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial-_

“What the hell is that?” he grumbled with a squint and flipped to the next page. Whatever it was, he for sure was denied it.

_No cruel and unusual punishments._

Right. Because whipping someone was a completely and utterly normal punishment.

Josh couldn’t believe this. Out of guaranteed rights he, along with the citizens of New Columbus, were denied over half of them. He was furious, no, he was worse than furious, he wanted to strangle every single civil servant with his bare hands. They claimed they wanted to reunite the Wasteland and create a democracy again, but that was the biggest lie in the book. They were running a dictatorship, a tyranny, they wanted to assimilate the entire human race and wouldn’t stop until the end. Not only would he kill everyone, he was going to make sure the citizens of New Columbus got the lives they deserved, and got the rights they were supposed to have. The Wasteland was what the United States had become, and even if he couldn’t make everything right (which he knew was impossible) he would do his damndest.

“Enjoy your last days,” he muttered angrily under his breath before tidying up his bed. Brightside was right; it was time for sleep.

They had work to do tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I really didn't want to make this a ton of filler so I avoided most of the training montages and this is what you get. A quick history lesson.


	21. Misfortunes pt. I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "One likes people much better when they're battered down by a prodigious siege of misfortune than when they triumph." 
> 
> \- Virginia Woolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a few things:
> 
> \- I'm finally done with school! Which means all I will be doing this summer is working, so I'll have more time to write.  
> \- There's a few more chapters of this left, which is crazy to think that this is almost the length of Light a Match. Yikes.  
> \- There's a part two to this, so any questions left unanswered may be answered in that part. But if you're impatient and want to know now go ahead and ask. I'm here. I can also be contacted at pastelxmess.tumblr.com if you're feeling spicy.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“For the billionth time, yes. I’m okay with doing this. We’re all okay with doing this.”

“I don’t want anyone getting hurt.”

“We all know how to keep our own. We’ve been doing it for a while. Besides we’ve got worked more than enough thanks to you. We’re all good.”

“Okay.” he took a deep breath, and then waved his hand nervously. “You’ll get there far before we even start our trip, but I want you to hang back. Don’t draw any attention. I can almost guarantee you they take note of which planes go in and out and you’ll be out with their name sprawled across the wings. We’ll radio your team when we get there.”

Halsey opened her mouth, but Brightside pushed her out of the way and leaned in to whisper, “I promise I’ll make sure nothing happens.”

Josh sighed. “I’m just nervous.”

“You have every right to be. But we are going to be just fine, alright there Misty-Eyed?”

“Yeah. yeah.” he took a step back, once again addressing the entire group. So many eyes on him, listening, _waiting_ , for orders, for a plan. “When I give the go, you can take their defenses out. I know they’ve got turrets around the outer edge of the wall. If those see you, they _will_ shoot. Understand?”

A collective “Yes sir” rang throughout the enclave, and a smirk rose to Josh’s face.

“Great. Aerial fleet, get moving.” he pointed towards the entrance, and seven pairs of feet shuffled out the door. Josh was quiet for almost a minute after, his body still and eyes closed as he assessed another plan and formulated his words very carefully.

“Sir-”

“Shh.” a deep breath, and he opened his eyes. “Okay. I’m going to lead. I want Fallout and White Noise right behind me. Cobra, Crybaby, you go behind them, and Poison and Ghoul I want you in the very back. You’ll be my eyes and ears for the parts I can’t see, understand?”

“Yeah,” they murmured quietly.

“We’ll get there by evening. I want everyone on high alert. When we get there, we’ll round towards the back and radio Mona Lisa and Travesty. Cobra? Can you do that?”

He saluted sharply, but there was a small smile on his face, one that was filled with pride that he had been picked for this. “Of course I can sir.”

“Fantastic.” Josh swung around to lead the way out, then paused and whipped back around. “Oh and another thing. Can you stop calling me sir? It makes me feel like I’m in my fifties or something.”

“Sorry,” they said collectively, minus Patrick and Lynn of course. They were glaring at him with annoyance. He was sure he would find out why later.

With probably his twentieth sigh that day, (seriously, it was like seven in the morning and he had already sighed _that_ much,) he jabbed a thumb behind him. “Let’s go.”

They followed him single file out the dusty entrance and up the stairs into the concert hall, only spreading out into their respected positions once there was more room to do so. Josh felt his pocket frantically for his Walkman, only calming down was fingers brushed across the familiar tape. Then he checked for his guns (really not _his_ guns, those had all been confiscated back in Cleveland, but he had gotten only the best from the weaponry) and his bag. Traveling like this, what with weapons and that knapsack on his back reminded him oh too much of his travels with Tyler. He knew he had to be pretty dumb to be traveling back to the one place he fled from.

Josh had some idea of a plan, but in all honesty he knew hell was going to break loose either way. Once they started shooting, people would start shooting at them. People would get hurt, some would even die, he knew that. He knew death all too well.

“Hey Misty-Eyed,” Lynn’s mocking voice was back in his ear and he turned his head to face her scowl. Patrick appeared on his other side with his hands on his hips, disgust in his features. “We got a bone to pick with you.”

“What?” he asked innocently, whipping his head back to the front. Josh even increased his pace, hoping they would fall behind.

“Don’t you play dumb with us,” Patrick continued, his voice stern. “Why’d you put us up front with you?”

“Was it because you don’t trust us to be out of your sight? Is it because you think we’re too weak to be out on our own?”

“No!” Josh replied far too quickly and they continued to glare at him until he finally collapsed. “Okay, maybe. Look, you guys aren’t mutants and-”

“I don’t care one bit that you’re our dashing leader Joshua,” Lynn spat, her eyes narrowed, “because unlike all those other agents, Patrick and I have seen you underneath this little act you’re putting on here. Don’t you _dare_ pull that mutant card.”

“We aren’t here to be babied,” added Patrick. “Just because we’re human doesn’t mean we need to be kept close to you, got it?”

“Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right. You wanna flank instead? I could really use the backup.”

Apparently that was the right answer. “We’d like that, wouldn’t we ‘Trick?”

“Yes we would Lyndsey.” Patrick ducked his head back to look at the group before patting Josh on the back. “Thanks for making the right decision.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he muttered. “Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to forget I’m marching towards my death and put on some music for a little while. Shake me if you need me. You two are in charge.”

“Shouldn’t you be looking out for us dear leader?” Lynn joked, but Josh only rolled his eyes and slid on his headphones. These ones were much newer than his old ones, and the sound was much more richer and cleaner than it had been. It filled him with tranquility, but at the same time made him think of Tyler. Tyler, who may very well be dead already. But he couldn’t think like that. He knew Tyler was strong and wouldn’t put up with that. They still had time.

They walked for about an hour before Josh’s thoughts became louder than the music blaring in his ears. He was still nervous of course, but he tried to convince himself that everything was going to be alright. They’d take over New Columbus, kill the Overseer, rescue Tyler and go back to how everything was. Tyler would go back to Cleveland, Josh would go back to his little cabin and Suburbia would do… well, whatever, now that it was done fulfilling its lifetime goal.

_What if they ask you to keep being the leader?_

Dammit. His brain chose all the wrong times to ask questions. Josh wouldn’t do that. What the hell would he even lead? They had nothing to do. He’d leave that up to Brightside. The dude wasn’t going anywhere for a long time anyways.

_What about New Columbus?_

They could certainly take care of themselves. He’d shape the government like the old days and leave the rest up to the citizens. That’s what a republic was anyways, wasn’t it? Whatever they wanted and believed they deserved, that’s what they would get. Simple as that.

_Can you really leave Tyler like that behind? You’re still in love with him. Come on, you know that. You know you can’t let him go, despite everything he’s done to you. You’re weak, and you’ve always known that. How much longer can you pull this act?_

Absolutely Josh knew how stubborn he was. So what he was still in love with Tyler? That didn’t matter because he wasn’t going to act upon anything and he wasn’t going to speak with Tyler at all once he got to him. Maybe he’d send someone else instead to go get the general. (Let’s be real, he would never do that.) Just because he was in love with the man didn’t mean Tyler had to know that. Well, know that again. Lynn was right. Josh had plenty of other people to meet and live a life with. Unless he died of course.

A tap on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts and he fumbled to pause the music. “What’s up?”

Lynn gestured to Cobra, who stared at him with wide eyes. “It’s Mona Lisa. They have a problem.”

“What’s wrong?” he tugged his headphones off and pulled the walkie out of Cobra’s hand. “Brendon?” he called out frantically, completely forgetting to use his code name in the heat of the moment, “Brendon, can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Uh, we’re in a bit of a predicament.” The sound of gunfire rang out loud and clear in the background and Josh’s heart was about to beat out of his chest.

“They spotted them,” Cobra tried to explain, but Josh shushed him.

“Tell me everything, okay? I’m listening.”

“I don’t know how, we were so careful-” a loud explosion echoed, causing a whining sound that made everyone cover their ears. “Sorry, things aren’t exactly ideal here!”

“Spit it out man!”

“They spotted us. One of the turrets hit the left wing and Halsey’s trying to land right now. There isn’t exactly a good place for us to go, but we’re-” more gunfire, and a shitton of yelling. “I don’t know how much longer we’re gonna be up in the air. They keep shooting at us, they know we aren’t registered to be out flying, but she keeps shooting at them and-”

“Fuck!” Halsey yelled over Brendon. “Weapon system went offline.”

“Oh my God, we’re going to die,” Brendon mumbled from his end, probably more to himself than to them.

“You aren’t going to die, just hold on. Halsey, can you land that thing and get everyone out?”

“That’s what I’m trying to do! It’s a little hard when you have guns firing from fucking everywhere!”

“Okay, just get out of gunfire! We’ll be there as soon as we can.” Which of course was quite a few more hours. How had they caused that much trouble in such a short amount of time?

“We’re waiting!” she yelled back, and there was a shift as Brendon spoke again.

“You said I wouldn’t die, I swear to God if I die right here I’m going to haunt you in my grave Joshua!” Everyone looked up at him at the mention of his name and he smiled sheepishly with a shrug of his shoulders. Nothing was wrong with his name, jeez.

“You aren’t going to die, I promise!”

“I-” the transmission fizzled out as the all too familiar sound of gunfire rained down from their end, and Josh tapped on the walkie, trying to get the signal back.  

“Oh my God,” Patrick whispered in horror, “Did they just-”

“No,” Poison spoke quickly and promptly, “No, they’re fine. These walkies fizzle out all the time. I’m sure she landed the plane just fine. Halsey knows what she’s doing.”

“Should we check in with the other group?” Crybaby asked worriedly and Josh shook his head. There was no time.

“No, not yet. We just need to step up the pace. I don’t want to talk to them until we’re closer, unless they talk to us first. They have Brightside over on that chopper, he knows what he’s doing. As for us, we continue walking. Maybe running. Speed walking.”

“Oh lord, this is going to be interesting,” Ghoul mumbled under his breath as the group slid into line once more. _Right foot, left foot, follow the path._

Everything was fine. Josh was going to make sure of it. Besides, what was a leader for?

\---

When New Columbus was in sight, they hung back around the corner of an old building and watched. Poison even put a bullet through a raider’s head, one Josh hadn’t even seen sneak up on him. Had it really been that long? Jeez, he was the one that needed the training the most, not the other guys.

“Does everyone remember the plan?”

Everyone nodded their heads and Josh sighed with relief. He was afraid everyone was going to forget what he had told them in the first place.

“Thank god. Cobra, go ahead and give Brightside the go.”

With a nod, he changed the channel and cleared his throat. “Brightside? It’s Cobra. What’s your location?”

“We’re currently scouting the wall. It seems that Halsey managed to knock out a few of the defenses.”

“That’s great news!”

“We saw the plane go down. We spent forever searching for them, but so far no luck. Are you close?”

“Right outside actually,” Josh spoke, reaching for the walkie that Cobra happily handed over. “You think you could distract them long enough for us to get inside?”

Brightside chuckled. “Oh can we. Travesty, you wanna take over?”

Alex’s voice rang over the channel loud and clear as the walkie was exchanged. “Travesty here.”

“Great. Hey, we’re gonna-” Josh stopped midway, letting his mouth gape as a rain of fire danced across the top of the wall, completely blowing up one of the turrets sitting on the edge of the wall.

“Holy shit,” Patrick breathed from behind, the whole group heavily in agreement with that statement. Josh blinked and shook the shock from his face.

“Travesty, we’re heading in from the south border of the wall. I’ll have Cobra let you know when we get inside.”

“Sounds good. Roger out.” The signal clicked and Josh shoved the walkie back into Cobra’s hands before walking absentmindedly towards his hometown. It wasn’t until the rest of the group was with him did he speed up, feet moving quickly and stealthily as he cocked his gun and held it close. All this was was another one of his runs he did, and New Columbus were nothing but the bad guys. He was Mr. Misty-Eyed dammit, wanted bandit of the Wasteland, the urban legend come true.

Here went nothing.

There were people out back no doubtedly guarding the entrance into the wall when he peeked around the corner. With a short skip he slid his index finger over his lips and turned back around, aiming for the head of one of the soldiers. Josh squinted, lining up his shot; that was, until the soldier turned around.

“Oh no,” he whispered in despair.

That was his _brother_. Of all people, it had to be his goddamn brother.

“Josh, make the shot,” Lynn nudged him, but he only swallowed and shook his head, laying his shaky hand over his throat to hide his bobbing Adam’s Apple.

“I, I can’t,” he stammered, and everyone looked at him funny.

“Why not?” Crybaby demanded, her face twisting into confusion. “What’s stopping yah?”

“That’s my brother,” he finally coughed out, and Lynn leaned out to take a look. When she came back around, her face was solemn.

“Oh yeah. He’s a spitting image of you.”

The group let out a collective sigh of defeat until Josh lit up with an idea. “Crybaby. You’ve got that, uh, thing, with your voice, right?”

“Yeah I do.” She smiled that wide, gap toothed grin. “Need me to do some disorienting?”

“If you wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh please sweetheart, of course I don’t mind.” With a wink she walked out into plain view and let out a whistle, Josh watching her closely. He just wanted to make sure everything would go smoothly, and that these rookie soldiers wouldn’t pull anything. She tapped her fingers on her skirt as the men barked at her.

“Who the hell are you?” one shouted, and Lynn tugged on Josh’s arm nervously.

“Oh come on, don’t act like you don’t know me.”

“What is she doing?” Ghoul whispered harshly, earning himself a shush. Josh continued to watch her tap. She wasn’t nervous at all.

She _trusted_ him.

“I’ve never seen you in my life you freak,” that same one spat, and Josh carefully lined the sights up with his forehead. _Come on, come on_ …

“So I guess that sex we had meant nothing, did it.”

The soldier’s eyes lit up in surprise. “Wha? Of course not! We never had sex! Shoot her you idiots!”

The two others fumbled with their guns, but Josh had already pulled the trigger. The man tumbled to the ground, blood running with gravity to the dirt below. That was when Crybaby opened her mouth and screamed loudly, causing the other two drop to their knees in agony. Josh bit his tongue in concentration, ignoring everyone around him as they covered their ears. He had one more target…

And blammo, right in the chest. That left Jordan. Oh Jordan. Josh knew his brother would cooperate, he always had trusted Josh, and hopefully things wouldn’t have to get physical.

After the noise finally stopped (thank god, Brightside hadn’t been lying about the voice on that girl) Crybaby closed her mouth and skipped away with glee, leaving the scene to a rather emotional Josh. With an apprehensive swallow, Josh stepped into the sight of his younger brother and offered his hand. Jordan looked up with his face twisted in pain, the realization slowly coming to him. His hands shook in his lap and he scooted away wildly, one feeling for his rifle.

“Hey there little brother, long time no see!”

“J-Josh? What are you-” Josh stomped on Jordan’s hand to stop him from getting to the gun, causing him to cry out. Then he kicked it out of Jordan’s reach.

“Jordan, I need you to listen to me buddy. Can you do that?”

“You can’t be real right now.”

“I’m as real as it gets.”

“B-But your hair, it’s purple!”

“Jordan. Come on man. What does that have to do with anything? I decided to branch out and try something new. Now what’s wrong with being a little rebellious every once and awhile?” Josh dropped to the dirt and crossed his legs, his eyes following his brother’s every move. He couldn’t kill his brother, he couldn’t. If Jordan didn’t do what he said then he wasn’t sure what would happen. “Now it’s time to put the jokes aside and be serious. I want you to go inside and make sure  Mom, Dad, Abby, and Ashley are all safe in the house, alright? Can you do that?”

“Why are you here? It’s been ten years Josh, you can’t just show up after-”

“Do you not know the reason you’re out here in the first place? What are you guarding?”

“I don’t know, they just told us to come out here and watch, please don’t hurt me, I don’t-”

“Jordan,” Josh said softer this time, slowly reaching out to touch his brother’s arm out of comfort, “I would never hurt you.”

Jordan sniffed, tears starting to fall down his rosy cheeks. “Dad said you became a vigilante, everyone said you were dangerous and they spent so long looking for you, and I never wanted to become a soldier but that’s what they made me do for the rest of my life and now I’m realizing that this whole time we’ve been on the lookout for you! Oh my God, I’m so sorry Josh, I’m so sorry, I never meant to-”

“Shhhhh,” he interrupted, pulling his brother into a tight hug. Jordan smelled like home, and for once, home was a good thing. It hit him all at once how much he missed his brother and the rest of his family. “Everything is going to be okay Jordan, I promise. I just need you to do what I asked, okay?”

Jordan yanked away, his watery eyes round and doe like. “What are you going to do?”

“Make some changes.”

A sniff. “Okay. Yeah. I can do that.” he was glad Jordan wasn’t asking questions. Questions got you into trouble.

Josh patted him on the back. “Don’t get caught.”

“I won’t.” he smiled, and pulled Josh into one more hug. “I’ve missed you so much Josh.”

“I missed you too little brother, but we don’t have a lot of time for a family reunion right now. We can do that later when our family is out of gunfire. Wait like five minutes, and then follow behind. I don’t want to draw suspicion towards you.” With a sigh, Josh hiked himself off of the ground and dusted the dirt and blood off his pants. “Guys, let’s move in.”

Jordan watched in curiosity as the rest of the ground fleet filed in the door as Josh held it open. “You really should lock this thing,” he deadpanned before letting it slam shut.

\---

Inside, Josh pointed to Poison and Ghoul. “Do you remember what door opened to the inside area?”

“Yeah, all the way down to the left.”

Another explosion pounded above their heads, followed by more gunfire. Josh shook his own head in apprehension. They needed to hurry before innocent people got hurt. “I want you to take the group and disperse in pairs. White Noise and Fallout, if you could pair with a m-” they shot him looks, and he rephrased his sentence. “If you could pair with someone, that would be great.”

Lynn turned towards Patrick. “Hey Fallout, wanna be my partner?”

“That sounds lovely White Noise.”

Josh sighed. “Fine, whatever. You’re only allowed to shoot at the people shooting at you, okay? Try and use some of that fine willpower to fight that craving.”

“Gotta make everything boring, don’t you?” Poison sighed as he pushed past Josh to lead the way to New Columbus itself. Josh watched them go, a bug in his throat.

“Look for hostages! Oh, and be careful!” he finally shouted, unable to stop himself. And then, it was only him.

Should he go kill the Overseer first? Worry about his family? What about Dr. Ryan?

What about Tyler?

Jordan could take care of getting the family out, for sure. That is, if dad was willing to cooperate. Hopefully he would believe Jordan.

Then he thought of his vision, the one set in the near distant future, and panic filled his body. Of course. He had to go save Tyler first, he couldn’t worry about the Overseer now, Tyler was his first priority at all costs before he was tortured or worse: murdered.

Oh you know, he could kill two birds with one stone, because when Josh peeked into the lab through that stupid, stupid door he saw pure evil in the form of a man. A man that seemed quite worried about the situation currently spiraling around him. Josh looked for Tyler, but the cell was out of the view of the window. He sighed.

Now he had a choice. Either he went in quietly, or he went in guns blazing.

The Overseer jumped again, his face melting further into fear. Oh come on, this was going to be too easy.

To make a long story short, Josh took a practical route, letting a bullet whiz into the wall behind the man with the salt and pepper as a warning shot. He cocked his gun again, a smirk sliding comfortably on his face where it always belonged on the wanted vigilante. “Hey there old man, what’s got you in such a frenzy?”

“Dun,” he growled, and almost immediately his expression changed into that sickly cheery smile he had last time. “We’ve been looking all over for you.”

“So I’ve heard.” Josh trailed his fingers across the operation table he had been strapped to just the week before, noting the dried blood in the corner. “You should probably clean off the blood. It’s not really sanitary.”

“I haven’t quite had a doctor to clean things for me. He’s been contained. Surprisingly we had suspicions he was working with the outside.”

Josh laughed bitterly. “I’m familiar with the great work Dr. Ryan has been doing to help us out. Besides, you can’t clean things yourself, huh? That makes things a hell of alot easier for me.” _Click_ went his gun, and the Overseer burst into belly laughter.

“Looks like you got me, huh? Big bad scary Dun is finally going to get what he’s always wanted.”

“You know, at first I was a little nervous about the whole mutant thing, but they really aren’t that bad. We’re all nice, loyal, and trustworthy. I mean, they let me lead them after all.”

He was beyond flabbergasted. “You… this is all you?”

“Who’d you think planned all of this? The Pope?”

“I can’t believe you. What’s your plan here? Kill until there is no one left to kill?”

“Do you think I really want to kill all the time? Newsflash! I don’t! I only want to get rid of the bad people and unfortunately, you’re number one on that list. I don’t appreciate what you’ve done for New Columbus. I don’t appreciate how you’ve treated me, or my father, or the citizens of this community and I especially don’t like how you’ve threatened other communities into working under you. For fuck’s sake, you destroyed Hatton simply because they refused to join you. You’re worse than any mutant alive, and you’re human, Mr. Overseer.”

“You were always out to get me Joshua Dun!” he scoffed, pointing a finger, “This is the end of it! I should have killed you when I had the chance!”

Another explosion went off outside and Josh could see through the sliding glass door as pieces of another turret dropped onto people below. He could hear screaming as they tried to away.

And a gun went off.

Josh ducked, flinching as the bullet shattered the glass of the door behind him. He rolled over and pointed his gun at the Overseer, wetting his lips before pulling the trigger. The bullet lodged in his shoulder, and he cried out in rabid pain. Another bullet went through his kneecap, causing him to collapse to the ground. That wasn’t satisfying enough, Josh decided. The Overseer needed to know what it was like to suffer and be in so much pain your body completely shut off.

So little ole’ Josh swiped those cursed wires off of the counter, those wires that had practically fried his brain and left scars on his temples, and flicked the power on.

“No,” he begged, voice barely over a whisper at the amount of pain he was in. “Please no.”

But Josh ignored him completely, because he didn’t care. The people that hurt him deserved to be hurt back.

So he raised his hands above his hand and jammed those wires into his skin as hard as he could, watching as they pierced flesh and began dripping that sweet ruby molasses. The Overseer’s body shook with electricity before going stiff, and Josh burst into laughter.

It was over. 26 years of torment and terror and he was finally dead.

He swiped his thumb over the blood dripping down the Overseer’s arm and ran his tongue across it as he stood up, feeling the power surge through his body. Josh remembered now why he liked to kill. It made him feel powerful. It made him feel like he had a purpose. He needed to kill a thousand more people to-

There was a person sitting in the cell.

“Oh my god, Tyler!” Bloodlust long forgotten, Josh quickly fumbled with the lock and busted inside the cell. Tyler sat in the corner, his back to Josh and his head tilted. “Ty? Tyler, it’s me, Josh.”

Tyler didn’t say anything.

“Ty, Ty hey please.” He reached out gently for Tyler’s shoulder and physically moved him around, a small gasp escaping from parted lips when he finally realized what was going on.

His hair was greasy, face covered in stubble and there were two, thick, black scorch marks on each side of his face. Bruises dotted his skin, bluish purple marks encrusted with blood that made his otherwise tan skin look pale and ghoulish. Not to mention, his eyes were sunken in, glossed over with grey, and there was a line of drool dripping out of his open mouth.

Josh was too late.

“No, no, no, no, NO!” He shook Tyler’s shoulders hard and rough, tears pricking the back of his eyes. He was supposed to be celebrating; he killed the Overseer, he found Tyler, they were going to gain control of New Columbus; This was the exact opposite of a victory. “Please Tyler, please, come on, I know you’re in there, you’re like me! I know you’re a mutant Tyler, I know you can survive this because you’re strong! Please, just say something, anything!”

But he only continued to stare absentmindedly, a man trapped in his own body, leaving Josh to dry sob. He pulled Tyler close and kept him there, the tears finally starting to fall. “I’m so sorry Ty, I’m so sorry. I never meant for him to hurt you, and he did and now I lost you and I can’t, I CAN’T lose you. You should have come with me, I wish I didn’t let my anger get the best of me because I care so much about you Tyler. I don’t care that you hate me or that you turned me in. I don’t care because we all make mistakes and I’ve made so many and I’m so deeply in love with you that nothing else matters. I don’t want to be with other people because I wanna be with you and you can’t leave me. We’re gonna get you all better and things are going to be just fine! Please, let me know you’re in there. I know you’re in there.”

Tyler couldn’t respond, and Josh assumed it was the electricity that had made him so brain dead. Maybe that was it; he really was brain dead. Maybe that evil man had destroyed Tyler’s brain. There was no way to heal damages like that.

He was going to lose Tyler just like he had lost Pete.

Josh continued to cry as gunfire rained outside.


	22. Misfortunes pt. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Letting go is hard, but sometimes holding on is harder.” 
> 
> \- anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh struggles with being back home. He also struggles with Tyler's health.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Josh sat in a chair near Tyler’s cot, listening to his steady heartbeat as he swayed in and out of consciousness.

After Brightside had finished knocking out the turrets, the gunfire slowed to a steady rate, only coming when the ground fleet ran into passing security. They had found a number of Hatton survivors locked away in cells in the jail, including Jack, Hayley, and Nick. (Lynn and Alex couldn’t be happier.) A lot of people had perished, which was the exact opposite of what Josh had wanted. It made him even more angry and frustrated than he had been before. With one step into the common area, you could see scattered bodies everywhere, a war zone, straight out of one of Josh’s textbooks.

Dr. Ryan, who was also freed from jail, offered to help Tyler and took him to the infirmary. He claimed he had no idea the Overseer was hurting Tyler like that. He had the electricity fueling at a much longer rate than Josh had, one that was set to kill.

It very well might have.

Oh, and another thing. Suburbia wanted him to deliver the “we overthrew the government” speech. Of course they did.

But Josh knew that came with being the leader, and he had agreed to all the terms and conditions. So he had wiped his nose and walked to the front of the crowd gathered in hushed whispers, all clinging to one another out of fear. He caught sight of his family in that crowd, but brushed it off.

“We aren’t here to hurt any of you,” he started, raising his hands slightly in pure defense, “we only wanted to make some changes, because none of you deserved the treatment you got from the government here.”

“What gave you the right to come in here and destroy our way of living?” Someone shouted from the back, and Josh breathed in deeply through his nose. _They don’t understand. You have to make them understand._

“That’s just the point though. What gives any of us the right to do anything? Everything is created by man and everything can just as easily be destroyed by man. All of you, you’ve been brainwashed by the Overseer into thinking that the Wasteland is this cruel place. But haven’t any of you wondered what it’s like out there?”

A murmur fell over the crowd.

“I’m proof that the Wasteland won’t kill you. I know this place just like all of you do. I’m from here. My name is Joshua Dun, and I’m here to tell you that all of you are getting the rights you deserve, starting today.”

“Joshua Dun,” people began whispering, several pairs of eyes lighting up at the familiar name.

“Yeah, I’m that kid that used to get whipped right here in the commons for petty theft. I’m the one that everyone hated, the outcast, the one that escaped because I didn’t want to live in a damn prison cell the rest of my miserable life. I’m the one that caused this place to go into a frenzy, and you know what? I don’t care. I’m glad I did it. I’m glad I can show you that there is more to life than living under a tyrant. And that’s what that man was, a tyrant.” Josh paused to reach into his bag to pull out the Constitution Brightside had given him. “Before the war, the Wasteland used to be a great nation called The United States of America. But none of you would know that, because they censored everything you could ever do. The people that created the United States created a written document that established what rights they had as people and the powers each section got.” He flipped open to the first ten amendments. “Did you guys know that you are guaranteed the freedom of speech, press, religion, and to gather? You have the right to carry and conceal weapons, and to not shelter scientists in your home. You have the right to stop people from coming in your house whenever you want and you have the right to remain silent. You get the right to a trial when you believe you have been wrongfully accused and you have the right to not be susceptible to cruel and unusual punishment like whipping a little boy in front of the entire damn community. You even have a right to privacy. These are things the government cannot take away from you, and every single citizen of New Columbus has been living without even knowing about them. And that’s going to stop. We’re creating a republic for this place, a government that is ruled by the people, one that is for the people. All of you are going to get a choice on what you want to live under.”

“What if we don’t want rules?”

“Without rules, society goes into chaos. You get rules.”

“Who’s going to be our new leader? You?”

Josh scoffed. He was not going to lead a community and be stuck here again. “No, but I have just the guy.”

\---

“Absolutely not,” his father said when Josh asked him.

“Well why not?”

He looked around the commons nervously before pulling Josh into an alleyway. “This is not how you start a conversation with someone Joshua, especially considering the circumstances.”

“I think you should be happy I’m not shoving a gun down your throat, you know, considering the circumstances.”

A sigh. Josh’s father wrung his hands. “I know you’ll never be able to forgive me for what I did Joshua. You were right. You’ve always been right. I was being manipulated because I was afraid, and instead of standing up for my son I ran the other way. I allowed that man to almost kill you.” His father sniffed, and suddenly tears were pouring down his cheeks. Josh had never seen his father cry, not once. He awkwardly patted his dad’s shoulder as a poor form of comfort. “I don’t care what you are Josh, because you’ve done so much to make me proud and I wish I could have seen that earlier. I should have never mistreated you. I should have been on your side.”

“Dad, I know you have the potential to do what you say you would do. I know you let fear rule your life and that’s why you acted like a coward. That’s why I came to you to be New Columbus’s new leader. I know you can do this. I can help set things up. We’ll open New Columbus to the outside world. We’ll make sure people are safe and comfortable. I’m here to help you, just as you would me. I forgive you dad, I really do. I know you love me and I’ve always known that.”

His father chuckled softly, and wiped away tears with his fists before he pulled Josh into a tight hug. “I love you more than anything else in the world.”

“You don’t know how much it means to hear you say that.” They stood there in an embrace for almost a minute and a half before Josh pulled away and cleared his throat. “So... does that mean you’ll do it?”

“Is it a bad time to ask what the hell you did to your hair?”

Josh only laughed.

Later he met with the rest of his family for a happy reunion. His mother sobbed as Josh hugged her, the two sinking to their knees. Josh kept a small smile on his face, trying to be strong for his family despite the storm raging around them.

“I’ve missed you so much baby,” she weeped as she petted Josh’s hair and Josh pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“I’ve missed you too.”

He hugged his sisters just as tightly, exclaiming how beautiful they looked, and shook Jordan’s hand. Josh really had missed his family.

Family was so much better than living alone.

However, that had all been earlier, and now, a little after midnight, that left Josh alone in the infirmary watching Tyler’s lifeless body.

Tomorrow he had to go meet with his father to discuss plans for the new government of New Columbus. As for tonight, he was staying with Tyler.

“I wish I could have been there for you,” Josh mumbled, his eyes flickering to Tyler’s face. His eyelids fluttered every time he took a breath. All Josh could do was hope, something he usually had so little of.

The door creaked, interrupting Josh’s thoughts, and he turned around to the worried eyes of Patrick.

“Hey, how you doing?” he pushed further in and dropped into the chair next to Josh. Josh shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m overwhelmed.”

Patrick sighed, his eyes wandering over Tyler’s broken form. “I’m sorry Josh, I really am.”

Josh didn’t say anything, simply because he didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t want to lie and say he was fine because he _wasn’t_ and he knew that for a fact.

“Brightside and his group went to go look for Halsey, Brendon, and Dallon. They think they’re right off the edge of the wall.”

“That’s good.”

“I’m sure they’ll find them.”

“How’s everyone else? The hostages I mean.”

“They’re staying in an apartment in town. All of them seem to be a little shaken up, but alright. Lynn and Alex went over to visit their friends. I’m sure they are traumatized, but friends make everything better.”

“Do you think I’m way in over my head here Patrick?” Josh swung his body to face the dirty blonde with a grim expression. “I mean, look at the mess I got us all into. People died. Hatton got bombed, there were hostages, we overthrew a government and are about to start a new one and Tyler-” he choked.

“Hey hey hey, Josh,” Patrick scooted his chair over in order to sooth Josh properly and pulled him into a half hug. “I understand the emotions you must be feeling right now, but I don’t think anything you did was impulsive. You weren’t the cause of Hatton’s bombing, okay? We overthrew a government to make the world a better place. The people killed were all bad, and anyone else who died was a casualty. You have to know that casualties are expected with battle. Those who were taken hostage are fine now, and are going to slowly get better. As for Tyler,” he paused to swallow loudly, “just because he fell unconscious doesn’t mean he’s going to pass away. He’s strong, you and I both know that. It might take a few weeks, but he’ll make improvements.”

“He could be brain dead for all we know,” whispered Josh in horror. “This is my fault. It is my fault he’s dead. If I hadn’t left, he wouldn’t have been harmed, and-”

“Then it would have been you who would have been harmed Josh, and then none of this would have taken place. Things are going to be better and are improving, thanks to you.”

“Everyone tells me the same exact thing every single time something happens. Do you know how hard it is to believe them? It’s all talk. Without proof, It means nothing.” he bowed his head and began chewing on his bottom lip. “It’s probably better if I be alone right now.”

“Alright. You know where to find me.” Patrick stood up and left the room quietly, door bumping against the frame gently. Josh let out a loud huff and went back to watching the rise and fall of Tyler’s chest. He knew he was the one to always assume the worst.

It made things a lot easier for when the worst did happen.

\---

The next morning, Josh walked over to the capitol building groggily, letting out an audible yawn before climbing the steps. He had stayed awake the entire night with a slim sliver of hope that Tyler would magically wake up and be himself once more. (Whatever “himself” really was.) Unfortunately, that never happened.

“Didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?” his father asked with a soft voice when Josh pushed into what had been the Overseer’s office. Josh shrugged.

“No. I have a friend in a pretty critical state.”

“No signs of improvement?” Josh looked over to Dr. Ryan who was leaning against the wall with a sympathetic smile on his face. He looked pretty rough. “Ah, well it’s only been one day. If I remember you took a few weeks to be yourself again, and thank god that happened.”

“I never got the chance to thank you for everything. I appreciate all the help you did for Suburbia, and especially me.”

“It’s my pleasure Joshua. Thank you for killing the man.” With a chuckle he walked over to the Overseer’s desk and pulled out a stack of papers. “These are all the places New Columbus had under their control. I suggest you do something about it.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll get those to Brightside.” Josh yawned again, and gestured to his father. “Alright, let’s get started while I can still stand on my own two feet. Ryan, I’d like it if you’d be apart of the council.”

Dr. Ryan grinned ear to ear. “I’d be honored.”

“Fantastic.”

They worked on the rough draft for about three hours before Ryan and his father agreed they could take care of the rest on their own and would get opinions and advice from others to really fulfill that “republic” aspect. Josh was secretly thankful they could take care of things on their own. He didn’t want to be stuck in New Columbus longer than he had to.

So after that, he carried the stack of important papers to Brightside, who was currently in the apartment all the hostages were resting in. With a sigh he plopped them on a side table and made his way to the crowd.

With a tap on Brightside’s shoulder, Josh spoke. “Ryan gave me some papers. They list all the places New Columbus had under their control. Do you think Suburbia could take care of that?”

“Of course we can. I’m sure the agents will be excited to simply have missions and get out farther than the general area.”

“Great. Did you guys find Halsey’s group?”

“Yes! They managed to find the wall on their own so all we had to do was bring them in. All of them were unharmed, minus a few cuts and bruises from the crash. Halsey did a wonderful job landing that plane, just as I knew she could.”

“Thank god.” Josh leaned against the wall for support and tried to hide his sleepy demeanor. “How’s everyone else?”

Brightside paused to look back at the group of broken people huddled closely together. Jack was asleep in Alex’s arms, his mouth parted slightly as soft snores of exhaustion poured out. Alex played with his hair, a smile on his face. Lynn sat between Nick and Hayley, her hands moving widely all over the place as she talked. As for unfamiliar faces, they seemed to keep more to themselves. “I think they’re doing okay. It’ll take a while for things to be back to normal, that’s for sure.”

“I have no doubt. When are you guys thinking of heading out?”

“Soon I hope. Although we will stay as long as you need us.”

“I think my dad has everything handled. It’s really just Tyler I need to stay for. I need him to wake up before I can think about doing anything or going anywhere.”

“What happens to the great Mr. Misty-Eyed after this?” Josh knew he was teasing, but he really had no clue. “You’re always welcome in Suburbia, you know that.”

“What are you guys going to do now? The organization’s entire creation in the first place is finally complete.”

“I’m thinking about going out to look for mutants. It’s always nice to know you have a place to stay, you know? I just want to make sure they know that.”

“That sounds really nice Brightside. I’m sure most will appreciate that.”

He shrugged. “I’ll have a lot of time on my hands. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Right. Well uh, I’m gonna head back to check on Tyler. If you need me, you know where to find me.”

“Take care Misty-Eyed. I’m sure Blurryface will get better soon.”

Josh nodded his head sharply before reaching for the door handle. That was what they all said.

\---

He ran into a familiar redhead on his way back over to the infirmary. She looked different than the last time Josh had saw her all those years ago, but her hair still stood bright like a fire against her skin tight suit.

“Josh?” her voice was gentle, and her bottom lip trembled like tears were about to spill over her eyelids. “Is that really you?”

Josh forced a smile. “Hey Debs.”

With a squeal Debby ran into his open arms and hugged him tightly. “I can’t believe you’re really back here. It’s been so long, and everyone knew you had escaped and there was so much _anger_ and-” she pulled away with her face twisted in thought. “Wait a minute. That was you that overthrew the Overseer?”

“I can’t take all the credit. I had help.”

She scoffed. “You come back ten years later only to overthrow the government. What are you, a blood crazy mutant?” Debby laughed loudly as Josh toed at the asphalt with his boot. It was only when she noticed he wasn’t laughing did she stop. “Josh?”

“Yeah, about that.”

“You... You really are a mutant?”

“Yep.” he put extra emphasis on the P and refused to make eye contact.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am. In fact, most of the help I got was from mutants. There isn’t anything wrong with us and if you truly believe there is then I’m going to have to end the conversation here.” Josh prepared to leave, his eyes on the red cross above the infirmary door. He really needed to see if Tyler was doing okay.

“Wait!” she yanked on his arm, her face full of sympathy. “Josh, you know I don’t care about that. I’ve never cared about that kind of stuff. You know I’ve been here for you since the beginning. Just because you left doesn’t mean that ended. Who do you think saw you leave?”

That stumped him and he stood there watching her smirk for a few seconds. “What?”

“They questioned everyone who ever interacted with you. Of course I wasn’t going to give you up. You were my best friend. But I saw you leave through that hole in the wall. It was your birthday and I had made you a card. I knew I couldn’t give that to you so I settled on keeping quiet as a backup present. I hope that delayed the look for you.”

With a hearty laugh Josh pulled Debby into another hug. “Debby Ryan, you are my hero.”

“Well I wouldn’t say that,” she chuckled back, frowning slightly as Josh pulled away and took off down the road. “Where are going?”

“I have to visit someone!”

“That’s not a proper way to end a conversation Joshua Dun!”

“We can continue it later!” he yelled, maneuvering backwards on the balls of his feet before twirling around with a skip, almost face planting into the ground. Josh wasn’t sure why the fact that Debby delayed the look for him put him in such a great mood. Maybe it was the fact that the stars had aligned perfectly that Josh had been given enough time to get far enough away from New Columbus and to have Pete find him. If fate could have been so kind to him earlier in his life, maybe, just maybe, it would be nice to him again.

Maybe Tyler _was_ going to be just fine.

\---

When he had walked into that infirmary Josh was expecting Tyler to still be out cold, his breathing still shallow. What he found was the opposite.

Tyler was wide awake, his back against the wall as he looked around the room in confusion and fear. Josh was to his side in seconds. Whoever said fate was cruel was wrong. “Hey there Ty. How you feeling?”

He stared at Josh with wide eyes before raising shaky fingers to his head. “Ma’head.”

“Your head? Does it hurt? I can get you some medicine.” he began to stand up when Tyler let out a small grunt.

“Nu’uh.” Tyler squinted his eyes before barreling back into the corner of the bed. Josh watched with a tilt of his head, his stomach starting to sink ever so slightly.

“Ty? Do you remember where you are?”

He looked at Josh with fear. “I’anna’go’ome.” Tyler’s voice was barely coherent and Josh could hardly make out what he was saying. His gut sank quicker.

“We’ll get you home soon, but you gotta get better first.” Josh reached out to comfort Tyler but was instantly met by screaming and the scramble to get further away. “No one is going to hurt you any more, I promise.”

“GO ’WAY!” Tyler screamed, throwing his arms out in front of himself protectively. Josh bit his tongue and tucked his hands underneath his armpits. He had to be patient. Josh knew the road to recovery was a difficult one.

“Tyler, it’s me! It’s Josh!”

“NO!” he swung his arms over his face and let out a gut-wrenching sob. “I’ant my’omma.”

“Oh Tyler.” Josh shook his head sadly and pushed out of his chair with regret. Tyler didn’t remember who he was. Tyler didn’t even remember who he himself was. At the moment, he had the mannerisms of a five year old child. A child who had been brutally tortured by a man wanting to do a great deal of harm to him.

Whoever said fate was cruel was right.

They were a hundred percent right.

\---

“He’s in poor condition?”

“That’s correct.” Josh gnawed on his thumbnail in worry as he continued to watch Tyler fidget through the closed door. He had gone and retrieved Dr. Ryan out of concern.

“It seemed the Overseer’s intent was to kill.”

“Anyone could have told you that.”

“It may not have killed him, but it did some deal of damage. Amnesia is a common side effect of electroconvulsive therapy. Until he can remember things, I would suggest staying away.”

“Staying away? What the hell makes you think I can stay away?”

“I know you are close to him Mr. Dun,” Dr. Ryan’s voice was gentle as he rested a hand atop of Josh’s shoulder. “But he doesn’t remember much. His brain is so damaged at the moment that he can’t think above a preschool level. Tyler is beyond traumatized, and he’s taking every face as a threat. I know deep down, Tyler remembers who you are, but that’s not on the surface. Give the man a few days. Let him retain some new knowledge and then go in and visit. He needs to feel safe before he has any new faces before his eyes. Promise me you can do that much for him?”

Josh opened his mouth to argue, but he knew Dr. Ryan was right, as much as it pained him to admit it. “I uhm, yeah.”

“It’s only a few days and then you can try again. Mutants tend to have a higher pain tolerance and heal faster than normal, as proven by your speedy recovery. It might feel like Tyler will never get better, but I promise he will. I’ll take care of him as much as I can, alright?”

“Alright.”

“You might want to get some sleep Joshua. You look dead to the world.”

Josh was sure he looked dead. He sure felt that way.

So with a solemn nod of his head, Josh snuck one more look at Tyler curled in the corner of his bed and shuffled out the infirmary doors.

\---

Josh was really lacking sleep.

Over the course of three more days he hadn’t gotten more than four hours of sleep total out of the fear and frustration pitting his empty stomach. Being back in New Columbus was making him stressed, and Tyler’s state was putting him in range for a heart attack.

Not to mention, Brightside had approached him and said, “We were thinking about heading back early tomorrow morning. It’s important that we find these hostages new homes and see if they would like to stay with us in Suburbia or live somewhere else. Gotta start early you know.”

Josh held in a yawn as he clenched and unclenched fists by his sides. “Right. I understand.”

“I know you can keep your own. And if you ever need to contact us, you know where to find me. Of course, unless, you want to come back with us.”

He shook his head. “It’s a nice offer, but I’d rather go back to what I was doing before all this craziness. I’m sure my home is missing me.”

With a slight half nod, Brightside gave Josh a hearty back on his back. “It was an honor working with you Misty-Eyed. I wish you all the best in your future and hope Tyler gets better.”

“We’ll meet again, I’m sure of it,” Josh agreed with a tired smile. “Thank you for everything.”

“Anytime.” They shared a short embrace, and with one more smile, Josh watched Brightside trek back through the darkness into the ambiance of faded lights. He knew he should probably go and say goodbye to everyone before they left, but for the moment, Josh couldn’t find enough energy to even do that. He ran a hand through his hair out of nervous habit and exhaustion. Damn did he need some caffeine.

Josh planned on going back to his parent’s house to faceplant into bed, but somehow found himself outside Tyler’s room. It _had_ been a few days per Dr. Ryan’s request, and he was so filled with worry Josh knew he definitely would go another sleepless night if he didn’t check on him.

When he peeked through the door, Tyler was curled up on the bed, his face twisted in focus on the IV in his arm. He tapped on his wrist a few times in curiosity, only looking up when Josh knocked.

“Hey Ty. How you feeling?” Josh approached the bed with caution, one arm held out protectively in front of his body in case Tyler didn’t feel safe and flipped out again.

Tyler lolled his head to the side as a loopy grin spread across his face. “You aren’t the doctor.”

“No, I’m not. I’m a friend.”

“A friend? What’s your name?”

Josh tried to ignore the pit in his stomach. He already knew that Tyler didn’t remember him. He just needed to be happy Tyler wasn’t freaking out and could speak like a normal person, even if Tyler had no recollection of who he was. Although maybe that was a good thing. All that spite and anger towards Josh was now gone, along with any feelings Tyler had for him.

Maybe it was best if he stopped holding onto the past.

“My name is Josh.”

“Hmm. I don’t know any Joshs. Come back later.” he swiveled around to face the corner and went back to playing with his IV. Josh stared at his back with pleading eyes.

“Do you remember your name?”

“Everyone keeps calling me Tyler. I think that’s my name. I think my name should be Bolt. That’s so much cooler.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“Doctor says I’m in the place for sick people.” he shrugged. “I don’t feel sick though. I wanna go home. Have you seen my momma? She’s supposed to take me home.” Tyler giggled into his hands and scooted back towards Josh to throw his legs off the side of the cot. “Is home far away?”

Josh dug his nails into his palm; four purple crescent marks to remind him that this was all his fault. “Yeah Ty, it’s pretty far.”

“If I’m good can I pick out a treat?” that silly grin was back on his face, his features so full of life and youth. It broke Josh’s heart.

“Of course you can sweetheart.” He had to humor him. Tyler couldn’t know he was-

“Why are you so sad?” his soft spoken words broke Josh’s train of thought and with a small hum he hopped off the bed and reached for Josh’s hand. He flinched slightly, unable to stop his tears from falling. Josh had tried really hard to not let him know.This was all too much, even for the Wasteland’s most wanted raider. “Don’t be sad.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, pulling away from Tyler’s hand to wipe his nose and the tears staining his red flushed cheeks. “I don’t want to be sad. But it’s hard sometimes, you know?”

“I get sad too. Mommy says hugs make people happy. Can I give you a hug?”

“I don’t think that’s the best idea,” Josh started, throwing his shaking hands in front to stop Tyler from getting closer. He must of forgot Tyler had the mindset of a child who simply didn’t care if the person said no.

Josh couldn’t do this anymore. One of the problems of drowning was that it happened only after you couldn’t tread any longer.

He ripped out of Tyler’s grasp harshly, hands shoving deep into his pockets as Tyler’s face filled with guilt. His bottom lip trembled and Josh felt like an asshole.

“I’m sorry bud, but I gotta-”

‘YOU HATE ME!” Tyler started screaming, and like the coward he was Josh bolted out of the room with regret the size of a planet stirring in the darkest depths of his soul. He should have never went back in there.

To make a long story short, Josh went another night without sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have done so much research for this fic it's not even funny. If only I was this productive in my classes.


	23. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A single day is enough to make us a little larger or, another time, a little smaller.”
> 
> \- Paul Klee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news: Tyler's finally getting better. 
> 
> The bad news: Although not written, I can tell you right now that there is only going to be one or two more chapters left of this, and I'd like to take the time to thank all of you who ever commented, shared, or gave kudos to this. You guys are the reason I get so pumped to write and I really appreciate that. 
> 
> I've got a ton of unfinished works I'll work on after this, so look for those.

Long after all of Suburbia had left, Josh still remained trapped in New Columbus. He stayed at his parents house, receiving short amounts of sleep, helping his dad out, and of course, watching Tyler from afar. He decided it was better that way, safer too. He couldn’t hurt Tyler and Tyler couldn’t hurt him.

Except that it did hurt. It hurt more than anything in the world. Josh often found himself wondering if it was possible to die of a broken heart.

What really was hard for him to understand was how everyone around him could move on with life. It had been two whole weeks since the death of the Overseer and people were completely okay with the new rules put into place. Even his father was smiling more.

It was great and all, but it wasn’t for Josh.

On the morning the third week, Josh walked into Tyler’s room without much thought. He dropped down into a chair, beyond exhausted, watching Tyler’s eyes carefully for any signs of fear. It probably would have been better if Josh had asked Dr. Ryan about his condition instead of barging into the room unannounced.

“Who are you?” Tyler asked with no trace of new emotion. He seemed fine with Josh being in the room. Comfortable even. And he seemed to be acting his age.

“My name is Josh.”

“Do you think you could help me Josh?” he shifted uncomfortably, eyes narrowing, suddenly on edge. With a sigh he pulled the IV out of his arm and crept to the other side of the room. “You’re the first person I’ve seen in weeks.”

“In weeks?” Josh repeated for a confirmation, even though he knew that couldn’t be true. But Tyler’s mind was changing again, so whatever crazy thoughts he was thinking right now Josh had to go along with.

“Yes, weeks. I’m being held prisoner here. I think they kept me sedated to-” Tyler paused, and swiveled around with wide eyes. “Oh my god. You’re one of them, aren’t you? You’re here to hurt me again.”

Josh jumped out of his chair as Tyler backed into the corner of the room. “No, no never! I’m not one of them, I promise. I’m here to help you.”

“That’s what they said before, and then they ran electricity through my veins.”

“You-you remember that?” Josh was frozen to the spot, like his feet were nailed to the floor. Tyler remembered something. He full on _remembered_ something that had happened.

“Yeah I remember that. How could I forget? But they, you, did something to me. I don’t...” he sighed. “I don’t even remember my name.”

“Your name,” Josh repeated, taking a cautious step forward. Tyler pushed farther into the wall. “I know your name, just like I know you. I can get you away from the bad people. I just need you to trust me.”

Tyler narrowed his eyes. “How can I trust you?”

“You’ve done it before.” Josh’s voice was barely over a whisper, a lump in his throat. “You may not remember, but you have. You did trust me. And even if you don’t trust me now, maybe it’s time to take a chance Tyler.”

He slid down the wall slowly, knees hiking up to his chest. With frantic breaths, Tyler peeked over his knees at Josh’s worry. “My name is Tyler? You’re certain about that?”

“I’m a hundred percent certain. You’re the most important Tyler I know. Now let’s get you out of here. If you’ll let me.”

Tyler was uncertain, that much was clear. Josh stood with his hand outstretched, hoping. They were so close. Maybe if Josh could get him back to his place, it would trigger something. It would make him _feel_.

And when Tyler took his hand, Josh had never felt more relief in his entire life.

“I’m trusting you,” Tyler whispered in his ear, his fingers still latched onto Josh’s wrist, “If you do anything to betray me, I’ll kill you.” _If only he knew the irony behind that statement_.

“I won’t hurt you Tyler. I promise.” They stared at one another closely before Josh pulled away to yank open the door. “We need to get you to a safe place. Once I take you there, I want you to wait so I can go get my stuff and get you some better clothes and most importantly some shoes. You can’t wander through the Wasteland without shoes.”

“Right,” Tyler nodded. “Why is your hair purple?”

“Focus,” Josh grumbled as he gave Tyler a little push out the door. “You need to be quiet and follow me.” Fortunately, he did.

While they walked. (Rather, snuck,) Josh debated what he was going to tell his family about suddenly having to up and leave. Maybe it would be better to not tell anyone at all. But he couldn’t do that, not again. He’d have to tell someone. Josh was sure his father would understand.

When they reached the lab, Tyler actually squeaked and stumbled backwards over his feet. When Josh looked at him for an explanation, Tyler shook his head rapidly.

“That’s the place, why are you taking me back here? You are one of them, I knew it! You’re going to hurt me!”

“No Tyler no, I promise I’m not. They hurt me in this place too, you see?” he pointed to the scars on his temples. “There’s a door that will get us out of here. I promise I will _never_ hurt you.”

Tyler gulped, but the tension in his veins seemed to lessen. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Just wait in there while I go get some stuff, okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah. I can.” Josh looked at Tyler one more time with this strange burning in his chest. Tyler looked healthy for the first time in weeks and Josh had hope again.

\---

“Dad, I have to leave.”

His father glanced up from a stack of papers he was going through with confusion. It was weird to see him sitting at the Overseer’s old desk, even all this time later.“You have to leave? You can’t leave Josh, you can’t do that to your mother again.”

“It’s Tyler Dad. Well, rather, the General as you know him. He’s finally better. But he can only remember bits and pieces of what happened. He knows that he got tortured here and he wants to leave. I managed to convince him to trust me, so we have to leave. Right now actually.”

“But-”

“I was never going to stay Dad. Please tell me you knew that.”

With a sigh, Mr. Dun leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. “I never expected it, but I hoped you might. Your mother missed you so much and now that she has you back-”

“Don’t try and guilt trip me. I left this place for a reason and I’m leaving again. Look at me Dad. I’m not exactly a model citizen.”

“So that was your plan then? To pin all this on me and take off once your friend got better?”

“I didn’t pin it on you,” Josh spat, anger rising in his tone, “I helped you. You told me you could take it from there. And it looks like you’re doing fine on your own.”

A sigh. “I don’t want us to fight. If you need to leave, then leave. Just promise you’ll come back and visit, for your mother’s sake. Because I doubt you’re going to go say goodbye to her.”

Josh nodded his head. It was too hard to say goodbye to his family again. He couldn’t do it the first time and he wasn’t going to do it now. “I’m sorry Dad. For everything I ever did.”

“I’m sorry too,” murmured his father.

Josh took off back down the halls of the Capitol building.

\---

Tyler sighed with relief when he saw Josh enter the room. He tossed Tyler the duffel bag with a grunt. “There’s some clothes in there. Change quickly so we can get out of here.” Suburbia had been nice enough to bring him back his stuff and for that he was eternally grateful. He had been walking around in the same blood stained dirty clothes for days.

“Are these your clothes?” asked Tyler as he pulled off his ratty T-shirt in exchange for a new one. Josh’s breath lodged in his throat when he noticed the string of bruises across Tyler’s torso. Not to mention, he was more skin and bones than Josh had ever seen. _This is all my fault_.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about that. Please just change.” he glanced behind him, his foot tapping impatiently.

“Are they coming back in here with someone else?” Tyler was afraid now, and Josh looked at him with no emotion. He just waved his hand and tried not to watch Tyler finish dressing (Despite the fact that he _really_ wanted to.)

Finally they were good to go, and Josh held the door open as Tyler wandered through, his eyes wide as he scanned the tunnel. “Wow.”

“Yep, it’s impressive. Now come on, we have to go this way.” Tyler followed him without another word. Josh realized as they walked into the woods that he really didn’t have much of a plan when they got back to his little shack. Would Tyler even want to follow him all the way there? Would he try and run away in the middle of the night? Hopefully not, considering he really didn’t know his own identity. “Hey Ty.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you remember where you live?”

“If I can’t even remember my own name what makes you think I can remember where I live?”

“I guess that was a stupid question. Sorry.” A pause. “Do you want to come back home with me? At least for now. Just so you have a place to stay until you can remember some things.”

Tyler shrugged. “Sure.”

“Cool.” he wiped some sweat off his forehead and cursed under his breath at the fact that he was acting so awkward around Tyler. Sure, he had witnessed several different personalities of this man, but so far this Tyler seemed to be pretty chill with being around him. He had no recollection of throwing Josh into the hands of the Overseer and no recollection of them ever being in love. “It’ll be about a two day walk. I live over by the outskirts of Columbus.”

“Okay.”

“If you feel like you need to stop and take a break let me know. It’s fine if it takes longer.”

“I’m a grown man. I’m fine.”

“Well you were-”

“I said I’m fine,” Tyler snapped, and Josh took a step away to give him distance. _It’s fine_ , he told himself. _Just be happy he’s okay with being around you._

\---

That night they camped out in the lobby of an old apartment building. Josh didn’t have any of his usual travel gear so it wasn't the most comfortable for either of them, but it had to do. It wasn’t like he’d be able to sleep anyways.

Tyler however rolled right over and fell asleep instantly. Josh kind of assumed he was wiped. He found himself thinking how bad it would have been if Tyler hadn’t been a mutant. Tyler would have certainly died right on the spot.

Josh wondered if he’d ever get to know the story behind Tyler’s hatred.

He laid awake most of the night, leaning on his elbow to watch the rise and fall of Tyler’s chest. Josh couldn’t describe how nice it felt to be this close to him again. And he knew that it was terrible to feel this way. To have his stomach twisted into knots and to have his heart beating erratically because he was around the person who had told him they loved him and spat in his face. He felt like punching and kissing Tyler all at the same time.

Tyler had betrayed him, and Josh didn’t even care. Wasn’t that just great.

“Josh,” Tyler mumbled as he rolled over, his hand latching onto Josh’s shirt. His eyes were still closed and his nose twitched. “Josh I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Josh didn’t dare move, even if his arm was growing numb. _Speak of the devil._

When Tyler didn’t answer to his question, this was when Josh realized that he was still asleep.

“I didn’t mean too. I didn’t mean to hurt you J. I was so stupid. Now you’re so far away.” Tyler sniffed, his fingers sliding back over his chest as he rolled back over. Josh squeezed his eyes shut and bit his tongue.

Stupid emotions. Couldn’t he go back to being killing machine?

“You wouldn’t like that,” he muttered to himself as he pushed off the hard ground and reached for his Walkman. Josh decided he needed to clear his mind and get some fresh air.

He was out walking until the sun rose, music ringing in his ears. Josh paused for a second then, watching the sunrise before he pulled his headphones off his ears and draped them around his neck.

Staring at that sun with his eyes shielded, Josh decided some things. The facts were these:

  * Josh’s little cabin in the woods was what he called home, and it was a thousand times better than stupid Cleveland.
  * He wasn’t going to wait around on Tyler hand and foot anymore. If the guy wanted to leave, he could. He obviously felt guilty about throwing Josh to the wolves.
  * Tyler remembered what had happened, somewhere in his brain. Last night that was proven.



When Josh walked back into the apartment lobby, Tyler was sitting on the floor with tears spilling from his eyes. Josh immediately dropped to his knees and wrapped an arm around him without much thought of how Tyler would act. He just knew he needed to comfort the broken man sobbing in the middle of the lobby.

Tyler latched onto Josh like a lifeline and buried his head in Josh’s shoulder. Josh stroked Tyler’s hair softly, his teeth chewing on his bottom lip nervously.

“I’m s-so s-sorry Josh,” he attempted to say between breaths and Josh only sighed.

“Why are you so upset Ty? We’ll get to my place tonight. Then we can figure out where you want to go from there.”

“No,” Tyler untangled his limbs and sniffed, using a hand to wipe his nose. “Traveling. I remember traveling with you. I remember tricking you. I remember-” he croaked again.

“Oh my god.” Josh leaned forward, grabbing Tyler’s bicep aggressively. “You remember the Overseer?”

“Wh-what?” he looked at Josh’s tight grip in confusion and shifted uncomfortably underneath him.

Josh talked louder this time. “Do you remember the Overseer? What he did to me? What he did to _you_?”

“Y-You left, and he found out, so he said he was going to use me-” with an abrupt stop, Tyler looked Josh straight in the eyes. “Am I dead? Is this hell?”

“No. Oh God no.” and Josh pulled him right back into that hug from before. Tyler remembered. He _remembered_. Tyler was back to normal and he wasn’t going to die and Josh couldn’t be more thankful. “You’re more alive than anyone could ever hope for.”

“He wanted to kill me,” he whispered as Josh curled his fingers in Tyler’s long hair. “He tried to kill me.”

“And I killed him. Everything is good now Tyler, I promise. New Columbus is now New, New Columbus. Well, not exactly. It’s not called that, but things are different now. Things are good now.”

“You came back for me,” it wasn’t as much a question as it was a revelation, and he shoved Josh off of him, ignoring Josh’s pained look. ‘Why did you come back for me?”

“I had a vision,” Josh answered sheepishly. “I couldn’t let you die.”

“But why not? I did so much shit to you that you should hate me for. Why the hell would you risk your life for a low life like me?”

“Because you’re important to me Tyler. You’re so important to me and I realized that in my time without you. I’m at my best when I’m with you. I don’t care that you fucked up because I fucked up too. The important thing is that you realized you were wrong and tried to fix it. I understand what it's like to be fueled by anger and pain. It turns you into a machine. I _know_ Tyler.”

“You forgive me?” he was dumbstruck, and with a laugh of pure happiness Josh kissed him. He didn’t care that it was five in the morning and Tyler was covered in sweat and tears and they were both a little stressed. Because Josh slid his hand across the nape of Tyler’s neck and squeaked as Tyler’s hands found hips and the two became lost in each other, a reunion for lives and behaviours of the start that changed towards the end.

“I’m in love with you,” Josh murmured against Tyler’s soft lips, his hands shaking against skin. “All this time, I’ve been in love with you and nothing you or I do will change that.”

“I’m in love with you too,” Tyler spoke in a breathy whisper, his grip on Josh’s waist tightening. “It took me time to figure that out, but I knew you were different and I couldn’t be more happier than you’re here with me right now.”

“Dysfunctional just like the Wasteland,” Josh answered, pulling Tyler into another heated kiss. Now that he had his hands on Tyler, he was never letting go ever again.

\---

“I want to know the story.”

“The story about what?”

“About your mutant-ness.” Tyler looked over at him in annoyance, but gave in. They were walking now, taking those steps closer to familiarity. Josh however didn’t think he could find closure until he knew Tyler’s story.

“So you know then. About that.”

“I just want to know why you were so hateful towards your own kind.”

Tyler glared at him, his mouth open slightly like he was about to say something to counter Josh’s claim. But deep down inside he knew the truth.

So with a heavy sigh, Tyler curled in on himself and started talking. “Growing up in Cleveland wasn’t anything like growing up in New Columbus. We didn’t have as much technology, and there was really no need for the doctors to check DNA and crap like that. I was sent home like any other baby. In fact, it wasn’t until I broke my arm and had to go to the infirmary that things went haywire.” A pause. “I was extremely lucky that my mom was a nurse. If anybody else had found out, I would have been locked away and probably would have turned into this crazy headcase. But my mom pulled me to the side after helping with my arm and told me the news. ‘You need to be careful Tyler, or bad things will happen.’ And at the time, I was nine and didn’t understand what a mutant really was. But then I started getting these urges. I’d wake up in the middle of the night in my living room with a knife in my hand standing over my sister or my mother. I’d have dreams where I murdered the entire town. I’d hear whispers in my head telling me to kill, because I knew I was blood hungry.

“As I grew older, I’d hear all the things people said about mutants, and I started to go along with them. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was. I didn’t even want to believe I was one of those terrible rotten creatures.” Tyler scoffed as he tilted his chin upwards towards the grey skies. “I became in denial. I actually managed to convince myself I was human. And then I was offered the job as General, and that turned me into a power hungry monster. I could kill without paying the price for it, and that was enough to calm the demon inside my chest. I kept getting angrier and angrier and then Zack was killed and I discovered it was you and it was too much for me. I went crazy pretty much.”

“What about Suburbia?”

“I found them on a supply run. I was very reluctant considering they were all mutants, but I decided it would be a good backup plan. God, I was such an ass to all of them. I’m surprised they even listened to my message.”

“They have a file on you. I guess they hoped you come back one day. And then they discovered you had contact to me.”

“I knew Suburbia would be the perfect place for you to go. I’m glad you made it okay.” He cleared his throat. “They helped you then, with your er, thing.”

“My visions? Eh, sort of. They come off and on. There isn’t any danger so I guess there hasn’t been a need for them. Is your thing...”

“Are you talking about my multiple personality disorder?” Tyler grinned. “Kidding. You know not all of us have things. It depends on the severity of the mutations and how heavily irradiated the area you live in is.”

“But...” Josh shook his head. It may have all been pretend, but sometimes Josh swore acted different in some situations than others, pre New Columbus and post New Columbus. “Nevermind.”

“Do you think I’m a werewolf Josh? That I turn into this red eyed demon when there’s a full moon?”

“Well no. It’s nothing. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Blurryface is just a code name. I promise.”

Josh rolled his eyes as some sort of way to end the conversation, but he didn’t fully believe Tyler. He wasn’t sure why Tyler would keep something like that secret. Josh knew perfectly well what secrets did. “Alright. I get it.”

“You seemed really concerned about that. I get it I guess. I did cause a lot of pain inflicted upon you.”

“You don’t need to keep bringing that up. I forgive you Ty.”

“Just because you forgive me doesn’t mean I forgive myself.” he kicked a rock and watched it bounce down the road. “I’ve got a lot of demons I’m trying to deal with. So far I’m losing.”

“Can I help you with any of that? You know I’m here.”

“It definitely doesn’t help that you’re one of them.” Josh furrowed his brow in confusion and stopped in the middle of the concrete city. He grabbed Tyler’s arm forcefully to stop him from trying to flee. _Just in case_.

“What are you talking about?”

“People like to think that homosexuality is a side effect of being a mutant.”

“Right. I know that.”

“So the question is, do we really have feelings for each other or is our relationship simply the result of a side effect?”

“Are you really asking yourself this question? I just got you back Tyler. I waited almost an entire month for you to be yourself again because you were so _fucked up_ back there. And here you are, trying to destroy everything we just finished building.”

“Just finished? Josh, we have a longer ways to go than either of us could ever imagine. We can’t just _go back_ to the way life was before I destroyed it.”

“And you don’t even want to try?”

“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!” Tyler screamed, his posture finally breaking. He clenched fists by his sides and dropped to his knees in the middle of the street. “I wanted you to be dead. He was so set on killing you-”

“He?” Josh whispered as he stared at Tyler losing his mind with wide, fear stricken eyes. “Who is he Tyler?”

“Nobody. I meant to say I. It’s all me.”

“But you didn’t want me dead. Because you let me go.”

“Guilty conscience. The point is that you shouldn’t love me because I’m a piece of shit and you know it.”

“Tyler, don’t you _ever_ call yourself that again.” he crouched down next to the teary eyed brunette and cautiously laid a helping hand of comfort on the small of his back. “You are my sun and stars Tyler Joseph, and I will not hear you talking about yourself like that.”

“But-”

“Look at me. Right now.” He waited patiently for Tyler to look up with his wet eyes. “I was a monster when you met me. And look what I am now. I’m _human_. I still have my demons. I have more than I know what to deal with. Being around you made my demons seem so much more tolerable. And please believe me when I tell you I want to help you. I will follow you to the ends of the Earth if I have to because I am never going to leave your side ever again. I love you.”

A sniff, and then Tyler was wrapping his bony arms around Josh’s neck with as much strength as he could muster. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met in this world. I’ve made my mind up about that. I don’t care what he thinks.”

Josh doesn’t bother to bring up “he” again.

\---

They arrived at Josh’s shack a little bit past midnight both exhausted. Josh let his duffle bag slide off his shoulders and dropped to the wood. Damn, it felt so good to be home.

“Is Brendon okay? What about Patrick?” It was the first mention of Hatton Tyler had brought up and it made Josh wonder if Tyler somehow had something to do with the bombing.

“They’re both peachy. They went back with Suburbia.”

“And you didn’t?”

“I had someone to take care of,” Josh mumbled as he reached into his old wooden bureau for a blanket. To be honest he hadn’t been this happy to sleep on the floor in months.

“But I’m fine now.”

“And where are you going to go? Don’t think I’m going to take you back to Cleveland.”

Tyler snorted. “I could get home perfectly fine on my own. But I really don’t want to go home. Too many bad memories. I need a fresh start. A home away from home.”

There was about ten seconds of awkward silence while the two looked literally everywhere besides one another until Josh cleared his throat and rubbed at the stubble spreading across his jaw. The beard was definitely never going to come back. He was living his own life now. “You could always live with me. We’d have to find a new bed of course. I can’t keep sleeping on the floor.”

“Oh just shut up,” Tyler laughed softly as he yanked hard on Josh’s arm to swoop him into yet another passionate kiss. Josh, surprised, pulled away. Earlier Tyler had been freaking out about their relationship and now here he was taking it in with wide, open arms. Something shady was going on and he needed to find out.

“Tyler.”

“What? You’re killing the moment right now.”

“Are you yourself right now?”

“What kind of question is that? Yes I’m myself right now. Now can we go back to the part of the story where I was about to make out with you?”

“Er...” Josh was exhausted, too exhausted to stay up long enough to deal with Tyler’s sass and pry him for information. So he let Tyler kiss him.

Besides, Josh needed as much Tyler as possible before he went back to agitating him and watched him pull away.


	24. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The bad news is that time flies. The good news is that you’re the pilot.”
> 
> \- anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can not thank you guys enough for the support that this has gotten. One more chapter, and another project complete. <3

“Tyler.”

“Hmmmm.”

“I want to know who ‘he’ is. And don’t think you can get away with telling me there isn’t one because I’ve noticed things about you ever since the beginning. Is he hurting you?” Josh felt weird referring to an intangible part of Tyler as “he” but he was worried and needed to know before this relationship went any farther.

Tyler pushed deeper into Josh’s chest with a heavy, sleep filled sigh. “I dunno.”

“You do know. I know you know. You know you can trust me Ty.”

And suddenly Josh couldn't breathe. His vision went black as he sank into the abyss of his own thoughts.

_“He’s such a kind boy. I don't want this to ruin anything.” A worried mother looks at her son playing in the front yard and turns back towards one of her closest friends who has been entrusted with her son’s dark secret._

_The friend, a young doctor, shakes her head sadly. “He's unlike any mutant I've ever seen. I think the mutations caused a personality disorder. Have you noticed anything strange?”_

_“He talks to himself sometimes. Nothing more than hushed whispers, but it worries me.”_

_“Most mutants have a strong desire for bloodlust, but your son only has half of that. He's going to struggle throughout his lifetime. He’ll be afraid to admit what he really is. He’ll let the fear of his bad side control him.”_

_And thus the worried mother bursts into tears._

As Josh slowly regained consciousness in the real world, he felt the pressure of Tyler's hand on his arm. He blinked a few times and stared up at the ceiling.

“Josh?”

“There's two of you.”

“What? Did you have another vision?”

Josh grunted as he pushed Tyler off of him and sat up, a worried look on his face. “Yeah, I did. And it was about you.”

“My future?”

“Your past. Now you tell me right now who this ‘he’ is before I make you.”

Tyler sighed loudly and aggressively ran a hand through his hair. Josh knew Tyler knew the jig was up. He had spent so much time and effort trying to hide it. “I guess I can't keep secrets anymore. So yeah. I have a thing. It's a bit more severe than yours.”

Josh reached out for Tyler’s hand, not really caring it was clammy. He just wanted to offer up support. “Go on.”

“I really don’t know how to say this or even explain it to you. It’s just, I don’t know. I wouldn’t say there’s another person inside of me because there isn’t. But this ‘he’ doesn’t like you, and he doesn’t like this, and he doesn’t like me. And I guess that means only half of me has the urges of a normal mutant. He comes out when I get angry and escalates the situation. He makes me more angry, if that makes sense. Him and I are different, and only one can exist at one time. There’s a name for what I have. That’s another reason why I was perfect for the role of retrieving you. I had compassion inside of me and I guess I was part human.”

Josh looked at him for a few seconds before his gaze fell to the entanglement of their hands. So it hadn’t fully been Tyler that had betrayed him. It hadn’t fully been him that had trashed Josh in the prison and said all those horrible things.

Tyler ripped his hand away and tucked them under his armpits. “Now you know how fucked up I am.”

“Tyler,” Josh breathed, and then he burst into laughter. Tyler’s eyebrows knitted and he stared in fury.

“I just told you my deepest secret and you start _laughing_? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“No, no,” Josh took a deep breath and ran a hand through his air. “I’m laughing because it means it wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn’t my fault?” Tyler looked to him for an explanation.

“Back in Cleveland.”

Eyes widen. “Oh.”

“Exactly. I was curious you know, because sometimes you’d be so nice and then the next thing I knew you were cold. And even the greatest actor in the world couldn’t act like that. It just makes sense now.”

“But it was still me Josh, you have to know that. I did want you dead. I was upset with you.”

“But at the same time, you wanted me alive. You wanted me around. You let me go.”

“Josh-”

“Tyler, look at me.” Josh continued only when big brown eyes were on him. “I didn’t even know I was a mutant until a couple of weeks ago. You’ve known pretty much your entire life. And neither of us acted in a way we should have, you know? But the thing about you is that you handled things nicely, and only half of you has all the urges I have. Even with these urges, we have still learned to deal with them, and now neither of us are as terrible as we used to be.”

Tyler sniffed, and it didn’t take a detective to figure out he was crying. Josh shook his head sadly and pulled the broken man into an iron hug. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, curling into Josh’s chest, “for making you give all these talks to me. Things have been hard lately.”

“I know they have Ty, but things are getting better. We had some rough patches you and I, but we can live happily ever after here in this tiny little shack. And I will give you as many talks as I need to before you start believing me. I’ll start now. Here are all the things I love about you. I love your voice because it’s different. I love your eyes. They’re such a beautiful, interesting shade of brown, but they aren’t just brown. They tell a story. They tell others that you’ve seen stuff and you aren’t willing to put up with bullshit. I love your hands because of everything you’ve created with them. I love your hair because it’s always so fluffy and the opposite of mine. I love your-”

“Knock it off,” Tyler whispered, but there was a blush across his cheeks and a smile on his lips.

“Never. Because I love you and I’m never going to let you go. I already made that mistake once and I’m in it for the long run.”

“Are you serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Tyler leaned over to kiss Josh right below his ear, and with a shudder Josh closed his eyes. This was nice, he decided. It made everything else worth it. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met Joshua Dun.”

“So I’ve been told,” he murmured back, and before either of them fully understood what was going on, they were both naked, kissing passionately to make up for lost time. The room filled with moans and heat and neither of them would have given up anything for that moment.

“Your hair is awful,” Tyler said in between gasps of breath as he stared up as the ceiling. He wrapped an arm around Josh’s waist as Josh himself tried to recover. They were still naked, the two of them, but Tyler was warm and comforting as Josh always knew he was.

“Suburbia made me.”

“Maybe we should visit?”

Josh laughed.

\---

Apparently Tyler was calling the shots now, because he made Josh go with him to visit. The journey wasn’t too long, it gave them something to do, and they did a lot of dirty stuff that made Josh blush whenever he thought about it.

But of course the minute they arrived outside the concert hall Tyler was having cold feet.

“I can’t do this,” he said, turning on his heel to leave. Josh put an arm out in front to stop him.

“Yes you can. Because you are strong and courageous and not afraid of anything.”

“That’s a lie,” he pointed out, “I am afraid of lots of things.”

“They’ve been waiting for you. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled you’re there.”

“But...” he looks at the cracked asphalt and toes at some weeds. “Hatton. They must know by now that I’m-”

“They all knew what New Columbus did to you. I’m more than sure they’ve forgiven you by now. Besides, not all of them know the full truth.”

“Still,” he whined, and Josh decided in his best interest to give Tyler a shove towards the front of the building. The minute Tyler tried to pivot, Josh yanked on his arm and dragged him through the venue. “Don’t make me do this.”

“I’m making you do this.”

“But-”

“What happened to big scary General Joseph?”

“Shut up.”

“Make me,” Josh quipped as Tyler slipped out of his grasp. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Tyler’s mouth was on his and they were back in a world where only they existed and nothing else mattered but the fingers on Josh’s hips and the hand in Tyler’s hair.

Until of course, someone cleared their throat, and it occurred to Josh that they had stopped right at the entrance of the cave, aka, the place Poison and Ghoul stood watch.

“Shit,” whispered Tyler as Josh peeled himself off and wiped the back of his mouth. Poison and Ghoul had big, wide eyes out of shock. Josh was sure he’d be a little freaked out if he watched some big urban legend make out with another dude.

“Hey there Poison. Ghoul.” Josh nodded their way, noting that they still seemed a little unsure of the situation.

“J-Josh!” Poison stuttered as he pushed Ghoul out of the way to scoot behind him. “Hey there. It’s uh, good to see you again.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too. You okay if we go in?”

“Be my guest,” responded Ghoul as he moved Poison and himself back towards the entrance. Tyler watched with amusement as they disappeared through the doorway and turned towards Josh.

“Well that was, uh, interesting.”

“They acted like they saw a ghost,” Josh grinned as he pointed a finger towards the door. “Let’s go in, shall we?”

Tyler groaned, but followed Josh anyways. Here went nothing.

People stared just like they had last time. Although Josh was used to it, Tyler was not, and he focused most of his attention on his shoes.

“You’re the one who wanted to,” Josh reminded him with an elbow nudge, which of course caused Tyler to groan again.

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“Anytime love.” Although Josh was full of sass, it also sort of pained him to see Tyler so anxious and stressed. He reached for Tyler’s hand and gripped it tightly, flashing a smile when Tyler looked up at him.

“I needed that,” he mumbled sheepishly, squeezing Josh’s hand back.

“That’s okay. I told you I was here for you.”

“I know.”

“Tyler! Josh!” Brendon approached with a wicked grin which turned into confusion as he repeated Tyler’s name. “Tyler?”

“Hey Bren,” Tyler waved, and with a dramatic grasp Brendon pulled Tyler into a bone crushing hug.

“Oh my god, it’s so good to see you. We all thought you died. We all thought-” he cut his sentence short as he rested his chin on Tyler’s shoulder. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Josh took care of me,” he promised as another familiar face approached the reunion.

“Come on Brendon, you need to share,” Patrick teased as he pulled Brendon out of the way to hug Tyler himself. “It’s great to see you healthy Ty.”

“It’s great to be healthy.”

“Also, as someone who has found himself very close to your boyfriend, I feel like I must do this.” After the dirty blonde took a step back and a deep breath, he knocked a fist into Tyler’s jaw. Immediately Josh and Brendon’s mouths dropped.

“Well fuck me with a spoon,” left Brendon’s lips in amazement and he jabbed a thumb towards Patrick as Tyler groaned and curled inwards on himself in pain. “Who woulda thought Pattycakes over here had the guts to do something like _that_?”

“That’s for breaking Josh’s heart and stomping all over it,” Patrick said in a completely serious tone, and Josh still couldn’t find the words to reply with. He could only watch Tyler rub at his purpling jaw. “Also of course, I’m glad you’re okay now and that you and Josh made up. But still. That was a cold hearted little bitch move.”

“I know,” Tyler coughed out, his face still twisted in pain. “It was pretty shitty.”

“And I forgave him ‘Trick.” Ah, there were the lost words. Josh threw an arm around Tyler’s shoulders and whispered into his ear, “Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, I’m alright. It’s not like I just got punched in the face.”

“I’ll get you an icepack,” Patrick promised before he scurried away. Brendon bursted into laughter.

“God, I love it here,” he said in between breaths before fading back into the crowd.

“I deserved that,” Tyler said.

“No you did not,” Josh replied.

“He totally did,” Patrick added as he returned with an icepack. Tyler held it against his jaw and sighed.

\---

Tyler left to speak with Brightside after that, to which he gave Josh absolutely no explanation whatsoever. So Josh just sat in a chair in the back of the enclave reading a book, or a play rather, called _The Crucible_. He was very lost and ended up putting it down only one act in. This John Proctor guy needed to get his shit together.

Ten minutes turned into twenty, which blossomed into thirty, and Josh still sat bored out of his mind. He had gone through some of the other books, but none of them really caught his attention. Maybe it was because he was too preoccupied thinking about what Tyler could possibly be speaking to Brightside about. It wasn’t like they were close friends or knew one another that well. Why the hell did Tyler want to speak with him in the first place?

Josh took a moment to take a breath, and then mentally slapped himself across the face. _Jesus, you are a grown man worrying about stupid stuff. Stop it_.

“I don’t wanna,” he grumbled, arguing with himself. Josh slumped in his chair and kept a close eye on Brightside’s office door.

The minute the door opened Josh was flying across the room.

Brightside nodded his way. “Good to see you again Misty-Eyed. Thanks for letting me speak with your friend.” Josh narrowed his eyes.

“What’d you two speak about?”

“Oh come on, that’s classified information.” Tyler smirked, snaking an arm around Josh’s waist as Brightside flashed a charming grin of his own.

“Yeah, what he said. You guys are more than welcome to stay as long as you’d like. You know where your room is Misty-Eyed.”

“Right.” Josh was still suspicious, and he hoped everyone picked up on that.

Tyler tugged on his arm, the signal that he wanted to leave. “Let’s go babe,” he whispered, and with a sigh Josh led them to the room he had boarded in last time. The minute they were alone, Josh was slammed against the wall to which Tyler began to pepper his jaw with kisses.

“I want to know what you two talked about,” Josh murmured, his eyelids fluttering from the pleasure of Tyler’s mouth. Don’t think he was going to let that distract him though. It wasn’t.

“Come on J, you don’t have to know everything.”

Josh squeaked as Tyler sunk his teeth into Josh’s neck, adding pressure to pleasure. “I know what you’re up too. You’re trying to distract me so I forget.”

He paused to whisper in Josh’s ear. “Do you really care that much?”

“Yeah, I _really_ do.”

“I was giving him more information for my file. Explained that I was sorry for being such an ass and said I had their back if they ever needed me. There, you satisfied?”

“Very,” replied Josh as he let his body go slack to provide Tyler more control. The brunette grinned, and unzipped Josh’s pants.

“Let me blow you.”

An involuntary hum came from the back of Josh’s throat as he nodded his head, and before he knew it his pants and briefs were discarded on the floor. “Did you lock the door?”

“Good call.” the lock clicked and Tyler dropped to his knees.

\---

Later that night, Tyler was gathered around a table with several other agents, laughing at something somebody else had said. He seemed to fit right in, which was great. He deserved that. He deserved to have friends and people that had his back.

“Tyler seems happy.” Patrick came up from behind Josh, causing him to flinch in surprise.

“Yeah, he does.”

“Are you watching him?” a smirk rose to the dirty blonde’s face as Josh rolled his eyes. Sure, he was hiding behind a column, and wanted to make sure Tyler was doing okay, but he wasn’t like, watching him. Okay, maybe he was.

“Maybe. I just want to see how he’s doing.”

“I understand.” With a sigh, Patrick patted Josh on the shoulder. “I’m sorry for punching him.”

“Nah, don’t apologize. I didn’t have the strength to do it, as much as I wanted to.”

“I’m glad you guys are doing better. He seemed really sincere in admitting.”

“Yeah, he did. We talked about things. I’m really glad we were able to make things work. I just, I don’t know what he does to me Patrick. I was still drawn to him even during his dick phase.”

Patrick nudged him. “That’s exactly how I felt with Pete you know. I felt like we were meant to be, that we were soulmates. I loved him so much I let him go.” his eyes sparkled with dampness, but there was still a smile planted firmly on his face. “I think you and Tyler are soulmates. Because through thick and thin both of you have stuck together. You’ve admitted your wrongs and worked things out. That takes a lot of strength on both sides that you’ve both committed too. And if the day comes that you need to let him go, you know you will. If it’ll make his life better, you know you will.”

“Of course I will.”

“And that is how you know two people are meant to be.”

“I just want to thank you Patrick, for everything you’ve done for me. I know we haven’t known each other that long,-”

“But it feels like we’ve known each other for a long time, right?” Patrick chuckled. “You know you’re family to me Josh. Pete took care of you, and I have to as well. That’s how things go.”

With a scoff, Josh pulled him into a hug. Their embrace was long and thoughtful, and Josh couldn’t be more thankful for someone like Patrick.

“I’ll always be here for you champ. Whether you’re out roaming the Wasteland looking for bad guys or if you’re here helping with Suburbia. And I think I’m gonna stay here. It was about time that old inn retired.”

Josh gasped, manoeuvring his way out of the hug. “What about your world famous coffee?”

“Even when I’m six feet under that will never go away.” he grinned. “Now go sit with your boyfriend and stop being a recluse. He needs you.”

“Thanks Patrick.”

“Anytime Misty-Eyed.” Patrick winked, and with one more shared smile, Josh watched Patrick disappear down the hallway. He thought about a lot of things after that.

The way to a pretty life had not been easy for Joshua Dun, but in the end it was all worth it. He had met so many kind and great people in his life that would have not happened, if not for the path he took down. And for that, he was glad it had all happened. From being betrayed to being tortured to watching Tyler regain his health, Josh wouldn’t have had it any other way. Even Pete’s death was included in that category. And even though Josh would always miss Pete, he had finally come to terms, six years later.

As he slid an arm around Tyler’s shoulders and joined in with the laughter of the group, Josh finally recognized the burning in his chest.

Happiness.

\---

He woke up to the soft speech of Tyler. “Get up.”

“It’s too early,” Josh mumbled as he rolled over and pulled the pillow over his head.

“I have a surprise for you. Come on. We have to go now so we have time.”

“Ughhhhhh, fine,” he sat up and yawned before using the heel of his hand to rub at his eyes. “And right as I was getting comfortable.”

“You can sleep on the way.” Tyler’s smile lit up in the darkness as he turned back around and continued whatever the hell he was doing. “By the way, you might want to fix your hair. It’s a little bit all over the place.”

Josh scoffed as he kicked off the sheet and walked to the other side of the room to dress himself. That was when he noticed Tyler stuffing clothes into Josh’s duffel. Okay, now he was suspicious. “What are you up too?”

“Surprise.” repeated Tyler with a smirk. Josh groaned, but accepted the clothes Tyler shoved his way. “Dress quickly.”

“Alright, jeez.” Josh barely had enough time to throw his shirt over his arms before Tyler was shoving him out the room with all their stuff in their hands. He looked around the quiet enclave in curiosity. It couldn’t have been later than 5 am. “Are we leaving?”

“Sort of. We’ll be back though.”

“Er, alright.”

“You’re taking this better than I thought you would.”

“Oh trust me, I’m trembling on the inside.” Tyler chuckled, and that was the end of the conversation.

Tyler led the way up through the concert hall and down a path Josh was very familiar with. He didn’t tell Tyler this. Josh was nice enough to pretend they weren’t heading towards the building where Suburbia stashed their plane.

Except for the fact that the plane had been destroyed during the overthrow, so now Josh was really stumped. What, had Tyler planned a tea party or something?

“Almost there,” Tyler murmured, his voice soft as dawn broke. The sky mixed with so many colours it reminded Josh of the emotions raging in his head at the moment. Josh reached for Tyler’s hand, sighing happily at the squeeze Tyler gave him.

When the two walked into the building, Josh’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. There stood not only one plane, but two, and the addition of Mr. Brightside.

“Hey there Josh!” he waved, and Tyler squeezed again.

“Tyler? What’s going on?” Josh looked between the two men with narrowed eyes.

“They borrowed more planes from New Columbus. He assumed they had more than plenty. And I still owed you.”

“Still owed me what?” Josh stared at Tyler with wide eyes.

“We’re going to see the ocean Josh.” he smiled a wide, toothy smile, and Josh pulled out of his grip. He ran his fingers through his hair in shock and looked over to Brightside to confirm it.

“B-but how?”

“I know my way around.” he winked, and Josh scoffed. He wiped at his eyes, which were already starting to tear up. He couldn’t believe it. He was going to see the one thing he had dreamed of seeing since he was a child and it was finally happening.

Josh pulled Tyler into a bone crushing hug, his hands digging into the fabric of Tyler’s jacket. “Oh my god. Thank you, thank you so much! I can’t believe-” he choked, another round of tears pouring down his face and Tyler giggled.

“I guess there’s a reason they call you Misty-Eyed, huh?”

“Shut up,” Josh replied, but he was laughing too, still gripping Tyler in his hands.

“Hey boys, not to interrupt the moment, but we better go if you want to spend a good amount of time there.”

“I love you,” Josh spoke into Tyler’s shoulder, and Tyler pressed a kiss to Josh’s cheek.

“I love you too.”

Yeah, Josh could get used to this happy thing.


	25. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.” 
> 
> \- Graham Greene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are.
> 
> Once again I'll never be able to express how thankful I am for all the support on this and for all the nice things you say that never fail to brighten my day. You guys are the absolute best.
> 
> This is probably very cheesy, but after so much angst and pain I think it's a good thing.

It was something straight from a photograph.

Aquamarine waves lapped against the sandy shore, soaring high the farther back they went. The sky, a dusty, dirty grey, melted right into the sea; not to mention the sun peaked out from behind clouds in a shimmer of gold. Josh was mesmerized.

“So... are we just going to stand here?” Tyler nudged him with an elbow, but Josh didn’t budge. He was too lost in the beauty and glory of all of... _this_. And every time he blinked there was something new to see. Like the fact that there was a beached ocean liner farther up the coast that was tilted over and stuck out of the water. Or the way foam bubbled on top of the waves every single time they evaporated sand.

He wanted to remember this forever.

“It’s so beautiful,” Josh replied, his voice kept in low hushes as not to disturb the peace, “This is everything I could have ever dreamed of.”

“Do you want to go in?”

“And get turned into some radiated sea monster?”

“Hate to break it to you buddy, but we’re already radiated monsters.”

That got Josh to laugh. “ Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He felt Tyler’s eyes on him, waiting, watching for any suspicious activity he might pull, so Josh smiled right at him and stripped down to his briefs, chuckling as Tyler stared open mouthed. “I’m going to go in, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing at all,” responded Tyler, “I can just never get over how beautiful you are.”

Josh rolled his eyes, but a slight blush crept over his nose. “Worry about my beauty later and strip.” Tyler said something after that, but Josh was too busy crashing into the waves, cheering and yelling as the cold water touched his skin. He ran a hand through his sopping wet hair and laughed loudly as his eyes bounced up to the sky.

A few seconds later he felt another body splash in next to him, a wild yelp coming from Tyler’s mouth. “Jesus Christ, it’s freezing!”

“Don’t be a baby,” Josh teased, rolling over to face Tyler. “Do you remember when I had to help you bathe? In the stream? Now that was freezing.”

“That’s very true. This isn’t that bad at all.” he craned his neck to view the vast landscape protruding behind them. “It never seems to end.”

“Isn’t that the beauty of it? We go far enough, we end up in a completely different country. There is so much of the world we’ve never even seen. It blows my mind that this,” he lifted his arms, “goes on forever.”

Tyler smiled, obviously entertained by Josh’s happiness. And before he knew it, Josh had a spray of water hitting him directly in the face.

His mouth dropped. “Oh, you did _not_ just splash me.”

“Whatcha gonna do about it?” By this point Tyler’s smile had turned into a smirk, and Josh scoffed.

“Don’t pick a fight you know you can’t win,” he shot back, splashing Tyler back.

Tyler laughed loudly and covered his face to avoid the saltwater. “Oh, you’re on.”

\---

After a long day of play, the two laid out on a blanket under the nighttime sky, the waves lapping softly at the rough terrain. Tyler held Josh’s hand protectively, squeezing every so often just to let the other know he was there if Josh needed him.

Josh stared at the stars with wide eyes. He had been so intrigued by the world he hadn’t seen that he hadn’t even stopped to think about the universe he hadn’t seen. So much beauty that would never be available for travel.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Tyler asked, nudging his side. Josh let out a deep breath and pointed to the sky.

“Think about how much of that we’ve never seen, and how big it all is. It’s a vast expansion of galaxy upon galaxy upon galaxy. And the stars, the way they shimmer, but seem so fragile at the same time...” Josh trailed off, and rolled over onto his elbow to face Tyler. “I don’t need to lose myself in galaxies when I can find one in your eyes.”

“Are you going soft on me Joshua Dun?” he was teasing, but Josh noted the smile and wet eyes.

“I’ve been soft since the first day I met you Tyler Joseph.” they looked at one another for a few more long seconds, taking in the bit of sun that tinged skin pink, (or in Tyler’s case, more tan) or the spray of freckles, or the tugged, tight corner of lips, and soon the two were connected by the mouth, burying hands in hair and hips, unable to let go. At that moment, it was only them, the rolling waves and shimmering stars nothing more than backdrops lost to them.

“I love you,” Tyler breathed afterwards, resting his forehead against Josh’s, smiling softly as their noses bumped and he could feel Josh’s eyelashes fluttering against his cheek. “I love you so much. I’m so lucky that I have you, and that you took me back after everything I put you through. I promise,” his hands slid up over Josh’s ears, “that I’m going to spend every last waking minute protecting you, whatever it takes and whatever we do.”

“Protecting myself is my job,” he laughed, closing his eyes, “But if we protect each other, nothing can go wrong. I love you too Tyler, and I always will. Even when we’re old and withering and even if there’s hailfire, I will _always_ love you.”

“I think we’ve both gone soft,” Tyler murmured with another chuckle, sighing happily when he felt Josh’s hands slide over his. “But I’m okay with that.”

“Sometimes you have to pick around hard shell to get to the soft stuff. And I think we’re perfect examples of that. So yeah, I’m okay with that too.” Josh sat up, once again drawing his attention to the dark waves. “I have to thank you again for this. I never thought this would ever be a possibility and you made my dream come true.”

“It’s the least I could do. If there is anywhere else you’d want to visit, I’d put your wager in now. Brightside doesn’t seem too happy being a chauffeur.”

“Oh yeah?” Josh breathed in through his nose, taking in the smell of salt and the spray that hit his skin. “Maybe we should run away. Get out of Ohio and start somewhere new. Think about how big the Wasteland is. We could go anywhere.”

The realization seemed to hit Tyler smack in the face. “We could. We totally could! Let’s do it. I want to go some unfamiliar. Some place I’ve never been and never thought I’d be able to go.”

“We’ll have to plan things carefully and gather supplies of course. Like moving I guess. It’ll take a lot on our parts.”

“I’m willing if you are.” His smile was genuine, and Josh knew that Tyler really was the person he wanted to stick around with.

Josh knew now that life was what you made it. It had its ups and downs, but it always leveled out in the end. And when things were calm and level, that was when you prepared for hardships, and times when things were so easy you could just float away. But you have to stand your ground and fight back. You needed a rock. In dark, in light, in thick and thin, you needed someone to help you out.

And Tyler was that person.

Josh pulled Tyler into another kiss, one full of fiery passion and so much love it would make anyone watching want to gag. “Of course I’m willing,” he whispered against Tyler’s mouth, and Tyler leaned back in continue what they had started.

The beginning of forever.

Josh couldn’t wait.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [In Fanfiction, You'll Be My Rec](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6552877) by [marsakat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsakat/pseuds/marsakat)




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